A New Beginning
by Daydream7
Summary: After Danielle's death, Ronnie and Jack didn't ever re-unite. Ronnie has found herself a new partner, but her feelings for Jack just won't die. Finally brought back together again, will happiness ensue? Or will a waiting tradgedy intervene?
1. Remembering

Ronnie drummed her fingers against the table as the seconds ticked down on the clock. Her eyes watched as the moment which would turn her life upside down again, one way or another, crept ever closer.

Her mind began to wander, remembering all the things that had happened to her in her life. Nothing had been going her way until the past year or so. And now, when she had finally, finally realised she had something good in her life, she had messed it up. Yet again, Ronnie had managed to destroy everything that was precious to her.

At least, she was on the very brink of doing so. When things had started going right, for the first time since she could remember, she didn't trust her own feelings. She was right not to. Now everything was ruined. Again. And it was her own fault.

Just like Danielle's death had been. It had been two years since Danielle had passed away. Even now, it caused her so much pain, to think of her little girl's name. Her Amy. After she had died, Ronnie's life had completely fell apart. She felt she couldn't control anything anymore, she was hurting so much. She had never believed that such pain... such loss was possible. Ronnie's hand fluttered to her locket out of habit. it was something she always did when she thought of Danielle. There were days when Ronnie was so overcome with her grief she couldn't even get out of bed, other times she got so drunk, she couldn't remember anything and was out of the game for days. But nothing, nothing she did ever helped to ease the searing pain that was etched forever into her heart. There was an empty space there, a Danielle-shaped hole that had made the one before that even bigger. Nothing and no-one in the world would ever fill that hole again. Never.

But... in a weird way the pain had helped her. If it wasn't for that pain, the sense of loss and grief, Danielle wouldn't be there at all anymore. And that was something Ronnie would never be able to bear. Sometimes she wondered why she even kept going, but she knew the reason deep down. Danielle. Danielle wouldn't have wanted her to give up and that was the only reason Ronnie had never packed everything in. So she always kept fighting. Granted, she didn't always do it very well.

She had gotten herself into quite a few sticky situations since Danielle had passed away. Ronnie shivered. Still, at least it had brought Tom into her life. Ah Tom. She didnt deserve him. He had helped her turn her life around and she had repayed him by... She shook her head disgusted at herself. She didntt want to think of that. Not yet,anyway.

So she thought of the first time, she and Tom had met. Her knight in shining armour, who had come to her rescue. He had been her saviour, her rock. And without Tom, Ronnie doubted very much if she would still be sane.

They had met at RnR, about a year after Danielle's death. She had been on another bender, and Tom came to her rescue. There was a guy coming on to her, and he was getting way to friendly. She had been so drunk, she barely knew what she was doing, but she knew enough that she didn't want to be anywhere near that sleaze. However the guy hadn't been paying too much attention to her wishes and had somehow managed to get her outside. Ronnie remembered how rough his hands were as he practically dragged her along the street and then pressed her up against a wall, his tongue down her throat and his hands going everywhere. "No! Please - stop!" she said. The guy paid no attention. Suddenly the guy was pulled away from her and she had sank to the ground, sobbing. She vaguely remembered seeing the guy be punched and then there were warm hands around her, lifting her up and someone talking to her. "Are you OK?" a warm, concerned voice was asking. Ronnie had nodded and asked to go home. "Where do you live?" She had murmured her address before practically falling asleep in his arms.

The next day she had woken up on the bathroom floor, having been throwing up most of the night and note stuck to the phone, "Hi, give me a call so i know you're OK , Tom" and then a phone number. The rest, as they say is history. She loved him so much but the only thing standing in their way was...

Jack... if she was being honest with herself, she had always loved Jack too.

Even now, she still loved him, she was in love with both of them, and she didn't know what to do about it. She didn't want to hurt Tom but... She remembered the night that had brought her and Jack closer again, a couple of months back.

They had been working late at RnR. Jack was so easy to be with. So funny and kind and he just made her happy. Since Tom, she had found it easier to let go of the whole Roxy thing. She knew now,that it did no good to live in the past.

Jack hadn't been seeing anyone, and Ronnie had had an argument with Tom, before he had went away o his business trip. It had been silly, but she was upset nonetheless. And she wasn't using that as an excuse There had been no excuse for what they did.

They had went back to Jack's for a couple of drinks, one thing led to another and... before she knew it Ronnie had woken up to him the next morning, feeling unbelievably guilty. But she didn't regret it. She regretted betraying Tom, but not being with Jack itself. After that night, ronnie had been unable to lie to herself. She loved Jack. "Why make yourself miserable?" Jack had asked her.

She hadnt answered him, but she knew the answer deep down. She couldnt do it to Tom. She loved Tom also, and she owed so much to him. She wouldn't see him hurt. So she had sworn Jack to secrecy, and had barely spoken to him, outside of work ,since. She had planned to keep Tom in the dark,but now ... well she supposed she would have to tell him, she thought bitterly.

She could have been so happy, she thought, a tear escaping, as she thought of what might have been, of what she possibly still could have, if fate decided to be kind to her for once. Tom had gave up so much to be with her. Left his flat to move closer to her, before they had moved in together, because she hadn't wanted to move away from the place where she felt Danielle's memory lingered. A small smile passed across her face as she thought about how much she loved Tom. he was everything to her now. She began thinking of Roxy. They had grown so close since Danielle's death. it was the only positive thing to have come out of it. everyone in her life was so happy now. Roxy was happy with her new husband James, and she and Jack shared custody easily of Amy.

Ronnie thought of her little niece Amy and her heart swelled with love. She loved her niece and she smiled as she thought of her little blonde curls and the cheeky giggle of the naughty two year old. James was a good step-dad to Amy and her and Tom were a good aunt and uncle. Seeing Amy made her so sad sometimes though. Occasionally when her and Tom, were babysitting, something Amy would do, the way she would laugh, or cry or anything would make Ronnie think of Danielle and she would have to turn away tears in her would hold her close until she felt better. Tom was so fantastic with Amy. He loved kids. It was yet another sacrifice he had made for her. They had discussed children, but Ronnie had always made it clear, she didn't think she would ever be ready for that ever again. He had nodded in acceptance and laughed. " Oh well" he had said" I don't need kids while I've got you. I love you so much Ron. You mean more to me than my own life" She was so lucky to have him. She felt like crying, as she thought of ow badly she had betrayed him.

But now everything was at stake. She didnt know what to feel. She loved Jack, she loved Tom ... but who did she love more? Ronnie didnt know, she couldnt think straight. Now, as the seconds finally ticked down, the moment of truth was here.

Ronnie's stomach flipped over. she was so nervous, but she wasn't sure how else she should feel. it was moment had arrived. the thing that was going to change her life again, one way or another. She took a deep breath and lifted up the little white stick. "Pregnant" it read.


	2. Wishful Thinking

Jack Branning poured himself another drink and loosened his tie. He put his head in his hands, sat down at his desk in the office and sighed. He was so unhappy. The only thing that was good in his life was his children, and even that was a mess, he thought bitterly. Yes, he loved them more than life itself, but one he hardly saw because she lived in another country and the other's mother was the sister of the women he loved. As he thought this, he laughed darkly to himself.

I should go on The Jeremy Kyle Show, he thought.

His face grew serious again as he thought of Ronnie. His heart ached. All he wanted was to be with her. He loved her so much, she had always been the one for him. And he knew that she loved him too. But she didn't want to hurt Tom. Even Jack felt bad for decieving Tom. He was a decent bloke. And Jack was desperately jealous of him, after all, Tom was with the woman he loved.

"Ugh!" he muttered, exasperated. He sat up and tried to concentrate on the paperwork in front of him, but he couldn't. All he could think of was Ronnie. It was her afternoon off. There had been something odd about her this morning, he had caught her looking at him strangely several times.

He hoped this meant, she was weakening. It was so stupid the way she was acting! They were meant tobe together, he could feel it, but every time they had started to get things back on track, something had always been coming between them.

Roxy, Amy, Danielle... and now Tom. Ronnie was just being her classic, stubborn self, he thought angrily. It made no sense for to be with Tom in his eyes, but he could understand, at least , Ronnie's reasoning behind it.

Tom had helped through the darkest period of her life. And Jack was grateful to him for that, would be forever thankful to him for pulling Ronnie back from the brink of self-destruction. He shuddered as he remembered those months following Danielle's death. Ronnie had become a shell of her former self. She was destroying herself, slowly, punishing herself for what she had done to Danielle, never allowing herself to be happy. She had always been distant, people who didn't know her would call her cold even before Danielle. But after her death...

At first, she seemed to be coping quite well, too well, Jack had thought at the time, and it had turned out he was right. She wouldn't let anyone in, it was like... Jack struggled to find the words to describe what Ronnie had been like. She was there...but she also wasn't there. She shut everyone out, completely, wouldn't tell anyone what she was feeling, bottled everything up. She had been more scared than ever to let her emotions show. Jack had watched as Ronnie slowly became more and more self-drestuctive and he had felt helpless, as he had to stand by and watch, unable to help, because she wouldn't let him. Then Tom had came along, and she spoke to him. Slowly, the Ronnie he knew and loved came back, and he had Tom to thank for that.

But just because he had helpled her, was that reason enough to stay with him, just because she felt she owed him? Jack was extremely skeptical. but then again maybe, he was just biased. He shook his head. "Oh, Ronnie" he murmured to himself. "I wish you could be with _me"_

* * *

Ronnie's hand shook, as she looked at the results of her third pregnancy test. "Preganant" the same as the last two. She put a hand to her forehead. "Oh, God" she whispered. She was so angry with herself. How could she have let this happen? Who was the father?

Her eyes filled with tears, as she thought about the impossible situation she was in. She had sneered at Roxy for being in this same situation, just a couple of years ago, pregnant, and unsure of who the dad was. Now she didn't feel like sneering _at _all.

She stood up slowly, her legs felt wobbly. She was probably in shock, she thought to herself. She wasn't sure how she felt really. She went through to her bedroom and looked at herself in the mirror, she didn't look any different. What the hell had she been thinking getting pregnant? She couldn't look after a child, she had proved that to herself. She hadn't even been able to protect her own daughter... Ronnie's thoughts tailed off.

She didnt want to think about what happened, it hurt her too much. And now this baby... Ronnie's reflection looked terrified. What was she going to do? But she knew even now, that she would never be able to get rid of it. She lifted up her shirt and peered at her stomach in the mirror. She ran her hand over it. Ronnie took a deep breath. "I'll do my best for you" she whispered , her voice shaking with emotion. She sighed, and let her shirt fall back into place. Her eyes were stilled filled with tears, the fear in them plain to see. However, now there was a little glint of something else. Love.

Her mind was racing. Maybe, after all, this was her second chance. To do things right this time. Well she would do them right this time. her mind was far away as she thought about all the things she had missed with Danielle. Well this time...she wouldn't have to miss them. She could be there for the baby. She gave a very tiny smile. She was surprised at herself. She didn't expect to feel this way. Even when she had first suspected she was pregnant, when she took the pregnancy tests, she had been bracing hreself for the breakdown, the hysterics. But they hadn't come. She felt... she couldn't explain it, not even to herself. But all of a sudden, she had been taken over by a sense of love and protecton for the little baby, which was only beginning to grow inside her. Now her only job would be to protect it. She put a hand to her stomach again and bit her lip anxiously. And then the issue with Jack and Tom...

But she knew she would have to tell Tom everything. About Jack. She would be upfront with them both. She may be in a similar situation as her sister had been, but that didn't mean she had to handle it the same way. She would tell him when he got in from work.

Suddenly she heard a key turn in the lock and the front door opened. "Hey Ron! You feeling better? You were being sick pretty bad this morning!" Tom called. Ronnie gritted her teeth and slowly walked out of the bedroom, into the living room. It was time to face the music.

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	3. Betrayal

Ronnie entered the living room cautiously, trying to mentally prepare herself, for what was coming. She sidled into the room. Tom looked up and smiled, his eyes lighting up at the sight of Ronnie. The besotted look in Ronnie's eyes made her feel sick, worse than ever. She didn't want to do this, she thought helplessly. She didn't want to hurt him.

"Hey!" Tom said eagerly, his grin making Ronnie's heart ache. Slowly his face grew serious and concerned, as he took in Ronnie's expression and body language.

"Hey" Ronnie replied weakly.

"What's the matter Ron? What's happened?" His voice grew concerned and urgent, as he strode across the room and took her hand in his. She looked away. She hated herself right now. Hated herself for doing this to him. She shook her head.

" Tom - I have something I need to tell you - it's important. Come and sit down - please." She grabbed his hand more firmly and led him over to the sofa.

As they both sat side by side, his cautious green eyes studied her serene blue ones. Tom's mind was racing, trying to think desperately of what could have happened. He opened his mouth to speak, but Ronnie shushed him. "Please - don't speak. It might make this easier if..." She closed her eyes and put a hand to her forehead. He took her shoulders and looked into her eyes, frowning.

The touch of him didn't make her heart race, not the way it did when she was with... She took a deep breath. She looked at Tom. Her heart felt it was being pulled apart, in two separate directions.

"Tom" she began slowly " I'm not sure how to say this - I - I - Do you remember your business trip two months ago?" She looked at him pleadingly, her heart thudding so loudly, she was surprised he couldn't hear it.

"Yes but what's that got to do with anything?" Ronnie bit her lip. "Well, you remember we had an argument before it? Well that night after you left, I was working and I was really upset with you and Jack,

he - he was being really nice, and we went back to his flat for a couple of drinks and I - we - we -" Ronnie closed her eyes and took one deep shuddering breath. "We slept together Tom. I'm so sorry"

The whole thing had taken under half a minute to get out. It had tumbled from her mouth, in such a rush, such a panic,she couldn't really be sure she had actually said it. She threw a glance at him anxiously. His hand dropped from her face. His brow was creased, he shook his head in disbelief.

Then the worst thing about it all, his eyes filled with hurt. Ronnie's eyes filled with tears at this. She couldn't believe how bad she had hurt him. Tom appeared to be in shock. "I'm so so so sorry Tom" she said, hoping for a reaction. He sat there, still with a look of hurt and disbelief in his eyes, completely motionless. "Tom?" she asked tentatively, afraid of his answer now.

"Why - are you telling me this Ronnie?" His voice was strangled, and he had a strange look in his eyes that frightened her. "What do you want me to say?"

"Tom, I want you to know, I do love you. But... I love Jack as well" Ronnie said desperately. His eyes closed temporarily at the mention of Jacks name and Ronnie bit her tongue. She knew she shouldn't have mentioned him. " Tom I'm sorry but there's something else I've got to tell you"

"Oh there's more?" Tom's tone was sarcastic, harsh. It surprised her, made her eyes go wide. Tom had never been like that before. "Oh, don't act all innocent Ronnie!" he spat.

His words shocked her, he had never ever been like that before. She brushed it off, he had a right to be angry , she knew that. But it didn't make his words sting any less. But now she had more important things to think about. "Tom - I'm pregnant" she whispered, watching him carefully, her eyes anxious. Tom's eyes went wide. He didn't speak for a few seconds. No-one moved. After what seemed like an eternity, he finally spoke. His voice was still harsh.

"Is it his?" he spoke venomously, hissing the words at her. Her eyes brimmed with tears, but she bristled slightly, at the way he had so bitterly labelled her baby _it_. "I don't know" she said with a tiny shake of her head. He got up, refusing to meet her eye."Do you want to be with him Ronnie?" he asked, his voice still that horrible, bitter empty echo of his usual voice.

"I don't know" she repeated, still whispering.

He looked at the other side of the room, as if he couldn't bear to look at her. As if she disgusted him.

"Ugh! I have to get out of here!" he exclaimed, and strode out of the flat, without another look at her. Her heart felt like it was splitting.

"Tom! I'm sorry ! I'm sorry!" she cried after him, before sobs took over her. The front door slammed. She rocked herself back and forth. " I'm sorry" she whispered again, her hands holding her stomach. She didn't go after him. Her betrayal had hurt him too much. Ronnie lay her head down on the couch, as sobs took over her body.

* * *

Tom thundered down the street, he was so angry, so upset. Ronnie, Ronnie had betrayed him. but despite it, he loved her still, so much. He walked without any clear idea where he was going. He wanted to forgive

her. Already, he just wanted this to be forgotten, he just wasn't sure he could do it. He knew there was someone who he did not want to forgive. Jack Branning. His fists shook with anger at the thought of his name. Suddenly, Tom knew where he was going.

His feet carried him to RnR, down the steps and he took a deep breath as he opened the office door. He was so angry, his vision was almost tinted red. That was how he felt anyway. Utterly betrayed and deceived. This man had been his friend, had been in his home... Tom threw the door open with a force and Jack looked up from his drink, surprised.

"Oh, hey Tom." Jack looked confused. However this casual greeting, made Tom madder than ever. Talking to him as if nothing had happened. How dare he!

Jack frowned. "It's Ronnie's afternoon off. What are y-" The rest of his sentence was lost as Tom punched him, square on the nose. "Stay away from Ronnie!" he growled, before striding back out of the office. The blow had knocked Jack onto the floor, his nose was bleeding heavily. "Oh." was all he said. He guessed Tom knew then.

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	4. Tough Decisions

Tom stormed out of the club and pushed his way down the street, not thinking about where he was going, just that he had to get away, think things over. He pushed angrily past people in the square, ignoring the disgruntled looks and the sarcastic jibes people gave him as he almost bumped into them.

He walked by the Vic and brushed passed Roxy just as she was about to enter the Pub with Amy. he barely noticed her, his head was so messed up and unthinkingly pushed by her.

"Hey Tom! What the hells up with you?!" Roxy enquired, her eyebrows raised in confusion and concern. She grabbed his arm, as he tried to keep going, ingnoring her. " Tom! Answer me! Is it Ronnie? Have you two had a fight?" Tom's head snapped up at the sound of Ronnie's name. His dark hazel eyes flashed with some emotion that Roxy couldn't understand, and then his face settled into a hard, smooth mask. The only sign that all was not well was the slight blazing that was still buried deep in his eyes, impossible to disguise, try as he might.

He pulled his arm out of Roxy's grip. " I suppose you could say that." His tone was bitter, and for a second both were still as Roxy met his gaze with a bewildered expression. "Tom, whatever it is, I'm sure it will be fine. Just a lovers tiff, that's all! I'm sure you'll be acting like nothings happened in no time!" Tom snorted disbelievingly. " I wouldn't count on it" he muttered darkly.

All this time, Amy had been watching this bizzare exchange with a confused expression. Looking up at her Uncle Tom's face, she couldn't understand what was the matter with her usual cheery uncle. Impatiently, she tapped on his leg. Tom looked down, surprised, having all but forgotten that Amy was there. :Uncle Tom!" she whined. "Me want picked up!"

Tom's eyes softened at the sight of the little girl who he saw as a niece. He crouched down to her level. " I'm sorry Amy, you're Uncle Tom has to go now, but don't worry... I-I-I... I'll see you soon" he finished reluctantly with a smile, unsure whether he would be able to keep his promise or not, debating internally, about what to do next. He didn't know the right choice. Amy pouted, and Tom chuckled, tucking her under the chin and straightening up. Roxy looked questioningly at him, but he shook his head. He had made his decision. As hard as it was, he couldn't stay. Not now, anyway. The blazing back in his eyes he told her " Tell Ronnie I had to go and think things over, if she asks" his tone returning to the bitterness that had been there before.

With that last remark, Tom turned on his heel and sped off. " Tom!" Roxy called after him, but he was out of sight already. She sighed exasperatedly, scooped up Amy and entered the Pub, grumbling to herself and shaking her head.

She trudged upstairs, still holding Amy, and shaking her head. She walked into the kitchen, greeted by James and Peggy, who were sitting at the table, each holding a cup of tea. Roxy raised an eyebrow at James. " I thought you were supposed to be changing that lightbulb Aunty Peg asked you to?"

James grinned. "Already done babe." He got up and hugged her. He beamed at little Amy. " Hey angel" he chuckled and took her from Roxy, spinning her round in the air. She squeled in delight. "Hey, hey you'll make her sick!" Roxy scolded, but she was smiling. James was great with Amy, he was everything she could ever had hoped for. He loved her like a daughter, but was also like the best big brother anyone had ever had.

Because as much as he loved Amy, as if she was his own, Jack was her father. No-one could replace Jack, and James knew that, he accepted it. Though it didn't stop him loving her.

" What took you so long? I thought you were just nipping to drop a service wash in at the launderette?" Roxy looked away.

"Yeah, well I ran into Tom." James looked at his partner, confused at her uncomfortable tone. "What's up Rox?"

"Uncle Tom was being silly!" Amy laughed, still in James' arms. James looked at Roxy. She nodded her head. " I think he and Ronnie have had a fight. He looked pretty cut up about it, actually. James, can you watch Amy here just now, while I go and see Ronnie? I'm really worried about her, I think - "

James shushed her, seeing she was getting worked up. " Relax Roxy. Ronnie'll be fine you know it! Don't hastle her just now OK? She and Tom will work it out. Give her a little space and come and take Amy home with me 'K? You can go round later, when they've both had some time alone"

Roxy took a deep breath. She couldn't shake off the feeling that something was wrong with her sister, but she sighed and nodded in agreement. " OK, let's go" She linked arms with James and they left the pub after a few brief goodbyes to Peggy. They walked across the square toward their flat.

Meanwhile, Ronnie had gained some control over her hysterics and sat up slowly, wiping her tears away. She folded her arms over her stomach. Getting upset like this wouldn't be helping her baby. Because that's what it was now. Her baby. The baby was her first priority now. Her little baby. A ghost of a smile flickered over her face, as she thought the words. She could scarcely believe it. But she had to concentrate now. She had some tough decisions ahead of her. She had to concentrate on telling Jack. The smile dissapeared, replaced with a look of apprehension.

Ronnie got up slowly, slipping on her jacket and her shoes. She would go to the club and tell him right now. There would be no point in hanging around. As she went to exit the flat her eyes caught Tom's bag. Sitting there, as if nothing had happened. As if nothing had changed. Her heart twisted a little in pain, and she tore her eyes away, sweeping out of the flat. The door slammed behind her. She had to be in control now.

Ronnie practically ran to RnR, all she wanted now was to be near Jack. His presence always made her feel better, comforted somehow. She needed comforted now. As she ran down the steps that lead into the club, Jack was in his office, his lip had stopped bleeding, but was still throbbing. He wanted to see Ronnie. His wishes answered, Ronnie suddenly flung the door open, charging into the office.

Jack sucked in his breath as he took in her appearance. Her eyes were red, obvious that she had been crying. She had a weird look in her eyes, anxious and apprehensive, but also...something else which Jack couldn't identify. It was sort of like the look she had when she talked about... But no, that couldn't be right.

Ronnie stopped short when she saw Jack, and his swollen lip. As her eyes raked over his appearance, she realised she must look slightly the worse for wear also. Her stomach flipped over as she met his eyes. Butterflies, excitement... she loved him, she thought simply. Jack stood up, and they looked wordlessly at each other, for a few seconds.

But then as Ronnie thought about how much of a mess the situation was she burst into tears, and flung herself into Jack's arms, burying her head in his chest, as he curved his arms round her protectively, a look of confusion and worry on his face.

He pulled back to look at her. "Ronnie?" he whispered. She also pulled back, wiping the tears away, as she looked deep into his eyes. Her hand wandered to his face, and she stroked his cheek gently and then his still slightly swollen lip.

"What happened?" she asked him. He winced slightly. "Courtest of Tom, I'm afraid. I suppose I deserved it"

"Tom was here?! What did he say?!" Ronnie shrieked slightly, her voice several octaves higher than usual. Jack soothed her." Nothing much, to be honest. He hit me, and then told me to stay away from you. Why? What else could he have said?" Jack asked, suddenly suspicious.

Ronnie took a deep breath. " I told him." Ronnie explained "About what happened between us. He was pretty upset." She closed her eyes, remembering the look on Tom's face. That would always stay with her.

"What made you change your mind?" Jack asked, curious. " I thought you wanted to stay with him?" Ronnie took a very deep shuddering breath. " I did. I do. I - Ugh! I don't know what I want!" Ronnie said, exasperated with herself." But ...recent events... sort of forced me to tell him."

Jack's brow furrowed. " Huh? You're confusing me here." Ronnie bit her lip. She looked up at him.

"Jack... I'm pregnant"


	5. I'll Be Here

Jack looked at Ronnie, in shock. There was a resounding silence that echoed round the room. Surely he had misheard? He looked into her eyes, filled with apprehension and fear, as he tried to digest this information. Ronnie pregnant. Pregnant. Whoa. He had not been expecting that.

He opened his mouth wordlessly, trying to speak, but found he could barely choke out the words.

Ronnie frowned. As she looked into Jack's eyes, she felt a great fear build up in her stomach. She couldn't stand this silence. The waiting, to see how he would react. It didn't look good so far, she had to admit to herself. Ronnie bit her lip, willing him to say something.

Jack blinked several times, feeling dazed. "Pregnant?" he said, very quietly, forcing the words out. Ronnie nodded nervously, unable to tell from his tone, how he was feeling. Her eyes searched his face desperately, looking for some sort of clue as to how he was taking this.

He was still holding her in his arms, which she took as sort of a good sign. Well she hoped it was a good sign. His brow furrowed, he wasn't meeting her eye. He looked as if he were far away, deep in thought. Suddenly Ronnie could stand it no longer. "Jack?" she said tentatively, half-fearful.

Jack looked down at her, and saw her face, full of apprehension and fear. He pulled her close for a second and then released so he could look into her eyes. "Ron - what? I mean I don't understand. What exactly are you trying to tell me?" He looked deep into her beautiful blue eyes. " Ronnie - you're _sure_ your pregnant?"

Ronnie nodded. " Yeah, well at least - I think so. I'm late, and I've took three pregnancy tests - all of which were positive -so yeah I'm pretty sure" Jack took a deep breath and nodded. " But Ronnie - why did you tell Tom about us - does this mean... are you trying to ... Is the baby mine?" he blurted out in a rush.

Ronnie bit her lip. "Jack, I - I can't be a hundred percent sure. You _might_ be. But the way the dates have worked out... Oh Jack I'm so sorry! I can't believe I've been so stupid!" Ronnie let a few tears spill over her cheeks again.

Jack cradled her close to him " Shh, shh. Hey! We'll have none of that, thank you very much! Don't be silly Ron. You've got nothing to be sorry for." He carefully wiped away the tears from under her eyes. She sniffed. "Thank-you" she murmured quietly.

"What for?!" he said, bemused.

"For being so lovely, for not being mad with me. Like Tom was." She whispered. Seeing the hurt in her eyes, Jack felt a rush of unexpected anger. " "What?! What did he say?!" he demanded.

"He was so hurt ... about us. Everything he did, was completely justified. I hurt him so much. But it was the way he - he looked at me. Like I - I - I disgusted him!" Ronnie sobbed, burying her head, once more in Jack's chest. He seethed with anger toward Tom. No matter what his reasons were, Jack felt nothing but hatred for him at that minute in time, seeing the pain he had caused Ronnie.

He hugged her tightly. " Ron- It's OK. I'm here." He rocked her gently back and forth. " She struggled to stop crying. After all - how much could one person cry in a day? She inhaled deeply. " Jack - you should have seen the look in his eyes when I told him that I loved both of you. I can't take this anymore!" She pulled away from Jack sharply, shaking her head, taking several steps backward.

" I can't take what I'm doing to him - What I'm doing to _you_! It's not fair that I should hurt you both this way. I'm a terrible person!" The tears flowed freely down her cheeks, still as she was backing away from Jack. When she stopped, Jack shook his head vehemently. " Don't you dare say that Ronnie! Listen to me, none of this is your fault. I _love_ you Ron!"

With those words, he closed the distance between them and held her tightly again. " I'll always love you, no matter what you do, or what you say. And you are not a terrible person Ronnie, don't ever think that!" He held her close to him, as she sobbed, ignoring her feeble attempts to break free, and finally she gave up and let him comfort her. He sat them both down, her sitting on his knee, and cradled her until her body finally relaxed, and her sobs ceased.

She sat up slowly and Jack gently turned her head until she was looking into his eyes. " Look, Ronnie. I love you. And I can see how much this is hurting you, having to choose between us both. Well I've decided, you don't have to choose Ron. I cannot bear to see what this is doing to you. Hell, you've already been through enough. But what I want you to know is this. I'll be here. Always. You can have whatever part of me you want. All of me, or just a small part, as a friend. I don't care Ronnie, all I want is for you to be happy. That's all that matters to me. And... I'm going to book a doctors appointment for you. Just to confirm you're pregnant. I'll come with you if you want, but like I said, it's up to you. I'll stand by you though Ronnie, no matter what. I'll be here for you." he added the last part softly.

Ronnie looked at him, in complete and utter awe, after his little speech. He loved her so much, he was willing to give up his own happiness for her. And as she looked into those eyes that burned with a deep and undying love her, she knew there was no contest. No matter how much she loved Tom, nothing would ever be the same as this. Her feelings for Jack. She stared at him wordlessly, as her love for him almost overwhelmed her as she embraced it. She realised now that she had been holding her feelings for him at bay. Well, no longer.

She put a hand to his cheek. " I love you" she whispered. " This is the part I want" With that she threw her arms round his neck, and pressed her mouth to his.

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	6. I Wasn't Expecting That

A few minutes later and Ronnie pulled away from kissing Jack, reluctantly standing up . He grinned. " hey!" he protested " Where you going?" She giggled.

"Now come on Jack! I don't want to get to carried away" She smiled at him and he stood up. He slid his hands round her waist, pulling her body close to his. " I don't see any problem with getting carried away" he murmured in her ear and he kissed her hungrily again, his hands twisting in her hair.

It felt so good to have him so close to her again, to feel his mouth moving on hers...It was several seconds before Ronnie managed to gain control again. She gently but firmly pushed him away. "That's not fair!" Ronnie protested, grinning. He grinned back , shrugged his shoulders, unabashed. "Jack..." she began, her face growing serious "I want to be with you. I can see that now. But I want us to be together properly this time. I won't go behind his back again."

Jack nodded in agreement, he knew she was right, but that still didn't stop him longing for her to be close to him. Ronnie hesitated, unsure how to proceed with the next part of the could see she wanted to say something else and waited patiently.

"Jack ?" she said. "Yes?"

"What you said before...about standing by me...no matter what... did you really mean it?" she bit her lip. Jack looked at her surprised. He had thought he had made his feelings very clear. "Of course I meant it Ronnie. I love you, I'll always be here."

"Even if...even if " Ronnie's hand fluttered to her stomach and she continued in a whisper " Even if the baby turns out to be Tom's?" At her words, Jack's faces crumpled in pain, as he considered this possibility. Ronnie glanced at him, panicked by the expression on his face. But then he took a deep breath and his features smoothed out.

"Yes, Ronnie, I'll still be here. I'm not saying that it won't hurt...but I'll still stand by you. No matter what, like I said." Ronnie sighed, relieved. There seemed to be no limit for the love Jack felt for her. She kissed him again, but finally managed to pull herself away, groaning. "I have to go try and talk to Tom" she murmured. "I'll talk to you later OK?" Jack nodded his head , pecking her once last time on the cheek. "OK" he grumbled reluctantly, and Ronnie laughed at his tone. "Bye" she said, and she walked out the club. Jack stared after her, a smile still on his face. Ronnie loved him and he loved her. There was a possibility that she was carrying his child. And even if she wasn't, it would still be him she loved and he would stay with her for as long as she wanted him. Maybe his luck had finally turned. He sank down onto the chair again, a huge smile lighting up his features.

Ronnie walked slowly back to her flat. She felt as if she was in a daze. Everything felt so new, strange to her. Like she was seeing the world in a different way. She had been hiding from the truth for so long. Rejecting her emotions, hiding behind her grief for Danielle. She had never let Jack in, because she was afraid of the hurt it would cause. She couldn't take any more pain, she had thought. So she had clung to Tom, deluded herself into believing she loved him. Well of course, she did love him, but not in the same she loved Jack. Jack was her soul-mate, her other half, they were just two pieces of a whole. She had felt safe with Tom, because of the way he had hauled her out of the darkest time of her life. She would always be grateful to him, always owe him for it, but not in a way that made her unhappy. She could see that now.

It still didn't stop her feeling the thorn in her heart, as she thought of his pain, but knew now that it was unavoidable. She could see so many different truths now, the ones she had been hiding of. It was so surprising it was almost disorientating. She was like a blind person, who had learned to see for the very first time. Now she had to make sure Tom knew. It was no longer fair to leave him hanging on.

Ronnie entered her flat and saw Tom's bag lying there, still as if nothing had changed. Again this caused the pain in her heart to give a little twinge, like someone was twisting a knife that was already there. She sighed and sat for the hard part, she thought nervously. Now that it came to it, she was much more nervous than she thought she would have been. But she took a deep breathing and swallowed her was time for her to stop thinking of her own feelings and start thinking about Tom's. He was the one who had been hurt the most here. She pulled out her phone and dialled his number with shaking hands. As she held the phone to her ear, her hand trembling, she waited for the phone to start ringing. Instead she was greeted by his voice-mail "Hey this is Tom. Sorry I can't come to the phone right now, but please leave a message and I'll get back to you." Damn! It was switched off. She may as well leave a message she thought.

"Hi Tom. It's Ronnie. I'm really sorry for what's happened. But I really need to speak to you. Please call me or come home as soon as you get his. Please. And I'm sorry. Bye" she finished weakly. As she hit the end call button she groaned, puttin her head in her hands. "Stupid voicemail!" she growled "Why dont you turn you're phone on!" She got up and put the kettle on. As she waited for it to boil, she stared into space. She wasn't sure what to do now she was at a loose end. She really wanted to talk to Tom now, just to get it over with. She was all keyed up and Ronnie hated waiting around. It was something she tried to avoid at all costs because it usually meant that when her mind was wandering, she would start thinking of Danielle... No! That's enough! Ronnie thought. She had cried enough for one day. And thinking of Danielle would certainly result in crying. It always did.

There was a knock at the door just as the kettle finished boiling. She ran to the door, thinking it would be Tom or maybe Jack. Her face fell when she opened the door to see Roxy standing there."Oh. It's you. What do you want?"

Roxy raised her eyebrows, stepping into the flat. "Oh how charmin'! I'm fine thank-you Ronnie and how are you?" she added sarcastically, but she was smiling.

"Sorry"Ronnie muttered, giving her sister a quick hug. "Come in. Do you want a cuppa? Kettle's just boiled" Roxy nodded "Please"

A few minutes later and the two sisters were sitting on the sofa, their legs curled up and a steaming hot cup of tea in both their hands. Ronnie sipped her tea, aware that Roxy was staring at her, waiting for an explanation. She waited and Roxy waited. She knew who would give in first.

"Well?! What happened between you and Tom?!" Roxy demanded impatiently. Ronnie smiled. Patience never had been Roxy's strong point. Then she took a deep breath. "I told him something that really hurt him. Rox - you know when he went on that business trip a couple of months ago?" Ronnie asked her. Roxy nodded unsure of where Ronnie was going with this. "Yeaahhh?"

"Well - me and Jack - we ... I mean - he was being so nice and we - well we - "

Roxy gasped. "You never! Ronnie! You slept with Jack! Why?! What the hell?! What about Tom!" Roxy was dumbfounded, although she supposed this shouldn't have surprised her at all. She had seen the way Jack and Ronnie still looked at each other, saw all the little glances between them, noticed the look in her sisters eyes every-time Jack's name was mentioned.

Ronnie closed her eyes. "I know, I know, Rox" she murmured " I caused him so much pain. but...I love Jack... I want to be with him... and he feels the same way."

Roxy looked at her sister. She couldn't begrudge her this piece of happiness. If it was Jack she wanted, then she should be allowed to have Jack, After everything, her and Jack and Amy and their Dad and Danielle... Ronnie's list of all the terrible tragedies that that befallen her was endless. And Roxy loved her sister so how could she deny her this once little piece of happiness? She couldn't, so she sighed in defeat. "Fine! I won't say anything else!" she grumbled and Ronnie looked up, surprised. Roxy hugged her sister quickly then released her. "So..." Roxy began, but Ronnie interrupted her.

"Erm Rox... actually there's something else aswell. Things are more complicated than you know." Roxy raised one eyebrow, curious and waited for Ronnie to explain herself.

"Well you see - I'm pregnant Roxy. And I don't know who the Dad is." Ronnie said desperately. She wanted Roxy to understand, seeing as Roxy had almost been in the same situation as her. Roxy stared at her sister, her mouth gaping like a goldfish. Ronnie looked at her and Roxy's expression was so shocked it was comical. Ronnie giggled, despite herself and Roxy giggled as well . "Flippin' hell Ronnie! What are you like!" Roxy said, her face growing serious.

"Me!"Ronnie said. "What about you?!" Roxy tittered again. "Oh well I suppose you're right ! I can't really talk! But oh my god Ronnie ! You're _pregnant_? For real?!" Ronnie nodded and Roxy squealed, realising how good this would be for her sister. Ronnie then went on and told her everything that had happened that day, between Tom and her, then Jack. Ronnie blushed when she told Roxy of how she and Jack had kissed and Roxy laughed. But the conversation grew serious again, as Roxy told Ronnie, how Tom had left to 'think things over'. Ronnie bit her lip. "I'm worried about him Roxy" Ronnie told her as Roxy was getting ready to leave. "Don't Ronnie! Everything will be fine. I really have to get back to Amy and James now... they'll be wondering where I am." Ronnie nodded and hugged her sister as Roxy left the flat. Roxy laughed "You certainly surprised me with that one Ronnie! I wasn't expecting that!" Ronnie smiled and shut the door. She turned round to look at the flat.

She was really tired. She jumped in the shower quickly and dressed for bed. As she switched off the lights, her eyes once again caught the sight of Tom's bag. Where on earth was he? She hoped he was OK. She flicked out the switch on the living room and went to her bedroom. She looked in the mirror and ran a hand over her stomach. "I'll look after you baby, I promise. I'll do my best for you." She whispered and smiled at her reflection. She flipped the light switch off.

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	7. Confused

**Hi, sorry I haven't updated in _ages_, I've been really busy . Thanks for all your reviews, hope you like the next chapter xxx**

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Ronnie's eyes flickered. The sunlight was seeping through her curtains, turning her room golden with light. She was so sleepy. As she slowly became more awake, she knew that there was something that was waking her up, but she wasn't sure what yet. Then she heard a radio coming from the kitchen, playing softly, and someone pulling a plate out of her cupboard, the kettle boiling in the background.

She shook her head. She felt really disorientated. Was it Tom? she thought, puzzled. What would he be doing up without waking her? She sat up, her brow furrowed. Then suddenly, it hit her, like a brick wall, the memories of everything that had happened the day before. She had forgotten that everything was different now. "Oh!" she gasped, the realisation making her sink backwards into the pillows. But then... who was in her kitchen? Maybe Tom had come back after all?!

This thought, made her ridiculously happy, something which confused her. If she wanted to be with Jack, how could she also want to see Tom? Ronnie bit her lip and stood up. She walked toward her bedroom door, meaning to go and investigate who was there but was stopped short. Her stomach heaved and Ronnie gasped, clamping a hand to her mouth. She dashed toward the bathroom, and she collapsed onto the cold tiled floor, kneeling over the toilet just in time as she threw up.

A few minutes later and Ronnie was bathing her face under the cool tap, when she held a gentle tap on the door.

"Ronnie?" she heard a voice call out. She sighed in relief. She threw the door open, wiping her mouth as she did so. In the doorway stood Tom, his hair wet and dishevelled, his clothes damp and tatty looking. She was taken aback by his appearance. "God, you like a right state!" she said without thinking, then realised what she had said, seeing as she didn't look that great either. "Neither do you!" Tom proclaimed but with a twinkle in his eye that warmed Ronnie's heart, as he was wearing the face that she knew and loved, not the cold unfeeling mask of some stranger.

Ronnie spluttered with laughter and Tom laughed too, an open, booming laugh. It was a superficial kind of laughter, it didn't go very deep, but it felt good all the same. "Hey, are you OK?" he said softly, She nodded sheepishly, sidled out of the room and went to the kitchen, where she sat down at the table, in front of one of the cups of tea set out there. Tom sat down on her other side. Ronnie stirred her tea, looking at the table, unsure what to do or say next. She had so many questions burning away inside her, she wasn't sure how to start. She decided to start with the simplest ones.

"So...where were you last night?" she enquired. He shrugged."I just walked around. I went to the park and sat there for a few hours then I was just wandering around thinking... I didn't even really notice the time passing to be honest. I was thinking about ... everything you told me and what I was going to do. Then I came back here this morning, 'bout half an hour before you woke up"

She took in his damp appearance "Raining?" she said, raising her eyebrows. He smiled slightly, a smile which warmed her heart to the very core. "Yeah" he mumbled softly.

"Tom... - " she began but he raised his hand. Tom shook his head. "Please Ronnie - don't" She fell silent, her head bent, biting her lip. Tom inhaled slowly, as he looked at her blonde head, her delicate features, her stunning blue eyes. His heart ached with love and remorse, as he looked at her. He may have been angry, but he couldn't stop loving her. He exhaled in a gust and began to speak.

"Ron...I was thinking a lot last night. And I want you to know how much I love you. That'll never change no matter what and... well I don't know what you've decided... you probably want to be with _him_" his tone turned bitter and venomous at the reference to Jack but then returned to normal "but if you don't then I - I...I'll forgive you Ronnie, I promise. It will be one of the hardest things I've ever had to do ... but I-I'll do it, I swear. I cannot bear to be without you Ronnie Mitchell. And even if you don't want to be with me anymore, I'll stick around. Because, the baby... well it could be mine I suppose. And I want to be here if it is. So there, now you know where I stand, that I've made my position clear, you can say whatever you want." He finished with a defiant nod of his head.

Ronnie stared at him, dumb-founded, gob-smacked, wide-eyed and completely horrified. How could this be happening? She was so shocked, she didn't speak a word, just gaped wordlessly. After everything that she had done to him, here he was, forgiving her and pledging his undying love. Just like Jack. Where they crazy? Why did two men love her so much, they were prepared to forgive her all the wrongs she had done them both?

She didn't deserve him, or Jack. What had she been thinking, yesterday, agreeing to be with Jack? Well she wouldn't hurt them any longer. Ronnie shook her head. "I can't Tom. I'm so sorry for everything. But I-I can't be with you. I don't deserve you. And don't say I do!" she interrupted him as he shook his head vehemently, trying to interject.

"The baby... well I'll deal with that when the time comes. I'm sorry Tom but please... leave" His face fell. He nodded and got up, gathering his things. He picked up his bag, still there from the night before. He walked toward the door and Ronnie still sat at the kitchen table, stony-faced, her ice-queen facade back up.

He turned his hand on the door handle. "I'm not giving up you know. I'll keep fighting for you" Ronnie shook her head sadly. "Dont Tom. I dont deserve you." He gritted his teeth. "You know, all you have to do is ask me to stay,and I will . I'd do anything for you."

"I know you would. Go Tom. Leave.", she said sadly, her mask threatening to fall as her lip trembled slightly. He nodded curtly and exited the flat, the slam of the door, echoing around the room. It seemed to make it seem so empty, so final. And so she had sent him away, hurting him again, just like she did with everyone in her life.

Despite everything, she loved Tom and didn't want to see him hurting. But she couldn't keep him there because that would hurt him even more. So it was an impossible situation. Every fibre in her body was protesting, screaming for Tom to come back, she curled her hands into fists, to prevent herself from running after him, begging for him to come back.

Now that he was gone, she let her shield come down, allowing a few tears to roll down her cheeks. She was such a terrible person, she thought.

Everything she touched, crumbled and became horrible. Her dad had been right. Look what had happened with Danielle, she had been useless, unable to protect her own baby. And then when they had finally been re-united...she had still been unable to save her little girl.

Why should this baby be any different? She loved it already yes, she wouldn't contest that. But how could she trust herself to be a good mother?

Ronnie wandered into her bedroom and stared at herself for a long time in the mirror. What was she going to do? About Jack, Tom, the baby... everything swirled round and round in her head, making her feel more confused and bewildered than ever. Ronnie sobbed and sank down once more onto her bed, wrapping herself in the duvet, cocooning herself from the harsh realities of her life.

Her hands wrapped protectively round her stomach, she allowed herself to think of Danielle. As she remembered Danielle, her bright, open, sunny innocence that had existed when she first came to the square, and then the bitter, angry Danielle that Ronnie had turned her into to.

It was all her fault that Danielle had died. What kind of a mother was she? She couldn't bear to fail this baby too. She shook her head slowly. She couldn't afford to hurt the two men in her life again. Either of them.

As Ronnie made her difficult decision, as much as it pained her to do it and as she began to think more and more of Danielle, she began to sink deeper into her black cloud of despair.

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Jack Branning whistled happily as he showered. Ronnie was in love with him. They were going to be together. He was ecstatic. He continued whistling as he got dressed, and headed out of his flat. He was smiling as he walked out onto the square, a smile which was wiped clean off his face as he saw Tom, exiting Ronnie's flat, bag in his hand, his expression unreadable.

Jack narrowed his eyes as he watched Tom till he was out of sight, then went over to her flat himself. He wanted to know what was going on. And he wanted to see Ronnie anyway, he didn't like being apart from her and besides that, he had made a doctors appointment for her.

He rang her doorbell three times in quick succession, and then waited impatiently, tapping his foot.

Ronnie sighed when she heard the bell, she dragged herself up, furiously wiping her eyes. Perhaps it was Tom? Or Jack? She felt ridiculously hopeful it was one of them , then cursed herself, gritting her teeth. She felt so confused. It didn't make her decision any easier, when all she wanted to do was throw her arms round Jack's neck. But if she was with Jack... that made Tom unhappy... and if she was with Tom... that made Jack unhappy...

"Argghh!" she muttered under her breath, frustrated by the impossibility and confusion of the situation. She opened the door and her heart lept at the sight of Jack standing there, impossibly good-looking. She was so caught up in the moment, that despite everything she had just thought, she flung her arms round his neck, breathing in his clean, minty smell, and was immediately soothed.

As she broke away from him, he raised an eyebrow, bemused but pleased. "I love you" she said simply. Everything made sense when she was with him. How could she have been thinking she could live without him?!

Sure, she was still terrified at the thought of the baby. Still thinking she wouldn't make a good mother, that she didn't deserve it. But everything seemed so much better with jack there. He would help her and Tom... as she thought about Tom, she saw something out the corner of her eye.

As she looked to the side, she saw Tom, staring at her and Jack, having witnessed everything that had just happened between the two of them, standing in the square, a heartbroken expression on his face.

"Oh!" she gasped, and stared at him, dumbstruck. After everything she had promised to herself, she had hurt beyond all means, again. Jack glanced around anxiously, searching for the source of Ronnie's distress. "Ronnie?! Ron what is it?! Ronnie?! - Oh" Jack turned and saw Tom standing in the square, looking at him and Ronnie, and a tidal wave of guilt and pity came crashing down on him.

This look of pity from Jack was the final straw for Tom. Unable to take it any longer, he turned on his heel and strode away.

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	8. The Real Ronnie

Seeing Tom's pain, Ronnie's heart twisted in her chest. What had she done? After everything she had vowed about not causing him anymore pain... she had hurt him agin, she had been careless, and now Tom was heartbroken. There were so many powerful emotions that threatened to overpower her, it scared her.

So she did what she always did in times of hurt or crisis. She pulled her barriers up, became detatched from the sitaution. She was so good at it, had so much practice, that if it was a profession, Ronnie would be a millionaire. She didn't try to go after him. She just stood, finding her only comfort was that Jack still stood beside her, his presence soothing her.

Jack glanced anxiously at Ronnie's vacant expression. It was a look he had seen countless times before, the look she had when she was hurting. But try as she mighthide her emotions, he could see the agonising pain she was in by the look in her eyes.

"Ronnie?" he said quietly " Are you OK?" She didn't answer him, but allowed him to gently steer him into the flat, enjoying the warm protective feel of his arms round her waist. He sat her down on the sofa and sat beside her. Jack was extremely worried about her. He bit his lip.

"Ron?" he tried again " What's the matter? I know you love him too. I can see how much pain you're in Ronnie." Ronnie closed her eyes at his words. Jack frowned, trying to understand what it was she wanted.

"Ron, I don't want you to pick me if it makes you unhappy..." He gently pulled his arms from around her "I think I should go Ronnie... I don't want you to make a mistake and - " He broke off as Ronnie snapped out of her trance-like cocoon, her blue eyes suddenly swimming with tears, panicked and desperate, she dug her nails into his arms, pulling him close.

"Please, please don't leave me" she murmured, her voice cracking with desperation and fear. "Jack I _need_ you."

His eyes widened in alarm, as he pulled her in close for a hug, stroking her hair. "Hey, hey Calm down! I won't go anywhere, it's OK" Ronnie took several deep breaths, and she relaxed her grip on him. She looked deep into his eyes and stroked his face. "Yeah I love him, Jack. But I know I'm not making a mistake - "

"But how can you be sure ? - "

Ronnie pressed a finger to his lips. "I'm sure because no matter how much I love him, Jack, it doesn't come close to how I feel about you. I know who I can't live without. " Jack eyed her doubtfully but nodded his head, seeming to accept her explanation.

"Now - what did you want to see me for?" she asked him. "Well... first of all ... what happened with him this morning?" Ronnie sighed, she had been expecting that Jack would want to know but the thought of going over it all again...

She quickly recounted what had happened that morning with Tom and what she had told him, Jack pursed his lips as she told him of the whole "I don't deserve you" thing, but otherwise remained silent. "So... what did you want second of all?" she asked him, smiling. He smiled back .

"Well actually... I made a doctors appointment for you. I totally understand if you don't want me to come or if you want to make one yourself then that's fine. I just didn't want you to think I wasn't worried about you and - "

"Hey Jack slow down!" Ronnie said, taken aback by the sudden interest Jack was showing. "Thanks for making the appointment... but well... if you don't mind... I think I'll just make an appointment to see my own doctor and I well - I'll go on my own"

Jack nodded but his face fell. "Oh. OK"

"Aw Jack, it's not about you I swear, but - don't you think we've hurt Tom enough? And this baby" a hand wandered to her stomach " well - I mean it might not be yours Jack. I just think it'll be easier for everyone if I go alone"

Jack's face softened. "Yeah easier for everyone but you, Ronnie. Are you sure you should go alone?" he asked his face worried.

"Don't be silly. I'll be fine. And I kind of have to go alone. I'm not sure I've actually got my head around this yet." Jack sighed but nodded in agreement. "Well OK,but at least go today? Let me take you?" Now it was Ronnie's turn to sigh and nod in agreement. Then she laughed lightly. "See? This is what a relationship is all about. Compromise, eh?" she laughed again.

"Yeah" he muttered under his breath. Ronnie got up and kissed the top of his head lightly. "Wait here" she instructed him, "I'm going to go and get dressed 'K?" She padded into her bedroom, groaning as she caught sight of herself in the mirror.

She pulled her mobile out first of all and dialled the number of her local surgery. After a quick conversation with the receptionist, and despite the short notice of her non-emergency appointment, Ronnie had managed to wangle herself an appointment with her GP, Dr. Andrews, just before lunch time.

She liked Dr. Andrews. She had helped Ronnie through that difficult time in her life, just after Danielle had died. It had took a while before she opened up to anyone, Dr. Andrews being only one of the very few people whom she did confess her feelings.

Well if she was going out, she would have to look at least semi- presentable. As she looked in the mirror again, and saw the bags under her eyes, her limp hair in need of a wash, he overall downtrodden look that she had, Ronnie began to despair.

To look even half-presentable seemed almost impossible. She let out another groan, and heard Jack get up from the couch and come toward her bedroom door. "You OK Ronnie? Morning sickness?"

"No! No! I'm fine!" she called out hurriedly, worried he would come in and see her in that state. Well of course, he already had seen her in that state, but at the time she didn't know she looked at a state.

"OK" he answered uncertainly, and Ronnie breathed a sigh of relief as she heard him retreating from her bedroom door. She bit her lip and stood up, wandered over to the bathroom, running a hand through her hair.

Ronnie peeled off her clothes and turned on the shower. She reached up and undid the clasp of her locket, before kissing it gently and placing it at the side of the shower. She still wore it after all this time. It was the only thing left of her little girl and she liked to keep Danielle close to her heart. She stood motionless under the warm pounding of the water, bouncing off her skin for several minutes.

She closed her eyes and listened to the pounding of the water, enjoying the feel of it on her skin. She couldn't stop thinking about Tom. It was annoying her like an itch you can't scratch, niggling away in the back of her mind...

She shook her head, trying to get the mental picture of Tom's heartbroken face out of her mind, to no avail. Irritated, Ronnie, as quickly as possibly, washed her hair and then snapped the shower off, stepping out and wrapping herself quickly in a warm fluffy towel, cold, now that she was out of the shower. She dried herself quickly and slipped the locket back on. She touched her hand to it briefly, glad to be re-united with this remnant of her daughter, however small it might be. She hated being without it...

She became preoccupied, thinking of Danielle, not in the dark, remorseful way that she had before, but instead in a thoughtful, speculative way. This time her eyes stayed dry as she thought of all the times she had been together with Danielle, where something good had happened.

Yes, they were few and far between, but Ronnie had found that after pondering over the few months in which she had known Danielle, there were many cases now, that she considered happy, even if it was just a time, when she had seen Danielle smile. Because these memories and, her locket, were all she had.

In this absent-minded, almost dreamy, manner, she drifted round her bedroom, pulling on clothes as she did so. A few minutes later she planked herself down at her dressing table and sighed. Now for her hair and make-up.

She ran a brush through her hair and began to blow dry it...

Half an hour later, Ronnie was standing in her bedroom, looking at her reflection, her hair dry, shiny and poker-straight, dressed in an artfully faded pair of blue jeans and a light pink top.

Today was going to be tough on her. She was finally facing up to it, it would finally become real. Everything was moving so fast all of a sudden, turned upside down, once again, she was becoming the cause of so much anguish, hurt...

She bit her lip, something she always did when she was anxious. She looked nice today. She looked confident, sexy, business like... everything that had made Danielle not want to tell her who she was. But the funny thing was she didn't feel like that woman, everyone else saw.

She never had been that person, the ice-queen, Ronnie Mitchell, Heart of Stone... She let out a small laugh.

It couldn't be further from the real Ronnie. Because underneath all the bravado, the whole front, was just a frightened little girl. It was ironic, that Danielle had felt so intimidated by her, when Ronnie felt like Danielle had herself. Scared, unsure...

And now more than ever, Ronnie felt like that scared, pregnant fourteen year old again. The only person who had ever really been able to penetrate her protective barrier was Jack and that scared her. There were many things that scared her.

She looked into the reflection of her piercing blue eyes, and they were warm and liquid with emotion, burning away, as she thought about her life.

"Ronnie?" Jack called out. She jumped. She had been a million miles away. She held a protective hand over her stomach, and threw an anxious glance at her reflection, just a scared fourteen year old, way out of her depth. All she wanted to do was curl up and hide, didn't want to face anyone, couldn't face anyone.

Ronnie closed her eyes once and exhaled slowly. She slung her leather jacket over her arm. When she opened her eyes again, they were solid, looking like ice once more. The ice-queen strode out of her bedroom, ready to take on the world.

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**Please Review and tell me what you thought ;) ;) |  
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	9. The Wonder That Is

**Hi everyone, sorry I haven't updated in a few days. My apologies for the slightly slowly pace of this story so far, but please keep reading, I've got something _really_ major planned, coming up in the next few chapters, but I'm trying to lead up to it slowly :) :) **

**Thanks again to all my reviewers, and to anyone who's reading but hasn't reviewed ;) Hope you're enjoying it :) I'll try and get the next chapter up ASAP. Thanks again, and remember, please review and tell me what you thought. It really helps to have feedback, so anything you've got will help. :) :) :) **

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"Veronica Mitchell?"

Ronnie looked up expectantly, to be greeted by the kindly face of Dr. Andrews. The doctor smiled at her, and indicated for Ronnie to dome through as she turned around and exited the waiting room. Ronnie flashed a smile at her and inhaled deeply as she stood up, something which she regreted instantly.

The powerful smell of the doctor's surgery hit her like a brick wall, along with the following tidal wave of painful memories. The doctor's appointments when she was pregnant with Danielle. Danielle at the abortion clinic... She shuddered slightly, shocked by the unexpected memories.

She had been to the doctors many times since Danielle's death and none of them had triggered such powerful memories. Maybe it was because she was thinking about everything so much, she pondered to herself.

Ronnie drew herself up and followed Dr. Andrews to her room. She entered the room and sat down on one side of the desk, Dr. Andrews on the other.

The doctor leaned back and looked at Ronnie for one small second. Veronica Mitchell had always been a puzzle to her. On only a few occasions had this strange creature every really opened up, and even then, Dr. Andrews still felt that Ronnie was holding so much back.

Yes, she found Ronnie Mitchell to be fascinating, she was the sort of person that a pyschologist would love to study. All that emotion, guilt, grief, anger, compassion, possessed by one person, who bottled it all up inside...

You could write a book on it, she thought. However, as much as she would have liked to sit there all day and ponder over the wonder that is Ronnie Mitchell, but she had come to her for something and it was her job to try and sort that out.

"So, Ronnie? What seems to be the problem?"

Ronnie hesitated, she felt unsure all of a sudden. If she admitted to Dr. Andrews that she was pregnant then... this was it. She was finally facing up to this. And, boy, did that scare the hell out of her. She took a deep breath.

"Uh... well you see... I - I " Ronnie tripped over her own words, suddenly tongue-tied. The doctor smiled and listened, waiting patiently. She took another deep breath, silently cursing her own stupidity.

"I'm pregnant" she said, blurting the words out in a rush. "Oh." Dr. Andrews was surprised. "Well... how do you feel about that?" she asked cautiously.

Ronnie bit her lip. "Scared" she said, in a barely audible voice, for one split second dropping her guard, showing the vulnerability she felt, before the barrier was brought back up again. Dr. Andrews had seen Ronnie shut down before and understood that she had to act quickly if she wanted Ronnie to open up.

"Yes, that's understandable Ronnie. After everything that happened with your daughter..." Ronnie involuntararily flinched at the reference to Danielle. "Well of course, its natural for you to be anxious.

"Ronnie, have you decided how you wish to procede with your pregnancy?" Ronnie narrowed her eyes. "What do you mean?" she asked.

"Well, have you decided whether or not you would like the pregnany progress?" Ronnie insitinctively placed a protective hand over her stomach. She looked indignant, shocked. "Yes, of course" she muttered.

"OK Ronnie, sorry, but I had to ask. Just so I am clear on what you want to do" Dr. Andrews added soothingly, and Ronnie relaxed, letting her hand fall away. The doctor proceeded to question her for the next few minutes, checking her over, taking her blood pressure and the like. Ronnie answered as best she could, but felt like she was in a daze. It was all becoming so real, so fast.

A few minutes later, as Ronnie thanked Dr. Andrews and exited the doctors surgery, she breathed a sigh of relief. Dr. Andrews looked thoughtfully after her, shaking her head at the wonder that is Ronnie Mitchell.

Jack sat outside the doctors surgery in the car, his fingers drumming impatiently on the steering wheel as he waited for Ronnie. He hoped that she was OK in there. He itchted to go in after her, but knew that she needed to be alone with the doctor. He was so uptight and anxious, he felt like he was wound like a tightly coiled spring. Suddenly as he sat in the car, he was sure that he saw somthing, someone out the corner of his eye.

Someone lurkng in the bushes. His head whipped round, but the parking lot and the surrounding shrubbery, was seemingly empty. Jack frowned. He had been sure that he felt like he was being watched... His heart leapt suddenly as he saw Ronnie come into his view.

God, she was so beautiful, her hair blowing in the slight breeze. He swelled with love, and felt all his anxiety and odd feelings melt away in one instant. Watched! he thought scornfully to himself. He had been watching to many TV shows, He sighed in relief as Ronnie opened the passenger door, and slid into the seat beside him.

She leaned over and pecked him on the cheek and then smiled. "Everything's fine" she said. "I've got an appointment for our first ultrasound in a couple of weeks" she added.

"Oh. Well that's good" Jack didn't ask if he was invited to come along to the ultrasound. Ronnie didn't mention it either but the unasked question hung between them in the air. Oh well, he would deal with that later. As long as Ronnie was OK, that was all that really mattered. "Do you fancy going out to lunch?" he asked her, hopefully. "I would love that" she beamed, delighted.

Jack grinned, kissed her once more on the cheek, and pulled his seatbelt on, smoothly sliding out of the carpark as he did so. As he passed the bushes, he felt the hairs prick up on the back of his neck... as if he was being watched again. Out of the very corner of his eye, he felt that he saw a flash of something, but it was too quick for him to know what it was.

Stupid! he thought to himself and dismissed the thought, pushing it to the back of his mind, as he turned his attention to the road in front of him...

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**OK so nothing much happened in this chapter, but like I said, got something big coming up :) :) Please Review :D :D :D **

**xxx**


	10. Second Best

Roxy stood at the foot of Amy's bed, and watched her as she slept. She was lying in her first 'big girl's bed'. They, her and James, had bought for it her, at the weekend. She had been so excited. Roxy smiled, remembering how adorable she had been. She had just fallen asleep, for her afternoon nap, and Roxy gazed at her, enthralled.

She looked at her little girl, her blonde curls spread over the pillow, thumb in her mouth and her heart felt like it was swelling up. She never got used to how much she loved her. How nothing else mattered, not when she had Amy.

"My little angel" she murmured softly, careful not to wake her. Already Amy had been through so much in her short little life.

The cause of so much drama. The premature birth, Sean, Jack, Ronnie, Tom... So much heartache and drama had surrounded her since the day she was born, it was a miracle that she was like any other, happy, healthy two-year old. Roxy chuckled quietly, takes after her mother, she thought to herself. Proper little drama queen.

Yet, she was worth everything. If she had the chance to do it all over again, she wouldn't change anything. Not even causing Ronnie so much pain, by going behind her back with Jack. Not that she relished in causing her big sister pain, far from it. But how could she regret something, that gave her the best thing in her life?

Roxy sighed softly and reluctantly tore her eyes away from her angelic daughter, wandered into the living room, and padded over to the window. James was away to the shops. All the housework was done, for a change. She felt at a loose end.

She would normally be enjoying the rare moment of peace and quiet, but somehow she just couldn't relax. She felt all keyed up, and tense. She couldn't stop thinking about Ronnie. This baby... Roxy wasn't sure how her sister would be taking it. She wanted to see her, make sure she was OK. Just as she thought this, she twitched the curtain and saw Ronnie walking across the square, Jack at her side. They had just exited Jack's car and were heading toward Ronnie's flat.

Her eyes followed them as Jack waited outside the flat, lounging against the railings, as Ronnie dashed inside and came back out a few seconds a few seconds later, holding her phone in her hand. She watched as Ronnie said something to him and then smiled. They walked back to Jack's car, Jack linking hands with Ronnie as they did so.

They looked like the perfect couple. So it was official. They were a couple now. As she thought this, Roxy experienced a unexpected, crash of jealousy which washed over her. As she looked at them, she felt jade green with envy, the emotion so powerful that it stunned her.

Because, as she looked at them, Jack especially, she knew that Amy would always come second to Ronnie and her baby. A very close second, but still... second. Second best. She wasn't jealous of their relationship. In fact she was glad, Jack seemed to make her sister happy. And she loved James anyway.

But the reason she was jealous was for her daughter. How could she know that when Ronnie's baby was born... if it was Jack's... that Amy wouldn't be palmed off by him, like some second-rate, prototype? That when he had his other kid, with the right sister this time, he wouldn't just forget about her daughter?

Her brow was furrowed, long after Ronnie and Jack had vanished from her sight. James pushed open the front door. "Hey rox" he called softly " Is Ames asleep?" he added, in an equally quiet voice. Roxy nodded her head, not bothering to turn round to look at him.

James could sense that somthing was wrong with his wfe, and he dumped his shopping bags on the table and moved over so he was standing behind her. He rested his chin on the top of her head and wound his arms round her.

"What's up Rox?" he said, waiting patiently for her to answer. She sighed. "Nothing"

He spun her round, so that she was facing him and tilted her head up to look into her eyes. " Somethings bugging you" he said, raising an eyebrow. As he carefully studied her face Roxy finally caved, leaning into him, letting him envelope her in a hug. "Jack and Ronnie" she mumbled into his chest.

"Ah. What about them?"

"I'm scared that Amy always comes second to Ronnie, with Jack. And now with Ronnie's baby on the way... I'm just scared that Amy will be pushed out. Second best" she muttered the last part. In a way she was ashamed, even to be thinking it, but she couldn't help it.

James pulled her in even tighter. "Don't talk daft" he said soothingly "Jack would never let that happen. You know it and anyway- you - both of you - will always come first with me." He grinned at her, pulling back so he could look at her again. He grinned and she gave a half-hearted smile back, letting herself relax against him, the worry pushed to the back of her mind, but it was still there, niggling away, waiting to present itself again.

"Mummy?!" Amy called from her bedroom. Roxy sighed but smiled " Coming sweetheart!" she called " I better go and get her up" she said to James. "Thanks for making me feel better" she told him before pecking him on the cheek.

Roxy went to Amy's bedroom and grinned at her little girl, who was sitting up in her bed, blinking sleepily. She felt so much love for her, it felt overwhelming. Never until she had become a mother, realised what true love really felt like. To love someone with every single fibre of your being and to do absolutely anything for them... Motherhood was a strange, yet wonderful thing.

Roxy now understood why Ronnie had been so cold all those years. So bitter, angry. She could now understand why Ronnie had been in so much pain after Danielle got took away when she was a baby and when she died... Because to think that she would not be allowed to see Amy every day, to see her talk and laugh and grow... the thought was unbearable. Roxy blinked and shook her head very slightly, as if to banish the thought.

"Come on sweetie, lets get you up" Roxy told her little girl, going over to the bed and lifting her up...

James sat at the kitchen table, head in his hands. Life was so unfair, he thought. He loved Amy so much, if she was his biologically it wouldn't be possible for him to love her even more. In his eyes, she was a daughter, he always put her first, was there for her... unlike her 'father'. He burned with anger at the thought of Jack, putting someone ahead of his own child. Of course, James didn't understand the complexity of Jack's feelings for Ronnie and therefore everything was black and white to him.

All he wanted was to have Amy call him Daddy, to be able to treat her as if she was his own... but he was constantly restricted by the title 'stepfather', never truly be able to embrace the father inside him. He knew that Jack was her biological father, and James could never be that. It wouldn't bother him so much, if Jack behaved like he was supposed to though. James was forced to stand back and watch as the man the little girl whom he loved with all his heart, called Dad, failed miserably in his attempt to be a proper father.

Maybe it was his fault, or Roxy's, he thought to himself often, for not allowing Jack enough time with Amy. But then he grew bitter again, for never once had they, since they had been together, denied him a chance to see his daughter.

And if it was me, he thought, nothing would stop me from spending every moment with her.

And as James was forced to stand by the sidelines, look on as the girl he thought of as a daughter, was just out of reach, he was everything she needed, yet was unable to fulfill his true potential to be what she needed, to comfort. Be a Dad. Yes, he was being forced to watch, helpless as Amy was being treated in an off-handed manner. Second best.

He eyes filled with tears as he felt like his heart was breaking... breaking... breaking...

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**hi I hope you liked this chapter. Just thought I would give you a little insight into some of the other characters at this point, we've hardly seen any of James :) :) Sorry there's no Ronnie in this one, but I'll be switching back to her in the next one. As always a massive thanks for all the great reviews I've recieved, and please keep them coming ;)**

**Please Review and let me know any comments you have and please keep reading :D :D **

**xxx**


	11. Mystery

Ronnie sat in the car next to Jack, feeling peaceful for the first time in weeks. It was evening, and they were headed home, after being out at lunch,which had carried them through the afternoon, as they now sat in a comfortable silence. The soft sound of music filled the car, along with the relaxing hum of the engine.

It was so easy, and natural with him, she didn't need to feel the need to fill every silence, or put up a front. Sometimes she tried but it was always useless with him. He always broke through her defenses, whatever it was about him. A light patter of rain, began to fall on the windscreen.

By the time they finally parked outside her flat, dark clouds had rolled in and the rain was slashing down, soaking everything in sight. Jack cut the engine and Ronnie glanced at the darkened windows of her flat, and then anxiously at his eyes. Somehow the thought of being alone now frightened her. She didn't want to be parted from him at all. In a way, she was angry at herself, mad at him, for having that kind of hold on her.

She was supposed to be untouchable, heart of stone. Yet for some unknown reason the thought of being away from his warm presence... it terrified her now. She felt like when she was with him, he kept all the bad stuff at bay, like his presence diluted it.

To be alone now... she knew that she would begin to sink downwards again, thinking dark thoughts...

"You'll stay right?!" she asked him anxiously, and he could see the slight panic in her eyes, which she was trying so hard to mask. He nodded reassuringly. "I told you. As long as you want me, then I'll be here. I just have to nip back to my flat and get my things OK? I'll have a quick shower and pack a bag for a couple of nights, just in case?" he asked, grinning cheekily.

Ronnie bit her lip hard, once again glancing at the windows of her flat. She didn't even want to be away from him for half-an-hour. However, to insist he stay with her would be ridiculous. Not that he wouldn't do it. She was sure he would, as long as she asked him to. But she wasn't prepared to let herself sink to that, not yet anway. So, holding on to her dignity, she nodded her head. She leaned in toward him, and pressed her lips to his, kissing him passionitely for almost a full minute. Then she pulled away and grinned, winking cheekily. "Hurry back" she murmured in his ear and then darted out into the rain, leaving him blinking in shock and delight.

His eyes followed her to the front door, watching her carefully till she was out of his sight. He still had the oddest feeling and didn't feel comfortable leaving her... he knew he was being silly but still... he couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. He shook his head and re-started the car, driving round the sqaure. As soon as he got back the better.

Ronnie stepped into her flat, dripping wet, locking the door behind her. "Brrr!" she shivered, taking off her coat. She pottered into the kitchen, flicking on light switches as she went, the dark coulds bringing with it, a premature night-time.

She put the kettle on and then wandered aimlessly about the flat, looking for something to do. As she entered her bedroom, she shivered, feeling a gusty breeze. She went into her bathroom and sighed, exasperated, The window was open slightly at the bottom. She tutted at herself. She had been postitive that she had closed it earlier. As she walked back into her pin-neat bedroom, she felt like something was... off. That something was out of place.

Her eyes scanned the room, looking for a piece of evidence which suggested something was out of place. Her eyes finally came to rest on her bedside table. Ronnie hardly ever displayed photographs. To her, it was just another way of letting people into your life, making it easier for them to get to you, to hurt you. She had no pictures in her living room, except a couple of pieces of trendy artwork.

However, she kept a very small collection of photographs next to her bed. One of Amy as a baby, one of Roxy and James, one of Roxy and herself, Danielles locket in a small jewelery box beside the photographs and one of Danielle herself. Stacey had given it to her, a few months after Danielle had died, on Danielle's birthday, in fact. This picture she prided above all the rest, thought it was a small one, the frame only 15cm or so high, it was placed in the middle, the centre of all the rest.

Ronnie rarely touched it. Part of her was scared she would break it, it was so precious to her. One of her only links left to Danielle. There were so little things she had that were reminders, she treated every once as if it was the most precious jewel in existance. Because to Ronnie, it was.

Which is why, it deeply confused her and upset her to see the picture lying to the side on its back, facing upwards. Not as if it had fall over. As if someone had picked it up and set it back down. As she moved closer, she saw evidence to suggest that her other pictures had been handled to. They were all squint, looking as if they had been hastily shoved there.

She felt the hurt and shock come to her face, at the thought that anyone had been through her things. She hurried forward and picked up the photos, one by one, carefully wiping them with her sleeve and setting them in the correct positions. Her fingertips lightly traced Danielle's perfect features for one split second, feeling the longing ache and pain in her heart, knowing that this would be the closet she would get to her baby again. Her eyes shined with tears, until she blnked once and they were gone.

She looked around her room, and pulled open her drawers. Normally everything was organized, but now it looked like it had been strewn about, as if she had been looking for something. But Ronnie hadn't been in here, had she? She frowned, trying to remember. She looked round the rest of her room, and the rest of her flat, but could find nothing more. She shook her head, an uneasy feeling in her stomach. She felt so strange. If someone had been in her flat, why hadn't they took anything? Why had they simply looked through her things? Ronnie bit her lip, still frowning and sat down on the sofa, winding her legs up underneath her. It didn't make any sense.

She shook her head. She was just being silly. Of course no-one had been in her flat. Jack was probably looking for something. Yeah, that's what it was, it would've been Jack. She would ask him when he got there. Almost as if he had heard her, Jack buzzed the door from outside. She ran down to the door and let him in.

He took her breath away, as he stood there, his hair dishevelled, but still looking stunning with his bag slung over his shoulder and that fresh clean look he had when he had just been in a shower. Jack was thinking similar thoughts about Ronnie. As he took in her blue eyes once more, his breath caught in his throat. He got lost in her eyes for a few seconds, they were so beautiful. Jack strode into the living room and dumped his bag on the floor.

He swept Ronnie into his arms, unable to resist her. "I hurried back" he murmured, nuzzling her ear. "Looks like you did" she whispered back, lost in the moment, wanting nothing more than to be close to him. "I love you" she said. "Likewise" he murmured back, before his lips moved hungrily on hers, all wories and questions forgotten for the time-being.

Across the square, a dark, hooded figure stood staring at the light coming from Ronnie's front window, their body huddled up against the cold. The person stood like this for a couple of minutes, before the turned and headed off toward an alleyway, as they were swallowed up by the night. 


	12. If Only

Ronnie knew it was early when she woke. She didn't even have to open her eyes, she could see the gentle light from behind her eyelids, the soft twitter of the birds and the quiet of a city that had not yet woken up. She kept her eyes closed, not wanting to let go of her dream, not yet. With her eyes shut, everything was so much easier to push away, pretend it wasn't real...

She had been dreaming of Danielle. Oh how she wished she could stay in that dream forever. They had been in a park this time, a beautiful, picturesque park, on a glorious day, they sun shining down on Danielle, making her beauty more radiant than ever, so beautiful...Their hands had been linked as they strolled through the park, Ronnie taking in every detail of her baby, savouring the moment while it lasted, her gorgeous eyes, her wonderful laugh...Then Danielle had drawn closer, it had been so real Ronnie could actually smell her, feel her warmth. She had hugged her daughter, pulling her close, her face buried in Danielle's hair, their bodies entwined, never wanting to let go, together forever, where they belonged...

Then Ronnie had woken up, her arms wrapped round herself, containing nothing but thin air, then she knew the awful truth, everything washed over her again, it was like re-living every heart-wrenching moment...

Never before had she had so vivid a dream, never before had it been so real and never before had she been so cruelly and abruptly snapped back to reality, ripped from the arms of her precious baby once more, save for Danielle's actual death. She let a very small gasp escape her lips, and let a single tear fall from behind her eyes.

Ronnie opened her eyes slowly and untangled her armss from round herself, stretching them out slowly. Her eyes jolted wide open with shock when they found a warm bare chest lying next to her. "What the - ?!" she exclaimed before her eyes locked on Jack and all the other events of the past few days came rushing back to her. "Oh. Hi" she said and smiled, winding her arms round him, finding a great comfort in his presence.

Jack was propped up on one elbow, gazing at her intently, lovingly, though his eyes were pained. He hugged her back. "Are you OK?" he asked softly, obviously not having missed Ronnie's pain before she remembered he was there. "Uh-huh" she mumbled into him.

He recognised from her tone that she didn't want to talk about it, and he let the matter drop immediately. He sighed and let his whole body relax against her "I love you" he said. "Me too" she replied. They lay still for several minutes, Ronnie lying her head on Jack's chest, listening to the steady thud of his heart and the soothing rise and fall of his chest.

She still felt awed at the dream she had had. She had dreamt of Danielle, many times before that part was so no surprise. The setting of their meeting would often change, sometimes they were at Ronnie's flat, other times they were on a beach, not a care in the world... and occasionally Ronnie dreamt of the awful night when she had lost her little girl forever... Those dreams, those nightmares, were the worst.

However the most recent one, was the best yet worst dream she had ever had. Best because it had been so real, Ronnie had felt like she actually had Danielle in her arms, it was so real. And worst because it had ended.

If only it were true, she thought wistfully. If only she could live in her dream forever.

Jack cleared his throat and shifted slightly, sitting up. "Where are you going?" Ronnie asked, rolling on to her back, and looking at him. "Thought you might like some breakfast" he smiled and Ronnie blushed, just as her stomach rumbled. "Looks like I was right" he winked and chuckled.

Ronnie rolled her eyes and sat up also. She swung her legs out of bed, grateful for the fact, she was wearing Jack's shirt, which came down to her knees. "Oh, well I've got to go to the toilet anyway - " Ronnie broke off and out her hand to her mouth.

"Uh-oh" Jack said, as Ronnie rushed to the bathroom and threw up noisily, slamming the door behind her. After a moment or two, when she appeared to have finished, Jack knocked timidly on the bathroom door. "Two minutes" Ronnie called out weakly from the other side of the door. A few minutes later, she emerged from the bathroom, dabbing her face and her breath smelling minty."OK?" he asked her, to which she nodded.

"I could go a little bit of toast maybe? And a cup of tea?" she suggested meekly.

A little while later, both were sitting down at Ronnie's kitchen table, having finished the toast and both nursing cups of tea. "Jack?" Ronnie began timidly.

"Yeah Ron?"

"Yesterday... you weren't looking for something in my room were you? It's fine if you were, I was just wondering..."

Jack shook his head, puzzled. "Nope. I wasn't looking for anything. Why?" Ronnie shrugged her eyes gazing fixedly at the table. "Nothing. It's silly, I probably just forgot that I moved some stuff or something... it was just looked like someone had been through my things and... my - my picture"

Jack inhaled, he knew how much Ronnie hated anyone touching her stuff, especially things of Danielle. It was why he never did it, unless he had express permission.

He also felt extremely uneasy. After the feeling he had yesterday...but why would someone be looking through Ronnie's things?

No. No he was being silly, right? Probably just what Ronnie has said, she had forgotten, that was it. He nodded in agreement, yet still unable to shake off the feeling that something was very, very wrong.

Ronnie bit her lip. If it wasn't Jack, then who? Who had been in her flat? She couldn't think for the life of her. Maybe it had been herself after all ...

She sighed and shook her head, and her hand unconsciously wandered to her stomach. "So... ultrasound in a couple of weeks?" Jack said, and Ronnie started. She braced herself, knowing what was coming next. He was going to ask her, if he could come with her.

Ronnie nodded a reply before Jack began again. "Well, about that..."

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**Hi, sorry for keeping you all hanging after the last chapter. Please Review if you can, and keep reading. It's about to get quite juicy lol. Any feeback at all is great, and thanks for everyone who had reviewed so far :) keep them coming :D :D**

**xxx**


	13. Another Complication

"Well about that...", Jack paused and swallowed hard. He wasn't sure how to proceed. "You, know I was just wondering, about maybe - I mean - well I suppose? Erm..." Jack spluttered, tripping over his words, stammering and to his complete and utter embarrassment, he _blushed_. Jack Branning _blushing_! Oh God, Ronnie Mitchell did strange things to him.

Ronnie stared at him, one eyebrow raised, as she forgot the seriousness of the question he was asking, and watched in utter amusement as he started to go red. Suddenly, she let a burst of laughter escape her lips and astonished herself. The sound was so carefree...it felt wonderful.

Jack's eyes widened in surprise as he heard the extraordinary, beautiful sound which escaped Ronnie's lips. He hadn't heard her laugh like that since... well he didn't know when he had last heard her laugh like that.

After a few seconds, Ronnie's laughter subsided and she fell into an expectant silence once more.

"Well, as I was saying... Do you think that perhaps - maybe- Could I come with you? " he finished, going pink once again, completely uncharacteristically. This time Ronnie didn't laugh, though he did detect a hint of a smile at the corners of her mouth. However her eyes were serious, as she pondered his difficult yet not un-expected suggestion.

Ronnie was facing a dilema, an internal battle of two wills. She felt like she was in two minds, one fighting the corner for Jack to come with her, and the other screaming in defiance, all the reasons why she should not allow that to happen. At that moment in time, Ronnie didn't know who she should be betting on, who she should be backing. Jack waited nervously in silence as Ronnie ran her mind over all the pros and cons of his request. It would be good for her to have someone with her, especially Jack, the man she loved. Why should she deny him the right to come with her? It wasn't only her choice.

But then if she did let him come with her and the baby turned out not to be his... it would tear him apart and Tom.... Tom. The person who lurked in the background, she couldn't forget him, because despite everything, she did still love him, even if the love was more like... like a brotherly love? It wasn't how she thought of him, he was more like her best friend, but she couldn't find any other words to describe her complicated feelings, even to herself. And if Jack came then that would hurt Tom to...

Arrgghh! she thought to herself. Why did everything have to be so complicated? However realising she was unfairly keeping Jack waiting, she made the decision on impulse, hoping she was making the right decision.

"Yes OK. You can come if you want" she said cautiously. Her heart warmed as his whole face lit up and he beamed, like a child on christmas morning. "But... as long as your prepared, Jack. Please I know how much you want it to be yours, and no-matter how much you say it doesn't matter if it's Tom's, please, please remember that it's always a possibility...I just don't want you to get hurt."

Jack shook his head, the smile still on his face as he leaned over and gave her a quick one-armed hug. "Don't worry Ron. Please. As long as you're happy, I'll be fine. I'm just glad I can come with you, that's all"

Ronnie shook her head in bemusement at him,as he leaned back and she laughed again suddenly. "What's so funny?" he asked her.

"Oh just you" she answered cheekily, grinning. "I'm just remembering how cute you looked when you blushed. Aw little ickle Jack. Were you embarrassed?" she asked playfully, giggling. He pouted in mock hurt and then laughed. "I'll get you for that" he threatened, still laughing " You'd better run" he said and he got up and skirted round the table, trying to grab her.

Ronnie got up and ran away from him, running through the flat, laughter tumbling like a fountain from her mouths, squealing like a school girl as Jack followed her in mock pursuit.

Eventually he caught up with her and wrapped his hands round her waist, and they collapsed onto the sofa in a giggling, messy heap.

* * *

Tom sat in the dull, shabby room of the B&B he was staying in, his thoughts full of bitter and jealous comparisons, about how his surroundings reflected what his life had become. His heart ached with longing and hurt as he thought of Ronnie, the woman he loved and the child she was carrying, and thoughts which burned with anger and jealousy as he thougth of Jack Branning, the man who had taken everything away from him. He closed his eyes and he saw their kiss again, at Ronnie's front door, while he had watched from the sidelines feeling utterly dejected and powerless.

Well, maybe there was still some hope. Ronnie was not lost to him entirely not yet. Her baby... it might be his. This thought spurred Tom into action. He had always wanted to be a father. Now he had a chance to be one, a fifty-fifty chance at that but still... If the baby was his he would fight tooth and nail to be involved. He wouldn't let Jack take over his place with his own child, not after he had snatched Ronnie right out of his hands.

Tom got up suddenly and exited the B&B. There was no point in putting it off, he thought. He would be here for Ronnie during the pregnancy, unless the baby was proved not to be his. He definitely wasn't giving up this, without a fight.

* * *

About half an hour later, Ronnie and Jack were still lying on the sofa, curled up now, watching an old black-and-white movie. They were interrupted by a furious pounding on the door. "What the hell?!" Ronnie grumbled, reluctantly untangling herself from Jack to go and see who was making all the ruckus.

"Jeez!" she said as the thundering on the door persisted as she made her way to the door. She flung the door open. "What the - Oh!" she gasped, the breath catching unexpectedly in her throat.

"Tom!" she exclaimed, her face frozen in shock. "What's the matter?!"Jack yelled from the living room. _Another complication,_ she thought miserably.


	14. Awkward

Ronnie shifted uncomfortably on the cold plastic chair. She hated hospitals. They brought back so many painful memories...

She tore her mind away from thoughts about Danielle. I can't think about her, not at this moment in time, she thought to herself, knowing it wouldn't make anything any easier. The ticking of the clock, signalling time as the seconds dragged by. The screaming silence was unbearable, the tension so rife you could almost taste it.

Ronnie jiggled her leg up and down, up and down... she had never felt so awkward in her entire life. The last two weeks had been a nightmare. When Tom turned up on her doorstep... ugh! It had been awful. He was so upset and well, he didn't take kindly to the fact that Jack was in the flat with her, likewise with Jack when he saw Tom. It had taken almost ten minutes to get them all sitting calmly in the living room, so she could listen to what Tom had to say.

As she listened to the words which came pouring out of his mouth, it was like a bad dream. He told her how he wanted to be involved with the baby, and how he was never going to give up. He said he could deal with her and Jack, as long as she let him be a dad, if it was his. And then he had asked to come to the ultrasound appointment. What could she have done? She had just agreed to let Jack come with her, so how could she deny Tom the same right?

However at the time she dithered, feeling Jack tense up beside her. Whatever choice she made, she always ended up hurting someone. She tried to fob him off, as ashamed as she was to admit it, she tried to hold him off, telling him she wasn't sure.

Then he had asked her if Jack was going with her. She had to tell him the truth then, after he finished pointing out that it wasn't fair to let one go and not the other, Ronnie agreed to let him come also.

And that was how she came to be sitting in the waiting room, Jack one side of her, Tom the other, both glaring into opposite directions, like two unruly schoolchildren.

Ronnie felt absolutely mortified. Having the two possible fathers with her at the scan... it was like something straight out a reality tv show.

After that day, Tom had left quickly, but insisted on returning almost every day since then, demanding updates on how she was doing, then (however reluctantly) turning to Jack for a second opinion, while they talked about her as if she wasn't there.

Her patience had been tried to the very limits and she was sure that it wasn't going to be long before she snapped. So it was after many fraught visits from Tom and much turmoil on Ronnie's part, but the day had finally arrived.

She had been dreading it. Not to mention the fact that the thing with Jack and Tom was a nightmare but this was the day she would actually see her baby. There would be no pretending after this, no being able to push it to the back of her mind. Her baby... it would be real. And she was terrified. She already felt an urge to protect the baby... but how could she trust herself to be a good mother? Look at how her first child had turned out. Danielle had deserved so much more for a mother than her.

She had been such a sweet, kind gentle thing. So timid and quiet. Perhaps if Ronnie had been more understanding... She sighed slightly and leaned over rubbing her temples. Raking over things was something she was very, very used to now, but it did not make it any less painful. And the thought of another child... It made her want to run away, screaming.

"Are you OK?" Jack was leaning forward and looking at her worriedly. She nodded her head in reassurance and took hold of his hand.

Tom felt his heart constrict as he saw that. Such a simple motion, yet for him, it held so much meaning. He wished he could be the one holding her hand, comforting her. He wished that he wasn't the reason why she needed to be comforted.

He squirmed a little, as he thought this. He didn't enjoy making Ronnie uncomfortable. Despite it all, he loved her. And he knew he was being slightly selfish, insisting that he come to the scan. But he couldn't bear the thought of Jack being there, when he wasn't. It really was an impossible situation. And he couldn't help feeling angry at Ronnie, never mind that he did still love her. If she hadn't slept with Jack, everything would have been fine! He thought angrily. But do I really want her to be with me if it makes her unhappy? A small unexpected voice in his consience said. It startled him into realising the truth.

No, he thought, I'd rather she was happy. Tom, stunned at his realisation, Ronnie confused over her thoughts aobut the baby and Danielle, Jack worried about Ronnie and how she was feeling, the three sat in awkward silence once more, with nothing but the ticking of the clock alerting them that time was passing.

Ronnie felt it was going so slowly, it may as well have stopped. Exasperated she began chewing on her lip.

A good-looking young doctor entered the waiting room. "Miss Mitchell?" he called. Jack and Tom sprang up, looking relieved. Ronnie stood up slowly, taking a deep breath. "If you'd like to come through?" the doctor said, ushering them through the door.

Oh well, Ronnie thought to herself. There's no going back now.

* * *

**Hi, sorry this chapter is kind of short. I'll try and make it up for it next time. Thanks to everyone who keeps reviewing :) :) Please keep it up, any feedback at all is great :D :D In response to one of the questions asked in the reviews, I'm not revealing who the mystery person at Ronnie's house was yet but I'll give you one clue : Its _probably not _the person everyone thinks it is lol :P :P **

**xxxxx**


	15. Truce

Ronnie entered the room, her heart pounding, faster and faster with every step she took. The doctor smiled at her, and indicated her to take a seat. As Ronnie slid herself on to the big reclining chair, her heart felt like it would burst out of her chest.

The doctor was saying something, but she didn't know what. It wasn't until she realised all three were looking at her that she snapped out of it. "Sorry, what was that?" she said. The young doctor smiled again. "Dr. Allen will be along shortly Mrs. Mitchell" he said.

"Miss" she corrected him. He inclined his head. "Sorry, my mistake. Miss." Then the doctor left the room, leaving the three alone once more. Ronnie couldn't help but feel a little annoyed. The last thing she wanted right now was to be flung into another uncomfortable silence. Luckily, she was saved from another awkward silence by the arrival of Dr. Allen.

"So, how are we all doing?" she said, smiling at them all. Ronnie felt another stab of annoyance. What was it with all these cheery doctors?

"I'm fine" she answered, while Jack and Tom only nodded their answers.

"OK Ronnie so how far along are you?" Dr. Allen asked. She shifted slightly in her chair.

"Almost twelve weeks I think" she said, gazing intently at her lap. "Well we'll soon find out... and... you two are?..." the doctor tailed off, looking slightly uncomfortable. Ha! thought Ronnie. I'm glad someone else seems to be feeling uncomfy for a change, she grumbled.

Jack cleared his throat. "I'm her partner, Jack" he said. Tom felt a sharp stab of pain at Jack's words. it was as if he was twisting the knife in his chest, making it that little bit more painful.

"I'm Tom ...er... I could be the Dad" Tom said.

"Oh. OK. Well... why don't we get started?" the doctor turned away for a minute, Ronnie noticed her cheeks looked a little pink. What must she think of me? Ronnie thought, and closed her eyes in mortification for a split second.

"OK Ronnie if you could just..." , Dr. Allen indicated to Ronnie's top, which she promptly pulled up, as well moving her trousers down a little bit. The infuriating smile remained on the doctors lips.

Everything was so familiar toRonnie, the hospital smell,... It was all such a painful reminder of when she was younger, of her baby, Danielle, her own little Amy.

Ronnie squeezed her eyes shut and suddenly she wasn't in that hospital room anymore. She wasn't with Jack or Tom, she wasn't Ronnie Mitchell, heart of stone. She was just a scared pregnant teenager.

_...A chilly wind whirled round her as she stepped out of the car. She shivered, the early afternoon march sunshine, making no difference to the temperature around her. She straightened up and gazed at the bleak grey building which towered above her. Weymouth Hospital. Archie stepped out of the car and came round to stand beside her. She swallowed hard and shivered again, nothing to do with the temperature this time._

_"Don't just stand there gawking, girl! Quickly before someone sees you!" Archie hissed, glaring at her as if she was repugnant. His words stung her. She felt tears well up in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. Why did he hate her so much? All she wanted was for everything to go back to normal._

_She shrugged her coat round her tighter, self-concious of her school uniform underneath. Her Dad had driven her, straight from school. It had been a particularly unpleasant surprise when she had came out the school gates, looking for her mum, and instead coming face to face with her Dad, the man who seemingly despised her._

_"Move Veronica!" Archie's harsh voice snapped, as he poked her in the back impatiently. A young, six-months pregnant Ronnie stumbled forward, crossing her arms protectively over her bump as she made her way into the hospital. Archie was muttering darkly under his breath, so fast and low that Ronnie only caught snippets of sentences. "...disgrace... bloody scans...stupid!... embarassment..."_

_Given the tone of his voice, Ronnie was glad she couldn't hear him properly. The hospital smell hit her, as she was directed down different corridors, the clean disinfectant type smell, that makes you feel queasy._

_After waiting for a few minutes, a doctor came out and directed her into another room. "Hurry up, Veronica. I ain't got all day, you know!" Archie said coldly, turning the page of the newspaper he was reading._

_The doctor had been kind to her, chatting to her, smiling pityingly as Ronnie sat back and rolled up her top to reveal her bump. And then... the most wonderful thing. She had heard her baby's heartbeat, she could see it on the ... that was her baby. In that instant, she forgot about her Dad outside, or anything else. She was amazed that it was her baby, inside her. "Wow" she breathed._

_After the scan was over, Ronnie had been left sitting in the little room, the doctor away to fetch something, she couldn't even remember what. She traced her hand over her stomach. "You're really in there aren't you? I love you. I'll look after you, I promise" she whispered, as she squeezed her eyes shut..._

"Ronnie? You OK?" Jack said, pulling her back to the present. She took a deep breath, and nodded "Fine", she said. But she wasn't. In fact, she was fighting back the tears which threatened to spill over. Because she hadn't looked after her baby had she? How could she expect this one to be any different?

The doctor squeezed gel on her stomach, making her jump, shocked by the coldness of it on her skin. " OK Ronnie..." the doctor spread the gel out and Ronnie's eyes flickered to the monitor. "Ah. There we are... Look Ronnie... there's the heartbeat and there..." the doctor indicated to a spot on the screen. " There is your baby"

Jack smiled at the sight on the screen, and felt his heart fill with love. His child or not, he already loved it. Tom smiled also, his feelings mirroring Jack's.

Ronnie didn't show any emotion for a few seconds, only gazed unblinklingly at the monitor. Then she slowly let a small smile grace her lips. "That's my baby" she said.

"Yeah, it certainy is, sweetheart" Jack said with a small laugh and kissed the top of her head. Ronnie's eyes never strayed from the image of her baby, although it may have just been a tiny little blob on the screen,it was still a baby, hers. The thought made her feel warm, and tingle all over.

About twenty minutes later, Jack and Tom, were sitting in the waiting room, waiting for Ronnie to come out of the toilet.

Tom was deep in thought. He hated Jack Branning, but loved Ronnie. So that was why he came to the decision which he did. "Jack?" he began.

" Yeah?" Jack answered warily, afraid of anoher argument breaking out.

"Jack, I love Ronnie, but I know she wants to be with you, so I'm not going to cause anymore fuss over losing her OK? Us fighting isn't doing her any good, and I think for Ronnie's sake we should put it behind us. I know we both love her so why don't we make a pact, right here and now, that we will always do what's best for the baby and for Ronnie?" Tom stood up and extended his hand.

Jack stood up also. "What's best for Ronnie" he said, and grasped Tom's hand, as both men entered into a wary and fragile truce.

Inside the toilet, Ronnie sat down on the closed toilet lid and pulled the picture of the scan out of her pocket, and then gazed at it. She put a hand to her stomach. "I love you" she whispered " And this time, I _swear _that I _will_ look after you"

* * *

**OK so what did you think? Did you like the flashback or not? _Please_ review and let me know what you thought. Good or Bad, I don't mind, as long as it helps me improve :) :) **

xxx


	16. Girly Night In

Ronnie made her way across the square, holding in her hand, s bag, containing DVD's and plenty of chocolate. The ultrasound scan earlier that day had taken a lot out of her, she had been so stressed leading up to it, and everything with Jack and Tom....If anything, now she was even more stressed.

Because now she had seen her baby, she knew she couldn't bear to lose it, or fail her child, not again.

And between the two men in her life, who thankfully, for some reason which Ronnie couldn't fathom, seemed to be in a sort of stalemate like situation. The hostility between them was still there, but ever since they had come home this morning, it was less pronounced, less obvious.

But the two of them had been taking up so much of her time recently, she felt like she hadn't seen her little sister or her niece in forever. So they were going to have a girly night in, Ronnie hoping that maybe it would take her mind off some of the major issues in her life.

As Ronnie knocked on Roxy's front door and waited to be let in, she felt an odd sensation. As if she was being...watched, there was no other way to describe how she felt. And it was not the first time she had been felt it over the last two weeks, ever since she saw those things in her flat that had been moved...

Then she laughed at herself. God, I've been watching to much Law&Order, she thought jokingly. Before she could give anything any more deeper thought, Roxy opened the door and pulled her inside.

"Hey!" Ronnie breathed, as she hugged her sister.

"Hiya! So, how did today go?!! come on, tell me!" Roxy said impatiently. Ronnie laughed.

"Give me a minute, eh?". After shrugging off her coat and presenting the DVD's and chocolate, Ronnie sat down at the kitchen table and told her sister everything that had happened that day, from her embarrassment at both Tom and Jack being there, and then to her wonder at seeing her baby on the monitor.

"Wow! Awwww!" Roxy exclaimed, as she took the scan picture off Ronnie, cooing over it. After a few seconds, Ronnie snatched it back, feeling she didn't want anyone else to touch it. She was being silly, but she felt liek all she wanted was to keep it safe. Roxy didn't pursue it. She guessed how Ronnie was feeling and to her it didn't seem that strange. Ronnie had always been particular about people looking or touching her things.

"Auntie Ron!" Amy shouted, running full pelt out of her room as she dived into Ronnie's arms.

"Whoa! Hi Amy!" Ronnie said, getting up as she she twirled Amy round, before setting her down and beaming at her. James followed behind her, and greeted Ronnie too.

"Oh , hey Ron" he said " How're you doing?"

"Hi James. Yeah I'm doing good, thanks." she replied, still smiling at Amy.

"So, er, where's Jack, eh? He coming over?" James asked. Ronnie looked up at him, puzzled by his tone. "Er, I don't think so... he said he might be over tomorrow to see Amy, though. Em, Why?" she asked curiously.

"No reason" he said, but Ronnie saw the look in his eyes, a deep-rooted emotion that he was trying hard to hide... it looked like... jealousy. And anger. She couldn't understand it. She looked at him, one eyebrow raised, bemused.

James turned and spoke to Roxy. "I'm going to take Amy out for a little while, let you two catch up eh? I'll be back later, we'll porbably just go to the swings or something. Fancy that kiddo?" he directed at Amy, who squealed in delight. "Yay!"

About fifteen minutes later, Ronnie and Roxy were sitting on the couch, the chick flick, just started, and they were cracking open the chocolates.

"This is the life eh?" Roxy said, laughing.

"Yeah..." Ronnie replied, her thoughts still on James strange behaviour and the baby which was growing inside her.

"Rox? Do you think I'm a bad person?" she said abruptly. Roxy looked at her shocked. "What the hell are you going on about Ronnie? No of course you're not!"

"I love this baby, Roxy. But... look what happened the last time. What if I can't look after this baby, either?!" she whined, her eyes shiny with tears. Roxy took her sister's face in her hands. "Don't go there Ronnie. Not again. You know that it wasn't your fault. It was his, Dad's! Look at how great you are with Amy! Come on, stop being silly, you've always been a good mum Ronnie, you've just never been given the chance. Not like me! You're a natural! Where has all this come from?!"

" I just - I'm... I'm so scared Rox. I don't feel ready! I want this baby, I want to look after but, what if - what if I'm a rubbish Mum? Maybe he was right all those years ago. Look at what I did to Danielle! I don't deserve to be a mother!" she sobbed, spilling out all of her deep worries and insecurities to her sister, letting a sob escape her lips.

"Hey, Ron! Calm down" Roxy hugged her, rocking her back and forth gently. " Now, you listen to me, right? You are going to be a great mum! You've got the whole mother earth going on! Look, Ron, I was just as scared as you, worse even! I've never been that maternal, not like you! That baby will be lucky to have such a great mum like you, Ronnie, I promise! OK?" Roxy released her big sister, as Ronnie eventually began to calm down.

"Thanks Roxy. What would I do without you, eh? I love you, y'know." Ronnie said.

" Oh, C'mon, don't go getting all soppy on me now eh!" Roxy joked " Now, are we going to watch the film?" Ronnie nodded and fell silent, feeling slightly comforted as they settled down to watch the film.

* * *

**OK, so nothing much happened in this chapter, but I felt like I had just abondoned Roxy and Ronnie needed to let her fears out. Hope you enjoyed this update, please review and let me know what you thought. Again, a HUGE thank-you to everyone who had reviewed, it really helps me to get feedback , I love hearing what you all thought :P :D :D  
Keep reading, I've got a big dramatic thing coming up in the next few chapters :) It'll probably surprise you what's going to happen lol :P :P **

**Please Review!!  
xx**


	17. Watched

Ronnie pulled her top down over her swollen and ever-expanding stomach. She sighed, a hand on her stomach, wondering where all the time had went. She couldn't believe that almost another two months had passed since she went for her first scan. Since that day, nothing else funny had happened with her picture of Danielle. But some times... she still got the strange, uneasy feeling, like something was wrong like she was being... watched. It had been bothering her more persistently than ever lately. And she was now just about 20 weeks pregnant, and had just been for her 20 week scan the day before.

She sighed happily as she thought of the previous day and pulled the new scan picture out of her bag, scarcely able to believe how much her baby had grown. It now resembled a baby, rather than just a little cluster of cells. As she cast her mind back to the scan, she also felt a rage yet again build up inside her and she narrowed her eyes, seething.

It had been so amazing when they, Tom, Jack and Ronnie, had seen the baby again. The doctor had been chatting away to them, talking to them about the pregnancy, asking questions, and asking if they wanted to know the sex of the baby. Jack and Tom had remained indifferent, but Ronnie declined. She didn't want to know, not until the birth. She was scared she would jinx it or something. Silly, she knew, but she couldn't help it. Then Tom had asked a question and stunned her.

"Is there anyway we could find out who the father is before the baby is born?" he asked, looking only at the doctor. Ronnie's eyes widened , feeling completely surprised. Now she could see she was being naive, but at the time she felt Tom was OK with the way things had been going.

"Yes, there is" the doctor has said. " It's certainly available to you if you wish, but obviously there are some risks involved in the procedure" The doctor then explained how they carried out the test.

Tom looked at Ronnie, watching for her response, and Ronnie was shocked to see that he looked... hopeful, speculative. As if he wanted her to have the test. Ronnie turned round to look at Jack with wide eyes expecting him to share in her disbelief, but was again shocked to see the expression of hope on his face. "What exactly are the risks?" he asked the doctor.

"Well, it doesn't happen often, but it is possible that you could miscarry if you decide to go ahead with the test" Jack's brow furrowed, the hope in his eyes slightly extinguished but still there. Tom's expression was like a mirror image to Jack's.

"So Ron? What do you think? Should we do the test, find out once and for all?" Tom asked her. Ronnie looked from one to the other, her eyes wide and her eyebrows raised.

She put an arm over her stomach. "Are you crazy?!" she hissed. "What on earth would make you think, that I would even consider, doing something which puts my baby in even a hint of danger?!" she said, anger and volume building in her voice as she spoke. She barely spoke to either of them for the remainder of the appointment, unable to get over her rage that either of them would even _think_ about doing something which could harm the baby.

Tom had tried to talk to her on the way out of the hospital but she refused to listen. She was to angry to be rational, and she was afraid that if she let her anger out, she would say something she would regret.

It was all she could do to let Jack drive her home, leaving Tom at the hospital to get a bus. She mantained a stony silence all the way home, fuming. Jack had given up trying to talk her round after a couple of tries and instead let her be angry.

After the what seemed like an age, they had arived back at walford, where Ronnie had jumped out the car as soon as possible before retorting that there was no need for him to come over that night and slamming the door.

His face had looked crushed when she said that.

"Ronnie pl-" the rest of his pleas had been cut off when she slammed the door. She felt terrible about it now. But she was still to angry to talk to them . Either of them. She rubbed her stomach lovingly. "What are we going to do eh?" she cooed softly.

Ronnie wandered over to her wardrobe and began rummaging for a pair of shoes, when her hands knocked against something soft. She slowly produced the little white sleep suit, and felt her breath catch in her throat. Roxy and her had went out shopping the week after the first scan. When Ronnie had spotted the little outfit, Roxy had insisted she get it, telling her she should start building up a stock of baby clothes.

Ronnie had reluctantly agreed. She didn't like anything that made it to real. And seeing the little sleep suit, so perfect, so beautiful, she felt a wave of terror crash over her. Feeling was scared was not something she relished, but she had had to put up with a lot it over the past few weeks, no-one else knowing just how terrified Ronnie was actually feeling.

The thought of actually having another baby... she wanted more than anything than to be a good mother. And it terrified her to think she may not be able to live up to her expectations.

She hastily folded the sleeping suit up and placed it neatly back in the wardrobe, where it was out of sight. She put on her shoes hurriedly and then phoned Roxy.

"Hey! How are you?" she began, after Roxy picked up after three rings.

"... Amy! Put that Down! - Sorry Ron, What's up?" Roxy replied, sounding very stressed. Ronnie laughed. roxy sounded so comical.

"Nothing much. I was just wondering if you fancy going out today? Is it just you and Amy? Maybe we could go to the park or something? I just really need to get out the house. I fought with Jack and... well it's a long story. So what do you think? Do you fancy it?" Ronnie gushed, barely allowing Roxy a word in edge-ways.

"Yeah! That would be great! James is away at work and Amy is driving me nuts, she didn't sleep well last night, she's refusing to take a nap, and now she's misbehaving because she tired!" Roxy said, sounding exasperated.

Ronnie wandered over to the window and peeked out of the blinds, looking across the road to Roxy's flat, and her eyes quickly scanning the street, looking for signs of Jack. Satisfied that he was no-where in sight, she replied " So... I'll come over in the next 10 minutes.... if that's OK?"

" Amy! What did I just tell you?! - Sorry Ronnie, yeah that will be fine. Oh, God the joys of motherhood! You've got all this to look forward to eh?"

"Yeah..." Ronnie said, frowing, rubbing a hand self-conciously on her stomach.

"OK Ron - see you soon ! Bye !... Amy!!!" The phone went dead and Ronnie couldn't help but smile. Poor Roxy , she thought. She had better get over there as soon as possible to help her sister out. She sighed and let the blind go, making her way over to the door.

Across the square, a pair of eyes watched the the flat above, their eyes trained on the swaying blind...

* * *

**Hi everyone, _so_ sorry you've had to wait so long for this update. I've been really busy and the weather was SO nice last weekend, i was hardly on the computer at all lol :D Anyway I hoped you like this chapter :) It's certainly not my best, I've been fiddling with it for ages and just couldn't seem to get it right :( BUT the good stuff is coming up, and we'll find yout who the mystery stalker is over the next couple of chapters. A big, big thank-you to all my reviewers, you guys are great and really make my day. :D :D :D**


	18. In The Shadows

Tom sat, in his dingy one-bedroomed apartment, his head in his hands. The room was poorly furnished, there was a damp patch on the ceiling, the faded wallpaper was peeling, and the persistent thumping of bad rave music blared from somewhere else in the building. Certainly not a palace. However, with his budget, it was the best he could do on such short notice, and it was only temporary. He was holding out for somewhere better to buy, instead of just renting. If he was being perfectly honest, he could have possibly purchased a flat by now, but there was still part of him hoping that if the baby turned out to be his, Ronnie might take him back.

But, what he wanted, more than anything else in the world, was for Ronnie to be happy, and safe. THe baby to, even if it did turn out Jack was the father. He already loved the kid, and he knew that he would carry on loving it, no matter who the father was. And that was why he had asked if there was any chance of getting a paternity test before the birth. Because, to see the baby, to begin to love it like it was his own... and then if the results didn't go the right way for him, to be ripped away of his dream... Tom shivered. Ronnie, more than anyone should understand how that feels, he thought, bitterly, growing frustrated.

This wasn't how he had dreamed having his first child would be like, he thougth miserably. If it even was his child. Tom tapped his foot impatiently. He didn't want Ronnie to be mad at him , though he could begin to understand why she felt the way she did.

He didn't know why, but Tom had a strange feeling of forbodeing in his stomach, he felt like something was wrong. He tried to brush the thought aside, convinced his imagination was running away with itself, and pressed the tips of his fingers to his two temples and closed his eyes, trying to drown out the persistent thumping of music which vibrated through the walls, desperately trying to collect his thoughts together. It had been a long day. Tom through his eyes open again in frustration and thumped the table with his fist. He was surprised to register, that the sun had sunk below the horizon, and the room had grown dark. He must have been sitting there longer than he had thought.

Tom groaned, unable to block out the thumping noise coming form elsewhere in the builiding, and unable to shake off the feeling of unease or think straight. He stood up abruptly, shrugging on his coat, wanting to just get away from the flat. He didn't know where he was going, but he felt like something was pulling him, trying to draw him out of the flat. It sounded silly when he tried to put it into words, even in his own head, but that was the way he felt.

All he wanted was for to clear his head, to be able to make sense of his feelings... for Ronnie to forgive him. He grabbed his coat and threw a glance to the clock on ihs way out the door. 9.47pm.

He slammed the door behind him and walked out onto the street, enjoying the refreshing feel of the cool air on his face. He set off, scuffing the toes of his shoes, no idea where he was headed, just letting his feet carry him wherever.

25 minutes earlier.

Ronnie shut the door softly behind her, not wnating to disturb a sleeping Amy, who had not long dropped off to sleep. She walked across the square, the sound of her heels clicking on the pavement, the sound filling the darkness.

After a couple of hours wandering round the park, with Amy, where Ronnie explained the situaution to Roxy, who sided with her sister, Roxy to, seemingly outraged at Jack and Tom's suggestion, they had returned to Roxy's flat, had a couple of drinks - wine for Roxy, coke for Ronnie - until Amy had finally, finally fell asleep. That had just been about ten minutes previously, after which, Ronnie said her goodbyes and left Roxy in peace to get a good night's sleep, her little sister was exhausted with Amy keeping her up.

As she walked across the square, her eyes flickered toward Jack's flat. She hadn't seen nor spoken to him all day, though he had left several messages on her phone. She was being stubborn now more than anything, the raw anger had long since died down, but after so many years practicing, to hold herself in, to shut everyone out, she found it near impossible, to be the one to reach out, and make peace. As she looked toward his window, she saw him standing there, and for one split second, their eyes locked.

In one second, a million emotions were portrayed, passion, love, anger, guilt, and she held his gaze, blue eyes holding the brown, as they shared a moment. She didn't stop walking toward her flat, and she didn't show any signs of forgiveness. She would talk to him in the morning if need be. As she saw the apology and hurt in his eyes, she fought the urge to run back to his flat and throw her arms round him, to never be apart from him again. Instead, she broke the gaze, and turned back toward her flat without another look.

Jack watched Ronnie's retreating figure with a sinking heart. For one moment, he had hoped that she would forgive him, and was then bitterly dissappinted when he realised what she was actually doing. He had considered going after her, but then rejected the possibility because he knew how she would react. it was better to leave her until she had completely cooled off, then show her how truly sorry he was, that he had considered putting the baby in danger. Really, it had just been an errant thought, an idea that had appealed to him at the time, though he would never have gone through with it, not really.

He sighed heavily, and pulled the curtains across, before sitting down dejectedly on the sofa.

At the back of Ronnie's flat, a hooded figure gazed at the back widows, all was in darkness, the flat seemingly empty. Perfect, just what they needed to put there latest plan into action. The person waited for several more minutes, looking around carefully, to make sure they were safely concealed in the shadows, and that no-one would see them. They wouldn't have very long, once they were inside. They felt confident that Ronnie wouldn't be returning, to soon, they had seen her enter Roxy's flat. After a few more seconds, their eyes on the windows, making sure no lights were on, they stepped out of the shadows and their face was illumanated by the streetlight...

Ronnie closed the door behind her with a soft click. She felt exhausted. All she wanted was an early night. She wandered through to her bedroom, and quickly dressed for bed. All of a sudden, she felt overcome with fatigue. She wandered into her bathroom, and quickly scoured a toothbursh round her mouth not bothering with turning the light on. She padded sofly back to her room, and slipped into bed, resting a hand on her swollen stomach.

Outside the person approached Ronnie's flat, hoping that Ronnie wouldn't return home soon. They neede d as much time as was possible. There were no lights on, which they took as a sign, that there was no way Ronnie was home yet. They reached her bathroom window, and lifted the metal crowbar, sliding it neatly under the latch and jerking it upwards. The window was faulty, something they had discovered when trying to find an inconspicous way into the flat several months ago. The window made a noise as it was forced open, the sound magnified in the silence. The person held their breath slightly, hoping no-one had noticed.

Ronnie stirred ever so slightly, just on the very brink of sleep, she had thought that she had heard something...like a small bang... she yawned. She must have imagined it. She turned over and fell into a deep and peaceful slumber.

The person outside, happy that no-one had heard, or took any notice of the noise, slid Ronnie's bathroom window open silently..... 


	19. Oblivious

The person silently pulled themselves through the bathroom window. They walked through to Ronnie's living room and looked round slowly. The room was cloaked in darkness, the flat silent. Outside a car drove by and its headlights illuminated the room for a second. His face unmasked by the light, Archie Mitchell, stood in his daughter's flat, hatred and resentment coursing through his veins...

He stood perfectly still, for several moments, allowing the overwhelming sense of hatred wash over him, taking over his entire body, making it almost impossible to think straight. The stupid girl. She had ruined his life. All he had ever done, since the moment she was born, was love her, protect her, try to do his best for her. And what had she done? She had thrown it all back in his face! She had lied, turned herself into a little slut, doing whatever boys wanted, getting herself pregnant at fourteen! Even now, Archie could hardly bear the shame of it all.

She had always been such a sweet little thing. His little angel, his Veronica. His first-born. He would never forget what it felt like the day she was born. He had loved her with all his heart. And then she had grown into a filthy slag, someone he despised. His hand shook with rage, at the memory of it all. When he had discovered she was pregnant... it had been the final straw. All the times she had disobeyed him, lied to him, answered him back... that was where it had lead. And there was no way, he was going to let her get away with it, oh no. She had to be punished; there was no way he would allow her to ruin her life, and that stupid kid's life to.

Archie had been in complete disbelief when he had heard what she wanted to do. She wanted to keep it! The idea was absolutely preposterous! Keep that child?! She was just some stupid little girl, couldn't even take care of herself!

Ronnie had kept burbling on about how she loved it, it was her baby. He had refused to relent. At the time he told himself he was just doing what was best for her, just looking out for her. But afterwards, he could also admit that part of him wanted Ronnie to suffer for what she had put him through. How could she have done it to him?!

After she gave birth to the little girl, there had been a small part of him that remained unsure. She held that baby for hours, just staring at it, and fell completely in love with the little thing. Amy, she had called it. But what was he supposed to do? There was an adoptive family all lined up for the kid, and Ronnie, well... she didn't deserve it, not after what she had done. He walked in that day, a couple of hours after the kid were born, and Ronnie was cradling it in her arms. As he had approached the bed, he remembered how her arms had tightened protectively around the little thing, how she had leaned away from him, pleaded with him, cried at him, not to take her baby away. But it hadn't been her baby. It was that other couple's, the one's who were going to adopt it. He had snatched the baby from her, and he had watched her, as the tears rolled silently down her cheeks, as Ronnie's heart broke in two. And he had taken pleasure at seeing her pain. Because he wanted her to suffer. She would get over it eventually, he was sure of that, but in the meantime, he had wanted her to feel pain, and it would discourage her from ever disobeying him ever, ever again.

How he had underestimated his daughter, and the bond a mother has with her child. As the weeks, dragged onto into months, and the months into years, and as he watched Ronnie grow into a very beautiful young woman, she didn't heal. He could see it in her eyes. Her broken heart remained forever sliced in two, and sometimes he would catch her with a far-off, teary look in her eyes. For the life of him, he couldn't fathom her out. He had done her a favour! She would only have ruined the kid's life. She became distant, cold. And then she had taken off to Ibiza with his little Roxy, and he hadn't seen of heard from her, for years.

When, she had turned up at his house in Weymouth, looking for Roxy and he had told her the girl had died... it was because he wanted to hurt her, punish her.

But as it turned out, that had been the very undoing of him. He still hated Ronnie, but there was a part of him that would always remember that sweet little blonde angel she had been, and he longed for that Veronica, instead of the bitter creature she had become. When he had gotten Roxy back, and moved into the Vic with Peggy, well that was when Roxy had become his priority. She would always be a Daddy's girl... or so he had thought. Just over two years ago, everything had seemed to be getting finally back on track. He and Ronnie were building bridges; he had his Roxy and granddaughter Amy around him. His girls... they were all he needed. And then, the worst had happened. That stupid, stupid, Danielle had turned up, with proof she was Ronnie's daughter and had ripped everything away from him.

When Ronnie had discovered Danielle was telling the truth, when she had found the locket, when she had run after her, outed him to the Vic, Peggy and Roxy deserted him, Danielle died... It was just unfortunate event after unfortunate event, making it the worst night of his life. He seethed with anger, as he remembered how she has turned Roxy against him, and turned her back on him once more. And them, Phil had sent him packing, and he had drifted from place to place for the last two years, letting his resentment and hatred for his eldest daughter build up and fester. In some ways, Ronnie was very like him, he thought. They both allowed things to build up inside them, and were both stubborn...resentful...

He had spent the last two years in a state of misery, hating his life, hating Ronnie, but not doing anything about it. Then he finally made his decision to sort her out once and for all, to get his family back. To get his Roxy back. It was on Amy's birthday actually that he had made his decision. He was wallowing in pity, thinking on what he was missing out on, and then he realised that he didn't need to be. He would sort Ronnie out, teach her a lesson she would never forget.

He had come back to Walford, and was astounded to learn Ronnie was living with someone new. 'Tom' as he had learned the bloke's name was. And then out of nowhere, it seemed, this Tom had taken off, and Ronnie had taken up with that lout Jack again, the one who had gotten his youngest daughter pregnant! He gritted his teeth, and stared round the flat, wanting nothing more than to smash something. But he must not make any noise. People had to think that it was an accident.

He had started to follow her around, obsessed with her. He had seen Roxy several times also, and little Amy. His heart always leapt when he saw them both, how happy they looked and he was glad. Roxy's new husband seemed to be OK. However Archie wasn't taking any chanced until he knew him better. And he would get to know him better as long as his plan worked.

After a couple of months watching Ronnie, Archie had been slowly able to work out what he was going to do, and slowly piece together what was going on with Jack and 'Tom'. When Archie found that she was pregnant and didn't know the dad was... he was beyond emotions like rage and disbelief. He couldn't believe that Ronnie had managed to get herself in another situation like this. He bit down on his lip furiously, fighting the urge to smash the flat up, but he knew that wouldn't do any good. That meant that were still be a chance for her to salvage something, there would be questions, inquiries made. He wanted to destroy what was important to her. Make her feel helpless and alone; make them both, Ronnie and Roxy feel vulnerable. And then he would sweep in. Save them from themselves. They would finally look up to him again... He was lost for a moment as he stood in the flat, imagining him being reunited with his family; the one Ronnie had torn him away from...

He had to act quickly now, before Ronnie returned, she couldn't be in the flat when it happened, or near it. She might try to rush in and get something, end up getting hurt, and that was the last thing he needed. So yes he had to act quickly before anyone returned. He slowly produced something from his pocket. Taking one last look around the flat, his black eyes cold, Archie struck a match, the orange glow highlighting his cold features for a split second. He let it drop to the floor. He proceeded to the bathroom door and stood watching as the carpet caught light and the fire slowly started to spread. His black eyes glittered, he stood, entranced by the flames. Then he turned and made his way back out the window, oblivious to the fact that he had just unwittingly signed his daughter's death warrant.

Inside Ronnie slept soundly, unaware to what has just occurred, as the flames began to lick other pieces of furniture in the room and the fire continued to spread...

**Dun,dun,dun! Uh-oh…**

**So it was Archie after all!! :O**

**OK so this chapter was mainly about Archie and how he's feeling, I was kind of trying to explain why he did what he did. I fell really mean for leaving this at such a crucial cliffhanger but… :P So will Ronnie be OK :o keep reading to find out :P :P Please review if you can, it really makes my day :D :D And a big, big thank-you to all you lovely, lovely people who have already reviewed. I really hope this chapter didn't disappoint :D**


	20. Instincts

The fire raged through the living room, maliciously devouring everything in sight. The flames spread relentlessly, producing a think blanket of black smoke, which obscured the room. Ronnie shifted uncomfortable in her sleep. As the smoke began to reach her, she coughed lightly, still sleeping. As her coughing became more violent, her eyes flickered open.

She sat up slowly, feeling confused. She blinked several times, thinking her eyes had not become adjusted to the light. As her vision remained hazy, Ronnie realized, in what was a heart-stopping, horrifying moment what was causing her cough, and clouded vision. Smoke. She gasped, taking in a large gulp of air, which she regretted instantly as it was followed immediately be another round of coughs. She bolted upright, swinging her legs out of bed, and made her way over to the bedroom door, her hands covering her mouth.

Ronnie's brain was like mush. She couldn't think straight, was just in a blind panic. All she knew that there was a fire. A fire in her house, and she had to get out fast. Her heart thudded furiously in her chest. Spluttering, making her way through the haze, she finally reached the bedroom door. She hesitated, trying to remember what you were supposed to do in the event of a fire. But she was panicking, her survival instinct kicking in, making it almost impossible to think rationally.

She knew that if the handle of the door was hot, then you weren't supposed to open it. It meant it would explode, or something like that. Ronnie reached out and touched the doorknob tentatively. She thought it felt quite normal.

She made her decision and threw open the door, only to be greeted with a ghastly sight. The flames were ravaging the flat, the curtains, and sofa, all alight. The flames crackled furiously and the heat forced her back. Ronnie cried out in despair, the doorway to the flat was blocked, the fire hot to battle.

She struggled for breath in the blistering heat, competing with the flames for oxygen and failing miserably. As she continued to cough uncontrollably, tears rolled down her cheeks. She shut the bedroom door, in a desperate attempt to keep the fire at bay. Ronnie quickly grabbed a sheet from her bed and stuffed it along the crack at the bottom of the door, trying to stifle the smoke which was seeping into the room, burning up her oxygen, making her struggle and fight for every breath she took.

She looked frantically round the room, her eyes coming to rest on the window, maybe she could attract help by shouting out, possibly climb out the window. Her hand rested briefly on her stomach, her thoughts with her unborn child and her mothering instinct kicked in. The baby had to be all right. He simply _had_ to be. She wouldn't be able to bear it otherwise.

Ronnie sprang into action, and ran to the window, her hands sweating with the heat and nerves; she fumbled with the catch on the window. To her complete and utter dismay and frustration, the window stuck, refused to budge. "No!" she shouted in disbelief, as she felt her breaths becoming more hitched and shorter. "No, No, No!" she pummeled the glass with her fists though it had no effect on it whatsoever. "HELP!" she screamed, tears pouring down her cheeks. "Please Help Me!"

Panicked, she looked frantically round her room once more. She had to break the glass. She rushed to her wardrobe and grabbed a shoe. It suddenly dawned on her that all her things would be gone, taken by the fire. Unthinkingly, she reached over and grabbed the little white sleep suit. On her way over to the window once more, she also stopped by her dressing table and picked up the picture of Danielle. There was no way she was leaving that behind.

As the smoke threatened to overpower her, she rushed to the window and hit the glass with her shoe. "Help!" she shouted, trying in vain to smash the glass. As the smoke became ever thicker, smothering her, squeezing the oxygen from her lungs… her attempts became ever weaker, her voice hoarser and quiet. Landing the shoe on the glass one more time, Ronnie felt the lights start to fade out, she felt the world become darker, and Ronnie fell to the ground beside the window, one hand over her stomach, one clutching the picture of Danielle. "Help" she whimpered, before the darkness finally won her over.

Roxy yawned and stood up. She looked over at James, who was sleeping soundly, and smiled. He looked so peaceful when he was sleeping. She was shattered, but somehow she couldn't sleep. She wandered into the kitchen absent-mindedly, and poured herself a glass of water. Sipping it, she pottered over to the window, and peaked out the blinds, purely for curiosity. Nothing could have prepared her for the sight which greeted her. Across the square, Ronnie's flat stood; smoke coming from the windows, the orange ominous glow of a fire could be seen from the windows. The glass of water clattered to the floor with a loud bang, the water spilling everywhere. "Oh My God!" Roxy exclaimed, before rushing into the bedroom.

"James!" she shouted "Ronnie's flat's on fire! We have to help! Quick!"

Tom mooched along, his heart in the gutter, not caring about the late hour. He didn't even know where he was going. He still had a feeling of unrest about, for what reason he didn't know. Tom looked up and was surprised to see he was in Albert Square. He hadn't even realized that was where he was taking himself. He rounded onto Ronnie's street, and then stopped short. Smoke billowed from the windows of Ronnie's flat; the smell of burning could be smelt from down the street where he was standing. As he stood looking at the ghastly sight, it was as if his brain was frozen. In shock. Disbelief. It couldn't be. Ronnie had to be OK. Ronnie. Ronnie. Ronnie. "RONNIE!" he screamed, his horrified brain kicking into action, and acting purely on instinct, he sprinted toward the flat…

**Hey, everyone, just want to say thanks for all your great reviews on the last chapter. I hope you like this one, please tell me what you thought :P you have no idea how long these chapters have been in my head lol :P **

**So… pretty nerve-wracking chapter. What's going to happen next? Will Tom get to Ronnie in time? Or is he to late? Will everyone get out alive?... mwahahaha (evil laugh :D :D :P) I'll try my best to update again before the weekend :P Thanks again, please review **********

**xxxx**


	21. Prayer and a Nightmare

Tom pelted toward the flat with all his might, his heart racing, blood pumping. He couldn't believe what he was seeing. Ronnie's flat was being devoured by a fire. "Oh my God!" he exclaimed, as he reached the bottom of the steps. "Ronnie!" he shouted at the top of his lungs.

Roxy came running across the square, dismayed at the terrible sight which greeted her, James hot on her heels, who was cradling a sleeping Amy into his shoulder, who was wrapped in a blanket, her face turned away from the flaming building so she couldn't what was happening. Roxy felt confused when she saw Tom, unsure what he was doing there. However it didn't last for long, there was too much else going on to focus on such an insignificant detail. "Tom!" she shouted, as she ran toward him.

As Tom heard Roxy call out, his heart leapt for one second, he envisioned that Ronnie was safe and sound at Roxy's, but he only had his hope shattered when he turned and saw the stricken look on her face.

Archie walked into the square, his face once again hidden by a hood. He was half way across when he saw Roxy run from the house towards Ronnie's flat and he allowed a smug smirk settle on his face. He knew that the fire would be visible now, and it was clearly having the desired effect, Roxy looked terrified. He moved closer to the burning building, as close as was possible without being detected. He was half hidden by the shrubbery, he had been hiding for so long that had become second nature to him, he was practically invisible.

He leaned forward eagerly, keen to hear and see Ronnie when she found what had happened. He wanted her to suffer so badly. She deserved to suffer for what she had done to him.

As Archie's eyes focused in on the scene before him, he was puzzled. Roxy and that husband of hers was there, that Tom fellow he had seen Ronnie with… but no Ronnie. He listened intently, trying to decipher the panicked exclamations which were coming form their mouths.

"Tom!" Roxy shouted again, " Tom, Ronnie's in there!" she exclaimed breathlessly, "We have to help her!" her voice was frantic. She couldn't believe it. Her big sister. Ronnie had to be all right. She had to be, Roxy couldn't survive without her, her guiding light. Tom gazed, aghast at the building, which was now almost completely engulfed in smoke. "Tom!" her voice was even more frantic and shrill than before, and she gripped his shoulders, trying to claim his attention.

As Archie had heard what Roxy said, it soon wiped the smirk off of his face. He felt the colour drain from his face, he felt sick to the stomach. That hadn't been part of the plan. Ronnie… trapped in the building…the building which was now in flames… a result of the fire he had caused… He felt like he had been punched in the guts.

He looked up at the window, despair in his cold dark eyes…

Roxy grabbing hold of him had finally snapped Tom back to reality. It was the kick start he needed. All he wanted was for Ronnie to be safe. "Right. Have you called 999?" he asked her hurriedly. Roxy bit her lip and shook her head, in her haste to get outside she hadn't thought of doing so. Not waiting for an explanation, Tom grabbed his mobile phone from his pocket, before stabbing in the three numbers, his fingers slipping in his panic and his haste.

"Fire service please! It's 89 George Street. There is a flat on fie and with a heavily pregnant woman trapped inside. Hurry!" he garbled before hitting the end call button. Several people had now gathered round Ronnie's flat, including many residents of the square, like Bianca, and Dot.

Seeing Dot, James went over to her and handed her Amy. " Would you take her into the flat Dot please? I don't want her to see this." He said, his eyes pained.

'Of course" Dot said. She caught hold of his arm, "I'll be praying" she murmured quietly. The two looked at each other wordlessly for a moment before James murmured back "We all will" , then nodded. Before turning back to the burning flat and his wife, who was near hysterics. Tears rolled down Roxy's cheeks, she looked despairingly up at the flat.

Tom looked round and then nodded decidedly. He shrugged off his coat and put it over his head. "Whoa mate! Wait a minute. You're not going in there are you?" James said, stepping forward and putting his hand on Tom's arm. "The fire brigade are on their way, you should wait for them"

Tom shrugged his hand off. "Ronnie's in there _mate_. You think I'm just going to stand here and let her burn to death!" he shouted, his voice gaining volume as he spoke. Then he continued in a quieter voice. "What would you do?" he said, throwing a furtive glance at Roxy. James looked at his wife, sobs wracking her body and then nodded. He would do the same thing in Tom's position. "Just be careful yeah?" he said. With a final look, Tom turned and charged up to the front door. He pulled the jacket low down over his head, took a deep breath and ran into the burning building, his mind only on securing Ronnie's safety.

Jack was slouched in his chair, having fallen into a light sleep, still fully dressed. He breathed deeply, giving the occasional light snore. After a few minutes, the buzz of voices outside in the square became loud enough to rouse Jack from his sleep. "What the?" he grumbled, stretching as he stood up and curiously twitched the curtains. That was when the world froze. That's what it felt like to him. Literally, he felt like everything had stopped. He saw the crowd of people gathered just a few feet from his flat, all gazing up, their faces full of morbid curiosity, not wanting to watch but also unable to look away. Staring at Ronnie's flat. Which was on fire. Ronnie's flat. On fire. Fire. Ronnie. The baby. He looked on in shock, and felt the bottom of his stomach drop, like the feeling you get when you're on a rollercoaster, thought instead of the excitement, anticipation there was only fear and dread.

The journey outside was a blur, just coulours and shapes as he hared down the stairs, vaguely recalling as he grazed his shoulder off the door frame. Then everything became crystal clear, every detail magnified, the horror, the pity of everyone's faces. It was like a clear cut nightmare, although this time there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Because he couldn't wake up and shake the dream off. Because it wasn't a dream. It was really happening. To him Jack Branning, and Ronnie was really trapped inside. He was living a nightmare.

* * *

**So. Another quite exciting chapter. Jack's just discovered that the flat's on fire and Tom's charged in after Ronnie, to try and save her. Dear, oh dear what will become of them all? Keep reading :P lots more excitement, tears, cliffhangers and shocks to come :D please review if you can :D**

**xxxxxxxxx**


	22. Not Yet

Time seemed to have stopped; every second took so long to go by, it was barely moving at all. But with every second that _did_ pass, Ronnie was grateful. But she didn't know how much longer she could go on fighting the inevitable.

The darkness was pressing in on her at all sides, crushing her, suffocating her. The harder she fought against it, the tougher the force seemed to become, and slowly inch by inch the darkness was winning her over.

She wasn't really aware of anything anymore. She was scared she knew that, she could fell herself slipping into the terrifying black abyss, and she didn't want to go. But try as she might, she could find nothing to hold on to, there was nothing there worth clinging to.

She felt everything become more and more distant, for every second she remained the blackness gained another inch of her consciousness. Ronnie didn't know how much time had passed, it could have been a minute or an hour, but finally the blackness seemed to win over, crushing every ounce of her consciousness, and she gave up struggling. She mentally resigned herself to her fate, and the realization didn't bring the hysteria she thought it would.

Instead she felt… eerily calm. This is it, she thought. I'm going to die.

Ronnie resigned herself to the terrible looming blackness, and that's what everything became for a moment or two. Just black, a deep abyss, no end, stretching on and on for eternity. And then, out of her hell, her desolation came a shining beacon of hope.

As if from nowhere, a vision of her daughter appeared in front of her, as clear as anything that Ronnie had ever seen.

"What do you think you're doing?!" the beautiful, angry voice of her daughter, was as clear as a bell. "Danielle!" she exclaimed, and rushed forward, euphoria sweeping her body. She didn't seem to be in the flat anymore. She didn't know where she was but she found that she no longer cared. She even thought that if she was seeing Danielle, then she was probably dead, and still she didn't care. She had her baby girl, everything she had ever needed right there.

Though she struggled toward her baby, she didn't seem to be able to get close enough to touch her.

Still she struggled, determined to have her little girl once more. "Stop!" Danielle raised a hand, her voice still furious but quieter this time. Ronnie drank every detail. The warm colour of her daughters brown eyes, the shape of her lips, the radiant blonde hair, which seemed brighter than she had remembered.

Everything about her was perfect. Her little girl. Ronnie eventually registered the angry tone of her daughter's voice and was confused. Why was Danielle mad at her? That wasn't what she wanted. She just wanted to hold her little girl. Be a good mum.

"Danielle?" Ronnie whispered again, shaking her head. As soon as Danielle had told her to stop she had done so, but every muscle still itched to reach out and take Danielle in her arms.

Danielle nodded her head. "Yes. It's me. Now, can you tell me what the hell you think you are doing?!" she said, her blazing eyes locked on Ronnie's. Ronnie gazed at her puzzled. "I – I – I don't know" she said. " Th- there was a f-fire – "

"I know about that" Danielle said impatiently." I mean why are you _here?_ Ronnie Mitchell, why are you giving up?!" she sounded exasperated.

Ronnie looked around, bewildered. She didn't know where she was. "I'm dead right?" she said, not sounding at all bothered by this statement. This seemed to make Danielle even angrier. "No! Stop that! You're giving up! It's not to late Ronnie! Fight! You're a fighter, you always were!" she cried, appearing desperate.

Ronnie just shook her head. "No, no I'm not. I can't fight anymore. I don't have the strength. I can't do it Danielle. I can't. It's to hard! All I want is you! Please, baby, please, let me just hold you?" tears streamed down Ronnie's cheeks and her shoulders shook. Danielle's eyes also glistened with tears and she took a step towards her mother. She shook her head. "I'm sorry , but you can't. It's not the time. You have to go back, go back for the baby."

Ronnie jumped. 'The baby" she breathed, and dropped a hand to her stomach, noticing for the first time her swollen stomach.

She looked up again, suddenly unsure. "I don't want to" she whispered, sounding like a lost little girl. "I know, I know but you _have_ to. Please. Please, do it for me. Don't give up Ronnie, don't give up."

"Can't I even hold you?" Ronnie said, still in a whisper, tears rolling down her cheeks. Danielle moved closer again. Ronnie reached out her arms and then closed them tight around her little girl and she felt complete. Like, she had the courage to do anything. Tears rolled down her cheeks as she sobbed into Danielle's shoulder who seemed to be gripping Ronnie just as tightly. It seemed so real, Ronnie could actually physically feel everything that was happening to her. She could feel the warmth radiating off of Danielle's body, feel her hair as it tickled her cheek, and feel the wetness of her daughters tears, as they fell freely onto her shoulder. Danielle pulled her close and whispered in her ear " You know, it wasn't your fault. The accident. Stop blaming yourself. For me. Please." Ronnie nodded wordlessly, refusing to let go. Danielle continued to whisper in her ear.

" You have to go back now. It's not your time. Not yet." Ronnie held Danielle tighter and shook her head. "Yes" Danielle insisted. " You have to go. Remember I loved you Mum. It's not your time, Mum. Not yet." With those last whispered words in her ear, her beautiful, wonderful, perfect daughter vanished, and suddenly, Ronnie opened her eyes, and found herself on the floor of her room, the smoke just as thick as before, causing her to cough violently. "No!" she whimpered in denial. "No Danielle! Come back! Please!" she croaked, sobbing uncontrollably. It was like losing her all over again. Except this time, she felt slightly better because she had gotten to hold her, and Danielle had said she loved her.

"Please Danielle! Please!" Ronnie begged, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Please" she whispered. "Danielle, Danielle" she mumbled aimlessly. The smoke was making her dizzy, her vision hazy.

She knew that she had to get out though, she had promised her little girl. However, everything seemed to be becoming out of focus again, and just when she was beginning to despair all over again, the door to her room burst open, and a large figure tumbled through with a scream "Arrghh!" they exclaimed, and Ronnie noticed that there leg seemed to be on fire. The door was shut very quickly behind them again, and they covered there leg with a blanket from her bed, extinguishing the fire.

The man, limped over to her and collapsed beside her in a heap, though she felt someone pushing her hair out of her forehead and running a hand over her cheek, pressing her neck feeling for a pulse. "Ron! Ronnie! Can you hear me sweetheart?!" as if coming from through a fog, she heard Tom's voice. It was as if someone had thrown her a raft in the middle of the raging storm, she grabbed the lifeline gratefully, trying to hold onto his presence. However she noticed that behind him, through her vision, which was coming in and out of focus, was that the door frame was alight. The fire was entering her room now.

How on earth would they get out? "Ronnie! Ron!" Tom exclaimed, feeling desperate.

"Danielle" Ronnie mumbled once more, before slipping into unconsciousness.

**So what did you think?**** This chapter has been in my head for sooo long, but I was a little worried about it. Did you like it or was it to cheesy :( ??? Please, please, please review and tell me your thoughts. **

**xxxxx**


	23. Save Her

As he looked at the blazing building, Jack felt the horror build in his stomach, so much so, that he felt sick. Out of the sea of faces which were all concerned and shocked looking, he picked out Roxy's and James and rushed over to them. James was standing close to Roxy, who was looking intently up at the flat, her eyes shining with tears, barely blinking, looking absolutely desolate.

She was concentrating hard, as if by willing Ronnie to be OK, then she would be. James was hovering uncertainly beside her, looking as if he wished to comfort her and hold her, but also half afraid, and wanting to leave her to wallow.

But it didn't matter to Jack that Roxy appeared to be upset. Ronnie was in that flat, and he had to do everything to make sure she was OK. He strode up to his former lover, and the mother of one of his kids, and took her by the shoulders, turning her round to make her face him.

James took half a step forward, anger on his face, as if he was going to stop Jack, but Roxy put a hand up, to stop him. "Jack!" she breathed. Jack had barely noticed James' attempt to stop him. "She's in there isn't she?" he asked, knowing the answer, but also madly hoping that it wouldn't be true. That by some lucky coincidence, Ronnie had decided to go back to Roxy's flat from some reason.

He felt the bottom of his stomach drop again, when she nodded. "Have you phoned the fire brigade and ambulance?!" he said frantically. "Yes, there on their way" she replied, her face absolutely stricken.

"Right. I can't wait for them Rox. I'm going in." He began to shrug off his coat when Roxy caught his arm. "Jack, Tom already went in" she said, her eyes shining with tears " That was about five minutes ago. They haven't come back out" The fear in her eyes was plain to see.

He felt his face become empty and hollow. But he couldn't let himself go there, not yet. It couldn't happen. He wouldn't _let_ it happen. Filled with a new resolve, he decided that he was going to get Ronnie out alive, or die trying. There wasn't a point to a life which didn't include Ronnie. If she wasn't with him, to love him, and to share his life, then he didn't have a life. It was as simple as that.

He looked once more at the blazing flames, and he knew that his chances of survival were slim. This bleak thought didn't trouble him as much as it should. To him, it was merely a calculation, a statement of fact. These thoughts ran through his head. And he had only paused for about a second when he continued to shrug his jacket off and place it over his head.

As he looked at Roxy, then James, and took in their appearance, another thought occurred to him. Amy, his daughter. His other obligations in life. To be a Dad. Where was she anyway? He hadn't realized he had said his thoughts out loud until James answered and told him Amy was back at home with Dot. He swallowed and nodded, grateful she was safe from all this madness. If he died tonight… he would never get to see Amy grow up. Would miss her first day at school, her first boyfriend, her wedding, any grandchildren she could possibly give him in the future. A lump in his throat formed, and a battle of wills commenced, as he thought about what he could possibly be sacrificing. Thought he may not show it as often as he would like to, Jack loved his little girl dearly.

He turned toward the building then hesitated and turned back to Roxy and James. He placed a hand over Roxy's and stared deep into her eyes. "You'll tell her how much I loved her if…"

"Don't!" Roxy interjected. Jack shook his head. "Promise me. Tell her everyday how much I loved her. This is just something I've got to do."

Jack felt like a piece of his heart was being torn away, causing him actual physical pain.. For the first time, James could see how much Jack loved his little girl and felt pity toward the man standing in front of him. As he saw the love in Jack's eyes, all worries about Amy being second best vanished. "I promise" James deep voice, startled all three of them and Jack looked at him with gratitude in his eyes. "Thank-you" he said.

He looked back at Roxy briefly and as he heard the distant wail of a fire engine – reassuring to know it was coming, but still to far away to be of any real help – the two, shared a moment. For they both realized that, except from Tom, Jack and Roxy were the two people who loved Ronnie most in the world. Who would be lost without her. "Save her Jack. Get her out and get you both back alive." She said quietly, and emotion filled his face, as he nodded wordlessly tears in his eyes. Then he strode toward the flat without a backward glance, turning his thoughts solely to Ronnie, just as Tom had done a few minutes previously.

Tom sat beside Ronnie, in agony. His leg had been very badly burned, and was now so painful he could barely stand, never mind carry Ronnie back through the burning flat. The heat surrounded them, becoming almost unbearable, and the only reassurance Tom had that Ronnie wasn't dead, was that her unconscious body rose and fell, on account of her raspy breathing. The fire had spread quickly in Ronnie's room, and was now only a few centimeters away from Ronnie. The smoke was now not the only demon to be weary of. He didn't want Ronnie to be burned.

As best as he could, he managed to ease her up a little bit, further away from the flames, and arranged his body around her so that he was shielding her, cocooning her from the flames. It was the best he could do until help arrived. Because all that matter to him right now was saving her. It overrode all his other instincts about himself or anyone else. Help would come. It had to. And he had to believe that it would do. Ronnie and the baby had to be safe. A world without Ronnie made the whole of existence seem pointless to him. A life without her would be unspeakable. In the midst of the flames, Tom came to the realization that he was fooling himself.

Even if by some miracle Ronnie could be saved, she wouldn't choose him. If the kid wasn't his, he would be cut out of her life completely. And he may be cut out anyway either way. All he was doing was preparing himself for the fall. But the more he hoped now, the harder it would hit him when she chose Jack over him. And for her happiness, he wanted that for her, he truly did. But he also knew that at the same time, the pain it would cause him, would be impossible to live through. But whether he liked it or not he was going to die. If not tonight, then in the next few months when the truth emerged. And if he didn't die to tonight then he would die inside when Ronnie wasn't a part of him anymore. It would be more than he could bear.

As he cradled the love of his life, praying that she would keep breathing long enough for them to save her, that she would be OK, that the baby would survive, tears rolled down his cheeks, and he only wished that she could love him back , love him enough that she would choose him.

**Hey, sorry you had to wait a couple of says for this update. Anyway what did you think? Things will start to come to a head over the next couple of chapters and you'll find out who survives…. **

**Lol sorry I'm being so evil but I can't help it :P :P :P**

**Review please!!!**

**xxx**


	24. Choice

**A/N : -Hey everyone, this is going to be a key chapter in the story, and I'm hoping that you'll like it. Anyway this chapter has been in my head for aaggeeessss. Probably since I first started writing this fic, I'm so excited to finally get it posted lol.**

**Anyway, I just want to say thank-you to all my reviewers, you guys really make my day, and you have no idea how much it helps to have feedback on the chapters, lol especially when you are all so nice about it :D Your reviews always make me want to update quicker and I just want to say thanks for having followed this story up to this chapter. Don't worry though, this fic still has **_**ages**_** to go, I've still got loads of ideas for the characters. **

**Hope you enjoy.**

Jack burst through the front door, keeping his jacket over his head. The heat made him stagger backwards, and shield his face. The flames were not to bad in the hallway, but the place was filled with think condensed smoke, making it extremely difficult to breath. Almost immediately, he began to cough, and his instincts began screaming at him to turn backwards, to get out. He ignored his feelings of fear, and struggled onwards, forcing his legs to keep co-operate and keep moving.

He reached the door to the living room, which was slightly ajar. He edged it open slightly, carefully, and the unbearable heat rolled over him once more, in a new fresh wave of flames, which now stood in his way. The furniture, was almost completely destroyed, the curtains, now had also caught alight, the entire room was like a furnace, orange and menacing, relentlessly eating up everything in sight. How the hell had this happened? The thought briefly crossed his mind, before he settled on the matter in hand.

"Ronnie!" he roared, over the crackling of the flames, before going into another round of coughing. He received no answer. "Tom!" he tried again. The smoke making it hard to see, his best guess was that they would be in the bedroom. Now. How to get to them. Crossing the room, was definitely out of the question, he would be burned to death. He would have to skirt round the edge and hope to God, he would get there unscathed. As he entered the living room, and pressed himself close to the wall, trying to keep as far away form the raging fire as possible, he held a hand over his mouth, trying to filter the smoke which was making him woozy as he inhaled it. Sweat poured from every inch of his body, he had never felt such unbearable heat in all his life. Tears filled his eyes, as he made his way half across the room, and he kept moving as quickly as possible.

He tried shouting for them again. If he had any hope of finding them in that heat, or smoky haze, they would have to let him know where they were. "TOM!" his voice cracked as he strained it above the cackling of the flames. "Ronnie! Where are you?!"

Inside Ronnie's bedroom, the tears rolled down Tom's cheeks, as the smoke became ever thicker, all he wanted was for Ronnie to be OK. He didn't want them to die like this, in the midst of so much terror. His arms tightened around her further as he tried to protect her from the flames, hoping that the closer he held her to his chest, the less smoke she would inhale. Just as he was about to give up hope, he heard a sound that was like music to his ears. "Tom!" he heard Jack call out. "Ronnie! Where are you?!" He uttered a silent prayer of thanks to God before calling back, as best he could. "Here! Jack! IN HERE!"

When Jack heard Tom call out he thanked the Lord. But as he approached Ronnie's bedroom door, he faced a dilemma. The flames were dangerously close to the door, he risked getting badly burned by getting any closer, and the door frame was alight. He started to cough again, and his lungs screamed in protest. He edged as close to the door as he dared, the heat making him want to flinch and jump backwards. He reached across tentatively and turned the doorknob, wincing and swearing as the flames licked at his arm, and singed his elbow. A sharp kick with his foot and the door swung open, and taking a deep breath, he dashed through the into the bedroom, dismayed to see that the fire had already spread in there aswell, the carpet on fire and threatening to set the bed on fire.

Wincing, the burn on his arm becoming more pronounced, he shut the door behind him, and strained his eyes to see through the smoke. "Jack" he heard Tom croak, and saw him lying on the floor. Quickly forgetting the pain in his arm, and skirting round the flames he reached him, and was dismayed to see him with tears in his eyes, and cradling Ronnie, who lay still motionless in his arms. "Oh God" he cried " Is she – I mean?" Tom started to cough, but shook his head. "No. She's unconciousness. Quick Jack, get her."

Jack reached over and picked Ronnie up, vaguely noticing that she clutched a picture of Danielle in her hand. He covered her with his jacket, feeling slightly reassured that he could feel the rise and fall of her chest, as she breathed.

"C'mon" he said, shifting Ronnie's weight to one arm, and slowly reached out, offering his other arm to Tom. "We have to get out of here"

Tom shook his head. "No, Jack. Go." Jack raised his eyebrows, the strain starting to show slightly, supporting Ronnie's weight with only one arm with the current heat. "What? Tom, hurry up!" Tom shook his head again. "No Jack. Leave me. It'll take to long for both us. Ronnie matters more. I love her Jack. And I don't want to live without her. Not if she dies, but not if she picks you either. Get her out Jack. Leave me."

"What?! No! Don't be stupid Tom, hurry up!" anger coloured Jack's tone, but he was trying to fight off exhaustion, and he could see some sense of what Tom was saying. Tom shook his head again. "Stop wasting time!" he ordered furiously. "You have to get Ronnie out! GO!" he roared. Jack surrendered and hoisted Ronnie back onto both of his arms, carrying her like a baby. He made his way back over to the door. "I'm coming back for you!" he said back into the room, and then charged back into the raging fire.

An almost silent vigil had gathered outside the flat, each person horrified by the sight in front of them. Archie remained hidden by the partial shrubbery, beside no-one would be paying him attention. All thoughts and attention were focused with the fire in front of him . He could believe that he had gotten it so wrong. He had watched as both Tom and Jack had charged into the flat to save his daughter, full of courage and good intentions. They both must really love her. He just watched in horror, hiding like a coward, unable to believe that he had caused this. This had never been his intention. He had just wanted to scare her. But as time wore on, and the sirens wailed ever closer, and no-one emerged from the burning wreck of the building, the thought that he could be possible for three deaths – one of them his own _daughter_ – it was scaring him more than it was anyone else. Like so many others, his eyes watched the door to the flat, willing someone to emerge.

Jack held Ronnie in his arms as he battled his way back through the flat, his body growing weak with the smoke, heat and the throbbing pain in his arm. He didn't look at it, afraid of the damage done. As he reached the other side of the living room, and opened the door, he felt such a relief, he didn't think it was possible. The smoke was still thick, the heat still unbearable, but now the front door was in sight. "Thank God" he muttered under his breath, summoning every ounce of his strength to reach the door. He clumsily knocked against it with his shoulder and stumbled out into the square, and he heard the sigh of relief from the small crowd which was gathered. He staggered across to where Roxy was and began coughing and spluttering, taking great gulpfuls of cold, fresh air.

Roxy cried out when she saw Jack holding Ronnie in his arms, and tears spurted down her cheeks. "Ronnie!" she shouted out. Jack reached her and with her help, they laid Ronnie gently down on the pavement. Jack brushed her hair away from her face, and tears fell from his eyes.

"Oh God Jack. Thank-you" Roxy said, grasping Ronnie's hand. "Ronnie sweetheart can you hear me?"

"She's unconscious" Jack informed her, getting shakily to his feet, the thought of re-entering the flat, crushing his spirit. "Jack? What are you doing?|

"I have to go back and get Tom. He's alive, Rox. I have to try – to try and get him." Jack faltered, his whole body shaking from exhaustion. "Jack! The fire brigade is almost here! Wait for them Please!" Roxy pleaded.

"I told him I would go back for him. I love you Ronnie" he said, looking once more at his girlfriend, before turing back toward the flat.

**Uh-oh. I'm sorry for leaving it like this. Well, we know that Ronnie's out alive. But Tom's still trapped and Jack's gone back in to save him. I think I may have to have a word with my characters to stop being so heroic lol :D Anyway how did you enjoy this chapter. Are you liking or dis-liking it? Please let me know. **

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	25. Deja Vu

Ronnie was vaguely aware of someone clutching her hand and she could feel the cold hard concrete on her back. She was so cold, she wished that someone would cover her up. As if they could read her mind. She felt someone drape a coat around her shoulders. Her breathing was still ragged but she was grateful that she seemed to be outside.

All around her could hear murmurs, whispers, a wail of sirens, someone sobbing near her, gripping her hand painfully tight. But she didn't open her eyes. She couldn't. She wouldn't. She would rather stay in her own little world, unwilling to accept the harsh realities of life. There was something niggling in the back of her mind, but she couldn't put her finger on it… Tom. Where was he? Was he outside? She was overcome with a sudden fear that clutched at her, made her want to wake up, properly wake up.

Someone was calling her name, but she couldn't figure out who. Instead she tried to tune everything else out, and focus on the person holding her hand. Was it Jack? She felt so disorientated. The person was continuing to cry. Ronnie realized it was because she wasn't waking up. They thought there was something seriously wrong with her. Was there something wrong with her? Maybe there was. As she thought this, Ronnie felt her breathing become more and more shallow, making it more difficult to breathe than ever. The smoke was still in her lungs, and she was finding it difficult to hang on.

Then suddenly, she tried to breathe, and she couldn't. She just stopped breathing. She was still there in her mind, but felt everything fade out and become dangerously far away, could feel something pull her in the opposite direction. And it wasn't blackness this time, it was light she was being pulled toward to. Was this it? Was she going to die?

Her hand became limp in the other persons and Ronnie was only slightly aware of their voice become shrill and piercing in the night. Someone was shaking her shoulders roughly, urging her to stay… but everything…to hard… she couldn't… fight.

Her thoughts became more and more disorientated, she felt light and floaty, like she could just fly away from her body, slip away. As she was about to do so, the memory of Danielle's voice ripped through her mind, louder than ever before.

_Don't give up, Ronnie, Don't give up… It's not your time. Not yet…Not Yet…Not Yet…_

Those two words echoed in her head, circling round and she felt a new strength be re-born in her. Ronnie took one deep struggling breath and rolled on to her side, coughing violently. Roxy stopped shaking her sister's shoulders and cried out in joy.

"Oh, Ronnie, Ronnie, Thank God. Ronnie?" tears still pouted down Roxy's cheeks. Ronnie's eyes flickered open slowly and she continued to take deep breaths, still coughing. Her eyes found Roxy's and she gave a small smile. "Roxy?" she croaked, finding it hard to speak.

"Shh, yeah, babe, I'm here, I'm here, It's OK, Roxy kneeled on the pavement beside her big sister, and hugged her close, only for a second, knowing she had to give Ronnie space to breath. Ronnie tried to struggle up slowly, into a sitting position, and instinctively placed an arm over her bump. She bit her lip and in between coughs she managed to splutter. "Where's T- Tom?" Roxy's eyes filled with fear.

"He – He's still… still inside Ron" she said very softly. "Jack went back into get him".

:"Jack?" Ronnie repeated, feeling the horror which swept over her at his name, and the terrible state which the building was in. "Oh My God. Their in there?" she said incredulously. She tried to struggle to her feet, but Roxy held onto her. "Ron, Ron, The fire brigade is almost here. It'll be OK, It'll be OK" she held her sister, repeating the same sentence over and over, trying to convince herself, even though she could feel her voice shaking with fear and tears filled her eyes.

Tom lay in the flat, his leg agonizingly painful. The smoke was so thick, he didn't know how he was still conscious. Tears fell down his cheeks, but he found comfort in the fact that Ronnie would be safe. And the baby. He didn't care about anything else anymore. Because he didn't want to live without her. He edged further away from the flames which licked at his heels, crying out as his leg protested. As he used his hands to push him further away, they brushed against something soft, like a cloth. He picked it up and held it close to him, and noticed that it was a little white baby suit. Ronnie must have had it with her when she collapsed.

He held it to his face, and it was so small, so perfect. It tore through him like a knife, as he saw what could have been. He clutched it and let out a sob of regret. As long as the baby and Ronnie were OK, though. That was the main thing to him, even as the heat became more and more unbearable, he couldn't feel bitter toward Jack, He had told him to leave him, and in Jack's position, Tom would have done the same thing. He didn't even want Jack to come back for him. If he did, then Ronnie could be left without anyone to look after her, the baby wouldn't have a Dad. He didn't want that. He could feel his time drawing to a close. His only wish was that he could see Ronnie's beautiful face one last time.

Jack burst through the door to the bedroom for the second time that night, exhaustion rife in his muscles. He forced himself to keep going. He was getting scared now. They didn't have long. It might only be a matter of seconds before the floor gave way or the flat exploded from the heat or something.

He coughed persistently, his lungs begging for relief from this smoky demon which was inhabiting his airways, trying to suffocate him. Jack charged over to Tom, who was almost gone. "Oh No you don't" he said, and with a huff of effort, he slung Tom's arm over his shoulders and hauled him to his feet. Tom let out a cry of pain from his leg, which Jack could see now, was very badly burnt. He winced in sympathy and shifted even more of Tom's weight onto him, to spare him of putting any more pressure on his leg.

"You came back" Tom said through the smoke, sounding astonished.

"I said I would didn't I?" Jack replied breathlessly, as he pulled them back through the living room, trying his hardest to avoid the flames which threatened to consume them. The living room door was open, just a few more steps and they would have a clear path to the door… Jack felt a surge of heat behind him and looked round quickly then swore loudly. Hauling Tom quicker toward the door. Just a few…more…steps…

A massive surge of heat caused an explosion in the flat, the windows shattering as the flames rolled outwards, causing an almighty bang. The small crowd gathered outside gasped in shock, as everyone retreated several steps.

Ronnie eyes grew wide in shock. "NO!" she screamed, trying to run forward, Roxy restraining her, Roxy eyes also widened in shock, glistening with tears. She fought uselessly against her sister, screaming in protest, disbelief. "No, No, NO!!!" Ronnie stopped fighting in Roxy's grip and relaxed into her hug, sobbing in disbelief. "I'm sorry Ronnie" Roxy said " I think it's to late".

Roxy didn't look like she believed it herself, just rocked her sister slightly as a silence fell over the crowd excluding Ronnie's sobs, and occasional protests of "No!". Ronnie wouldn't let it be true. It _couldn't_ be. Jack. "Jack" she sobbed lightly.

She willed them to come outside, there was no way this could happen to her. As if her prayers were being answered the door slid open silently.

At first the smoke clouded everything from view, and then finally, miraculously, Jack stumbled into view, dragging a seemingly unconscious Tom from the building.

Ronnie had never experienced such a giddy rush of relief in her whole life. Forgetting about herself, she rushed forward and cried out.

"Jack! Tom!" Ronnie ran over to him and once Jack reached the pavement he laid Tom down, and collapsed into a sitting position, allowing the exhaustion to win him over. He was still coughing badly when Ronnie reached him and threw her arms round him and pulled him in for a spontaneous and passionate kiss. It only lasted a few seconds, but it was enough for them both to realize how much they loved each other. "I love you Jack."

"Oh, Ronnie." He said "I love you to. I'm so glad we're out of there." Ronnie kneeled down beside him and felt relief and happiness wash over her once more. Ronnie turned to Tom. "Tom – thank-you for coming to get me. Are you – Tom? Tom?" Ronnie leaned over and was dismayed to see Tom's eyes closed over. She shook his shoulder. "Tom?!" she said, a little shrilly. He coughed slightly and opened his eyes. "Ronnie" he croaked, happiness seeping into his voice. Ronnie sat down with crossed legs and moved his head gently into her lap. "Tom? Tom, You're going to be OK, It'll be fine, You'll be fine" Ronnie rambled, tears filling her eyes, trying to convince herself more than Tom.

He coughed again and shook his head ever so slightly. "At least my wish came true" he murmured. "What wish Tom?" Ronnie asked, doing anything to keep him talking. " "I wished … I wished that I would get to see your beautiful face one last time" he smiled, before beginning to cough once more. "Tom, what do you mean? One last time? C'mon Tom please don't do this to me. I need you remember?" Ronnie was beginning to become desperate, frantic almost. "Shh" Tom said " Don't panic Ron. You're going to be OK. You've got" he struggle for his next breath " the baby now". He reached his hand and put it on her stomach. " I love you little baby" he said softly.

Tom's hand jumped away suddenly, while Ronnie's hand jumped to it. "Wow" she said. Jack came closer in alarm. "What's wrong with the baby?" he worried. "Nothing" she said tears glistening in her eyes. "It just kicked for the first time. C'mon feel." She grabbed Jack's hand and Tom's hand and placed them both on her stomach. The baby kicked again. All three gazed into each other's eyes, sharing a bizarrely beautiful moment in the midst of so much heartbreak.

As they drew their hands away Ronnie said to Tom "See? The baby likes you Tom. It kicked for you. That's why you have to stay"

Tom smiled sadly "You'll be OK Ronnie. You have Jack. And the baby. Tell him or her how much I loved them won't you?"

"No! You'll be here to do that yourself!" Ronnie insisted, unwilling to accept what he was saying. The fire engine and ambulance finally screeched into the square. "Look, Tom, look! There's the ambulance. Please, babe, just hang on. Don't leave me. Please" Ronnie begged, hot tears spurting down her cheeks.

Tom beckoned for Jack to come closer. As Jack complied, Tom murmured softly " Look after them" Jack pulled away and nodded, tears filling his eyes. "I will"

Tom nodded, feeling reassured. He looked into Ronnie's bright blue eyes and nothing else mattered anymore. Not that he was about to die. Nothing. "I love you Ron" he said, and she sobbed pulling him close to her "Love you" she whispered. With a smile on his face, Tom took his last breath and peacefully slipped away in Ronnie's arms. Ronnie watched the light go out in his eyes, the peaceful smile still on his face, and she sobbed, rocking his body back and forth, sitting on the street, surrounded by people, neighbours, all witnessing a personal and private moment of Ronnie's grief. Just as it had been for her and Danielle almost two years ago.

And like a really awful case of Déjà vu, Ronnie continued to sob over Tom's now lifeless body.

**:'( :'(**

**I'm sorry, really. Do you all hate me? **

**REVIEW!!! I hoped you liked it, even if it was sad. :( **

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	26. Cursed

Ronnie placed the oxygen mask over her nose and mouth once more, as she felt her breathing become shallower. They had given it to her to take whenever she felt she needed to, and she was using it probably more than necessary but was worried for the baby. Her icy blue eyes stared at the ceiling; she lay almost motionless, like a statue. A glance at the clock told her it was 11.30pm. She could hardly believe it had been almost two hours since…

She cut the thought off in mid-track, forbidding herself to think the words. Someone looking at her would never know that there was anything wrong with her. Ronnie gave nothing away in her posture. Except from those first few tears lying in the street, she had shown almost no emotion at all. It was no wonder she had been given the nickname 'Ice-Queen'. Only those like Jack and Roxy understood the turmoil she was gong through. As she had stepped into the ambulance, her face stony, the tears drying on her cheeks, she looked like she was in a trance. She heard vague murmurs from the shocked on-lookers, words like "shock" and "she's not taken it in" jumped out at her.

During the journey to the hospital, she gripped the blanket which had been given to her tightly around her body, as if she could cocoon herself away from everything else in the world, and rocked her body slightly back and forward, her eyes staring unseeingly into space. She had yet to say a word to anyone save for the doctors, and even then all she did was question them robotically about the baby's well-being, and when she had received confirmation, she had slipped back into a trance-like state.

Jack had tried to talk to her but she just couldn't. Ronnie could barely even look him in the eye, never mind talk to him. They, the doctors, her sister, Jack, Peggy who had got Charlie to drive her to the hospital had been whispering about her in the corridor earlier. They were all worried about her. But she didn't care enough to reassure them. They clearly thought she should be crying and screaming in grief, but that had never been Ronnie's style. She could also tell that by the expressions on some of the doctors and nurses faces that they thought she was unfeeling but they could not have been more wrong.

She withdrew into herself out of habit; it was the only way she knew how to survive. Inside she was screaming for a release of her grief. Her already broken heart, which had already been missing a huge piece, and was only slightly beginning to mend itself, had been shattered into a million tiny pieces. The loss of Tom had struck harder than she would have ever thought possible. It was nowhere near enough equal to the pain experienced when Danielle passed away, but painful enough, especially on top of everything else she had already suffered. She still hadn't properly processed the information that Tom was … dead. The thought caused her to inhale sharply, only a hint of the pain she was feeling.

Tom, sweet, kind, loving Tom, her support through the darkest period of her life, was gone. Her best friend, who had sacrificed his own safety to save her, who had gave her his heart; always put her first and what had she done? She had stomped all over him. Just like she had done to Danielle. Like Danielle, Tom had been so gentle and kind, compared to someone like her, who was harsh and seemed to push everyone away. She swallowed and felt tears prick at the sides of her eyes, but she refused to let them fall, though her body was begging for the release of crying. She didn't deserve to be allowed to cry for him. It was all her fault that he was gone.

She was poison. Why was it that everything she ever had, turned to crap? She was cursed; almost everyone she had cared about had left her or died. Because of her. Toward the end of Danielle's life, Danielle was slowly becoming bitter, and all because of Ronnie. She had turned the little naïve angel who had come to search for her mother, full of hopes and dreams, into someone like herself. Likewise with Tom, she had taken his heart and ripped out, cheated on him, and now… he was dead. Gone forever just like her daughter.

After all she had done, all she had caused she didn't deserve to be a mother again, though it was what she wanted with all her heart. Sometimes, what we want isn't what's best, she thought to herself.

She closed her eyes momentarily, succumbing slightly to the great weight which seemed to be pressing down on her. She was at the bottom of a great black ocean of grief and guilt, the dark waters pressing all around her, the pressure crushing her, and she didn't have the strength to fight it any longer. She didn't want to fight it. She wasn't filled with self-pity for herself. She wanted to punish herself, knowing that she didn't deserve anything good.

Jack shifted uncomfortably on the plastic orange chair outside of Ronnie's room. His arm was bandaged up tightly, and he could no longer feel the pain due to the dose of painkillers he had been given. They had decided that there was no need to keep Jack in over night, his breathing was almost returned to normal. The only thing he needed now was a good night's sleep. But he wouldn't leave Ronnie.

He was so worried about her. She hadn't talked to him since Tom had… Jack put a hand over his face, tears burning in his eyes. It was all his fault. Though, he tried to justify it by telling himself it was what Tom would have wanted, that his priority had been Ronnie's safety, it did nothing to stop the huge weight of guilt which he was carrying. It was already pretty bad, and he didn't think that the full impact had him yet. Had hit any of them yet.

Roxy sat down beside him and he felt her put an arm round him, soothingly rubbing his shoulder. "Hey, you" she said softly.

Jack swallowed hard and sniffed before turning his gaze onto her. She had no make-up on, her hair was scraped back into a loose ponytail, and she had a heavy coat on over her pyjamas. For once in her life, Roxy Mitchell couldn't give a damn that she was in public, looking a state. She had been so overcome with fear that she would lose Ronnie, it had put several things in perspective for her. And Tom…dying. It was alien to her. She couldn't take it in. She couldn't even begin to imagine the pain that she knew Ronnie would be going to.

"I can't believe he's gone." Jack croaked. Roxy's eyes watered as she blinked back at him. " I know. I can't either" she replied, and they lapsed into silence again. There were no words to describe what had happened.

"I – I " Jack began, and then stopped, sighed and shook his head. "Rox" he breathed softly staring into her eyes " Did you – did you see her when she came into the hospital? Ronnie – I _ I'm really worried about her. She was even worse in the ambulance. She's hardly spoken a word I don't know what to do, I – I " he fell silent as Roxy shushed him.

"Jack – she's in shock. It's just the way she deals with things. Give her a day or two, then she'll probably start talking to us again. It's just – just her way" she replied with a shake of her head.

"Probably isn't good enough" Jack said, raising his voice slightly "Roxy – I can't lose her again – I just can't" Roxy grabbed his shoulders. "You won't! _We_ won't ! I promise, Jack. We just have to give her some time." She pulled him into a hug, as tears filled both their eyes and Jack held her enjoying the closeness.

Things between had been so strained, what with Amy and everything… it felt _strange_ to be so close to her but also… nice. Whoa! He thought to himself and pulled away from her embrace. I don't want to go there again. He averted his eyes from hers and she his, obviously having felt the same thing as he did. "C'mon" she said to him, standing up suddenly. "If you're determined to stay here all night then you'll definitely need some coffee. We can go to the café downstairs"

Jack stood up slowly, "Yeah" he murmured in response, before falling into step behind Roxy, and he stared at the back of her head, feeling confused and worried by the mixed up feelings he was experiencing.

**Hey! Sorry for the slight delay in this update getting posted. Had a bit of a problem when I updated it at first and chapter 24 gpt postee again. Lol sorry. Anyhoo! What did you think? **

**What was that moment between Jack and Roxy all about, and what will it mean for RACK? … **

**Lol, just for any readers piece of mind, you should know that I'm a total RACK fan. Still, I am a writer…sometimes we have the tendency to be slightly evil… after all just look at EE killing off Danielle…**

**Lol I'll leave with that thought. Thanks to all my reviewers, you know who you are!! :D :D**

**xxxxx**


	27. Life Is Cruel

**A/N: Hello all! First things first, sorry for the delay inbetween the last update and this chapter. I've had loads on, and just didn't have time to get this typed up.**

**Anyway! I'd just like to say thanks again for ALL my reviews, especially the ones on the last chapter. **

**You reviewers make my day :D **

**And just another thanks to RonnieAndJackForever – Chloe who inspired the little bit in this chapter with Peggy. So thanks Chloe! :D **

**So, here is the next chapter. Hope you like it. Please Review! ******

Jack drank deeply from the paper cup, wincing slightly at the bland taste, but enjoying the warmth which radiated from it. He downed it almost in one, mostly so he had something to do, unable to deal with the weird vibes which were hanging in the air between him and his girlfriend's sister.

Roxy sat across the table from Jack, tapping her fingers against the table, and almost able to taste the tension which was in the air between them. She didn't have a clue about what was happening. She most certainly did not understand whatever the hell she was feeling. She was happily married for God's sake! She thought exasperatedly. And the man in front of her was madly in love with her presently distraught and traumatized sister!

Yet as they sat opposite each other, and Roxy finally looked into his chocolate brown eyes, she felt a weird fuzzy feeling in her stomach. Jack was so familiar, and loving. When he had been trapped inside that burning building, she had prayed that he would be OK, but for other reasons than he was Amy's Dad, reasons she wouldn't even admit to herself…

Stop it, Roxy! She scolded herself, and tore her gaze away from Jack's, looking around at the almost deserted cafeteria.

"What is it with hospital food?" Jack asked, breaking the awkward and unexplained silence between them, pulling a face as he drained the last of his coffee. "It always tastes so disgusting!" Roxy smiled slightly and shrugged. "It's just one of those things, I suppose" she replied, looking around once more. In one corner of the cafe, two woman sat, their arms wrapped round one another, tears pouring down their faces, obviously having just received bad news.

Jack followed her gaze, and shivered slightly, that could so easily have been them. It almost was them, for goodness sake. They had lost someone tonight. Tom, someone who was good, and honest, unlike Jack, who had cheated with Ronnie, behind Tom's back. OK, it had only been one night, but Tom was so god damn nice, he had never felt truly comfortable with what he had done.

Even though they certainly were not best buddies, they had come to a sort of stalemate in their fued, a truce had been called, they were almost on the verge of what you could call allies.

Life was so cruel, he thought bitterly. As he watched the two woman, clearly wrapped up in their grief, his thoughts wandered to another part of the hospital, and it unnerved him to know that by now, Tom was probably lying in the mortuary, on a cold slab, lifeless, dead. Gone.

Another shiver ripped through his frame, as he thought it could so very easily have been him. Hell, it probably _should_ have been him. He loved Ronnie with all his heart, and for some reason which he could not begin to fathom, she seemed to love him back. But in all their time together, Jack had caused Ronnie so much heartbreak. She had let him in, shared her deep and innermost secrets, bared her soul to him, Jack Branning. She had trusted him and he had stomped on her heart, again and again. When it had came to the darkest time in Ronnie's life, the weeks and months that had followed Danielle's death, he hadn't been there for her. Tom had, Tom had pulled her back from the brink of destruction. Tom had loved her, and never once hurt her, or treated her badly.

So why was it then, that he, Jack, sat, living and breathing in this café, with the love of a woman he didn't deserve when Tom was lying in the mortuary, dead. Jack ran a hand through his hair, stifling a yawn. He didn't have any answers. It was making his brain hurt, just thinking about all the big questions which would need answered, over the next few weeks and months.

"What's wrong?" Roxy enquired, then groaned inwardly, realizing how stupid the question sounded. Jack didn't seem to notice but sighed. "I guess… I don't know, I was just thinking…Why? Why him, and not me?" he shook his head, tears glistening in his eyes.

Roxy shifted uncomfortably "I don't know, Jack. It was just… the way it had to be I suppose. The world's not a fair place to live in" she shook her head sadly and placed a hand over his. Jack squeezed her hand in return and smiled gratefully. It felt so comforting just to have someone to speak to, someone that was listening…

"Look – Now's not the time, for all these questions, Jack. There'll be plenty of time for that. For now, we just have to be there for her" Roxy said, withdrawing her hands quickly, and standing up. Jack also dragged himself to his feet, averting his gaze from her, feeling confused about what he had just felt. "Right" he agreed, and followed her out of the cafeteria.

Ronnie placed a hand over her eyes, her limbs feeling like lead, exhaustion beginning to win over her racing mind. She heard a light tap on the door and the sound of Peggy clearing her throat, and groaned inwardly. She didn't have the strength to deal with her aunt at this moment in time.

The door edged open slowly, and Peggy emerged, looking worn out and bedraggled. "Ronnie, love?" she asked enquiringly, "You awake?"

Ronnie edged the oxygen mask off her face and took a deep breath, she turned to her aunt, trying and failing to muster up a small smile. "Hi, Aunty Peg." She murmured softly, slding up the bed, so she was in a more upright position.

"Oh,, Ronnie", Peggy gushed and came over to the bed, taking Ronnie's hand in hers. "I'm so glad you're alright, darling. You had me really worried there. How are you feeling? Is the baby OK?" Peggy asked the rush of questions, barely giving her niece time to respond.

"The baby's fine" Ronnie butted in, her voice emotionless. She saw Peggy give her a peculiar look, but then brush it aside. Peggy nodded understandingly, " Ah, love, I'm sorry. You know about Tom." Ronnie winced at the sound of his name. "But at least you're OK, eh? I've been there Ronnie, it'll be hard, but you'll get through it, you'll be fine" Peggy patted her hand patronizingly and Ronnie stifled the urge to scream. She wanted to shout and shriek, and tear the walls down, about how she would never be OK, ever again.

She bit down on her lip hard, afraid that she would let everything come gushing out. That wouldn't do at all. If she started to cry now, if she let herself go, she was convinced that she would never stop. So she held herself in, and nodded demurely.

Peggy seemed to take the lack of response from Ronnie as a sign of fatigue. "Oh, goodness, sweetheart, you must be exhausted! Well I won't keep you up any longer! I'm going now, I'll be back to see you again tomorrow, or I'll pop by the…" Peggy's voice tailed off, as both woman thought about Ronnie's flat, burnt to a crisp " Erm… well I'll see you anyway love. I think Jack and Roxy might come in to see you. Bye, Ronnie"

"Bye" Ronnie choked out, averting her eyes from Peggy's worried stare, afraid she would crumble beneath it. As Peggy exited the room, Ronnie let out an audible sigh of relief, but it was only a matter of seconds before another soft knock sounded on her door. "Ronnie?" Her heart leapt at the sound of Jack's voice, and all she really wanted to do was to be swept up in his strong arms, somewhere where she felt safe.

"Come in" she said quietly, not recognizing the robotic sound of her voice. Jack and Roxy entered the room, Roxy bringing up the rear, keeping a hesitant distance behind Jack. "Hi" Jack muttered softly, trying to hold Ronnie's gaze. Her astonishing blue eyes, only brushed passed his for a second, not really seeing him, before sweeping onto Roxy, lingering for the same amount of time, then staring into space again.

As both Jack and Roxy edged closer to Ronnie, they shared a furtive, worried glance. "Ronnie?" Jack said, sliding his hand over to rest over hers. Her eyes slid closed at his touch, and she didn't respond, her slender pale hands lying motionless under his considerably larger ones. His eyes filled with tears, at her unresponsive state. All he wanted to do was sweep her up into a big hug, but was afraid to. Her emotional state was already so fragile, and he couldn't understand why she was acting the way that she was.

Roxy, who recognized this particular stage of Ronnie's grief mode, having tried to help her after Danielle's death, reached out and put a hand on Ronnie's other arm. "Hey, babe. Jack and I are going to go home now and let you get some sleep, 'K? We'll be back in the morning. We just wanted to check you were… We just wanted to check on you"

Ronnie kept her eyes closed, battling the urge to burst iinto tears, and have Jack comfort her. She nodded slightly, hating herself when she felt Jack softly stoke her hand. But she couldn't help feeling guilty by being with him. She couldn't help thinking that if her and Jack hadn't got together, then maybe Tom would still be here. So she stayed frozen, trapping her emotions inside.

Roxy started to leave the room, and Jack gave Ronnie's hand a final squeeze. "OK, Ron. I love you" he leaned over and kissed her forehead gently, fighting back the tears, "See you tomorrow"

He started to pull away but Ronnie suddenly clasped her fingers around his and squeezed it affectionately, though her eyes remained tightly closed, the pressure on his hand, the only evidence which revealed Ronnie's feelings. He looked down, astonished, but then as quickly as it had happened, she let her fingers go slack, releasing their grip. Jack smiled sadly, and stroked her hair once more before turning and walking out of the room.

"I love you too" Ronnie whispered when she knew she was alone and that no-one could hear her.


	28. Promise

The silence was almost unbearable, screaming at her, leaving no place to hide from the accusations which she was hurling at herself, Jack and Roxy having long since left the hospital. Her mind was racing, thinking a million thoughts, each one demanding to be thought first. Her head was beginning to hurt, she felt exhausted, physically and emotionally, but Ronnie couldn't find the rest bite she needed.

Now that she felt ready for some tears, they wouldn't come; fate now wouldn't grant her that small little release. As she ran a hand through her hair, all she could hear were Tom's last words, over and over again, like a CD which was stuck on repeat, playing again and again and again.

"_I love you Ron…I love you Ron…love you Ron…love you…love you…love you…"_

As those two words raced around and around in her mind, she let a dry strangled sob escape her throat. He had loved her, even though she didn't deserve his love, and had given his life, trying to save her, and now he was gone. Tom had left her, like so many other important people in her life, and as she lay alone in the hospital room, battling her darkest demons, with only the never-ending silence for company, stretching on for eternity it seemed, Ronnie had never felt so alone.

The isolation gripped her and made her tremble with fear, the realization paralyzing her. She could barely look Jack in the eye, because of the crippling guilt which she felt, and in that instant, Ronnie felt like she was entirely and solely on her own. What did she have to live for?

As if hearing her very thoughts, she felt a kick at her stomach. "Oh" she breathed, and looked down at her swollen stomach, putting a hand over it lovingly. She felt another indignant kick. In spite of the desolate mood which had overtaken her, Ronnie smiled, feeling love and affection spread over her body. "Don't worry, baby" she whispered, smiling "I haven't forgotten about you"

She felt another kick, as if the baby was just making sure, for good measure. "Yes, I've got you now. A baby. A fresh start, eh? A new beginning. My little girl, eh?" Ronnie began whispering lovingly to her stomach, and for the first time, she could begin to see past the fear which she had been feeling. She wouldn't show it to anyone else, but she imagined taking care of her little girl, a little baby. Taking her to the park as she grew up, loving her, doing everything properly this time, have the second chance which she needed.

It had been snatched away from her the first time, on three separate occasions; her daughter had been taken from her. This time would be different. Now that Danielle was gone, Tom was gone… This little baby was all Ronnie had left.

Ronnie laid her head back on the pillow, rubbing her stomach. The thought of her baby seemed to comfort her and she slowly closed her eyes, falling into a light slumber.

Along the corridor, a disheveled looking man approached the nurse's station, clearing his throat impatiently to try and grab the nurse's attention. The nurse looked up from the papers which she was rifling through at the sound, a slightly annoyed look on her face. "Yes, can I help you at all?" she asked, her tone polite, but her eyes disapproving as her eyes swept up and down the man's appearance.

Archie Mitchell leaned forward, closer to the nurse, "Ah, Ms…Donnelly, is it?" he asked, reading her name tag. "Yes, I was wondering if you could tell me which room Veronica Mitchell is staying in? She's the pregnant young woman, who was brought in a little while ago, she had been in a fire" He smiled at the nurse, his tone pleasant, his whole manner so polite, respectful, that she found herself faltering under his gaze, finding the strength of his gaze so persuasive.

She blinked several times, but returned his smile politely, and spoke regretfully "I'm sorry sir, we can only give information out to Ms. Mitchell's family members" Archie straightened up and smiled at her again. "Oh, well that's OK then. I'm a relative of hers you see." He spoke confidently, though worried about revealing who he was, if they were to trace the fire back to him…He brushed the thought aside, only caring about seeing Ronnie at this moment in time.

"Oh" Nurse Donnelly sounded dumbfounded, "Err…well, you see Sir, it's actually very late, visiting hours are _long_ over…perhaps you could come back another time?..." Archie frowned "You know, I only want to see how she is…couldn't you just give me five minutes?" his voice was so powerful, the young nurse found herself being slowly reeled in by the man, whose desperation seemed so real, she could swear she saw tears glistening in his eyes. Surely giving the man five minutes wouldn't hurt? She thought to herself.

She found herself nodding. "OK, but let me go check it's OK with Ms. Mitchell first" and she hurried off down the corridor, feeling sorry for the poor man standing at the nurses station. Archie straightened up, feeling extremely pleased with himself for securing the chance to see Ronnie. Of course, hopefully she would be asleep. There would be no way he was going to reveal himself to her, she would have it figured out in no time. Sometimes, that girl was to sharp for her own good. Shame she didn't figure out who her own daughter was before it was too late, he thought scathingly.

If Ronnie was awake then… he would just make sure she was alright then leave. He wasn't going to risk being caught, not even to see her. Just over a minute had past, when he saw the nurse come scurrying back down the corridor, and she smiled pityingly at him. "Ms. Mitchell's asleep just now sir. You should back tomorrow" she added kindly, and started to turn away. Archie could hardly believe his luck. "Couldn't you… just let me see her? Please?" he deliberately coloured his voice with desperation, knowing this woman would easily be won over by his sob story.

Nurse Donnelly hesitated, but looking at the look in the man's eyes she relented. "_Two_ minutes" she stressed, knowing, she was breaking the rules, but nevertheless leading him down the corridor to Ronnie's room.

Archie followed suit, and could barely contain his glee. When the reached the room, the nurse told him she would give him some privacy "Thank-you" he told her solemnly, honestly meaning it.

He entered the room very cautiously, well aware he was risking a hell of a lot, by doing this, part of him still not sure why he was even there. He supposed he just had to see her with his own two eyes, to know that she was OK.

His breath caught in his throat, when he saw Ronnie lying asleep on the bed, her hair spread across the pillow, and he was overwhelmed by the confusion rush of emotions which he experienced. He felt a rush of venom and resentment at the sight of his daughter, which was also mixed in with a little rush of love and relief, as well as the guilt he felt for causing this. Could one person, feel so many emotions at once? He wouldn't have thought so until that very moment.

He took a hesitant step toward the bed, not wanting to get to close, wary of waking her up. "Oh, Ronnie" he said, shaking his head slightly. "How did it come to this?" he whispered, speaking to himself. "I remember when you were little. You were right little daddy's girl. Why did you turn out the way you did? Why did you hate me?" his voice began to become tinged with resentment.

"I never meant for this to happen" he whispered again, a bewildered look passing over his face, "I just wanted, _still_ want my girls back" Ronnie stirred slightly and Archie froze, relaxing slightly after a few seconds, when it seemed she wasn't going to wake up. But the little scare had shaken him and he made to go back to the door again. "Well, I'm glad you got out OK. That would have been the last thing I needed if you didn't. I don't know what I'm going to do next" his velvety voice was so quiet it was almost inaudible and he paused with his hand on the door. "But Ronnie" he paused again "I'll be seeing you. That's a promise" he finished, meaning every word, a tinge of menace in the last words which he had spoken.

Ronnie turned in her sleep, stirring slightly, oblivious to the shiver which wracked her body and the hand she had put unconsciously over her stomach…

Archie swept down the corridor once more, back toward the nurse's station. Nurse Donnelly smiled at him again, which he returned fleetingly, now in a hurry to escape the hospital undetected. "How'd it go?" the nurse asked, and he nodded briefly, itching to get away. The nurse turned away momentarily, papers in her hand, filing something away. "You know, you didn't tell me your name – " the nurse broke off as she turned around, to be confronted with only an empty space where Archie had been standing.

Archie had already made his way down three flights of stairs, moving as quickly as he could without causing suspicion. He breathed a sigh of relief as he exited the hospital, feeling in his pocket for his padded wallet, filled with cash. He hailed a cab and got in thankfully. "Yeah, Weymouth please, driver" he said as the taxi sped into the night.

**So… that's the last we'll be seeing of Archie for a while. But will it be the last of him? Hmm, well I'll let you decide that for yourself lol :D**

**Thanks for all my reviews, as usual, lol, but it really does help to have feedback, and I am really, really grateful to everyone who had reviewed. **

**Please keep them coming :P :P **

**xxxx**


	29. Cold Light Of Day

The early morning sun began to rise behind the thick blanket of clouds, casting a pearly grey light over Albert Square. It couldn't have been any more than five in the morning, the city still fast asleep. Roxy however, sat at the kitchen table, the heels of her hands pressed against her eyes, huddled in her dressing gown and pyjamas, she had resurfaced after only a couple of hours of sleep. She couldn't stop thinking of her big sister, and of how lucky she was that Ronnie was OK.

She shivered a little, as she thought of how much worse it could have been. Of course, the loss of Tom, was still terrible, but the thought of losing Ronnie… It was unthinkable for Roxy. She had her husband and her little girl, but she still needed her sister. The Mitchell sisters, always sticking together, like they always had. She wouldn't admit it, lots of people perhaps wouldn't even guess it, but Roxy relied on Ronnie more than anyone knew, more than Ronnie knew, maybe even more than Roxy herself knew.

She was so wrapped in her own thoughts she jumped when she felt a hand on her shoulder. "Couldn't sleep?" James asked sympathetically, sitting down beside her. Roxy nodded, "I'm sorry babe, did I wake you?" she said, raking a hand through her limp hair.

"Nah, I was finding it hard to get to sleep myself. Just kept thinking about Tom y'know" he replied, yawning. "I know" she said, and they lapsed into thoughtful silence. "Do you fancy a cuppa?" James asked, standing up. Roxy nodded gratefully.

James walked over to the kettle, and leaned against the worktop, arms folded over his bare chest, watching his wife, as the water began to boil. "How was Ronnie last night?" he asked softly, watching as a little crease appeared in the middle of Roxy's forehead. She had been exhausted when she returned the night before, and he hadn't had a chance to speak to her yet.

"I don't really know, to be honest" she said, sighing, "She didn't say anything at all. I think she's in shock. I'm worried about her. I just know that she'll be blaming herself" Roxy concluded, with a tiny shake of her head. "Why would she be blame herself?" James asked, confused. "It's not her fault. It was an accident. Well, I mean as far as we know the fire was an accident".

Roxy sighed again. "That's just the way Ronnie is. I know she was feeling guilty about the whole Jack thing anyway. She didn't say anything to me but she didn't need to. I know how uncomfortable she was with going behind Tom's back like that. See…" Roxy paused, deliberating how best to explain Ronnie to James. He knew a lot about what had happened with Archie. He knew all about what had happened with Danielle. But he also knew that though Roxy hadn't spoke to Archie in two years, and she didn't think she could ever forgive him, that there was a small part of her that hoped for some sort of reconciliation one day. She had always been a daddy's girl, and that's just who Roxy was. Filled with delusions and hopes, always a little bit blinded by the love, affection and money which Archie had thrown at her.

So because James knew that Roxy didn't completely hate Archie, and having never met the man himself, he could never really quite grasp the level of animosity which Ronnie felt towards Archie.

Roxy struggled to find the right words to explain why Ronnie was so fearful of becoming anything like the man she so despised. "…well, Ronnie… I think she's scared of becoming like Dad." As the kettle clicked off the boil, Roxy dropped her head into her hands once more and groaned. "I can't believe this has happened to her. It's the last thing she needs. With the baby and Jack, and everything that's happened with Danielle… She already blames herself for Danielle's death, and now she'll be feeling guilty of how she treated Tom as well".

As James set the cup of tea down beside her, she heard a cry come from Amy's room. "Mummy!" Amy cried out, and Roxy sighed and stood up. "I'm coming Aimes!" she called wearily and trudged through to her daughters room.

Amy took a while to settle again, and once Roxy had showered and done her hair, it was after eight o'clock by the time she was getting ready to leave with Jack and go see Ronnie. It had been decided that James would stay and look after Amy, not wanting to overwhelm Ronnie with to many people, but leaving Roxy to travel to the hospital with Jack, something she was less than happy about. "Hey" she greeted him as he met her outside his flat and they entered his car together. "Mmm" was all he replied, looking the worse for wear. The bandage from his arm was clearly visible through his t-shirt and there were huge bags under his eyes. He look as tired as Roxy felt.

"So…" Roxy began, as Jack started the car, searching for an appropriate topic of conversation, wishing to avoid the tension she had experienced the night before. "Do you think Ronnie will get out today?" she asked, as Jack pulled away from the kerb, both keeping their eyes avoided from the spot where the chargrilled building stood, and the small collection of flowers which has already been placed on pavement outsde.

"God, I hope so" he replied gruffly, "I just want her home with me. Where she belongs", he said, his voice cracking as his eyes filled with tears. He sniffed, blinking the tears back. "Er… yeah" Roxy said, looking away pointedly. Jack sighed. "Roxy? I was wondering" he glanced sideways at her, before continuing "wondering if you could… talk to Ronnie for me? I'm so worried about her."

"Yeah, Jack, of course" Roxy breathed, relieved he had said what he had. She had thought he was going to comment on some of the weird vibes from the night before. But then, it had probably been just her. "She might talk today though, I mean, she was in shock last night. She could be better today"

"Yeah, maybe" he echoed, both knowing it was going to take a lot longer than just one night before Ronnie would ever be 'OK' again.

**Hey guys, sorry you had to wait so long for this chapter. Sorry it's not very good either. This was just a filler chapter, I know it's not very long, but I promise the next one will be a lot longer AND better ******** Review if you can, all comments welcome :D **

**xxxx**


	30. Realisation

Ronnie sat on the edge of the hospital bed, already fully dressed and ready to go. The doctor had been in to see her that morning, and since her breathing had returned to normal, there seemed to be no danger to the baby's health, had permitted her to go home. She was so relieved. She didn't know if she could stand another minute in this hospital, never mind, another day.

Jack and Roxy were coming in to see her. Ah, Jack. All she wanted to do now, was to hug him and tell him she was sorry. Sorry for causing this mess in the first place, not speaking to him the night before… Such a long list of regrets, she thought to herself, sighing.

She felt exhausted, having woke up many times, during the night, Tom's last words racing through her mind, convinced she was still in the fire, imagining she could see smoke. It had been terrifying, thinking she was still trapped in that burning builing. And on top of that, some of her older nightmares, had been woven in with the fresh ones, she kept seeing the night when Danielle had died. Hell, she had even dreamt of Archie at one point. It was as if he had been the hospital room with her, saying something…she couldn't remember exactly what he had said…

Her thoughts were interrupted by Nurse Donnelly, who came bustling into the room, smiling tentatively at her. At that moment, Ronnie was suddenly reminded of Danielle, just the way the nurse acted, so shy, she could only be a few years older than Danielle was when she died, the girl looked as if she had just started her career.

"How are you feeling, Ms. Mitchell?" the nurse asked, quickly giving Ronnie one last check over. "Fine" Ronnie replied, though her heart screamed a different answer.

"Yeah, well you look it. Glad to be getting home, I expect" Nurse Donnelly, added, smiling when Ronnie nodded. "You had another visitor last night, you know. After your sister had left"

Ronnie frowned. "Really? Who?" she enquired. "Oh, he was only in a couple of minutes, I didn't even catch his name. Said he was a relative of yours" the nurse continued to smile, not knowing she had done wrong.

Ronnie felt a swooping sensation in her stomach. Unless she was talking about Phil… but surely not? Ronnie grabbed the young girls arm. "What?" she hissed. The nurses eyes widened in fear and bewilderment. "Who was he?!" Ronnie asked, her voice shrill.

"I d-don't know. I'm sorry, I didn't get his n-name" the nurse stuttered, trying to pull free from Ronnie's vice-like grip. "What did he look like?" she persisted, loosening her grip on the nurse's arm, but not letting go. "Look, I don't know! Old-ish, in his sixties, I guess, grey hair, he just wanted to see you! Let me go!" the nurse cried, pulling her arm free from Ronnie's grip, massaging the spot on her arm where Ronnie had grabbed her.

Ronnie recognized the look of fear in the nurse's eyes, it was a look she had seen many times in Danielle's face, the look of complete fear, whenever Ronnie had been nasty to her. She didn't want to see that look ever again, didn't want to be reminded of what she had done to her daughter. Which made her more angry than ever, but also a little ashamed. "I – I'm sorry OK?" she said to the young nurse "I didn't mean to hurt you" she said, breathing heavily, from the slight exertion. She shouldn't be doing such things, not in her condition.

The nurse relented slightly. "S'alright. I'm really sorry if I've done the wrong thing. He seemed genuinely upset that you were hurt, and he was really very charming. I just didn't see the harm. I'm really sorry though. I know I shouldn't have let him into see you without your permission…"

Ronnie nodded, closing her eyes in horror. If their had been any doubt in her mind about who her mystery visitor was before the nurse's description. It had gone now.

A male relative of hers in his sixties, grey hair, charming and persuasive? There was only one person Ronnie knew who fitted that description. Her Dad. Archie had been in to see her. Oh, God, she thought, rage and hatred building in her stomach, how had he known she was here? He must have been watching them or something. The thought made her shiver with fear. How could this be happening to her?

Now, on top of everything else, she had to deal with the fact that Archie could be making a most unwelcome re-appearance back into her life. "Never mind" she told the nurse through gritted teeth. "Just get out"

"Oh, er… please, Ms. You aren't going to report this are you? I'm really sorry, but I don't want to lose this job, please don't report me, I swear I'll never let another visitor in without the patients permission I – " the nurse fell silent after a glaring look from Ronnie.

"No, I won't, not if you get out right now" she hissed, causing the nurse to tremble slightly. "Oh, Thanks Ms. Mitchell I swear – "

"Get. Out. Now" Ronnie said slowly, through gritted teeth, watching as the venom in her voice sent the nurse scurrying out of the room. She closed her eyes again, shaking her head. She knew she shouldn't really have treated the girl so badly, but she needed someone to vent her fear and anger on. But knowing her Dad, he had probably manipulated the naïve young nurse, been so sly, she probably never even realized what was happening. The girl seemed innocent enough. Just a little naïve. Like Danielle had been. She sighed, making a mental note to apologise to the girl before she left the hospital.

As she placed a hand over her swollen stomach, she felt a sudden swoop of fear. If her Dad, had been in to see her, that meant he knew she was pregnant. Her mouth fell open slightly, and her hands started to shake in fear and anger, the look of horror still etched on her face, when Jack and Roxy entered the room.

Seeing the look on Ronnie's face, both rushed over, fearing the worse. "Ronnie, what is it?! Is it the baby?!" Jack cried, cupping her face in his hands, and forcing her for the first time to look directly into his eyes, since the fire.

Wordlessly she shook her head. "No" she managed to choke out. "No, but I just found out off that nurse, that Dad came in to see me last night, when I was sleeping" Jack's hands slid from her face in shock, and Ronnie's eyes slid to Roxy, where Jack's expression was mirrored on her sisters.

**Hey, I know I promised this chapter would be longer and it's not really, but I hope it's OK. I've just started another fic, 'Broken' a Ronnie and Danielle one :) I know there are loads, but I've tried a slightly different take on what could have happened, please give it a read if you can. **

**Anyway, what with my new fic, and my own story which I'm writing ( not a fanfic) my creative juices are a little sapped at the moment. However, I really enjoy writing this story, I hope you readers are still enjoying it, and I'm definitely NOT giving it up :) **

**I've got loads of ideas of where to take this, still a long way to go before it's anywhere near finished. **

**Lol, that's enough of me rambling, please Review if you can, and thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far. I would name you all, but I'm afraid to leave someone out :) Thanks, and please keep them coming :P**

**xxxxx**


	31. Believe Me

"Wh – What?" Roxy choked out after a few seconds of stunned silence. Her eyes were wide with shock and confusion. Ronnie took a deep breath, and directed her next statement directly at her sister, avoiding Jack's gaze once more.

"Dad was here last night, Rox. After you left" Ronnie said quietly, surprised by how calm her voice sounded, when she felt anything but calm.

She looked down at Jack's hands, which had slid from her face as soon as she had told them about Archie, and resisted the urge to reach out and grab them, have him hold her in his strong arms and never let go.

She bit her lip and swiveled her eyes to meet Roxy's gaze again. "D-Dad was _here_?" Roxy said, dumbfounded. "Did you see him?"

"No, I told you I was asleep! That nurse let him in last night after you had left when I was sleeping" Ronnie snapped, irritated by how long it was taking them to get it.

The thought that her Dad had been into see her when she was sleeping, made Ronnie shiver again and she felt a wave of nausea wash over her. Why did he come to see her, on the night of the fire, when her life had fell apart again? Surely it was far to much of a coincidence that on the same night her flat caught, her estranged father suddenly reappeared?

She felt deeply uneasy to think that he had been in to see her, knew she was pregnant…more importantly, why didn't he wake her up? Knowing Archie, Ronnie was surprised he had passed up an opportunity to gloat over her pain and misfortune.

"Ronnie…" Roxy startled her out of her train of thought. "How can you be sure it was him? I mean, if you didn't see him…" Ronnie looked up, shocked by the dis-believing tone that Roxy was speaking in.

"Trust me, Roxy the nurse described him! I even had a dream about him last night, I mean I thought it was a dream, but now I know that he was really here! In this room! I can't believe it" she said, shaking her head "True, he didn't leave a name but I know it was him, I just know it!" she gushed, speaking very quickly, her cheeks flushed. She kept clasping and unclasping her hands, so worked up that Archie had been anywhere near her and her baby girl.

Placing a hand on her stomach, she knew that she could never let him hurt her baby again, he wouldn't take her little girl away from her this time, no way.

She looked up and saw Roxy starting at her, pitying. At first she couldn't understand the other expression on her little sister's face, and then she realized. Roxy didn't believe her. She thought that Ronnie was imagining it. This thought stunned Ronnie so much, she couldn't even find the energy to be angry any more.

Ronnie knew that Roxy had always been a Daddy's girl, and even now, was reluctant to think the worst of Archie, but to not believe her when the evidence was so blatantly laid in front of her!

In her disbelief, Ronnie looked around at Jack, her eyes wide, looking for some support, someone to back her up. It was even more to her intense surprise when she saw the same pity in Jack's eyes that was in Roxy's.

"Jack?" Ronnie started, bewildered, addressing him directly for the first time in hours. "You believe me right?" she asked, her voice suddenly very small, and feeling very vulnerable.

Seeing the desperate, bewildered look in Ronnie's eyes, Jack's heart broke. She looked so lost and confused, like a deer caught in the headlights.

He desperately wanted to give her the reassurance she needed, but though she seemed so convinced of the truth, the way she kept clenching her fists, the flushed look of her face, her eyes were to bright, worried. And it was so difficult to believe that Archie had actually been in the hospital…After all he wouldn't have been allowed in, they would have needed Ronnie's permission.

"Ronnie" he began, shifting uncomfortably. "I understand how hard this is, I really do, but maybe you just thought… I mean you've been through a hell of a lot in the part twenty four -" he broke off, seeing Ronnie had raised a hand to silence him, her eyes closed.

"Don't" she spoke very quietly. "Just…don't" she said with a shake of her head.

"Ronnie pl-" he started again, his voice desperate, seeing how she was shutting down again. She had been so animated just a few seconds ago, now…

"No" she said harshly, standing up as quickly as she could, shrugging off any help he tried to offer her. "Take me home, Jack" she said, her voice sounding dangerous.

"Er… Ronnie… you're flat…" Roxy butted in, not wanting to have to say how bad the damage to the flat actually was.

Ronnie felt like the bottom of her stomach had dropped, remembering that her home now resembled a crumbled burnt mess.

"Take me to your flat then" she said brusquely to Jack, and she turned her back on them, walking towards the door, struggling with her bag. Jack rushed forward and took it off her, and she let him do so most reluctantly. She again refused to make eye contact with either of them, and exited the room ahead of them.

Jack stood, Ronnie's bag in his hand, staring miserably after the love of his life. Roxy came up behind him and placed a hand on his arm. He jumped, feeling the electricity that ran up and down his arm. He looked at Roxy's arm on his and then looked up, staring directly into her sympathetic eyes.

"Jack" she said softly. "It'll be OK. We'll get through this"

He returned her smile sadly, feeling oddly comforted. "Let's hope so" Roxy's took her hand off his arm and both followed after Ronnie, both ignoring the the feelings each had experienced, but each knowing that the other had felt it too…

**:) I'm so evil :D**

**Sorry :P You know I'm actually slightly annoyed at myself for writing this because I HATE Jack and Roxy, but it's all for the good of the story, and you'll see how it plays out :) **

**I hope this chapter was better than the last two, but to be honest, I'm still a bit fed up with my writing just now, which doesn't really feel up to scratch :S**

**Anyone, thanks for the reviews on the last couple of chapters, you guys are so supportive, as always, even when my writing hasn't been that great.**

**If you get the chance, and you haven't done so already, please give my other fic 'Broken' a read and tell me what you think :D**

**Anyhoo, thanks for sticking with this story, and to all you fabulous reviewers :I love you all!!! Please Review if you can :P**

**X x x x x x x x x x **


	32. Memorial

The car ride home was almost silent, the radio playing quietly. Ronnie sat in the front seat, staring out of the window, her thoughts filled with Tom and Danielle, all the things she had lost. As they drew nearer and nearer to the square, she felt her heart begin to pound and she felt scared at the thought of seeing the her flat again.

Scared of returning to the place where she had lost him , Tom, her best friend, her confidant, and so much more. He had been like a brother in so many ways.

She was afraid that seeing the flat would make it to real, she wouldn't be able to hide any longer, she would have to confront it, that Tom was really and truly gone. Jack gripped the steering wheel tightly, as they drew into the square, shooting furtive glances at Ronnie, on the look-out for any emotions which would give away what she was feeling.

Roxy sat in the back seat, also watching her sister carefully, her head crammed with thoughts. She wasn't sure what to believe anymore. It was to difficult to believe that their Dad had been to see Ronnie, it made much more sense that Ronnie was so worked up and had so many bad dreams last night, that when the nurse told of the visitor she had, Ronnie had jumped to the conclusion that it was their Dad.

However, Ronnie had been speaking with such conviction, and was now seemingly furious that they hadn't believed her, and though it was so hard to believe that their Dad had visited her sister, so were all of the things that had happened to her, what with Danielle and everything else.

She didn't know what to believe anymore. She sighed lightly and shook her head, pushing thoughts of Archie from her mind. She would deal with that later. Now she had more pressing matters on her mind. Like Jack and the moment they had in the hospital room, when it was just the two of them.

Roxy didn't know what the hell was going on in her head anymore, as she stared at the back of Jack's head. She had thought they had finished with all that years ago, when they saw how badly they had hurt Ronnie. She didn't even want Jack, not really. She was in love with James, and Jack was in love with Ronnie, it was as simple as that.

Roxy had no desire to go down that road again, and did not want to hurt her sister so badly ever again, especially not at a time, when Ronnie was so vulnerable.

She knew Jack felt the same, yet she couldn't stop feeling those weird feelings every time she was with him, and she knew now he had felt the same thing, she had seen it in his eyes at the hospital. But to be honest, she wasn't sure exactly what she _was _feeling. Part of it was that she felt Jack was the only one who really understood her right now. They both loved Ronnie so much, and when she shut them out, they weren't sure what to do with themselves.

She shifted in her seat, and made a mental vow that she wouldn't do anything that would hurt Ronnie ever again.

Jack turned onto George street, and Ronnie took and intake of breath as she looked at number 89. The damage wasn't as bad as she had been expecting, as she had been imagining the house would resemble a pile of ashes, but it was bad enough. Part of the outside wall was blackened with smoke, and she could see there was a lot of damage inside.

She felt her breathing become quicker though she was slightly relieved that the sight of her damaged home was nowhere near as bad as watching Tom…

She shuddered slightly, and then felt like she had been punched in the gut. Her eyes had traveled down to the pavement, where she saw the little bunch of flowers which has been placed, just feet from where Tom had died in her arms.

"Stop the car" she said quietly, unsure of what she was doing. Jack looked at her nervously, but continued driving. "Ronnie…" he began hesitantly but she spoke over him, "Stop the car now Jack!"

He reluctantly brought the vehicle to a standstill and Ronnie opened the car door and walked across the road without another word. Jack and Roxy stayed in the car, unsure of what to do.

Ronnie reached the point where the flowers had been laid, and felt a lump rise in her throat, but still refused to let the tears fall. Because if she started she would never stop. She bent down slowly, a hand on her bump and peaked at the labels on the flowers.

There were only a few bunches, only enough to make a little bundle and all of the messages were filled with condolences.

"_Our thoughts and prayers go out to your family. Hope you're at peace now. Dot and Dotty"_

"_Tom your were a great guy, you'll be sorely missed. Max, Tanya, and kids x x x"_

"_Only the good die young. You were taken to soon, Tom. Rest in peace. Charlie, Mo, Jean and Stacey x"_

Those were only a few messages, all the rest from people who Ronnie didn't even know very well, who hadn't thought they knew Tom very well, but he seemed to be quite popular, the people who had left messages seemingly cut up about his death. The thought that anyone had taken the time to honor Tom, by writing such lovely messages brought tears to Ronnie's eyes but she bit them back.

She quicky got up and walked back over to the car quickly, slipping back into the seat, ignoring Jack and Roxy's worried gazes. "Take me home. Please" she whispered to Jack, sounding vulnerable and lost.

**Hello, my wonderful readers!!! How was this chapter? Any good? You know what to do! Hit that green button and tell me what you thought!!**

**As for previous reviews, I would just like to say, I also HATE Roxy and Jack together, and I am a RACK fan till the end. But… you will have to keep reading to see what happens. I don't think I'll get Roxy and Jack together as a couple but that doesn't mean I can't have a little fun…**

**Mwhahahahaha! (evil laugh :P) Sorry, but please review!!!**

**xxx**


	33. Outlet

**A/N: Hey, everyone :) Haven't updated in a few days, sorry to keep you waiting. I was a little stressed with my other fic, my own separate story that I'm writing and just my chaotic life in general lol. **

**I felt like I was slipping a bit with this story, and though I know where I want to take it, I got a bit stuck to how I was going to bridge this part and what's coming next, so I decided to leave it for a few days. Luckily, I know what I'm doing now, and I'm back with a renewed vigor!**

**Lol, sorry for rambling on like this, but I love writing this fic, and want to do it justice. So! Enough of my chatter and on to the story. Enjoy :D **

Jack pulled up outside his flat, and Ronnie quickly slid out of the car. She was itching to get inside, she could feel many pairs of eyes on her and could hear people whispering, and it was making her feel uncomfortable. Roxy shut her own door, and walked round to where Ronnie was, pulling her into a tight hug.

Ronnie responded, squeezing her back, letting her know in her own way, that she was OK. Well, as OK as she could be. Roxy pulled back and looked into Ronnie's eyes. "Hey. I'm going to go home now, let you get some rest, I'll call round later or tomorrow, OK?" she said, trying to figure her sister out.

Ronnie nodded her head, and Roxy hugged her again, before pulling away, nodding to Jack once, and making to go toward her flat. Ronnie caught her arm "Roxy…Thanks" it was all Ronnie could come up with right now, but Roxy seemed to understand what she meant. Ronnie was still angry that they hadn't believed her about Archie, but she was glad that Roxy had came to see her anyway.

Roxy nodded wordlessly and smiled, before walking off towards her own flat. Ronnie looked after her for a few seconds before turning to Jack. She couldn't understand why he hadn't believed her, but right now, she felt vulnerable and exposed, standing in the street, and though she wanted to be strong and be able to be without him, she couldn't do it.

She needed him, at this moment in time, and as she glanced around nervously at the passers-by, she reached out and grabbed his hand tightly. He held it reassuringly before leading her up the path to his front door, holding her bags in the other hand.

As Ronnie entered the flat, she breathed a sigh of relief, glad to be away from the prying eyes, and pulled her hand away from Jack's. He looked down at the floor, upset at the loss of contact, but said nothing, just set her bags down on the table.

"So…" he said awkwardly, and Ronnie bit her lip. She didn't really know where they were anymore. She thought she would be staying in his flat, but now, standing there, with such a weird atmosphere between them, she wasn't sure if it was the best idea anymore. She looked into his brown eyes, and wanted more than anything than to let him comfort her, to tell him everything would be fine between them, that they would work through it together.

But as she opened her mouth, the words wouldn't come. She couldn't bring herself to say out loud the words of comfort, the guilt ripping through her once more.

"The doctor said that you should rest, Ronnie" Jack said softly, his eyes filled with sympathy, wanting desperately to wrap his arms around her, seeing the conflict and pain in her deep blue eyes, but refraining from doing so, knowing that she wouldn't let him. Not yet, anyway.

She nodded, but hesitated, unsure of what to do next. "Err…" she said, pausing on her way to the bedroom, looking around for his permission. After all, she didn't know where she stood anymore. A look of shock and hurt passed over Jack's face very briefly but he covered it up quickly. "Sure" he nodded "Go and lie down in the bedroom, I'm just going to watch some telly anyway" he smiled falsely "Give me a shout if you need anything, OK?"

"Yeah, Jack, thanks" she murmured, turning round and grabbing her bags before, going into the bedroom. As she set her things down on the bed she sighed. All her clothes had been ruined in the fire. All she had now was the few clothes that she had left at Roxy's or Jack's, and a pair of Primark pyjamas that Roxy had picked for her.

She turned and closed the bedroom door behind her, before going to the wardrobe and pulling out one of Jack's navy blue bath towels. She felt so dirty after all the smoke and everything from the fire, all she wanted was to have a long hot shower, and try to relax her tense muscles.

As she slipped out of her own clothes and wrapped the towel around herself, she inhaled the smell of it. Though clean, she could still faintly smell the scent of Jack's shower gel and aftershave off of it. She walked into the en-suite and buried her nose deep in the towel, the scent giving her comfort. She couldn't let Jack comfort her, not yet, but his scent made her feel safe, like he was right next to her. She was being silly she knew, Jack was just feet away but she couldn't bring herself to go and talk to him, not when being with him, was the reason Tom had died.

How could she let herself be happy, when Tom had died because of her? She sighed deeply, and let the towel drop to the floor, before turning on the water and stepping into the shower, letting the water pound into her skin.

Jack sat slumped on the sofa, staring blankly at the TV screen, unaware to what show he was watching. As he heard the sound of the shower start he sighed. He had been hoping that once Ronnie was out of hospital, that things between them would start to get slightly better, he knew losing Tom had hit her hard, that it was probably dredging up all the old memories of Danielle, but he hated that she wouldn't accept his comfort.

She was being classic Ronnie Mitchell, shutting off when something traumatic happened, and to be honest, he hadn't expected anything else. But that didn't make it any easier to accept. He put his face in his hands and groaned. He loved Ronnie with all his heart, but he felt so lonely when she shut him out. No-one else could understand him like Ronnie, but the only person who understood his feelings when she shut him out was Roxy. He didn't know what was going on there, and he was determined _not_ to go down that road again. He had been there before and he knew it held nothing for him. Ronnie was the one he loved, she was the one that he needed, and the one he always came back to.

But he did have a connection with Roxy, they did have a child together, there 'bond' was something which Ronnie had always been jealous of. It had gotten much better after she was with Tom, but even now, out of the corner of his eye, whenever Ronnie saw him with Amy, of with Roxy, he would see the little glint of hurt and jealousy in Ronnie's eyes.

Recently, over the past day or so, he had been feeling things toward her he hadn't felt in a long time. This time though, he was almost completely sure that it had nothing to do with any kind of sexual attraction, although of course, he did appreciate that, like her sister, Roxy was also a very beautiful woman. No, this time it was more that she had been there, right after Tom had died, and she understood exactly how he was feeling, because she was in the same position.

Both were lost without Ronnie.

He shook his head and picked up the remote, aimlessly flicking through the channels, till he reached a 24 hours new station, when he then dropped the remote and stared blankly at the screen again.

Ronnie stood under the stream of roasting water, scrubbing her skin, and carefully shampooing her hair, getting all traces of dirt and smoke out of it, grateful that she had once left a bottle of shampoo at Jack's by accident, and never bothered to take it back. Even after she was clean, she stood under the shower, allowing the water to cascade around her, staring into space, until the water eventually turned cold. She would have stood there longer, but didn't think that getting hypothermia would be exactly great for her baby. Her little girl, a second chance. She smiled slightly, as she stepped out of the shower and wrapped Jack's towel around her once more, thinking of all the things she would be able to put right once she had her baby.

She quickly dried herself down, and padded through to the bedroom, the towel wrapped around her as she reached in the cupboard for another towel to wrap around her soaking hair. As she straightened up, her long hair twisted above her head in a towel , she reached into her bag, and slipped into the pyjamas which Roxy had bought her. It was the middle of the day, only lunchtime, but Ronnie felt exhausted, and all she wanted to do was lie down. Once dressed in her pyjamas, she sat down heavily on the bed, shaking her hair from the towel, and brushing it through. Unfortunately, she didn't have her hair-dryer, but it wouldn't take very long to dry by itself. It would just be untamable when it did dry, she thought, sighing again. She reached into her bag once more, searching around for anything else which they had scraped up for her.

She took a sharp intake of breath when she felt her fingers bump against something hard and rectangular. She slowly produced the picture of Danielle that she had tried to save that night in the fire. She had almost forgotten about it, given everything that had happened.

She sat cross-legged on the bed, as she stared at the perfect features of the child she had lost, and tears pricked at her eyes. She didn't know how long she sat there, just staring at the picture, a symbol of everything that she had lost.

Jack sat quietly, the television turned down low, trying to listen out for Ronnie. He had heard the shower turn off some half an hour ago, and he had heard her sit down on the bed, and he didn't know what else to do with himself, as he presumed she was asleep. He crossed and uncrossed his legs several times impatiently, before finally standing up and stretching, creeping over to the door, wanting to check up on her.

He cautiously inched open the door, and peaked his head round, stopping short at the sight which greeted him. He saw Ronnie sitting on the bed, her legs crossed, her hair, covering her face, gazing at something in her lap. "Oh. I – sorry – Ronnie?" Jack said, confusion swamping as Ronnie looked up and met his gaze, only for him to see that her eyes were pooled with tears.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he couldn't stop himself, as he walked over to the bed and sat down beside her. "Oh." Was all he could say as he saw the picture of Danielle. "Ronnie" he began but she stopped him. "No, don't. Please…just hold me" she whispered, and leant into him as his strong arms encircled her and held her close.

"Shh" he murmured into her head, as he placed a kiss in her hair. "I'm here, Ron. Let it out" As Jack held her, making her feel safe and warm, protecting her, she couldn't stop herself. The tears which had been begging for a release, finally fell, not stopping, until finally great wrenching violent sobs wracked her body. She twisted her hands in his shirt, burying her face in his neck, and she sobbed and sobbed uncontrollably.

She wept for her daughter, and the best friend come brother that she had lost. She wept for everything that she had done wrong, and for everything that she had lost. And Jack just held her, his arms hugging her close, as the tears poured down her cheeks, the sobs filling the otherwise silent flat.

**Awwww :-( Felt like this needed to happen though :-) Anyway, thanks for your encouraging reviews, your feedback helps so much, and it is very much appreciated. Keep those reviews coming!!!**

**Xxx**


	34. Unguarded

Ronnie felt scared, as the sobs continued to come, becoming more and more violent, until she was struggling for breath, and she was shaking. She hated feeling out of control, but she couldn't stop the tears from coming. She so rarely let out her emotions, it was as if they were desperately fighting to get out while they could, while her guard was down.

The tears poured down her cheeks, soaking Jack's shirt, and she clung to him tightly, he was her only lifeline in this mess. Without him, she would crumble and she knew it. So this made her sob even harder, and cling even tighter, as if that if she let him go, her life raft would slip away, and she would be swept away in the raging black waters of grief and rage, drown under the weight of it all.

Jack hugged her close, his own eyes filling up at the extent of Ronnie's grief, but he bit them back. He had to be strong for her now. She was letting him in, letting him support her, and he was going to do the best he could. It tore him apart to see her so upset. He was starting to get scared, as she struggled to find breath for every violent sob which sent tremors through her frame, and her hands gripped tighter and tighter at his shirt.

Every sob and every tear was like a knife to his heart, made all the worst by the fact he knew Ronnie was blaming herself. She had enough trouble and heartache to be dealing with, without tumbling even more blame on herself. If it was anyone's fault, it was his, he had left Tom in the building.

Jack realized that this was the first time he had ever seen Ronnie _really_ lose control, and though he was glad she had finally let him in, he was frightened. This was Ronnie Mitchell, completely stripped back, with no barriers up whatsoever, finally letting the grief out. He had never seen her so completely vulnerable and defenceless before, and had never truly understood the full extent of her pain. Sure, he had seen glimpses of it now and then, would see the little look in her eyes when she saw Amy, or someone who reminded her of Danielle.

But this…There were no words to describe such a level of pain and grief, and his heart broke at the thought that Ronnie had been keeping all of this locked up in her heart, having to deal with it all her own, never having anyone to share the guilt, and anguish which she felt. How did she do it? Jack thought, his grip on her tightening as she let out a particularly harrowing sob. How can one person, feel so much hurt and keep it locked away. Anyone else would go stark, raving mad, he thought, finding a new awe for Ronnie, as she shook with tears.

But now more than ever, he realized why she did keep her emotions locked away because if she allowed herself to let her emotions out like this more frequently, then she would never be able to stop crying. "Oh, Ron" he murmured into her hair. "You have no idea how much I love you"

His words had a calming effect on her, but the sobs and tears didn't stop. After several more minutes of crying, when the sobs were beginning to become more spaced out and less and less violent, she felt the baby kick, and she realized how much she must have been stressing her baby out. She put a hand to her stomach, and tried her best to calm down, the sobs becoming quieter and quieter until eventually the stopped all together, just a few silent tears still rolling down her cheeks.

Jack stayed where he was, stroking her head for a few moments, before gently trying to ease away, so he could look into her eyes. She panicked when she felt him move, thinking he was going to go away and she hugged him tighter than ever "Don't leave" she mumbled into his shirt.

"Hey, Ronnie I'm not going anywhere" he said soothingly, easing her arms away and pulling back, looking into her face. He could see the tear stains on her cheeks, and the redness of her eyes. She was looking away from him, staring into her lap.

Ronnie sucked in a deep breath gazing intently at her knees, afraid to look up and meet his gaze. She felt as if a great weight had been lifted, the tears seemed to have been waiting forever to come out. But she still felt the crippling guilt when she thought of Tom. He was lying, dead and it was all her fault. Yet here she was, seeking comfort in the arms of the man who Tom had despised and it killed her.

She was afraid that Jack wouldn't look at her in the same way anymore. She was usually so strong and together, and she had never _ever_ lost control that way with anyone before. He was the only person she had ever fully opened her heart to, and that scared her in itself.

Her heart belonged to him now, and there was nothing she could do to change that. If he wanted to, he could stamp all over it, and she would be powerless to stop him. Though she probably deserved it, because that's what she had done to Tom. But still, Ronnie hated not being in control and she always kept her emotions tucked carefully away, to stop anyone being able to hurt her.

But she supposed the time for that had passed with Jack. Despite her guilt, she still loved him desperately, and wanted to be with him, it was now just a question of whether or nor she would let herself.

"Ronnie" Jack said her name, and her heart sped up. Just the sound of his voice make her fall more and more in love with him. "Look at me, please" He tucked a hand gently under her chin and tilted her head up, finally looking into her gorgeous blue eyes, for the first time completely unguarded. This was it, he was finally seeing her without all her bravado and pretences. There was nothing like it. He was bowled over by how much more beautiful she seemed. She didn't have an ounce of make up on, her hair was unruly, her eyes red-rimmed, and her cheeks tear stained. But as Jack took her in, her had never seen her look so beautiful in all his life.

Her blue eyes stared directly into his brown ones, crystal clear, a look in them that was a mixture of vulnerability and defiance. He had saw her without her barriers up, and that made her vulnerable but it was also like she was daring him to look at her any differently.

The thought made him smile. "I love you Ronnie" he let out a little laugh and swept her back up in his arms. Ronnie snuggled against him, bemused but perfectly content.

**Hey :) As usual, thank-you to my fabulous reviewers :D I love you guys so much!!**

**Please tell me how this chapter was :P **

**Xxxxxxx**


	35. Dreams

She was running. Her feet pounded against the concrete, echoing in the night. Her skirts swished about her as she ran around the deserted square, she was searching, searching, always searching. The faster she tried to run, the heavier her legs seem to feel. She tired to shout for her, shout for her little girl, but no sound came out as she opened her mouth. Then suddenly Danielle came into view, but she was too far away, her back was turned, she couldn't see Ronnie. Ronnie tried to scream for her, but again no sound came out. She sprinted after her, getting closer and closer, until she could almost reach out and touch her. Finally she found her voice "Danielle!" she shouted. Her baby turned around, looking straight into her eyes. Danielle's eyes were filled with tears, and she was shaking.

"Mum" Danielle sobbed, reaching out for her, reaching out for her mum. Ronnie extended her arms, aching to cradle her Amy in her arms after so long, make it all better, make it go away, yet as she reached out, she found she couldn't quite reach her, and no matter how hard she struggled, Danielle was always just a couple of centimeters out of reach. Danielle continued to sob, becoming more and more distressed, Ronnie sobbing along with her, trying desperately to reach out to her child through the darkness. And then when she didn't think she could take the pain anymore, Danielle sobbed "Mum" once more, and Ronnie found the barrier lifted, yet as she reached forward, ready to embrace her daughter, Danielle vanished into thin air, like a puff of smoke "No!" Ronnie gasped, looking around frantically, but all she could see was darkness pressing in on all sides, she dropped to the ground and sobbed for her baby.

Ronnie woke with a start, letting out a little gasp, her cheeks wet with tears. She had never had had such a vivid nightmare before. She felt warm, strong arms tighten around her and she snuggled into them. "Oh, Tom, I had such a terrible dream" she whispered, drawing herself closer to him. She looked up and took a sharp intake of breath. Jack was lying beside her, still fast asleep, having unconsciously tightened his grip on her, as if he knew even in his sleep that she was distressed. Ronnie put a hand to her bump and the events of everything that had happened recently came whooshing back to her. She bit her lip angrily, tears burning in her eyes. Suddenly, she couldn't stand to be anywhere near Jack. She carefully loosened his hold on her, so as not to wake him and then rolled away from him silently. She exited the bedroom and walked through to Jack's kitchen, as quietly as possible getting a glass of water for herself. As she sipped it she let a few tears fall. She had honestly forgot everything that had happened. And for those blissful few seconds she had thought that it was Tom's arms she was laying in and not Jack's. She loved Jack, she knew she did, but she was also aching for Tom.

She sighed softly and pinched the bridge of her nose between her fingers, closing her eyes. Her head was so messed up, she didn't know what she wanted. The baby kicked at her stomach, sending a powerful rush of love coursing through her body. "Well, of course I want you, silly" she whispered and smiled to her bump. Just a couple more months, she thought, just a couple more and then all her pain would go away, because she would have what she needed, she would have her Danielle back, little baby girl Danielle. She smiled, her eyes far off thinking of the future.

A glance at the clock told her it was half-four in the afternoon. She must have fallen asleep at around two, after she had cried to Jack. She didn't want to face him anymore. She loved him so much, but she felt guilty for that split second moment when she realized what had happened, and had wished, just for one tiny second that it really was Tom's arms wrapped around her.

If she hadn't hurt Tom and gone off with Jack, then Tom would probably still be here, she reasoned. If she hadn't been selfish, then none of this would have happened. She looked at her bump again consumed with love. She thought back to the last time she had seen Tom before the fire. She had been angry at him, shouting at him. Because he had wanted her to have a paternity test, even though it might harm the baby. She still wasn't willing to take the risk, but she wished more than ever she hadn't shouted at him. She wished that they had given him a lift home that day. Could it really only have been just over twenty four hours ago? It seemed like a lifetime had passed since them, she shook her head.

Ronnie turned her thoughts seriously to the paternity of her baby. It didn't matter to her, not really. She would love her baby the same, no matter what. But it mattered to Jack, it had mattered to Tom. Jack had sworn to stick by her, even if the baby wasn't his. She believed him, but would he really be able to treat the baby the same if it wasn't his? If it was Tom's? All this time, she had been wishing for it to be Jack's, selfishly wishing, if she was being honest. But now the thought that the baby might be Tom's, that she might have a bit of Tom still growing inside her…

The thought filled her with a surprising glow. Maybe all wasn't lost. Even if this baby was Jack's, she decided, she wasn't going to ever, _ever _forget Tom's memory. Not when he had helped to save her and her baby's life. He would be remembered, she decided.

Ronnie heard the door creek open, and Jack emerged, rubbing his eyes. "Hey baby, I got worried about you. Are you alright?" he asked, coming and sitting beside her at the table, yawning. Ronnie rubbed her stomach. "I'm fine" she smiled, plastering it on her face. Jack smiled back, a little disappointed that she was still acting with her barriers up. He had hoped that after today…Well, it would take time, he supposed. After acting one way for so long, it must be scary for her to let someone in, he thought.

"Ronnie, I was thinking, about…Tom" he hesitated, trying to gauge her reaction. He could see the hurt in her eyes which she was trying to hide. "What about him?" she sighed. "Well, I mean, we don't have to do anything right now" he rushed, desperate for her not to shut off to him again "But you know, I was thinking, we'll need to contact his family, about – about the funeral and stuff" he glanced at her anxiously.

Ronnie felt her heart twist with fear when she thought of the funeral. It had to be done though. Tom's family had to be told. She sighed. As much as she didn't want to talk about it, she knew Jack was right.

She sighed again. "You're right" she said sadly "And they should be told sooner than later. C'mon give me the phone. I'll phone them just now" Jack looked at her surprised.

"J-Just now? Ronnie, are you sure? I could do it if you want?!" he asked, anxious. She looked at him. "No, Jack I need to do this by myself" she smiled sadly.

"Ron, are you sure you're up to this?" he asked, regretting his question by the way her eyes flashed. "I'm fine thank-you very much" she said stubbornly, reaching for the phone. She accepted it and walked through to the bedroom closing the door behind her. She sat down on the bed, her heart thudding as she dialed his mum's house.

She held the phone to her ear, listening as it rang, _please don't be home, please don't be home_, she chanted inside her head.

"Hello?" Tom's mum answered the phone, _damn it_, Ronnie thought. Her mouth dried. She was about to tell a mother that she had lost her child. She couldn't do it, she couldn't do it.

"Hel-lo?" she asked again. Ronnie swallowed. "Hi, Elaine? It's Ronnie here" her voice cracked.

"Oh. Hello. What's the matter?" Ronnie swallowed again. She had gotten on well with Tom's mum before she had went with Jack. "Listen, Elaine, I really – I don't know what to say. Erm…I don't know how to tell you this, I'm sorry but I'm afraid…"

Forty-five minutes later, Ronnie emerged from the bedroom, holding the phone in her hands, her eyes red-rimmed and looking emotionally drained. It was one of the most awful experiences of her life. Elaine had cried for a full twenty minutes, Ronnie with her for most of it, before she had managed to choke out anything understandable. They had talked for about another ten minutes, and Elaine had told her she would phone in the morning, going to break the terrible news to the rest of the family. "Want to talk about it?" Jack asked softly, from the sofa. Ronnie shook her head. "It was awful" she shuddered, sitting down beside him. She felt so lucky that she had Jack, poor Elaine's husband was dead, she thought tearfully. You should really appreciate people while you've got them, she pondered.

"You hungry?" Jack asked, rubbing her back. Ronnie smiled at him. "How about you phone a Chinese, and we'll watch a DVD?" she asked, her voice small. Jack grinned. "Sounds great, I'll go phone it" he got up and Ronnie smiled, curling her knees up around her chest, firmly pushing her guilt to one side. She was sorry for what had happened to Tom but she couldn't keep pushing Jack away. You never know when it might be too late to make your peace, she thought sadly, as Jack dialed the number for the Chinese takeaway.

**Hey, hope you enjoyed. As always, PLEASE REVIEW!**

**xxxx**


	36. One Week

**A/N:- Hey :D sorry this has taken a while to update, been really busy. Anyway here it is, I hope people are still enjoying this. If you have any suggestions on what I could do to improve, please don't hesitate to tell me. I love this fic, but I really feel it's slipping a little bit. I've got loads of big things coming up though, so keep reading :) Enjoy :D **

One week. One week since the fire, one week since Ronnie's world had been completely flipped upside down again, just as she was beginning to regain some sort of normality. Seven days in which so much had happened, it made her head spin. Ronnie sat down on her bed and pulled on her black maternity trousers that Roxy had picked up for her. That was one thing about being pregnant that she hated. The clothes. In the last seven days, Ronnie had learned a lot.

The day after the fire, when she had opened up to Jack, was the scariest thing she had ever done, and part of her was still uncomfortable by just how vulnerable she was around him now. She trusted him completely, but that wasn't the point. She had never been so exposed before, and instead of moving forwards, she and Jack seemed to have taken a step backwards. She was still talking to him, still including him, but not showing her emotions as much. Ronnie stood up, buttoning up her white blouse and pulling on her black jacket. She ran a comb through her hair, taking a look in Jack's full-length mirror.

She remembered the first time she had been in his room and stayed the night. She had laughed when she saw his mirror. What a poser, she had thought, and said so to him, while Jack had pretended to be offended. They had laughed, care-free and happy.

Ronnie sighed, hearing Jack moving about in the kitchen. She glanced at the clock. 8.30 in the morning. Tom's funeral was at 10.00. She swallowed, her stomach churning. Meeting and talking with Tom's family over the past week had been a nightmare. His mother was heart-broken, in floods every time Ronnie had spoken to or seen her. Elaine seemed to have taken a particular liking to Ronnie, insisting Ronnie come to say goodbye, when Ronnie had expressed her misgivings about attending Tom's funeral, thinking she wouldn't go if the family didn't want her. Ronnie had held her hand as the woman cried, herself knowing what losing a child did to you.

However though Tom's mother seemed happy to let Ronnie be involved, Tom's sister Rachel was less easily convinced and had set about trying to make Ronnie's life as difficult as possible that week, picking holes in everything, shooting Ronnie daggers every time she thought Ronnie wasn't looking. Ronnie didn't even have the strength to argue back with the girl, all her emotion wrapped up in trying to hold herself together. And part of her was glad that Rachel was giving her a hard time, it was what she deserved. Every time that Elaine had said something nice, it had killed Ronnie, the immense pressure of guilt washing over her with renewed force every time the poor woman gave Ronnie a watery smile.

Aswell as the pressure of the funeral preparations, she had to deal with everyone else's sympathy, being piled on her in shovel loads, flowers, cards, you name it. She wanted to scream at them all. Tell them that sympathy was the last thing that she deserved but of course she didn't. And then there was the business with the police. They had discovered that the fire was intentional, that someone had broken in the bathroom window, which had always been faulty.

It scared her, thinking that someone had been in the flat whilst she had been sleeping. It had also delayed the cheque from the insurance company. But since Ronnie seemed to have no enemies – Archie hadn't even popped into Ronnie's head, Jack and Roxy had almost convinced her that it was her grief that made her believe the young nurse – and the police had ruled that it was probably some kids, since there had been no lights on in the flat, thinking they would have some fun. There were some kids hanging about who had been caught on CCTV, and the police were trying to trace them, the insurance company had finally decided to pay up, and work on her flat had already begun.

The damage was mainly contained in the bedroom and living room, not at all as bad as she had first thought, which was the only small silver lining in the garbage pile of a situation.

But the whole week had been a nightmare. All she wanted now was to get Tom's funeral over with, not at all in a callous way, but every moment that was spent with this hanging over her, the atmosphere which only comes when hanging in the sort of limbo between a death and the funeral, was like a knife to her heart, slowly chipping and eating away at her.

Ronnie smoothed her clothes down, breathing in and out slowly, running a hand over her bump. Her hand drifted up to her locket and she fiddled with it thoughtfully for a couple of minutes before turning on her heel and exiting the room, going into the kitchen where Jack was sitting, tapping his fingers on the table, wearing his black suit, ready to go.

He smiled at her "You OK?" She simply nodded, seeing the disappointment in his eyes. She had gotten used to it over the past week or so.

Every time that Ronnie hadn't opened up to him, he felt his heart sink. He had truly believed that after she had cried and opened up, their relationship would be easier now, and it was slightly, but Ronnie seemed to have shut off again, hurting him. He felt lonely when she shut him out, even a tiny bit, he wanted to help her in her grief, help her get through it, like Tom had done the first time. He wanted to be her crutch. She couldn't be rushed though, he knew that.

He sighed and stood up. "You ready to go then?" he asked. They were going to a church about an hour away , so were leaving with plenty of time, Ronnie didn't want to be late.

Ronnie exhaled slowly, and nodded, smoothing her hair. She put a hand to her locket once more and closed her eyes momentarily. She nodded again, inhaling deeply, before meeting his brown eyes. "Let's go" she said.

**Yeah a bit crappy I know. I was in a rush when I wrote this, just wanted to update. Oh well, it'll be better next time, please review anyway **

**xxxxxxx**


	37. Subtle Signs

**A/N:- Hello! Lol yes it's official, I haven't dropped off the face of the earth!!! You're shocked I know :D :D **

**I'm sooooo sorry for the lack of updates recently, don't know what's came over me, but I just started back school and I'm swamped with loads of homework and stuff :P **

**This fic had been annoying me, I just can't seem to get it right, and I'm rapidly losing confidence in my writing of this fic. But I will persevere, sorry if it's not that good right now. Have LOADS of good stuff coming up when the baby's born and lots of drama leading up to it, so **_**please**_** stick with me, though it might not be great just now. **

**I'll stop rambling now and let you actually read the chapter :P **

"Mummy, where you going?" Amy garbled, flailing her arms as she tried to grab a lock of Roxy's hair, as Roxy pulled the pink baby gap t-shirt over her daughter's head. Roxy smiled at her little girl, and sat down heavily on Amy's bed, pulling her onto her lap. Amy giggled as her blonde curls bounced on her shoulders. "Remember Daddy, and James and Mummy told you about Uncle Tom?" she smiled at the two year old who nodded her head.

"Yeah. He's living with the angels now, way up in the sky!" Amy grinned, gesturing to show where the sky was. Roxy bit her lip, struggling to keep the watery smile on her face. She nodded. "Right. Well Mummy, Daddy, James and Auntie Ronnie are going somewhere today to say a special goodbye to your Uncle Tom" Roxy said, running her fingers absent mindedly through Amy's curls. Amy frowned. "I wanna come!" she wailed, pouting. Roxy shook her head. "No, sweetheart, it's just for grown-ups today" she smiled. "Anyway, you're spending the day with Uncle Christian!" Roxy beamed and Amy brightened a little. "Let's go!" she cried excitedly, desperate to see her beloved Uncle Christian. Roxy laughed. "OK, sweetie, give me two seconds" she said, getting up and lifting Amy up, hoisting her onto her hip. She wandered into the kitchen, slinging Amy's bag of clothes and toys over her free shoulder, and hollered in the direction of the bedroom. "James! I'm taking Amy over to Christian's!" she called, hearing a muffled shout over the running of the shower. She sighed and exited the flat pulling the door shut behind her.

She walked into the square, flicking her freshly washed hair over her shoulder as she made her way to Christian's flat. As she drew near to Jack's flat, she saw the front door open, and her sister emerge with Jack just behind her. Ronnie looked exhausted, yet still managed to look radiant. Her bump was just visible under her black winter coat, though it was far to warm for such a thing in the middle of spring, yet it looked gorgeous on her. Her eyes slid over to Jack in his black suit and tie, hair carefully gelled back and looking fresh and handsome. She could have sworn that she felt her pulse rate speed up when she saw him, but like she had been doing a lot over the past few days, she pushed the all the subtle signs about what she felt for Jack to the side. "Hey!" she called out, watching as Ronnie's head turned searching for the source of the voice, a sad smile gracing her features as she saw her sister and niece. "Auntie Ronnie! Daddy!" Amy called to them both excitedly.

Roxy approached them, holding onto Amy tightly. She raised a hand and touched Ronnie's arm as she reached her. "Hey you. How're you holding up?" she asked cautiously. Ronnie just shook her head, plastering a fake smile to her face, tucking Amy under the chin. "I'm fine, Rox" she said, cooing over her niece. Roxy's eyes met Jack's for one second, and they shared the same thought. Ronnie was definitely not fine. But neither said it out loud. It was just Ronnie's way of dealing with things. She had always been that way, always would be.

Roxy just nodded. "Hello gorgeous" Jack beamed at his daughter, momentarily pushing aside all his thoughts and worries, as he plucked Amy out of her mothers grasp, and kissed her nose as Amy giggled hysterically. He put her high above his head, swinging her round a couple of times as she laughed before Roxy's protests made him bring her back to his hip, as he gently passed her back to her Mum, his hand brushing Roxy's in the process. He pretended not to notice the way her hand had jerked back from his, like she'd received an electric shock. He ignored the fact that he's felt it to. He smiled at Amy. "Guess, we better listen to Mummy eh?" he said tickling her under her chin.

"Where are you taking her anyway?" Ronnie enquired, as Roxy tired to avoid eye contact with Jack. "Just over to Christian's. I better get going actually. I'll only be like five minutes. Will you wait so that James and I can get a ride with you to the church?" she said as Jack nodded. "Sure"

"Right, thanks. I'll be five minutes, tops" she smiled, walking again towards Christian's flat, Amy giggling over Roxy's shoulder as Jack pulled a funny face.

Two minutes later, and Roxy was opening Christian's door, as he walked out of his bedroom, drying his hair with a towel, as he grinned at them, walking over in a pair of loose jeans and one of his white fitted tops. "And how's my favourite princess today?!" he beamed, taking Amy from Roxy and swinging her round as she squealed outrageously. "I'm fine thanks" Roxy winked, giving Christian a hug as he rolled his eyes at her jokingly. After a couple of minutes sorting out Amy, Christian pulled Roxy to the side as Amy sat crossed legged in front of his T.V, engrossed in an episode of Jackanory Junior on CBeebies.

"How are you?" he asked, his voice low and concerned. "I'm alright, Christian, it's Ronnie I'm worried about. She's only just beginning to move past what happened with Danielle, and now she's got this hanging over her!" Roxy muttered, making sure Amy wasn't within earshot. Christian looked grim as Roxy gave him a quick peck on the cheek. "I have to go" she explained "Ronnie and Jack are waiting on James and I. Thanks again for watching Amy" she smiled. "Not at all! I love spending time with my best goddaughter!" he grinned as Amy giggled at something on the telly. "Bye Amy, love you!" Roxy called, as she left the flat. "Bye Mummy!" Amy shouted absent-mindedly, not taking her eyes off the T.V.

The door to the flat slammed behind Roxy and Christian turned to Amy. "Well, looks like it's just you and me kiddo. Fancy some breakfast?" he grinned.

Jack was drumming his fingers against the steering wheel, as he and Ronnie waited inside the car for Roxy and James, a couple of light spatter of rain beginning to fall on the windscreen, the early morning sky covered behind a thick blanket of grey clouds, suiting Ronnie's mood to a T. Jack was desperately trying to forget the moment with Roxy. Ever since the fire, there seemed to be a renewed, weird kind of sexual tension between them, but he didn't want to go there, he didn't want to hurt Ronnie.

Yet every time he saw Roxy, he couldn't deny the familiar feelings which swirled up inside of him, hating himself for even feeling attracted to Roxy again. He looked at Ronnie, his mind still full of thoughts about Roxy. He really was worried about her, worried that she wouldn't be able to cope with the day ahead.

Ronnie felt the baby kick against her stomach, the feeling leaving her awash with the wave of awe and wonder at the miracle it was. "Ronnie, are you sure you're going to be OK today? We don't have to go if you don't want to" Jack's voice was thick with concern but it irritated the hell out of Ronnie. "Yeah, Jack, I'm fine" she snapped, staring out of the window.

He gritted his teeth. If she said she was fine one more time… She was clearly the opposite of fine, he could see the hurt behind her carefully masked face, could see through the icy façade she was trying to re-create with him, but it was too late. He had knocked the walls down and there was no going back. Well that wasn't strictly true. Jack was sure if Ronnie really put her mind to it, she would manage to shut him out again completely if she wanted to, but preferred to delude himself with the thought that nothing could take her away from him again. Almost losing her had made him fully realize how much she meant to him, how he would die to save her from even the tiniest amount of pain.

He was sorely tempted to snap back at her, like he would have done before, but if there was one thing he had learned, it was that life was too short for petty arguments, and given Ronnie's fragile state, he didn't want to upset her further. He sighed, and turned toward her, and settled on just staring at the back of her blonde hair, resting in gently waves down her back, just how Jack loved it. She could feel his gaze on her, and she turned to look at him, twisting furiously, feeling unbelievably irritated by him all of a sudden. "What?!" she hissed furiously, her eyes ablaze, feeling it was easier to keep him and out and be angry with him, with everyone, with the whole world, rather than face the fear of letting him see her emotions. Her fury startled him, and furthermore, angered him. Why was she so afraid of letting him in?

He narrowed his eyes, and leaned closer to her. As he looked into the icy blue of her eyes, he tried to rid his mind of all thoughts about Roxy, determined that the thing would blow over. He would prove it, he would prove that he loved Ronnie, as he continued to lean forward.

She glared at him, expecting him to start a fight which was what she was hoping for.

"I love you Ronnie Mitchell" he said quietly, before putting a gentle hand behind her head, and pulling her toward him, their lips colliding as he kissed her passionately. She was so startled she froze for a few seconds, half considering pushing him away, her irritation and enjoyment battling for dominancy in her mind. Finally her enjoyment of the kiss won, and she leaned in closer, properly participating in the kiss, having almost forgot how good it felt when he kissed her, almost everything else flying out of her mind…Just as she started to get into the kiss, he broke away, looping a lock of hair behind her ear, and settling back in his previous position. She stayed in her position eyes wide and mouth slightly agape, watching him as he tried to fight the smirk which played at the corners of his mouth. Then she sat back and glared at him. "You really are a pain, you know that?" she said, frowning, trying to fight a smile. He turned to look at her, smirking fully now. "Oh, I know" he said.

**Lol, this chapter ran off and wrote itself, this wasn't where I planned to take it, but hey, there you go! I hope it was OK, felt this chapter was a bit better than last ones, the next few should be quite good, as the whole Roxy/Jack thing will intensify, and of course, inevitably come to a head…:P Lol, you'll have to wait and see what I do. Once again, I'll remind you lovely reviewers that I am a RACK fan till the end, so I'll try not to be **_**that**_** evil to poor Ronnie lol :D **

**Please REVIEWWW!!!!!!!**

**xxx**


	38. Gone Too Soon

Jack pulled the car into the kerb with ease, slowly coming to a stop outside, at the church. Ronnie chewed on her lip. Tom hadn't been to church in years to Ronnie's knowledge. As she looked at the church, she found herself doubting if this was what Tom would have wanted, but then again, how well had she known him after all?

Her stomach turned summersaults with nerves, her hands clasped together tightly, all jittery with nerves at the thought of standing up in front of the church and speaking. She had cringed when Elaine had asked her to speak at the funeral, she had tried her hardest to get out of it without being rude, but Elaine had said she wanted someone to speak about him that knew him, someone who wasn't immediate family, who maybe wouldn't get to upset. Tom's sister had even agreed, knowing that she would be too upset on the day to speak, though was uncomfortable with Ronnie doing it, holding Ronnie accountable for her big brother's death.

Her blond hair fell in front of her eyes, as she eased the door open, stepping out, feeling almost in a daze, as if it wasn't real. As she steadied her feet on the pavement, she felt herself sway slightly, and then Roxy's arm linking firmly with her own, steadying her. "Alright?" her sister asked worriedly, as Jack took her other arm. Did they think she was an invalid? Their attitude irritated her, though she knew they were only trying to be helpful, she didn't care. She was Ronnie Mitchell. No matter what had happened, who she was grieving for, or how pregnant she was, Ronnie Mitchell didn't need anyone else. _You need Jack_, a small voice whispered in her ear, and she shushed it angrily, pulling her arms away from them both, stepping away. "I'm fine" she snapped, inhaling deeply and looking away so she wouldn't have to deal with the crestfallen look on Jack's face.

Breathing in and out slowly, she drew her eyes up slowly from the ground, as James approached her side. "Ronnie?" his voice was quiet and calm, his whole manner soothing. She offered him a small smile. "Let's go in, 'K?" she said, walking beside him as he fell into step beside her, throwing a glance over his shoulder, at Roxy and Jack, both looking lost that Ronnie had shut them out again.

As she entered the church, Ronnie threw a quick glance at her watch. 9.50 am. They were cutting it short because they had had to wait on Roxy and James, but at least they were on time, that's all she could be thankful for. She saw Elaine, at the front of the church, nodding her head in acknowledgement as Elaine gestured for the four of them, Ronnie, James, Jack, Roxy to take their seats, two or three rows from the front. She could feel several pairs of eyes follow her to her seat but she pretended to take no notice. She took her seat, the aisle seat, while James move up so that Jack could sit beside Ronnie. He said nothing, as he sat down, but firmly took her hand in his own reassuringly, the sense of love surging through him, so strong, that he barely remembered Roxy was sitting on his other side, their arms touching. Because, no matter what the hell he was feeling for Roxy, as soon as Ronnie let him in, his feelings for the slightly older sister outshone that he had for the youngest.

After a few minutes of silence and light coughs, they heard a bell tinkle, signaling the start of theservice, and all stood up, and someone pressed a button on the CD player, and the sound of 'Chasing Cars' by Snow Patrol filled the church, and Ronnie's eyes filled with tears, hearing Tom's favourite song echo through the building, and she closed her eyes, and she could hear his voice singing along, his sweet, melodic voice, singing away in the shower, or in the kitchen, or just wandering around the living room. So many painful images ripped through her mind, practically crippling her. She gripped Jack's hand for support as Tom's coffin was carried in on the shoulders of his brother, some of his cousins, and one of his school friends, as they carried him down the aisle, and sat the coffin down, so that it was near Ronnie. She looked at it, transfixed, her blue eyes clouded by tears as the music stopped and the minister began to speak. "We are here today to remember the life of Tom Robertson…"

Ronnie's were shaking all through the mass, her knees wobbling also, as the priest began to talk about Tom, the tears flowing freely. The little piece of paper in her pocket, crackled as she moved, reminding her that she was going to have to get up and speak in front of all these people. "And now we'll invite some friends of Tom to say some kind words about him" the minister nodded, and Ronnie sucked in a deep breath, watching as one of his school friends, took his place at the podium. He began to speak about Tom as a young boy, Tom as a young man, how good a friend Tom had always been.

Ronnie bit her lip, irritated. Tom had barely mentioned this bloke to her in the two years that they had been together, they certainly weren't the best buddies like the guy was making out. She was annoyed, Tom deserved such a beautiful send off, not this idiot spouting rubbish, and her. Her, who had betrayed and hurt him so badly. He deserved much better. She was tempted to get up and walk out at that moment, the only thing holding her back, was that a meager send off was better than none at all. The friend finally finished his speech about Tom, many snuffles and eye wiping was now going on in the church, and Ronnie saw the minister nod at her.

It was her turn.

She stood up shakily, her hand trembling, still clasping Jack's hand, as the whole room seemed to sway, she bit her lip hard, fighting the urge to take off, and run in the opposite direction, swaying slightly, feeling like she might faint. She searched for strength in herself, trying to muster up a tiny bit of courage, but to her horror, she could find none. Everything that had happened had taken it's toll on her, Danielle, Tom, and now she had nothing left. Tom had been her rock when she was coping with her grief, he had acted like a stopper, now that he was gone, all the grief came flooding back in. She could feel all eyes on her, could feel herself almost buckling under the pressure, when the paper in her pocket crackled again, reminding her of what was on it, when it had been written…

…"_Hey, what you doing?" Ronnie laughed, as she walked into the living room, tying her hair back, and making to grab her handbag, getting ready to go and put some numbers in at the club, even though it was Saturday. "It's the weekend remember?" Tom raised an eyebrow, turning back to the piece of paper in front of him, putting his pen down with a satisfied smile. "Finished" he sighed happily, leaning back with a cheeky grin, putting both hands behind his head. _

_Ronnie put one of her earrings in. "What's that you're writing?" she asked curiously. He stuck his tongue out. "Poem" he answered simply. "Another one?!" Ronnie asked incredulously, and he winked. "Yeah. When I was coming home from work yesterday, I saw this big smash that had happened on the motorway. All those people…"he shuddered. "It just made me think how we don't appreciate what we've got, when we've got it, y'know?" he enquired, getting up to slide to arms round Ronnie's waist, pulling her close, and pecking her on the lips. "I love you" he said, and she smiled. "Yeah. So can I read?" she asked, darting round him to read over his shoulder. _

_As she finished she looked up in astonishment. "That' s good Tom. Really. Why don't you go professional with this?" she asked seriously, watching as he blushed and shrugged "Yeah, Yeah, sure, but it's not _that_ good" he rolled his eyes bashfully. "Besides I've got plenty of time for that" he smiled, and Ronnie raised her eyebrows. "Isn't that a bit contradictory to what you just wrote?" she asked doubtfully, but he just shrugged. _

"_I've already got everything I ever wanted" he grinned, shrugging, pulling her in for another kiss…_

Ronnie stood in the church, and drew in a deep breath. She slowly released the comforting feel of Jack's hand, and stepped into the aisle, passing Tom's coffin as she did so, her heels clacking as she made her way and took her place on the podium. She took out the piece of paper from her pocket, and sat it up, holding it, though her hands were shaking. She cleared her throat. She looked up and felt herself quiver, all those eyes, watching her every move…Almost instantaneously, her eyes locked with Jack's full of worry, and pain for her, and most of all love. She focused on them for a second or two, letting his strength seep into her, before clearing her throat again, and looking away, at Tom's family.

She addressed the entire church. "I've been asked to speak today about Tom" her voice was a lot clearer and a lot more confident than she felt. "My name is Ronnie Mitchell, and some of you may not know me, but I knew Tom, and he lived with me for quite a while. We weren't seeing each other at the time –" she faltered slightly "At the time that he passed away, but one thing is certain – I've never stopped loving Tom – he was my best friend. Anyone who knew him will know just how lovely and kind he was" she looked around at each individual, seeing the pain and pride which welled up in Tom's mothers eyes, almost triggering Ronnie off. She took another deep breath.

"There isn't much more I can say about how wonderful he was, and how unfair it is that he had to go so soon" Ronnie thought she heard a rather loud exhale of air from Rachel, but carried on regardless. "He was a really special guy. He was loving, and generous. He helped me through the most difficult time in my life, and I'll never be thankful enough for that. He was always there for me. Always" her voice cracked slightly, crystal like tears forming at the corners of her eyes, but she bit them back, determined to finish.

She wiped her eyes. "Not a lot of people knew this about Tom, but he was a writer in his free time – a good one. He never took it seriously enough, but he really was good, just another thing to add to how great he was" she smiled sadly. "When, I was looking through his things in this past week, I found a copy of something he wrote when we were together, I remember, when he wrote it in fact" she inhaled deeply, finding herself struggling for control of every word. "It's a poem, and as I read the words again, I realized just how fitting it would be for his service. It shows how we should all appreciate the life we have. And live it to the full. So here it is" she gave a very watery smile, and began to speak -

"_The Miracle_

_How wonderful it is, _

_Oh just to live_

_To breathe and to laugh and to play_

_You'll giggle and shout, You'll laugh and you'll pout,_

_A great mix all rolled into one_

_Don't turn around and look, open you're eyes and see_

_Maybe then you'll know, what a joy life can be_

_How wonderful it is, _

_Oh just to live_

_To breathe in that crisp morning air_

_Taken for granted, time and again, _

_Always unrealized until it's the end_

_Then it's too late, for closed is that gate,_

_And too many chances are wasted. _

_How wonderful it is,_

_Oh just to live_

_To appreciate the life that we have_

_To often we moan, To quickly we groan,_

_Just sit back, relax and enjoy,_

_It can slip away in the blink of an eye_

_But don't waste your time, asking 'Why?'_

_How wonderful it is,_

_Oh just to live_

_Be thankful for every lungful of air, _

_For most of us don't know, or often care,_

_That every second of life is a gift_

_So hold it close while you can, and always be aware, _

_Of the miracle that the gift of life is."_

She got to the end of the poem, and looked round, practically everyone was in tears, and she took a shaky breath, gave them all a little nod, and stepped down shakily, slipping the poem back in her pocktet, with no other words needed.

She walked back to Jack's side, holding his hand again, grateful that he was there. As the minister finished up the service, she hear people crying all around her, but she held hers in, afraid if she let it out she wouldn't be able to stop.

Someone pressed the button on the CD player again, and another one of Tom's favourite songs played. As his coffin was hoisted up onto six pairs of shoulders, Ronnie listened closely to the lyrics, the tears brimming but not quite falling.

_**Like A Comet  
Blazing 'Cross The Evening Sky  
Gone Too Soon**_

**_Like A Rainbow  
Fading In The Twinkling Of An Eye  
Gone Too Soon_**

**_Shiny And Sparkly  
And Splendidly Bright  
Here One Day  
Gone One Night_**

**_Like The Loss Of Sunlight  
On A Cloudy Afternoon  
Gone Too Soon_**

**_Like A Castle  
Built Upon A Sandy Beach  
Gone Too Soon_**

**_Like A Perfect Flower  
That Is Just Beyond Your Reach  
Gone Too Soon_**

**_Born To Amuse, To Inspire, To Delight  
Here One Day  
Gone One Night_**

**_Like A Sunset  
Dying With The Rising Of The Moon  
Gone Too Soon_**

**_Gone Too Soon_**

Tom's coffin was taken out of the church, and Ronnie let the hot tears spill over, trickling silently down her cheeks…

**Heya. Aw, I'm all emotional writing this :( Erm, so the poem is of my own creation, I actually wrote it a little while ago, just thought I'd put it in, as it's quite fitting :) Lol hope it wasn't too awful. **

**And of course the song is 'Gone Too Soon' by the legend, Michael Jackson :D **

**So please let me know what you thought :D :D**

**xxx**


	39. Love Is Blind

There was a light pop as Roxy took the cork off the bottle of wine, the tinkling of glasses, and fizzing of alcohol, mingling with the background noise of a radio playing. Ronnie held Amy on her lap, resting her chin on her head, fastening her hands around the toddler's waist. She looked absent-mindedly out of the window, the lamp light making the sky outside seem all the more dark. "So, Amy" Ronnie mumbled into her niece's hair. "Did you have a nice day with Uncle Christian?" she asked, barely able to contain her grin as Amy twisted around in Ronnie's lap so she could see her aunt's face, twirling Ronnie's long hair in her chubby little fingers, launching into an animated tale of how her day at the park had went, Ronnie nodding exaggeratingly, encouraging her, as Roxy, James and Jack all looked on, smiling amusedly.

Ronnie nodded along, watching out of the corner of her eye as Roxy poured glasses of wine. "Ron?" Roxy gestured with the wine bottle, making to pour her sister a glass. "Uh-uh" Ronnie shook her head. She raised her eyebrows and patted her bump, "aren't you forgetting something?" she smiled. Roxy raised a hand to her forehead and let out a little laugh. "Oh, I forgot! Well, just an orange juice then?" she enquired, proceeding to pour it as the other three stared and laughed at Amy like she was their own personal little television.

Ronnie accepted her glass gratefully, as Roxy sat back down. The four adults sat in contented silence, listening to Amy, the atmosphere still heavy after the emotional day, but Amy making them all laugh, lightening the mood. Ronnie cleared her throat after a few seconds. Jack turned to her. "Ok, Ronnie?" he asked, desperate to be there for her, for anything and everything she needed. She raised her glass. "To Tom" she smiled at them all, feeling it was only appropriate to remember him. "Tom" they all echoed, drinking clumsily from their glasses. "'Om" Amy muttered, settling back into Ronnie's side, her eyelids drooping a little.

Ronnie sat her glass down on the table, shifting Amy closer to her. "Ah, looks like someone's tired eh? Guess all that playing at the park has caught up" she teased, grinning as Amy shook her head, but her eyelids drooped again. Roxy sighed. "C'mon then sleepyhead" she said, as Amy squirmed and protested. "Aw Rox, it's fine, I'll take her through" Ronnie said, standing up and pulling Amy onto her hip. Roxy leaned back, looking relieved. "Thanks" she said weakly, as Ronnie brushed it off. "Say goodnight to Daddy" Ronnie said, leaning over so Jack could kiss Amy goodnight, then leaning over to James so he could also kiss her. "Night" they called in unison toward the retreating figure of Ronnie and the little girl they both saw as their daughter. "Night sweetheart" Roxy said, giving Amy a kiss, as Ronnie took her into the bedroom.

Jack checked his watch. Just after eight in the evening. "Yeah, it's still early" James said. "It's been a rough day, how about you and Ronnie stay for a while yet, we'll get a curry, eh?" he smiled as Jack nodded. "Yeah, if it's alright with Ronnie."

"Right, well tell you what. I'll go run out and get the curry just down, it'll be quicker that way. You pop to the corner shop and get us a couple of cans, eh?" James grinned.

He made his way to the bedroom and peeked his head round the door, finding out what Ronnie wanted to eat, as Jack shrugged on his jacket in the living room. "We'll be back soon, babe" James winked, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. James and Jack exited the flat, and Roxy stood staring at where Jack's coat had been hanging. "Yeah" she murmured to herself.

Ten minutes later, Jack re-entered the flat on his own, dumping the carrier bag of lager cans on the kitchen table, taking off his coat and setting it on the couch as he looked around the flat, Roxy no-where in sight. He whistled quietly, smiling softly as he heard the murmur of Ronnie's voice, speaking to his child in the other room. He couldn't make out the words, but she sounded so loving and maternal. Though so many bad things had happened over the past weeks, and though he felt left out by Ronnie, and hurt, just seeing her pregnant and glowing, filled his heart with joy.

Seeing her round belly, round with _his _child, his as far as he was concerned. It was just magic. He closed his eyes for a split second, allowing himself to get carried away, that this was his own warm flat he was in, that he and Ronnie were married, Roxy had never happened, that Ronnie was Amy's mother, that they were like any normal family expecting another kid…Then his eyes opened, and they became the strange oddity of the family unit that they were, positively Jeremy Kyle material.

He sighed, feeling the loneliness that he had been feeling wash over him again. He was only half of a whole without Ronnie. He wasn't as strong, or as brave, or as _anything _as her. She was way to good for him, but he was glad Ronnie didn't see it like that. But love is blind. If it wasn't, Jack was sure that Ronnie wouldn't be with him, he often wondered why she had put up with all his crap in the first place. He was just grateful that she you can't see the flaws in someone or in a relationship that seem clear to everyone else. Love does that. Still, the way she had been shutting him out, the way he felt entirely rejected, especially after the way she had let him in, had cried on his shoulder, then so cruelly left him out in the cold again. He knew she couldn't help it, that she was trying her best, it was just way of dealing with things. But it hurt just the same. He sighed again, and moved toward the bathroom, wondering where Roxy had got to. Maybe she had popped out for a walk or was in her bedroom, he wondered idly, his mind still wrapped up in thoughts of his pain and rejection. Ronnie was so cold with sometimes, and in the past week, he had barely touched her, she wouldn't let him get close, which was not helping in his confused feelings over Roxy.

He exhaled, turning the handle to the bathroom and stepping inside when it was unlocked, only to turn around and get the fright of his life, to see Roxy standing at the sink, staring at him with wide eyes, the bathroom so tiny that he could feel her breath on his face. His heart rate increased, and his mind was racing, and all that consumed his thoughts was Roxy, and how tempting she was, just right there in front of him, so close, they leaned in at the same time, unthinkingly, their lips millimeters apart, both feeling the breath of the other on their face, their lips so close together, just about to touch…

"I'm ba-ack!" James sang out, slamming the door behind him. Jack sprang away immediately, Roxy recoiling, both looking horrified at what they had been about to do. Jack hurriedly turned on his heel and stepped out, composing himself before going into the kitchen, just as James entered it. "Alright?" he said, in what he hoped was a casual voice.

Roxy gripped the sink, breathing in and out slowly, staring at her reflection in the mirror, her heart racing. What the hell? She thought to herself, shaking as she thought about the very almost kiss she had had with Jack. Physically her body was crying out, but mentally she thanked the lord for James' intervention. She didn't want to cheat on her husband. She didn't want to cheat on her sister, especially not when she was just in the next room. What the hell was wrong with her? She looked into her own eyes through the mirror, shaking her head. She exhaled slowly. She had been taken completely by surprise, just standing looking at herself in the mirror, just finished washing her hands when suddenly Jack had come into the bathroom, looking as surprised as her. She made a mental note to get the fault lock on the toilet door looked at. She took a deep breath, and went out into the kitchen, hoping she looked composed enough.

Ronnie took one last look at the sleeping Amy, her heart filling with love for her niece, followed by the twinge that she always felt as she wondered what Danielle was like at that age. How she wished she was still here so she could ask her. She gave a light sigh and stepped out of the room, greeted with the smell of curry. "Mmm, smells good" she called lightly, going into the kitchen and taking her place at the table, the other three already seated. She glanced at Roxy and Jack, sensing something which she couldn't quite put her finger on…

She brushed it aside as James dished out the portions of food, and they all tucked in to eat. Roxy and Jack ate quietly, joining in the conversation, but neither catching the other's eye for the rest of the night…

**Lol, what the hell are they two playing at? Don't worry, keep reading and you'll find out soon enough :P :P Thanks for your reviews, hope everyone is still enjoying this story :P **

**xxx**


	40. Time Bomb

**A/N:- Hey guys :D Chapter 40!!! Lol can't believe, just want to say thanks to every single person who has reviewed, and just some mentions : To Danni, x-xKirstyDx-x, Amy66429, Madeliene, Charlotte93, McIzziefan, and of course what would I do without Chloe ;) ??? Lol think that's me got everyone who's reviewed the last few chapter, I'm so sorry if I've missed anyone out, and if I have, it's entirely unintentional lol. **

**Anyway, just wanted to address a couple of things in response to some reviews concerning Roxy and Jack lol. They're both feeling kind of rejected by Ronnie just now, well Jack is, and Roxy's well…just Roxy. I know it's annoying, but PLEASE stick with it. Lol, it's just about to get good ;) Thanks, and please review, I appreciate them so much :D **

Ronnie leaned back on the sofa, her pink pyjama top stretched tight over her bump. She held both hands to her stomach, giggling to herself profusely as she felt the baby squirm and turn summersaults inside her belly. She rubbed a hand over her swollen belly, talking to it, every time she spoke the baby kicked harder, making Ronnie giggle more, which made the baby…It was an endless cycle.

Jack leaned against the door frame, his hair sticking up and spiky after a night's sleep, yawning quietly with a huge grin on his face as he watched Ronnie giggle away to herself, talking to her bump, to their baby. He had awoken to the sound of Ronnie's giggling, a sound he wanted to be woken up by every single day. He tried to push the night before from his mind, push any thoughts of Roxy away completely, the guilt almost swallowing him whole. His stomach lurched when he thought how close he had came to betraying Ronnie. He didn't know what was wrong with him, because whenever he was away from Roxy, he couldn't imagine how he would every be able to betray Ronnie like that again, especially after Tom, Danielle, and in her current pregnant condition.

Right at that very moment, when Ronnie was being so happy and giggly, he would never even imagine being able to feel anything for anyone other than her. Yet he knew how it could all change. How she could shut him out so easily, and how alone and down he felt. The only one who knew how he felt in that position was Roxy. She was familiar and comforting. If he was being honest, it wasn't even really the physical side of things, although that was obviously a factor. It was just that when Ronnie shut him out, he couldn't function without her, and shamefully, he went to the next best thing.

He bit his lip, his face clouding. He couldn't hurt Ronnie. Not like that, not again, and not now. He would just have to stay away from Roxy, and likewise her with him. They weren't good for each other, they knew that from experience. He sighed lightly, and continued to look at Ronnie leaning back on the couch, giggling away to herself. The smile on his face grew larger, just as she turned around, sensing someone else in the room.

Her head whipped round, and she smiled when she saw Jack watching her with a grin on his face. She blushed slightly, before leaning back on the cushions. "Hey you" she smiled lightly, as he walked through and sat beside her.

"Enjoying yourself were you?" he teased, grinning. She rolled her eyes, but grinned. She grabbed his hand and placed it on her stomach. His eyes widened in awe, and he placed both palms on Ronnie's stomach. He looked up at her. "Wow. It really is amazing isn't it?" She nodded, as he turned back to her stomach.

"This is our baby" his tone was hushed, and Ronnie smiled. "Yup." She nodded.

Something in her tone made his head snap toward her. "Ronnie? You know that I will, I mean, I _do_, love this baby as if it's my own. It is my own, as far as I'm concerned, I mean – whatever happens. Nothing's changed by what's happened with Tom. I'll still be here for you, no matter what" She smiled lightly, allowing herself to feel the relief which floated over her. She stroked the side of his face lightly. "Thank-you" she whispered, smiling as she placed a kiss on his cheek.

They stared into each other's eyes for a second, nothing else existing outside their little bubble of each other, and their baby, kicking away. Then Ronnie drew away with a light sigh. "So, what you up to today?" she asked, pulling back, reluctantly losing the close feeling between her and Jack, but also feeling scared of the emotion he made her feel in just one simple gaze. He sat back with her, feeling disappointed slightly that she had pulled back. He gave a small inaudible sigh, reaching out absent-mindedly, fiddling with a strand of her hair.

"I have to go to the club, babe" he said, "We've hardly been doing anything these past couple of weeks, Bradley's doing his nut. They've managed to keep it ticking over, but I need to go in today and sort out a few things"

"Oh. Well do you want me to go with you?" Ronnie asked half-heartedly. He shook his head. "Don't be daft. I'll be fine, and anyway it won't take that long. What are you doing?" She gave a little smile. "Well…"

"I was hoping to go shopping, get some clothes, I can't wait for the money from insurance, and was hoping to maybe get some clothes for the baby…" she rubbed her stomach, grinning at him. He sighed but smiled. He reached for his wallet, and handed her several notes. As an afterthought he also handed her his credit card. "Here, take Amy and Roxy with you, and tell Roxy that Amy's to get some new clothes or a toy, or something. My treat" he winked. Ronnie grinned and leaned over to kiss him, before rushing off to phone Roxy. She shut the bedroom door, chatting away to Roxy.

Jack ran a hand through his hair and exhaled, the money having eased his conscience slightly, he just hoped that Roxy wouldn't take it the wrong way. He pulled out his mobile phone and began to text. He had to talk to Roxy, and soon. He couldn't let what had almost happened any further.

_We need to talk. Soon. Call me later after you've been shopping. Jack_

He kept the message short, not wanting to seem overly affectionate. He sighed again, puffin his cheeks with air. He couldn't help feel uneasy, he had a bad feeling in his stomach. He felt like what had happened with Roxy wasn't going to go away soon, no matter how much he wished it. He couldn't deny his feelings, but didn't want to deal with them either. He knew he loved Roxy in a way, always would do, she was the mother of one of his children. Yes, he loved her, but not enough, not enough to compare with what he felt for Ronnie.

So why then did he feel that odd sense of fore-boding, like the whole thing was just a ticking time bomb, and the slightest thing could set it off…

**Reviews, please :D **

**xxx**


	41. Don't Ever Forget

Roxy pushed Amy's buggy down the high street, Ronnie walking amicably by her side, her daughter happily blowing bubbles, and clapping her tiny chubby hands at basically everything she saw. She kept a pleasant smile plastered to her face, though her insides were churning with guilt. The night previously preyed on her mind, and the text she had received while feeding Amy breakfast, just off of the phone with Ronnie.

She went over and over that almost-kiss in her mind, and she didn't know what the hell she had been thinking, didn't know what she _was_ thinking. One minute, she had just been standing in the bathroom on her own, next minute Jack had burst through unexpectedly, shocking them both, and they had been pressed close together, lips almost touching but not quite. As soon as the spell had been broken she had came to her senses, and she was embarrassed, embarrassed by the what had almost took place, and embarrassed by the effect that Jack had on her, making her heart pound in her ears, the blood rush to her head, till she couldn't think about anything else.

Part of her wondered what would have happened if James hadn't disturbed them, she cursed herself for what she had almost done with her sister, her _pregnant_ sister, in only the next room. How could she even have contemplated doing such a thing to a grieving, pregnant and vulnerable Ronnie?

Roxy felt Ronnie's eyes on her and she realized that she had been sighing.

"What's up with you?" Ronnie asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Nothing" Roxy smiled sweetly back, all the time the guilt threatening to overwhelm her. If Ronnie knew what had been going through Roxy's head, or what she was thinking about it, Roxy would probably be having her hair torn out right at that very second, pregnant Ronnie or not.

Ronnie looked at Roxy for a few seconds, before shrugging. "So, where to?" she said, peering into the different clothes shops as she passed.

"Ah, I'm skint Ron. Aunty Peggy cut my shifts at the Vic" Roxy grumbled, frowning. Ronnie laughed. "And when did this happen?" she asked, eyeing an outfit in the window, before wrinkling her nose and walking on. Roxy exhaled, puffing her cheeks with air. "About a couple of weeks back. _Apparently_, I cost her more than I earn" Roxy rolled her eyes disbelievingly, as if outraged at the mention.

Ronnie bust out laughing this time, unable to keep it in. Roxy raised her eyebrows. "What?" she asked.

"Oh, Roxy, come _on! _You're probably the laziest bartender ever, all you do is eye up the talent and go and check Amy when you bring her with you! Oh and not to mention you help yourself to crisps, juice, drinks from behind the bar…" Ronnie laughed and ticked the things off on her fingers, as Roxy pouted for about half a second, but then also joined in the laughter.

Roxy linked her arm through Ronnie's, using only one hand to direct the buggy. "You've cheered up a bit today" she mused, peering at Ronnie with a thoughtful look, trying to fathom her out.

Ronnie shrugged. "I'll get by" she said simply, touching a hand to her baby bump with a smile. "Anyway! So, where to?" she asked again.

"Well, I was thinking Primark?" Roxy suggested, raising her eyebrows hopefully, knowing that she really didn't have the cash to splash. "Well, we _could _go to Primark later. But c'mon, lets live a little" Ronnie replied cheekily. "I was thinking somewhere a bit more upmarket" she winked, and Roxy bit her lip doubtfully. "Ronnie, I told you, I really don't have the money…" Roxy trailed off as Ronnie grinned, reaching into her purse.

"Ah, ah, ah!" she said smiling, as she produced Jack's shiny credit card. "Jack's" she explained, at the shocked look on Roxy's face. "His treat. Said to buy Amy some new clothes and toys with it" she grinned, waving the card at Roxy before slotting it back into her purse. "So!" Ronnie began decidedly. "I was thinking we'd start in topshop and then work our way up to the more designer stuff" she smiled, looking at a window display, nudging Roxy when she didn't get a reply.

Roxy hurriedly grinned back at her sister. "Great" she said falsely, praying Ronnie wouldn't pick up on her nerves. She felt sick, sick that they would be using Jack's money, when she knew what they had almost done. She felt angry at him, did he think he could just click his fingers and they would all come running? What was he playing at, demanding to see her like that by text, splashing the cash on Ronnie, and then going behind her back and almost betraying her?

Roxy gritted her teeth, and focused on Ronnie, trying to push her feelings of anger and guilt to the side. They walked into the shop, both of them gravitating toward the things with higher price ranges, Ronnie floating towards the maternity section. Ronnie frowned.

"What's up?" Roxy asked, flicking through a rack of clothes. Ronnie sighed.

"I can't fit into anything _nice"_ she grumbled, looking enviously at the tight little top that Roxy held up against herself. "Babe, you're pregnant. Here" Roxy took Ronnie's hand and tugged her toward the maternity section. "Hey, here we go!" Roxy exclaimed, picking out a cute deep pink top with a bright yellow smiley face. "This would totally suit you, Ron!" Roxy exclaimed, beginning to get into the shopping. Ronnie raised her eyebrows. "_Pink?_" she said doubtfully, and Roxy frowned at her, shoving the top at her. "Go try it on!" she ordered and Ronnie complied, raising an eyebrow at the top.

Five minutes later she emerged from the changing room, the stretchy top showing off her bump nicely, but Ronnie had a face like thunder. "Roxy, I look ridiculous!" she exclaimed, and Roxy laughed. "Ronnie, you look _great!" _she insisted, meaning it.

"Doesn't she, Amy?" Roxy looked at her toddler for support. Amy giggled and blew a raspberry. "Helpful" Ronnie said sarcastically, peering at herself doubtfully in the full-length mirror.

"Aw, c'mon, Ronnie!" Roxy moaned, "At least get it for wearing about the house?" she pleaded and Ronnie groaned. "OK, but only because you'll go in a huff if I don't get it" she stuck her tongue out at her sister, and Roxy grinned happily. "Good enough for me" she retaliated, walking with Ronnie to the counter, as she paid for the top with Jack's card, the shiny plastic making Roxy's stomach churn again.

They walked back out into the street, the late spring sunshine beating down on them. "Ooh, mothercare!" Ronnie said happily, making her way inside the shop while Roxy laughed. "What you laughing at?" she smiled, while starting to look at the countless baby clothes. "Ah, just looking at my sister, all maternal. It's like you're a mum already" Roxy said and then froze, the words having tumbled out of her mouth before she had had a chance to think about them. Ronnie gave Roxy an odd look.

"I've always been one" she said quietly, her tone bewildered. Roxy opened her mouth slightly. "Ronnie – I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking – I – I forgot" she stuttered. Ronnie sucked in a breath, the entire mood of their day swung round. "Never mind" Ronnie muttered, giving her sister a fake, breezy smile, feeling disconcerted.

Danielle was constantly with Ronnie, in everything she said and done, Danielle was always there, in the back of her mind. The idea that someone could have forgotten about her existence, even for just one split second, even if it was just a mere slip of the tongue, was alien to her, it terrified her. It was just another reminder that the world and the people in it had moved on, that they were slowly forgetting her little girl. It was as if because she was pregnant, people were beginning to think it was OK for her, that she would forget Danielle, the pain would go away. Ronnie hoped that when she had her baby, it would be different, that the pain would ease, that this baby would be sort of like a replacement.

But she didn't want people to forget Danielle. That wasn't fair. That wasn't what she wanted. "Here" Roxy's voice cut through her thoughts, and Ronnie turned to see her sister holding up a cute green baby-gro with a little bear motif on the front. Roxy held it to Ronnie's stomach. "It suits them, don't you think?" she grinned, and Ronnie smiled back. "It does" she gave a reluctant grin, patting her stomach nervously. What she really wanted was for to be like any normal expectant mum, not without so much worry and heartache.

A warm glow started to take over her body. She had turned a corner, now after Tom, after the funeral, she was finally thinking that the end to all her troubles was in sight, the end to all the pain and suffering. She was on the home straight. Nothing could stand in her way now. Or so she thought.

Unseen by Ronnie, who had wandered away to look at more baby clothes, Roxy's phone buzzed, and she took it out, reading a message from Jack.

_Meet me at the club as soon as you've finished. I really need to speak to you. Jack._

Roxy's stomach churned again, and she bit her lip, looking guiltily at the back of her sister's blonde head, oblivious to any upset between Jack and Roxy. What Jack and she needed, was a talk, decide to forget everything that had almost happened, Roxy thought decidedly, snapping her phone shut, and going over to her sister with renewed hope that everything would be OK, as they continued their shop, giggling and cooing over the cute tiny baby clothes.

Little did either of them know of the bad luck and explosion of emotion that was about to befall them…

**Just a filler :D and I had to add the wee evil bit in at the end, lol it's not too far away now, in the next couple of chapters… :D :D **

**Thanks for your reviews ;)**

**xxx**


	42. Birthday

Ronnie walked casually through the square, one hand tucked casually in the pocket of her specially elasticized jeans, her powder blue t-shirt stretched a little too tightly over her bump. The sun beat down relentlessy, causing little beads of sweat to trickle down her neck, the heat uncomfortable. Her long hair was carelessly pulled back in a haphazard manner, no make-up on her face. She made her way through the square, passing Arthur's Bench, and gazing thoughtfully up at The Vic. She reached out her hand and drummed her hand along the railings as she passed them, like a child on their way home from school.

The early afternoon summer sunshine reigned down generously, the start of the school holidays only weeks away, the feeling of summer was in the air for everyone, putting them all in good moods. Ronnie rubbed her bare arms absent-mindedly, there was no need for coats in the glorious weather that they were having. She'd been warned by the doctor not to stay out in the sun too long, in her condition, as temperatures were expected to rise, but she didn't seem the harm as long as she put on sun block and kept herself hydrated.

Today was supposed to have been special. Nothing ever turned out her way anymore, she thought, growing angry again, then the guilt starting to consume her once more. She had had one of her biggest ever fights with Jack that morning. There hadn't been that much shouting, but that was what made her realize it was all the worse. She didn't know what they were going to do, how she could ever manage to tell him how sorry she was, how what she had said meant nothing, that she did not mean a word of what she said. It was just that every time Jack got too close, she panicked and pushed him away again. It was unfair, and she didn't mean it, but she also couldn't help it. The fact that he knew almost everything about her now didn't help, it made her feel more out of control. She had never felt safer with anyone than she did with Jack, but it made it no easier.

…"_Ronnie, I have to go to the club will you hurry up in that shower?!" Jack called, growing frustrated as he tried to juggle brushing his teeth and setting the coffee machine at the same time. Ronnie called something unintellagable back, but the sound of the water soon stopped and Ronnie exited the bathroom a few seconds later, towel wrapped tightly around her, as Jack swooped by and got in the shower himself, shutting the door behind him. _

"_Good morning to you too" Ronnie mumbled, as she started to get ready. _

_A few minutes passed and Ronnie stood barefoot in the kitchen, standing over the toaster in her jeans and top, her hair still damp from the shower. Jack bustled in, buttoning up his shirt, and sitting down quickly, pouring his coffee and grabbing a piece of toast that Ronnie had made fresh. _

_Ronnie kept her eyes on him, taking in his appearance as he munched hurriedly on the piece of toast, gulping down his coffee as his eyes scanned over the day's newspaper. _

"_Why don't I come into the club with you today?" she asked hopefully, having been banned from working while she was pregnant. He raised an eyebrow. "Ronnie – I'm managing fine honestly. Besides, you're seven months pregnant now, you'll be eight next week" he said, gesturing to Ronnie's large bump. "You need to rest. I don't what you tiring yourself out, especially not today…" he trailed off as his eyes wandered over the date on that day's paper. It was an unspoken understanding, they both knew the significance of the day, yet neither mentioned it. _

_Ronnie found herself becoming irritated. "For God's Sake Jack, you know, you can't tell me what to do. I can go to the club if I want" she raised her voice slightly, her irritation and anger rising at a rate she didn't know was possible. Perhaps it was the stress of the day, the hormones._

_Jack bristled at Ronnie's tone, but didn't retaliate. "Ronnie, be reasonable" his tone was meant to be soothing, but she found it patronizing beyond belief. Her eyes flashed and she gritted her teeth. "All this added stress isn't good for our baby. You should be looking after yourself" he scolded, standing up and packing his briefcase with papers and invoices he needed for the day ahead. _

"_Why are you acting all high and mighty?!" Ronnie demanded, hands on her hips, feeling her stress levels increasing. "Why can't you understand that maybe I need the distraction?!" _

_Jack sighed angrily. "Well, come on then, get ready, I'm late as it is" he gave in, wondering if maybe it would be good for her after all. _

"_Forget it" she snapped. "I wouldn't want to go now anyway!" she raised her voice. Jack slammed the paper down on the table. "Jesus, Ronnie, what's the point in just cutting off your nose to spite your face?!" he asked angrily, staring at her, unable to understand why she was so cold toward him almost all of the time now. The mood swings he could handle, it was all the crap that came along with it, the loneliness she always managed to inflict on him that made him so resentful and angry. _

_Ronnie let out a frustrated groan, clenching her hand into a fist, she mentally tried to calm down, knowing that getting upset was now good for her little baby, but Jack managed to irritate her so much sometimes. Jack opened up his mouth to speak again. "Now, I'm going to the club. I know today will be hard for you, but for goodness sake Ronnie, we have other things to worry about now aswell. Not everything centres around what happened those years ago" he snapped angrily, regretting his words almost immediately. _

_He continued nonetheless "Calm down and take it easy for goodness sake. Try and take care of yourself and our kid for a change" he said more quietly, turning around and then wincing internally, knowing how badly his words would be misconstrued, especially on a day like today, Danielle's birthday. _

_He was half-turned before the next words came tumbling out of Ronnie's mouth. _

"_My kid you mean. You don't even know if he's yours, so stop pretending that he is!" Ronnie shouted, wanting so badly just to strike back, but regretting the words as soon as she spoke them. Jack said nothing, and didn't turn around. A million apologies hung unsaid in the air between them, and then it was too late, because Jack exited the flat with tears burning in his eyes, slamming the door loudly behind him. "Jack!" Ronnie called after him, but it was no use. She walked to the sofa and sank down onto it, feeling awful, which was only made worse as her eyes wandered over the calendar and she saw the date. The 26__th__ of June…_

Ronnie sighed and rubbed a hand over her forehead. She hadn't meant her words, but his had just cut her so deep, they seemed to have even more significant meaning on this day, Danielle's birthday. Ronnie continued on her way toward the market, passing Stacey's stall as she did so. Her eyes locked with the young woman's for a moment, a rare moment of understanding passing between them, and then it was gone, as Ronnie continued on her way to Jean's stall.

She purchased a small, delicate bunch of flowers off of the woman, and then resumed her walk, knowing exactly where she was going. She had done it for the previous two years, and had walked the route so many times in her head, she knew every crack in the pavement, every echo of a footstep. Ronnie walked back through the square, walking down Turpin Way, all the time, hearing every echo of that fateful fight in her mind. She walked past the playground, and past Mitchell's Autos. Closer and closer until she finally reached her desired destination, the kerb where she had been standing as she had watched her daughter be tragically snatched away from her.

She crossed the road, taking careful slow steps, looking at the ground as she saw the picture of Danielle's lifeless body in her arms, hearing an echo of her own scream in her head, the pain so intense part of her wished another car would come tearing round the corner at that very second and mow her down, let her finally be with her baby girl, but nothing happened, and she crossed the road, and made it to the other side safely. She walked over to the wall, and bending down, placed her little bunch of flowers there, admiring them as she stepped back, taking the moment to remember her daughter.

Eventually she turned her back on the scene, rubbing a hand gratefully over her bump, fully appreciating the miracle of the life growing inside of her. She exhaled slowly, wiping her cheeks, a couple of stray tears having fallen. All she wanted now was to go to Jack, go and make up with him. No more fighting, she was going to be completely honest and frank with him. They would get through it together, no weirdness between any of them, and then that night they would go round and see Roxy and James, put the distance between both couples to rest. She didn't really know what had happened there, just that after Tom's funeral a month ago, Roxy had seemed distant, and Ronnie had barely seen her, or so it felt like it. That shopping trip of there's had been one of the last times they had had a proper chat.

Ronnie made her way toward the club, wiping her damp cheeks. All she wanted was to forget the whole argument. Then everything would be fine.

Right?...

**Ho-ho. Lol hiya, this chapter wasn't supposed to be like this, but I had to cut it into two chapters, as it would have been too long. Next chapter is the one you've been waiting for, the whole Roxy/Jack climax thing, keep reading to see how evil I can be… Lol just kidding, I'm not that bad :P :P **

**I love reviews :D :D **

**xxx**


	43. Bad Timing

Jack Branning sat alone in his office, scribbling away furiously, dipping in and out of different pieces of paperwork and documents. Jack had made so many big mistakes in his adult life that he had lost count, several mistakes ago. Everything that he had ever done, anything that he ever did, always ended up in someone he cared about getting hurt, because the simple fact was, he was selfish. He knew that he was selfish, and he didn't try to deny it to himself, to others, yes, but not to himself.

Everything that had happened when he was growing up, all of his competitiveness with Max, all that had happened with Selina, with his job, all of his mistakes, his big-headed selfishness that had lead to his daughter being put in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. The guilt had eaten away at him, and then Selina had taken Penny from him. Moving to Walford was supposed to have been a fresh start, where his brother and his nieces and nephews were. Buying RnR, it was all supposed to have been a great, fresh new start, no ties, no anything, just him, on his own.

And then…well. Ronnie happened. The beautiful, mysterious, icy Ronnie Mitchell, the most gorgeous woman in Walford. The way she had ran by him that day, and he had splashed her with his car…The way she carried herself, the way she didn't seem to care, the way she always seemed so…better than him. He had wanted her from the very beginning. He wanted the unattainable. He had wanted to prove that he could have Ronnie Mitchell. It hadn't been about love or feeling in the beginning. It was only about want, about boosting his ego.

He had never expected it to be anymore than a quick fling, just another notch on his bedpost. But he had underestimated Ronnie Mitchell, big time. Their rocky relationship had started to mean so much to him, and he found himself starting to actually _care _for the icy blonde beauty. He was always intrigued by the many layers Ronnie seemed to have, a kind of secret that she was keeping to herself. But he had been stupid. He had been naïve and selfish and his usual thoughtless self. Selina had came back into his life and he had slept with her, foolishly unthinking of how much it would hurt Ronnie, and how much it would hurt him when she wouldn't forgive him.

Then once he had learned her secret, it made him want to protect her, be with her, more than ever before. Then he had slept with Roxy. Possibly the biggest mistake of his life, or it would've been, had it not been for the little girl they had produced. Amy had made things harder than ever, because how could he keep regretting how much he had hurt Ronnie by sleeping with her sister, when something so amazing and perfect had come out of it? He had went months and months, barely speaking to Ronnie, then Danielle had died, and things had went even further downhill from there. She had slipped away from him, faster than he could pull her back and he had watched helplessly as she spiraled rapidly downwards, as she refused to let him in. Luckily for them both, she had found solace in Tom, when she couldn't confide in Jack and he had helped her through the time after Danielle's death. Then there had been that night, after so many months of watching her from afar, just business partners, just friends, when they had slept together. Now Ronnie was pregnant, had almost been killed, and Tom had died, leaving Jack with his grief stricken partner, a whole load of guilt and a heap of confusing emotions over his girlfriend's sister.

He let out a loud groan of frustration as his eyes slid over the date on the invoice, 26th of June, everything seeming to remind him of the earlier confrontation between Ronnie and him. He picked up his calculator and flung it as hard as he could against the wall, it bouncing off it with a force. He stood up, furious tears burning in his eyes but not falling, no never falling. He kicked his chair childishly and then swept an arm across his desk, scattering papers, everything flying across the room. It was almost four weeks to the day since he had spoken to Roxy in this very office and they had decided what they were going to do.

…_Roxy burst into the office, a face like thunder. "Why the hell do you keep texting me?!" she demanded, puffing her cheeks out as she exhaled. Jack got up and shut the door behind her. "Roxy – keep your voice down" he warned, going back to sit in his seat. "You know full well why we need to talk – what had happened last night – "_

"_Nothing _did _happen" she butted in stubbornly. _

"_Good. We're in agreement then" he said simply and Roxy faltered. "What?" she asked. _

_Jack raised his eyebrows. "We agree right? It was a mistake, and we can't let it happen again? Or talk of it, or tell Ronnie" he said, peering at Roxy curiously. She narrowed her eyes. "Yeah…good" _

"_Good" he replied. _

"_Fine" she said. _

"_Right" he nodded. _

_Both avoided eye contact, both feeling the unbelievable tension that was in the room, neither believing the others words, or meaning their own. _

"_So…I'll keep by distance… Jack, the stuff that' s happened… I – we - can't. Not to Ronnie, not to James." Roxy shook her head, struggling to find the right words to describe her feelings. _

"_I know" Jack replied._

"_Um – I should go" Roxy said awkwardly, Jack standing up as she made her way toward the door. "Yeah – Bye" he replied, breathing a sigh of relief as she left the room…_

That had been a month ago, and he had barely spoken to Roxy since, but always getting that strange feeling whenever he was around her and Ronnie was in one of her despairing moods, when nothing and no-one could get through to her. There had been those little moments when Jack and Roxy shared a rare moment when they were the same, both shut about by the person they loved most in the world, and it comforted him to know that he wasn't alone. His feelings had been dwindling as the time passed, because he didn't want to hurt Ronnie, and there was the unspoken oath that they would both do anything to protect Ronnie from even more harm.

He supposed, sometimes, that it was just the fact they hadn't discussed anything that had almost happened between, that was still the source of all the stress and tension.

He exhaled slowly, turning to look at the mess he had created, and then jumping when someone knocked on the door. He spun around, half-expecting to see Ronnie, his heart crashing rapidly downwards when he saw Roxy emerge into the room.

"Oh. Hi" he said, barely containing his disappointment.

Roxy slid round the door, averting her eyes from Jack's. "Hey" she said in a small voice, her eyes scanning the room, raising her eyebrows as she saw the mess on the floor. "Ronnie not here?" she asked and Jack shook his head, turning away from her. "No" he said shortly.

"I just wondered…I left Amy with James, 'cos I saw Ronnie walking through the square, and she looked kinda upset…I've not really seen her y'know? And I thought with today being…" her voice trailed off into nothingness, looking at the back of Jack's head.

He sighed, and turned to look at her, and she was horrified to see he had tears in his eyes. The last thing she knew what to deal with was a grown man crying, especially Jack.

"Um…" she looked away, mortified, dumbstruck. "Did you have a fight?" she asked, her eyes once more scanning the contents of the desk which had been scattered over the floor. Jack didn't answer her. She took his silence as a yes.

"Do you want me to…?" she gestured to the door, feeling uncomfortable. Jack just sank into his seat and she took this as an admission and turned to leave, before Jack's voice spoke out.

"I don't know what to do Roxy" he said, his eyes locking with hers as she spun around very slowly. He sighed, and raised a hand to his forehead. "Your sister…" he raised his eyebrows and shook his head, blinking any betrayal of tears away quickly.

Roxy exhaled quietly, and reluctantly perched on the chair opposite Jack. "What happened?" she asked bluntly, knowing there was no point in skirting round the facts. Jack shook his head slowly, sadly. "We had a fight" he admitted softly. "I wasn't thinking – I – I said some things that I shouldn't have – e-especially not today" he sighed, and hid his face in his hands. "I said something – really, _really _thoughtless, and I hurt her, but I didn't _mean _it, Roxy." He moved his gaze to the floor, unsure as to why he was spilling his heart out to the woman in front of him, especially considering everything that had been going wrong between them recently.

Roxy narrowed her eyes at Jack as he looked away from her. "What did you say Jack?" she asked.

"She was arguing with me about not being able to come and work in the club, and then I told her that she should start looking after herself and the baby –" he broke off, looking upset, and Roxy raised her eyebrows in confusion, what he had said wasn't that terrible at all. But he wasn't finished.

He inhaled and then continued in a whisper "- for a _change_" he said, shaking his head, as the guilt and shame overwhelmed him.

Roxy inhaled sharply, wincing internally. Then she felt herself prickle with anger. After everything that had happened, how could he have been so stupid, to hurt Ronnie in such an underhanded and cruel way? She stood up, looking at him in disdain. "Jesus Christ, Jack" she said angrily, and he winced at her words. "What the hell?" she said, standing up. "After Danielle?! How could you even –"

"I know, I know" Jack cut across her, raising his hands in defence, palms facing her. She exhaled angrily and sat back down in her seat. She gritted her teeth. "Then what happened?" she said stiffly, and Jack looked up at her, eyes full of shame.

"Then she got mad. Told me it was her baby, and it might not even be mine, so I should stop pretending that it is" his voice shaking, the words hurting him all over again. Roxy struggled to look stern, despite what Jack had said, those words were also particularly cruel. Jack continued, "Then I left, and I hear her shout after me but I didn't go back. I've been here ever since" he got up and turned away from her, pacing.

Roxy shook her head. "What am I going to do with you pair?" she muttered to herself, getting up from the chair, and bending down to start cleaning the office up. It was a very Ronnie-like thing to do, but she felt too awkward to just sit doing nothing, so clean the office up it was.

"Look, I'll do that" Jack said, also bending down, ignoring the close proximity he was to Roxy as they started to clear up the mess he had made.

***

Ronnie bit her lip, chewing nervously out of habit, as she made her way down the steps into the club. All she wanted to do now was make up with Jack and let him know how sorry she was, and how she was going to stop being so distant. How she wanted them to finally leave all the heartache and pain behind.

***

They finished clearing away most of the clutter which littered the floor, and Jack stood up, offering out a hand to Roxy, pulling her up as she excepted, till she was so close to him that they were almost touching. Roxy's breathing sped up, and she looked up into Jack's eyes. Jack leaned away slightly, his head spinning. He felt so upset and alone, but he knew he didn't want this, he didn't want Roxy.

"Sorry" he muttered, his cheeks colouring with embarrassment, as he felt his eyes fill with tears again. He didn't ever cry.

"I don't know what's up with me" he said, swallowing, and clearing his throat, taking a small step backwards, the upset and distress plain across his features. "Jack" Roxy's voice was filled with sympathy. She reached out a hand and caught his arm, hating seeing him so upset. She didn't want anything to happen between them, she didn't want to cause upset. She took a small step toward him, leaning in for a hug.

***

Ronnie frowned as she passed the bar, hearing a very light murmur of voice from the office. Who could Jack be talking to? A business colleague? He hadn't mentioned it, she thought bemused. Well, she would just peak through the little window on the door, and see who was there and then leave, she decided, drawing closer to the door, trying to listen out.

***

Roxy leaned into to give Jack a reassuring hug, taken aback as he ducked his head down toward her, and before she knew what was happening, their lips bumped clumsily together, in a short, sweet kiss…

***

Ronnie looked in the doorway, and then froze in utter shock. Jack was standing in the middle of the office, his arms around a blonde, their lips colliding in a kiss. Her mouth dropped open slightly and her eyes widened, and she couldn't move. She was rooted to the spot, unable to process a coherent thought, her brain jammed with the image before her. She watched as the blonde woman pulled away, and her heart went crashing through the floor as she caught sight of her sister's face, looking up at her boyfriend. Her partner, her soulmate. And her _sister_. Ronnie pulled her face away from the door, leaning back against the wall, shock and agony clouding her beautiful features, and she could hear something being said inside, but couldn't make out the words. She started to walk shakily away from the door, a feeling of nausea beginning to overwhelm her, her pace picking up as she got further away from the door, the only sight in her mind, that of Jack with his arms around her sister, kissing her.

She couldn't even think. Then she heard a short burst of laughter from the office, and the pain ripped through her, invading every inch of her being, and she ran clumsily up the stairs, and out into the street, barely noticing the tears which streamed down her face as she practically ran through the square.

***

Roxy felt her lips against Jack's, and her eyes fluttered closed involuntarily, but she didn't feel that sense of excitement, only surprise. There wasn't any passion or lust, and after a few shocked seconds, they pulled back simultaneously, blinking in shock. Roxy looked up at Jack, staring at him in confusion. After all those weeks of feeling funny around him, when it finally came to it, she didn't want to kiss him. She couldn't get any excitement or pleasure out of the fact she knew they would be hurting Ronnie and James, and as she looked at him, she knew he felt the same.

Kissing him had felt lovely, nice. Familiar. It hadn't been the passionate kiss she would have expected, it was like kissing a friend. Relief swelled through her, as she saw her feelings mirrored in his eyes. She took her arms away from him, and stepped back, and he let out a little laugh of relief. As he started to laugh, she also found a helpless titter of complete relief escape her, and for a few seconds, they laughed like that. "I'm sorry Roxy" Jack said, shaking his head, as their laugher died away. "Jack…" she shook her head also, folding her arms across her chest.

"Nothing would've ever happened between us again" Jack said out loud in realization, exhaling loudly in relief. "I know" Roxy said, shaking her head, a small smile of gratitude gracing her features.

Jack ran a hand through his hair, the relief starting to make him smile a big cheesy grin. All he wanted now was to see Ronnie, and apologise for his earlier behaviour, and hope everything would be OK between them. Ronnie was all he wanted, all he needed. He had always known, and now it was definite.

"I'm going home" Jack announced. "I want to go and see Ronnie. Tell her…" he shook his head, unable to put what he was feeling into words. Roxy touched his arm. "I know" she nodded understandingly. He grabbed his coat. "I'll walk you home" he smiled, and they exited the club together.

As they approached Roxy's flat, Jack stopped and gave her a quick hug. "Sorry – for everything" he muttered softly, and she nodded. "Me too."

He smiled, "I'll see you later" and gave her a quick wave, before heading off to his flat, his heart feeling lighter than it had done in a long while. Ronnie was the love of his life, and they were going to have a baby together. He was so lucky to have her, he thought smiling as he made his way home, unaware as to how everything was about to come crashing down…

**So.**

**Lol, how torn are you feeling right now??? Between happy that nothing really happened, and wanting to kill me because Ronnie thinks that something did lol. **

**LOL all of you were worried for nothing really, cos this was the plan from the beginning. Thank-you for each and every one of your reviews, and for sticking with the story, as I think I lost a lot of readers around the time Archie was revealed as the mystery person, as loads had been hoping for Danielle. Anyhoo, thanks, and please keep reading, this fic has still got SO much to go :P :P **

**xxx**


	44. Two Plus Two Equals Five

**A/N:- Hey guys, just a quick note to say thanks for being so patient with this story, and I hope everyone is still enjoying it :) **

Tears blinded her vision as she almost sprinted to the house, her entire body shaking as her mind turned round and round, unable to comprehend what she had just seen. A million different thoughts attacked her at once, leaving her unable to think, to concentrate. Jack. Roxy. Together. Kissing. Jack and Roxy. Roxy and Jack. No matter how many times she thought the words, or turned them around, it made no more sense.

She was barely convinced that she had actually seen it, maybe she had imagined it. She slammed the door behind her, feeling sick. Her legs wobbled as she made her way into the living room, and she leaned heavily on the edge of the couch, her entire body shaking uncontrollably. She stared listlessly into space for a few moments, the tears trickling down her cheeks, the hurt piercing her heart again and again. How could this be happening?

Jack and Roxy. She felt her breathing increase, biting her lip as the pain ripped through her. Her eyes stared at a blind spot on the wall, as she disassociated from everything. She let out a dry sob as she thought about what had happened, how could she have been so stupid? How could this be happening? How could they do this _again?_

Ronnie took a deep shuddery breath, and wiped her cheeks with the back of her hand, shutting off from any outward show of emotion. No. They may have hurt more than they would ever know, but she wouldn't let them get away with _seeing_ how much they had hurt her.

Her heart twisted unpleasantly in her chest, and she felt bile rise in her throat. She felt sick at the thought of them together, what they could be doing, right now, at her club, that was why Jack hadn't wanted her to come to work…

Everything seemed to fall into place in her mind and she curled her hand into a fist, allowing rage to consume her, her anger fierce, terrifying. She looked around the living room, and could see her life, her life with Jack, scattered all around, tell-tale signs of what had once been a happy relationship. A picture, one of her books, her shoes lying beside his at the door, his paper which still lay folded neatly on the kitchen table. Just small subtle signs of how they had grown more comfortable living together, how she was beginning to think of this place as home, despite how much she missed her own flat. The rage and pain crippled her heart, leaving her almost immobile, tripping over her feet as she made her way blindly to the room that they shared. An unnatural coldness took over her body as she made her way unseeingly to her wardrobe, and drew out an old hold all.

She moved about the room in a trance like state, picking up clothes of hers and packing them in the bag, not even knowing which clothes she was taking. She had to leave, get out of this place before he returned, she couldn't face his lies, listen to his voice, feels his lips on her as he pecked her on the cheek, all the while knowing what he had been doing with her own sister. Her hands started to shake again, but she held the tears back, wrapping an unconscious arm around her waist, stretched over her bump, the only thing she had left.

Her hand bumped against something as she reached into the drawer, and she slowly drew out a picture frame. Her only picture of Danielle. She inhaled sharply as she saw, it took her breath away every time she laid eyes on it. She blinked quickly and hurriedly packed it with her other clothes, knowing if she looked at it for too long then she would be unable to stop the tears.

She slung the bag over her shoulder, and wandered back to the living room, looking around as she did so, feeling like an impostor. Everything looked alien, like she didn't recognize it anymore. She wasn't at home here. Not anymore.

For a moment it almost seemed like her eyes misted, and her bottom lip quivered, but in an instant it was gone, her mouth set in a straight line, and eyes as cold and icy as ever. It had probably been just a trick of the light.

All she could hear in her mind was that laugh, the laugh of the two people that meant the world to her, cackling as she had walked away from them, away from the club. She shivered, the sound echoing inside her head, the sound seeming more nasty than it had actually been. How dare they laugh like they were having fun, laughing together, laughing at her, for her stupidity, how could she not have seen what they had been doing?

But how long had it been going on? When had it all started up again? Had it ever stopped from the first time? She asked herself the same questions dozens of times in her head, feeling like she would burst, with pain, with desperation, with rage.

The sound of a key in the lock disturbed her, and she spun around to face the door, her stomach churning, as Jack strolled his way into the flat.

"Ronnie?" he called cautiously, not yet seeing her standing in the middle of the living room, as he turned his back and shrugged off his coat. He felt elated, lighter than air, all he wanted was to just see the woman he loved and let her know how sorry he was. He wasn't sure if he should tell her about Roxy, not when there was no need now. He was determined now that all he would do was protect her.

Ronnie bit her lip furiously as she saw Jack enter the flat, and take off his coat. She saw the look on surprise of his face as he turned around, and she felt a fresh wave of rage and hatred bubble through her as she looked into his lying face.

"Oh. Hi" he said as he turned around and saw Ronnie standing there. He decided to dive straight in. "I'm so sorry, Ronnie." He spoke softly and Ronnie felt her stomach swoop, was he apologizing for Roxy? Had he seen her? Did he know that she knew?

"Earlier, what I said about Danielle, I didn't mean it" he finished, giving her a hopeful smile, making her seethe, as she realized that he wasn't saying sorry for Roxy, he was just continuing to keep her in the dark.

She didn't answer, just stared at him with cold eyes, trying to shield her hurt from him. Shield her heart. He had hurt her too many times now.

After a few seconds, Jack seemed to understand that something was very wrong, as Ronnie continued to stare at him with cold, raging eyes, giving him a look of revulsion that he didn't understand. Their fight hadn't really been that awful had it?

"Ronnie? What's wrong?" he asked gently, stepping toward her, his voice laced with concern. He froze as she stepped backwards, putting her hands up like a shield. "Stop" she said quickly, her voice emotionless. "Don't"

"Ronnie?" he asked, bewildered. "What is it?" his eyes floated to the bag that hung over her shoulder. "Ron, what are you doing?" he asked, fear seeping in. What was she doing with a bag.

Ronnie swallowed. "I'm leaving" she said shortly, moving to go toward the door, unable to bring herself to spend another minute in the same room as Jack, despite the answers that she craved.

"What?!" his voice raised several octaves, and he stepped to the side, blocking her path to the door. "Ronnie, _why?_" he said, eyes wide, tone desperate. "I didn't mean what I said, please, we can talk about this" he pleaded, panic setting in. Why was she leaving, he couldn't comprehend it.

"Get out of my way Jack" she said quietly, her voice dangerous, and eyes glittering.

"No. Not until you tell me what's going on" he demanded stubbornly, feeling helpless.

Ronnie momentarily closed her eyes and gritted her teeth, one arm still holding onto her bump protectively. "I _know" _she glared at him, opening her eyes, and watching disgusted as a look of confusion clouded his perfect face.

"Know what?" he asked, shaking his head, hurt and bewildered as she drew him a look of utter rage and hatred. "I know about you and Roxy!" she shouted, her voice echoing around the room, her pain and anger spilling into her voice, unable to keep the emotions at bay much longer, and her hands started to shake once more.

"Yeah, I saw you!" she continued, her voice raised, finding it hard to stop.

Jack felt the confusion lift as he realized what Ronnie meant. She thought that he and Roxy were an item. She had saw them, the one and only second that anything real had every happened, and Ronnie had saw them. Talk about bad luck. But nothing was happening between them, it was OK.

Knowing that Ronnie had it wrong almost made him laugh with relief. He gave a ghost of a half-smile for a split second, but regretting it as he saw outrage pour from the woman he loved. He shook his head. "Oh, Ronnie you've got it wrong! Please, please, just let me explain, Roxy and I aren't…" he shook his head and then continued "We're not, I swear! What you saw – I've been feeling weird for a while – I – nothing is happening, that's the only time anything happened, I swear it. And it was nothing, I pulled away as soon as I realized what I was – argh!" he groaned in frustration at his inability to explain himself.

Ronnie was watching him with a confused look, her eyes narrowed as she heard the truth in his voice, but unable to tell if it was because she believed him, or because she just wanted to believe him.

Jack took another step toward her. "Believe me, Ronnie, _nothing _is going on, I promise" he pleaded, feeling choked up as he began to get more and more desperate.

She took a deep breath, looking into his eyes and seeing nothing but truth there. He was telling the truth. But he had still kissed her sister. The fact that he was telling the truth didn't make it any better.

With a sharp intake of breath, Ronnie brought her hand up, and slapped the side of his face, the sound louder than it would have been in the silent flat.

Jack looked at her with a shocked look, his cheek rapidly gaining colour. He opened his mouth to speak, but she cut him off. "No! Just shut up. I don't care, Jack. You're an idiot" she shook her head, and pushed past him, intent on getting away from the flat, to be able to think clearly. She didn't know what she wanted anymore.

"Ronnie!" he said, and she turned around slowly as she reached the door, one hand on the handle.

"How could you Jack? Leave me alone. I can't deal with this right now" she said tearily, shaking her head.

Jack felt the guilt well up inside of him. "Ronnie – listen, I'm sorry, I –"

Ronnie shook her head again. "I need to go. I can't trust you anymore. You – you've ruined it all" she said, tears filling up in her eyes, betraying her.

Jack felt his face pucker, and he shook his head pathetically.

Ronnie took a deep breath, turning away from him. "Leave me alone" she said quietly, before walking out of the door.

"Ronnie!" he called after her. "Where will you go?" he cried desperately, the pain crippling him, leaving him devastated as he watched her walk away.

Ronnie continued out the door and didn't answer, the door slamming firmly shut behind her.


	45. No Sympathy

**A/N:- Hey everyone! I'm finally back! :) I'm really sorry about the time it's taken me to update this – over two months :o! – but I never gave up on it, just didn't have the time to write. I have so many ideas for what to do with this, so I hope that you're all still interested in reading? Let me know. **

As she stepped out into the street, Ronnie's entire body was shaking uncontrollably. She clutched at the bag which hung over her shoulder, blinking furiously to keep her tears from spilling over. She forced her legs to walk, praying that he wouldn't follow her. The very last thing she wanted now was a public confrontation. She had suffered enough humiliation for one day.

She wasn't exactly sure as yet to where she was going, but she couldn't bring herself to slow down. She started to run through the options in her head, running it seemed, almost entirely on auto-pilot. She could get on the train, leave, go to her friends in Manchester. She could maybe go into the city for a couple of nights, get a hotel while she figured out what she wanted to do. She had just about enough cash sitting in her account, she bit her lip.

She forced herself to sift through all of the possibilities as calmly as possible, though all the time she was just fighting the urge to run. She wanted to run, to run as far away as possible from the cursed square where everything good she had crumbled and turned to dust.

She felt the back of her eyes sting with tears and she swallowed self-consciously. She tried her best to steady her breathing, looking around at the square, bathed in the late-afternoon sunshine, looking like nothing had happened. But everything in Ronnie's life was different now. Danielle, Tom, they had slipped away, and she had only just witnessed her sister and Jack, the man she loved, sharing a kiss. Whatever excuses Jack had conjured up, no matter how much Ronnie believed him, _wanted_ to believe that it was just a one time thing, she couldn't deny what she had seen. And she had definitely seen a kiss.

She licked her dry lips, feeling the lump which had formed in her throat grow larger.

She made her way through the small grey square. Leaving was instinctual to her, she didn't even think about it usually. When something traumatic happened, she ran. It was sometimes selfish, but she had never cared in the past. It was just how she had dealt with things. But now she had to take another factor into consideration. Her baby. A hand fluttered to her precious bump out of habit, just as it always did when she thought of the special little life growing inside her.

Part of her wanted to take this baby and flee Walford, never letting her child come into contact with the place or the people in it ever again.

But she couldn't. Because, really, she wasn't single Ronnie with no ties anymore. How long could she really expect any of her friends to put up with her, how long could she expect to cope on her own with the baby, which was due in only weeks?

Her eyes drifted to the large red building which dominated the square. She let out a sigh, feeling exhaustion and defeatism overwhelm her.

Clutching the bag even more tightly over her shoulder, Ronnie continued to the side door of The Vic, pushing the door open reluctantly. She sniffed and drew her shoulders back, putting in place the unfeeling façade that everyone knew. She stepped into the pub, hoping that people wouldn't notice her bag or that, if they did, they wouldn't ask any questions.

She paused for a moment as the door swung shut behind her, then sucked a deep breath in, holding it there, as she made her way as quickly as was possible to the door that led behind the bar. Slipping behind the bar, she saw Tracey shoot her a smile, as silent and as watchful as ever.

She turned away, unable to return it, going into the back. She uttered a silent prayer that Peggy wouldn't be home. Unfortunately, she had barely stepped one foot on the first step, when Peggy came through from the bar, making for the boxes of crisps.

"Ronnie!" her aunt exclaimed, surprised. "What are you doing here, love?"

Ronnie froze and turned slightly to look at her, her face obviously showing the emotion that she was unable to voice. Peggy's face grew concerned, worried. She hurried forward to her niece. "Ronnie, what is it?" she asked, voice slightly panicked.

Peggy placed both arms on Ronnie's shoulders, forcing her stricken niece to look at her. Ronnie stared down at Peggy, and was unable to stop the flow of tears which spilled over her eyes. She burst into sobs, fuelling Peggy's alarm.

"Oh God, darling, what's the matter?" Peggy persisted, pulling Ronnie into an awkward hug.

Ronnie's eyes blurred with tears, and she closed her eyes, the image of Roxy and Jack kissing burned into her eyelids. "Roxy and Jack" she sobbed, almost incoherently.

Peggy's face grew from alarm to shock to anger in all of five seconds. She began to lead Ronnie upstairs, saying no more as Ronnie continued to cry quietly. No more words were needed.

***

The blood was pounding in his ears. He sat stock still on the sofa, head bent forward into his hands. The silence swirled around him, engulfing the flat in it's complete quietness.

He couldn't believe what had just happened. He sat in his awkward pose in utter disbelief, unable to move. He could only see the pain in Ronnie's eyes. Everywhere he looked, every single time he blinked, all he could see was the agony and anger in those beautiful blue eyes, the eyes of _his_ Ronnie. And he had hurt her.

Again.

Once more, he had caused her insufferable pain and all because he was silly and selfish, and didn't know how good his life was. How lucky he was that a woman like Ronnie, had ever even thought to give him a second chance.

He lifted his head slowly, eyes blinking round at the empty flat. It seemed devoid of life now, bleak and grey. She was gone and there wasn't anything he could do about it.

Jack stood up, the hatred for himself burning deep. Tears pricked at his eyes and a lump formed in the back of his throat. But he didn't allow himself the luxury of crying.

Because really, he thought as he looked round at his empty flat, he had brought it all on himself.

***

Ronnie leaned against the sink in the bathroom, closing her eyes. The hot air from the shower she had just exited steamed up the mirror till she couldn't see her reflection. But she could still feel the tear streaks on her face where the scalding spray had mixed with her salty tears. It was only just approaching early evening, but all she wanted to do was sleep. Quickly drying herself off from the shower, she shook her long wet hair out and reached into her bag, pulling a out a pair of pyjamas and shoving them on. She pulled the bag over her shoulder again, and inhaling deeply, left the bathroom, creeping along the hall till she reached her own room.

She didn't want to face Peggy and Phil again, didn't want to see her aunt's pitying glances, or hear her cousin's brutish threats of what he'd do to Jack. Everything seemed clear cut and sharp, nothing like the daze-like pain which she had been feeling in recent days.

Neither was more painful than the other, but this hurt felt much more difficult to deal with. She felt like her veil of grief had just been beginning to lift. That stage where she was starting to get back into a routine, things starting to fall back into place. Life always moves on. It waits for no-one.

Ronnie began to take out some of her clothes, sorting a couple of things she would need into drawers. Her eyes had a slightly distant look, but were also clear-cut and focused.

People say that time heals all wounds. That's a lie. Some wounds are so deep, they aren't ever healed. They sit, just below the surface, sometimes invisible but always, _always_ there. The pain doesn't ever get any better. It just manifests itself in a different more manageable way. It becomes less raw, less bitter, and it almost seems like you're completely better. But wounds like that are always sly. Sometimes you think you're getting over something, someone, and then…

Something happens that sends everything rushing back to the surface.

Ronnie finished packing her clothes away, still lost deep in her train of thought. She pulled back the covers on her bed, overcome with a case of fatigue despite the light hour.

She crawled underneath the sheets. She reached into her bag, rummaging around until her hand connected with the cool metal picture frame and she drew out it, chucking the bag on the floor in the process.

She lay down slowly, her damp hair spread out over the pillow. She gazed at the picture, eyes filling with tears of their own accord. Danielle's warm brown eyes looked back at her.

Ronnie sighed, raising the cool glass frame to her lips, and kissing it gently. "Happy Birthday, darling" she whispered, stroking her daughter's face from behind the glass. There was always something in between them.

She clutched the picture frame to her chest, and wrapped another hand tightly around her bump, cradling the two most precious things to her in the world. Ronnie curled her legs up closer to her chest, pulling the sheets tightly round her.

A small tear escaped her eyelids, streaking sadly down her cheek.

**Yeah, so I know this fic is always quite sad, but I hope you enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it lol. Also, I know that it is very slow-moving, but keep reading and things will begin to pick up. It's not too long till the birth now;-) I dunno, I think chapter 50 has a nice ring to it…**

**Lol review if you can ;)**

**xxx**


	46. Author's Note

**Hey everyone. **

**I know it's been a long while since I updated this story, but I've been really busy with exams and Christmas and everything. I'd like to continue as I've still got a load of ideas, but I'm just wondering if there is anyone still interested in reading? I hardly got any reviews for the last chapter, just worried that everyone's given up on this.**

**I hope not, but let me know if you want me to continue and I'll get another chapter up soon. **

**Thanks, **

**Kirsty  
xxx**


	47. Nightmare

**A/N:- Hey! Thanks for the really positive response, I'm so glad that there are people who still want to read this. I've re-read my last chapters and think I'm back into the swing of things now. Thanks for all your support, please keep reading :D**

That night, Ronnie struggled through the long dark hours in small bouts of fitful sleep. She tossed and turned, moaning as she had confusing nightmare after nightmare, everything a muddled blur of colours and faces which swam before her. Always the same image floated before her eyes, the sight of Jack and her sister kissing, their laughter as she had hurried from the club, the sound taunting.

Again and again she awoke, her cheeks wet with tears. But then her dreams began to take a turn for the worst.

_She was searching for something. She ran, in a complete panic through the rooms of her flat, but she couldn't see anything, because it was filled with a thick dark smoke. The fire, she was back in it. Terror seized her, choking her heart. But she barely had time to register the fear, the smoke suddenly cleared away and then she saw him._

_Tom. _

_He was standing in the doorway that led to the living room. Ronnie tried to cry out, but found that she couldn't speak. She started to run toward him, but she couldn't get to him. No matter how fast she ran, he remained out of reach. His eyes were cold and hateful as he stared blackly at her. He turned away from her, and her voice finally found itself. "Wait" she screeched. _

_Tom turned slowly to face her, unrecognisable. "It's all your fault" he spat. "Look what you've done" he beckoned her closer to him and she moved toward him slowly, bewildered and scared. He turned away from her and began to make his way to her front door. _

"_Tom, what is it, where are you taking me?" her voice sounded small and far away, and Tom didn't answer. Instead he walked out into the square. She followed. They left her flat, and it was night, the square cloaked in an eerie darkness. In the middle of the square, she could make out a small huddle of people. She looked at Tom who had stopped a short distance away from the people. "Come on, Ronnie" he hissed. "Come and see what you've done"_

_She walked slowly forward, terrified out of her mind. As she drew closer to the people, she began to recognise their faces, they were people from the square, people that she knew. Janine, her dad, Jack and Roxy. They were all standing in a little circle, hovering above something. _

_She looked at all their faces, bewildered. But none of them looked at her, they were all staring at something on the ground. Ronnie's eyes were drawn downward. _

_As she set her eyes on what lay on the ground, she heard someone start to scream._

_Her eyes were wide as she looked at Danielle, who lay lifeless, absolutely soaked in blood on the concrete. She sank to the ground, and began to crawl towards her little girl. She scooped Danielle in her arms, and the screaming grew louder as her daughter's head flopped lifelessly, her eyes cold and unmoving. Dead. It was then that she realised it was her who was screaming. _

_The realisation only made her scream louder, scream so loud that it made her throat burn. _

_She rocked back and forth, and looked up, still screaming uncontrollably. They all looked down at her with disdain, no-one was helping her. Tom, Archie and Janine all looked on with the same glittering eyes. Roxy and Jack stood close together, and Jack's arms were around Roxy's waist as they sneered at her. _

_She looked back at the dead eyes of her daughter who was like a marble statue, immobile. She screamed even louder, the tears pouring from her cheeks. _

_She looked up desperately, seeking for someone to help her, someone to help her baby. _

_She locked gazes with a cold and unrecognisable Tom. _

"_All your fault" he mouthed. _

Ronnie sat bolt upright in bed, a real scream escaping her throat. She clutched at her throat with her hands, the tears cascading down her cheeks. She sank backward into the pillow, hiding her face to muffle the terrifying sobs which were ripped from her throat as her whole body shook.

She sobbed violently, trembling as the tears soaked her pillow. It had been so _real,_ so terrifyingly awful. She lay for several moments, her body wracked with heart-wrenching sobs. After a few moments had passed, the tears subsided, and Ronnie rolled onto her side, rubbing her red-rimmed eyes. She hiccupped a few times, taking several deep breaths as her heart-rate returned to normal.

She gazed upward at the ceiling, which was turning slowly into a pale gold colour, illuminated in the glow of the pre-dawn light. She reached out for her watch, squinting at the time in the low-light. 5.47 am, she read. She let out a quiet sigh, listening carefully to see if her sobbing had alerted her aunty Peg. But all was quiet, save for the distant sound of Phil's snores.

Ronnie sat up again slowly, placing a hand on her stomach and rubbing her belly slowly as the baby kicked suddenly. She gave a tiny watery smile. "Sorry, baby" she murmured softly, pushing her hair back from her eyes with one hand.

She looked round at the room, her mind ticking away. Somehow she knew that she wouldn't get back to sleep now, so there was no point lying, torturing herself for a few more hours. She drew back the covers, attempting to be as quiet as possible as she got out of bed. She stretched as she stood up, one hand still holding her bump protectively. Even in her moments of despair and desperation, she never could get over the miracle of the life growing inside her, the perfect little baby who she held so much love for.

Ronnie's eyes were drawn to the picture of Danielle, as it sat on her bedside table, where it had been placed after the night before when she had cried over it. Obviously that had been a mistake, she thought to herself, shuddering as she tried her best to repress the memory of her awful dream. She hadn't ever had a dream like that. Sure, she had dreamt about the night Danielle had died...but it had never been like that, never been so raw, and so completely awful before.

It was the worst she had ever felt, aside from the actual night itself.

She sighed, and forced her eyes away from her daughter's beautiful beaming face, immobilised forever behind the glass.

The floor was cold beneath her feet as she padded barefoot out of her room, tip-toeing down the hall, and going into the living room. She looked around, feeling out of place. It was a while since she had been there, what with the fire and everything. The room was bathed in an almost eerie grey

Ronnie made her way over to the window which looked out onto the square. She tweaked at the blinds, peeking outside. The sun was just beginning to rise, streaking the sky with pale pink and orange at the edges. The sky was clear, and even from this early, Ronnie could tell it was going to be a beautiful summer's day.

Everything was still and silent. Albert Square was still asleep. She rubbed her hand in a circle round her bump, biting her lip absent-mindedly. She looked over to the flat, but the curtains were drawn. It was the same with Roxy's. Anger burned through her veins at the thought of the pair of them, followed immediately by the sting of betrayal. She had thought the first time had been bad...but this...

She was pregnant. She had just been in a fire and also lost Tom, who had been a massive part of her life for a while, even if she never loved him the way she should have. To top it off, Jack had sworn that he would protect and love her, that he would always be there for her. So why did he go and kiss her sister?

And Roxy? Ronnie seethed as she thought of her little sister. Roxy always wanted what she couldn't have, so completely self-centred and childish. She had been making excuses for her baby sister for far too long. Roxanne was a wife and mother in her mid-thirties, Ronnie told herself. Where did she get off kissing Jack?

There were so many questions which she yearned to know the answer to. She wanted to scream and kick up a fuss. She clenched her teeth as she let the blinds slip from her fingers, and she moved away from the window, looking away from the silent square.

She moved to sit on the sofa, folding her legs underneath her. She grabbed a throw off the back of the couch and snatched up the television remote, wrapping herself up tightly as she switched the T.V on. She turned down the volume till it could barely be heard, and leaned her head back against the sofa, shivering into the blanket.

The screen was a blur of colours and shapes that she couldn't properly focus on as tears slid silently, and elegantly down her cheeks.

**OK, so not a lot happened here, I'll try and get the next chapter up soon though, and I promise it'll be longer. Glad people are still interested in this, I love writing it :) Please review and let me know what you thought :D**

**xxx**


	48. Regrets

That morning, Peggy Mitchell awoke to the sounds of the radio playing in the kitchen, and the sound of someone bustling around. "What the-" she exclaimed, sitting up to see the time, the clock telling her it was only just past 8 in the morning. As events of the previous day came rushing back to her, she sighed. "Ronnie" she muttered to herself, covering her face with her hands.

In the kitchen, Ronnie was sitting at the table clutching a hot cup of tea between her hands. She stared at a spot on the wall, so deep in her thought she barely registered the room around her. She hummed along tunelessly to the radio, her carefully blow dried hair falling freely about her shoulders. Her make-up had been applied, her clothes had been donned. As soon as it had gotten light enough to be an acceptable time to get up, she had started to get busy, hardly stopping for a moment. All the time, she had never stopped thinking, not once. Her mind whirred away, the knobs twirling and twisting like clockwork, trying to think her way out of this mess.

As she took another sip of tea, the baby turned inside her, nudging her with an elbow, as if to say, don't worry. Ronnie smiled in spite of herself, and patted her belly lovingly, sighing as she thought of her little baby. She had wanted this baby for so long, and now it was only four or five weeks to her due date. What kind of life could she provide for this child she wanted so badly? When she didn't know who the father was? When she wasn't even living in a place of her own?

She felt a ribbon of hatred sear through her heart like silver fire, scorching her to the very core. How could Jack have done this, ruined everything so badly, again? She was bringing her baby into a mess because of him. She gritted her teeth, eyes solidifying like steel.

"Ronnie"

She jumped as she heard Peggy say her name. Her head whipped toward the door, as she was slowly drawn out of her own little world.

Peggy stood in the doorway, eyes narrowed as they watched Ronnie carefully. "Ronnie, love, are you alright?" Peggy asked, walking slowly toward her niece and taking a seat at the other side of the table.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Aunty Peg, did I wake you?" Ronnie said apologetically, with a false sunny note to her voice. Her lips stretched into a smile that didn't reach her eyes as she stood up quickly, and walked over to the sink, pouring the remainder of her tea down the sink.

Peggy followed her movements with worried eyes, and she felt herself biting her lip as she stared at the back of Ronnie's head. She knew that she shouldn't be surprised, that this was always how Ronnie had dealt with things. But yesterday, her niece had came to her in floods of tears, because she had caught her boyfriend and her _sister_ locked in a passionate kiss. Peggy's eyes flashed with anger as she thought of Roxy and Jack. That pair should know better, she thought to herself. But how could Ronnie go from complete hysterics which verged on the point of almost being unable to speak, to being so...eerily calm?

"Ronnie, love, come and sit down darling" she said.

Ronnie sniffed. "I'm fine, Peggy" Ronnie looked over her shoulder, shooting her aunt a superficial smile before turning her head away again, frantically scrubbing inside the cup. "I just need to keep busy that's all" Ronnie said, through slightly gritted teeth.

"Ronnie-" Peggy stood up, her eyes widening in alarm, as Ronnie continued with her violent scrubbing.

Ronnie finished cleaning the cup, and set it on the draining board. She turned round, eyes swivelling as they searched for a cloth. Snatching one off of the side, she began to clean around the sink, clearing away the dishes that lay there. Suddenly, she was just overcome with a sudden drive to do _something. _Her own life was such a mess, the only thing she could do was clean up the parts that she could.

Her breathing became a little laboured as she continued cleaning manically, scrubbing hard at the sink.

"Ronnie" Peggy said, moving toward her niece. "Ronnie, Ronnie!" she cried, reaching out and clutching at Ronnie's elbow, forcing her niece to stop. Ronnie didn't turn round but she froze where she was.

"Peggy – I'm fine. I just need to clean up" she said through gritted teeth.

"No, Ronnie, you're not fine" Peggy said sternly. Ronnie inhaled deeply through her nose and turned marginally to face her aunt. Peggy's face softened slightly. "Ronnie, darlin'" she said "I know you want to take your mind off things – but this isn't helping, love. I've got to look after you – and _you _have to look after this little baby of yours – all this stress isn't helping either of you" her voice was low and soft as she slowly persuaded Ronnie.

Ronnie exhaled slowly, and unclenched the fist that was clutching tightly at the cloth. "OK" she whispered. "OK"

Her baby. That was what mattered. The only thing that mattered now.

Peggy smiled, guiding her gently out of the kitchen and through to the living room. She made her sit down on the couch. "Now, I want you to sit and _relax_" Peggy instructed. "Give me a few minutes to get ready and we'll have a chat, love, alright?" her eyes appraised her, searching, worried.

Ronnie nodded, looking dazed. As Peggy left the room, Ronnie sat forward, folding her hands round her stomach. She closed her eyes. How could everything have gotten so messed up in just a few hours?

Why had this happened to her? And how could they, how could _Jack _have done this? She didn't have any answers to the questions which circled her head, as her eyes filled with tears.

***

"...the best of both worlds" Roxy sang tunelessly along to the episode of Hannah Montana that Amy had on in the living room, the song drifting through to the kitchen where Roxy was preparing breakfast.

"Amy!" Roxy called. "Coco pops?!"

"Yes!" Amy cried out from where she sat in the living room, eyes locked on the television screen. Roxy shimmied her hips as she continued to hum along to the tune. She smiled in spite of herself as she called Amy to the table, sitting her daughter down and setting the cereal in front of her.

She pressed a hand to Amy's head, running her fingers through her little blonde curls. "You alright, babe?" she asked. Amy nodded her head, clutching her spoon tightly in her little fist as she began to tuck into her breakfast.

Roxy sighed happily, feeling almost lighter than air. All these weeks of pain and confusion, not knowing why the hell she was feeling the way she was about Jack. It was like a great weight had been lifted. She cursed her stupidity at ever letting herself think that way about Jack again. He was Amy's dad and that was that. He was in love with her pregnant sister, for goodness sake! She scolded herself as her heart was suddenly crippled with guilt.

"Hey you!" Roxy's thoughts were interrupted by James, as he strolled through to the kitchen, his hair wet from the shower, wearing only a towel. She turned to look at him, her heart thudding in her chest and she smiled. She was in love with James and he was all that she needed. She _knew _that. He was different to her usual 'type'. But where had that ever gotten her? Damian, Sean, Jack, all 'bad' boys, who had broken her heart. James was ruggedly handsome, and reminded her of Sean, physically at least. But he was caring and sensitive, and sensible. He was a grown-up, she thought fondly to herself, reaching up to cup his cheek. Ever since the day they had met, he had made her happy, taking on Amy and treating her like she was his own. She was lucky beyond belief.

James leaned down to kiss his wife, pulling her into a hug, as his lips crashed against hers. He pulled away, winking cheekily as he saw her flushed face, and he pushed her hair out of her eyes. She raised her eyebrows.

"Ew!" Amy called out, interrupting her parent's little moment, wrinkling her little nose as she looked at the two kissing.

Both James and Roxy burst into peals of laughter and Roxy moved away, shaking her head. "Breakfast?" she asked her husband.

"Thanks, babe" he replied. "And _you!" _he addressed Amy, sticking out his tongue. "Good morning to you too" he said, going over to her and pecking her on the top of her head. Amy giggled and waggled her tongue back at him.

James gasped, pretending to be shocked before breaking out into another grin. "You watch it, missus!" he teased jokingly, ruffling Amy's curls. "Be back in a sec" he said, disappearing into their bedroom before re-emerging in sweats and t-shirt, hair still damp from the shower.

He whistled softly, as Roxy continued to bustle around in the kitchen. She felt sick at the thought that she had almost betrayed him. That she had kissed Jack. She tried to repress her thoughts as she served James his breakfast, battling the guilt-ridden nerves that were attacking her. She leant against the side, as she watched James eat his breakfast heartily, all the time joking and laughing with Amy, making her giggle and squeal with laughter. Roxy sighed lightly, so grateful for once with what she had, so content. She had been a fool to ever have been anything less with the way her life was going.

As she took in her husband and her little girl, she smiled, masking the worry and tension which lurked just beneath her eyelids. This was the way she wanted things. She would never even _look_ at Jack again. But Ronnie and James could never find out. It would just hurt them too much, destroy everything, Roxy thought to herself. She pulled herself together, and joined James and Amy at the table, and began to laugh along with them. To an outsider they would have looked like any other normal, happy little family.

Roxy leant over and put her head against James' shoulder, tilting her head to the side. She smiled, completely unaware about the chain of events that had been set in motion, which had the potential to completely destroy her life once more.

***

The flat was eerily quiet. Jack was sitting staring into space on the couch, in a complete daze, cradling his mobile phone in his hands. Ever since Ronnie had left almost twelve hours before, he hadn't moved much from his position, getting only a few hours of disjointed sleep, never once bothering to get up to go to bed. He had phoned her mobile so many times he had lost count, only knew that every time he heard her breezy message, his heart would plummet with disappoint, fill with longing at the sound of her voice, and tear apart just a little bit more, knowing that he had hurt her again.

After all his promises, everything he had sworn to do, to protect and love her for the rest of his life, he was ashamed and embarrassed to admit he was still the same weak-willed Jack Branning, who simply wanted what he didn't have. Only this time, he had realised it just a second too late. Even though the kiss had meant nothing, it never should have happened in the first place. The very f_act_ that it had meant nothing, almost made it worse. The thought that he had hurt Ronnie so deeply, just for some moment of a reminiscent passion that had never been all that great in the first place.

Again, and again, Jack had learned the hard way, that Ronnie Mitchell was the only woman for him. Their lives were intertwined, paths that were so criss-crossed and meshed together that they couldn't ever be torn apart. Ronnie and he were soulmates, as far as Jack was concerned, and he wasn't even into all that touchy-feely 'fate' stuff. But there was no denying that Ronnie was his other half. For so long, they had dodged and weaved each other, with every time they came together going wrong, for one reason or another. And then, after Roxy and Amy, she slipped away from him all together. He still saw her, almost every other day, but she was cold toward him. He cut her more deeply than anyone had done for years. He knew it, and hated himself for it.

They were almost getting back on track when the truth about Danielle had come out. Then Ronnie had went spiralling down a road that was so dark it sent shivers down his spine. He so wanted to have been the one who was there for her. But there had been something broken in her eyes, something so desperately lonely and terrifying that it was far too big for him to handle. There had been a point, when they had almost, almost gotten back together. It was the week before she met Tom. There had been a moment in the office when they almost kissed...but she had pulled away and he hadn't bothered to pull her back. She had been stuck in a rut of drinking herself senseless, burning herself out for a few days when she would then lie low, and sometimes not surface. Those days were the worst, Jack thought, remembering how he used to think up excuses to phone her about non-existant problems with the club, just to hear her voice, and reassure himself that she hadn't done something stupid.

He had been working up the courage to talk to her properly when she met Tom. They started going out. She came back to work full time, and was never off the phone with this 'Tom'. Jack had sulked jealously for weeks, burning with rage and suspicion of this man who was taking advantage of his Ronnie when she was in a vulnerable state. But he didn't ever voice his concerns, he hadn't dared to. And then...the light started to come back into her eyes. Months passed, and Ronnie and Tom moved in together, became a proper couple. Things between Ronnie and himself began to get better, but it was only as colleagues, as friends, which was what he would chant to himself. In those two years she was with Tom, he hadn't met anyone else. He had simply waited in the wings. And he admitted when the time presented itself, he had pounced. Sleeping with Ronnie again was the most wonderful thing, and he didn't regret at all. All he had wanted was her, and he had gotten her back. He must be one of the luckiest men alive to have the love and tolerance of such an amazing woman. So _why _had he screwed it up again? Screwed her over again?

He curled his hands into fist, wanting nothing more than to hit himself. Tom would never have hurt her as badly as he had. Tom actually knew how lucky he was when he lost her. Jack...he was never that smart.

Time after time he underestimated his bond with Ronnie. He always wound up ruining things for them. He should never have slept with her all those months ago, should have never messed her life all over again. Maybe, just maybe, if he had left her alone, Tom would still be alive. Ronnie would be happy.

But no. He had been the same old selfish Jack, mucking up her life, and then hurting her when she was low, his feeling of self-loathing swelled once more, and he had a bitter taste in his mouth. He swallowed, pressing his knuckles to his head. He groaned, flipping open his mobile once more. He punched in the number that he knew off by heart, and listened to it ring once more.

_Hi, you've reached Ronnie Mitchell. I can't take your call right now, but leave a message, and I'll get back to you! _Her voice sang off at the end, and she sounded so care-free and sunny it made his heart twist, choking by the vines of thorns which tightened round it.

***

Ronnie sat on her bed, legs crossed, staring blankly at her phone as it vibrated for what felt like the millionth time. _Jack calling _it told her. She breathed heavily, folding her arms tightly over her chest. She had countless missed calls. But there was no way she was going to answer that phone. She didn't want to hear his excuses, his reasons, or whatever the hell it was that he wanted. She just wanted things to go back to how they were before he had changed everything, before she had found out. She sighed heavily, leaning back on her pillows, till she was almost flat on her back. She let her hands lay flat on her stomach and exhaled, long and low, her eyes staring blankly at the ceiling.

***

It was a few hours later, late that afternoon, when Roxy decided to take Amy out for a little while.

"I'm taking Amy over to Aunty Peg's" Roxy hollered to James, as she finished buttoning up her daughter's coat. "We'll only be an hour, tops" she yelled on her way out, as she slammed the door shut behind her. She pulled Amy onto her hip, and started to make her way across the square. She shot a worried glance at the sky, the clouds looming low, grey and ominous.

She hurried across the square, only giving Ronnie and Jack's flat an odd little glance, her stomach squeezing with guilt and nerves. The curtains were still drawn on the living room window, and it struck her as odd for a moment, after all, the afternoon was almost over. But she brushed it aside, and continued on her way to The Vic.

Gliding into the busy pub, the punters barely looked up as she entered. Tracy was leaning against the bar, pulling a pint. "Alright, Trace?" Roxy grinned.

Tracey the barmaid fixed her with a cool stare and nodded tightly. Roxy frowned, puzzled, but didn't bother to make an issue out of it. She never really knew what was going on in Tracey's life anyway. A silent and permanent fixture to the Queen Victoria Public House, seeing all and saying nothing.

As Roxy ducked under the bar to make her way upstairs, she was stopped in her tracks by Peggy who came out into the bar, and then froze, staring at Roxy wide eyed. She drew her a look filled with disgust.

"Aunty Peggy?" Roxy asked, her eyebrows raising with bewilderment and her bambi like eyes filling with hurt and confusion.

"How dare you even show your face here" Peggy spat.

Roxy took a step backward. "What the hell are you on about?!"

A few punters looked up in interest, looking for the latest piece of gossip.

Peggy noticed, and looked around. She sighed and grabbed Roxy by the wrist, pulling her threw to the back ,out of sight. She lowered her voice to a hiss, pointing a finger at her niece's face. "You, young lady, have some cheek! Now go home, Roxy, right now, I can't stand the sight of you" Peggy warned fore-bodingly, her eyes flashing with anger.

Roxy swallowed, in total bewilderment. "Aunty Peg!" she protested, her voice raising several octaves. "What are you talking about?!"

Peggy shook her head with disgust. "What do you think I'm talking about? Your poor sister –"

"Ronnie?" Roxy interjected, eyebrows knitting together.

"Keep your voice down –" but Peggy's word came a second too late, because before either of them knew it, the gentle flowing sound of Ronnie's voice came streaming down from upstairs.

"Aunty Peggy? Is that Roxy?" she called.

Peggy closed her eyes with horror. "Yes" she called back. "But don't worry, Ronnie, your sister's just leaving!"

"No! No, send her up" Ronnie called, her tone unfathomable. The tone of her voice was eerily calm and collected, but both her aunt and sister knew her well enough to be able to tell that Ronnie was fuming.

Roxy looked at Peggy for support but received none. With a sense of dread in her stomach, her mouth dried as she began to ascend the stairs nimbly and silently, wondering what the hell was going on. She felt a flutter of fear and nerves as she approached the top, fearing that Ronnie knew what Roxy thought she did.

**Hey, so I know this chapter was quite long, but I hope you enjoyed as much as I enjoyed writing it. Things will really pick up in the next chapter, with a LOT happening, so don't miss it lol!**

**xxx**


	49. Keep Your Apologies

With every tread of footstep that brought her closer to Ronnie, Roxy felt her heart hammer that little bit faster. Peggy followed closely at her heels. Reaching the top of the stairs, Roxy gave her daughter another little squeeze, as if Amy could protect her from what was coming. She paused, eyes flickering up and down the hallway which seemed empty. She cleared her throat, licking her lips nervously before speaking.

"Ronnie?" her voice was small, and jittery with nerves and anticipation. "Ronnie?" she tried again.

"I'm in here" Ronnie's voice was almost expressionless, as she called quietly from the bedroom, and the sound of it made Roxy's stomach summersault. Not a good sign.

Roxy half-turned toward Peggy, her eyes wide and questioning. Peggy threw Roxy a look of disgust, reaching out and taking Amy from her niece. Balancing the baby on her hip, Peggy nodded toward the door.

Roxy looked at her aunt wordlessly for a moment, mouth gaping, before she turned around sharply, tucking her hands inside her pockets. Walking softly along the hall, she reached the door to the bedroom that had once been shared between the two sisters and she pushed her hand against the faded wood, which opened with a creak. "Ron?"

Ronnie stood immobile, with her arms folded tightly across her chest, as she stared out of the window, her feet planted, her back resolutely to her sister. The minute the door creaked open, Ronnie could almost taste the nerves which were exuding from Roxy, the thought of which only fuelled her anger. She could hear the quiver in Roxy's voice, and waited that extra second, enjoying the fact that she was having to sweat it out. As Roxy called her voice again, and took a more definite step into the room, Ronnie composed herself. She set her mouth in a tight line, giving nothing away as she spun around on her heel slowly.

She didn't speak as she locked eyes with her sister. Roxy blinked uncertainly at her. "Hi, Ron" she said quietly. "What are you doing here?" her voice sounded false even to her own ears and Ronnie fixed with her with a withering glare.

When Ronnie didn't answer her question, Roxy practically wilted where she was standing. Ronnie didn't speak, only fixed Roxy with a cold, icy stare. Her blue eyes were ice as they stared right through her. Ronnie shook her head marginally, swallowing back the bitter taste of betrayal and hurt, allowing disgust to colour all of her features.

"How could you, Roxy?" the words were deadly as she muttered them through gritted teeth, her eyes steel and fire at the same time.

Roxy's eyes widened at the level of venom in her sister's voice, and she felt terror grip at her. She opened her mouth to speak, feeling her throat constrict.

"Wh-What –" she stuttered, her mind going blank.

Ronnie groaned, and shook her head with disgust, turning away again. She let out a mirthless laugh. "Oh, god, Roxanne, you really are priceless" she started to pace. "Daddy's little princess, a spoilt brat, always wanting what you don't have" her voice was mocking and cruel.

Roxy didn't answer, only watched Ronnie with fearful eyes.

Ronnie stopped walking, and turned fully to face her sister, glaring at her. "Well?" she said, her voice dropping, so it became deathly quiet.

"Ronnie - I – I don't know w-what you mean" Roxy tried in a last ditch attempt to shield herself from the truth that Ronnie very obviously knew what had happened between her and Jack.

Feeling her facade slip a little, Ronnie felt tears burn in her eyes. "Why _Jack,_Roxy_ ?"_ she whispered, shaking her head with disbelief, allowing the hurt to shine through. Of all the things Roxy could have done.

Ronnie stared into her sister's eyes for another couple of moments, and Roxy held her gaze. For a second, it seemed like time stopped altogether, each searching for something in the other's eyes. Roxy saw a little flash of pain in Ronnie's eyes, before something shuttered, leaving her sister with that same cold look, that Roxy was so used to seeing.

"Get out" Ronnie spoke quietly through gritted teeth and turned away, her face emotionless.

It was more than Roxy could bear. Her emotions of guilt swept up inside of her, till she could take it no more. Her eyes filled with tears and she took a step forwards. "No, look please! Ron, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry!" tears spurted down her cheeks, as she took another step toward her sister.

"Get. _Out" _she repeated, her tone icy.

"No, Ronnie, please, I'm sorry –" Roxy let out a dry sob, the tears now running freely down her cheeks. She couldn't take this in, didn't want to believe it. She took another step forward, and reached out, desperately grabbing her sister's arm in an attempt to get Ronnie to look at her.

What happened next was something that neither of them anticipated.

As soon as Ronnie felt Roxy's hand on her arm, she swung around, and her hand connected with Roxy's cheek, the sharp slapping sound stinging in the air around them. Roxy fell back and staggered for several steps, before sinking onto the edge of the bed, eyes widening with shock, holding her face with both hands.

Ronnie froze with her arm still in the air, breathing heavily, her eyes wild and furious.

"Just stay away from me!" she shouted, her own eyes now brimming with tears, her mask of ice now abandoned. "You think you can just come here and say 'sorry' and think it'll make everything better?!" She stabbed a finger in Roxy's direction. "I do not care what you do anymore. I'm done" she shook her head, sniffing, fire in her eyes.

"Ronnie –" Roxy choked out, aghast.

"No" Ronnie shook her head, and stormed out of the room, tears blurring her vision. Peggy emerged from the kitchen, still holding Amy in her arms, eyes wide and questioning.

"Ronnie daring, what's the matter?" Peggy gushed.

Ronnie sniffed and pressed her hands to her eyes for a moment, before inhaling deeply, and looking her aunt in the eye. "Get her out of here, Aunty Peg" she said quietly.

Roxy stumbled out of the room, one side of her face bright red and inflamed. Peggy swallowed as she took in the appearance of her younger niece, and the unstable look in Ronnie's eye.

Peggy swept toward Roxy, handing Amy back to her. She leaned in close so only Roxy could hear her. "Look, love, you'd better leave" she murmured, but Roxy's eyes remained on Ronnie the whole time.

"Ronnie" Roxy pleaded, voice thick with tears.

She took a step closer to her sister, bravely placing a hand on her arm again. Ronnie stiffened and sniffed, before exhaling deeply. She jerked her arm away. "Leave, Roxy. Before I do something I really regret"

With a last look back at Peggy, Roxy clutched Amy tighter to her, and wiped her eyes. "I'm so sorry" she whispered as she slid by her sister, just loud enough for Ronnie to hear.

Her eyes fluttered closed, and she gripped onto the banister, inhaling deeply. As soon as Roxy had gone past her, she turned on her heel and fled back into her bedroom. Slamming the door behind her, she pressed her back to it, raising a hand to her forehead, as the tears slipped down her cheeks.

She felt a small twinge in her stomach, and placed both hands to her belly, wincing a little. She blinked, fear gripping her for a moment, but the feeling passed, and she exhaled in relief, hugging her stomach tightly. All she wanted now was her baby, and for it to be safe. The tears kept spilling over, and she let out a sob, overcome with emotion.

***

Roxy was trembling as she reached the bottom of the stairs, and her mind was racing as she wiped her cheeks. How had Ronnie found out? Had Jack been the one to tell her?

She took a deep breath. She felt a shiver of fear run down her spine, as she realised there was a very real possibility that James could find out. Poised at the bottom of the stairs that led to the top part of the Queen Vic, she almost dropped her phone in her frantic rush to get her mobile out.

She stabbed in the numbers frantically, clutching the phone to her ear.

It rang several times before it was finally answered.

"Hello?" Jack croaked, and Roxy thought his voice sounded thick, like he'd been crying.

"Jack?" she muttered frantically, her voice low. "Why the hell didn't you tell me that she knew?"

"Ronnie?!" his voice was suddenly clearer. "Roxy have you heard from her?! Oh God, where is she?!"

"She's over here at the Vic, you _idiot_, Jack! We agreed it was a mistake, why the hell did you tell her?!" she teetered dangerously on the edge of tears again.

"I'll be there in a minute!" he said.

"No, Jack wait!" she tried, but he was already gone. She groaned, flipping her phone shut. She swore under her breath, throwing a worried glance upwards, to where she knew Ronnie would be still sitting in the bedroom, heartbroken.

And now Jack would be there any minute. Roxy hugged Amy tighter, and kissed the top of her head. Every time she tried to make things better, it just seemed to make it worse.

***

**Hey :) OK I know I said the birth would be happening in chapter 50, but it looks like it'll take a little longer than that. I don't want to rush it. I hope you enjoyed this chapter, it was originally supposed to be longer, but I hit a bit of a stumbling block, so thought it would be better to just post the bit I already had :)  
Stay tuned! When Jack arrives, will he and Roxy be able to convince Ronnie that what happened between them was nothing? And what about James, what happens when he is thrown into the mix?  
What was that little moment with Ronnie and the baby? Surely everything will be OK...right?  
And on that note, I'll leave you! ;)  
Kirsty  
XXX**


	50. Too Soon

**ANOTHER long gap between updates. I'm sorry!!! I have no excuses, just don't seem to have time to write this anymore lol. I was down on reviews again for the last chapter – I hope this doesn't mean people have given up :P  
I apologise in advance if this chapter isn't up to much. **

Jack burst through the double red doors, slightly out of breath. Almost every single pair of eyes in the pub were drawn toward him, but he didn't pay any attention. Without waiting for permission from Tracey, who was busy pulling pints behind the bar, he positively sprinted to the back room. He burst through to the back, almost careening straight into Roxy, who was still perched awkwardly about the bottom of the stairs.

"Jack" she breathed, her eyes wide with fear.

"Where is she?" he panted, not stopping to take her in,and he brushed past her, immediately ascending the stairs. "Ron?!" he shouted. "Ronnie!"

"What the bleeding hell?!" Peggy shouted, emerging from the kitchen as Jack reached the top hall.

"Peggy – where is she?" he begged. "Ronnie!" he called again.

"No chance!" Peggy spat, the small woman blocking his path. "She doesn't want to see you!"

"Peggy" he breathed, pleading, meeting the older woman's eyes. "What happened – it was nothing! Just a split second of _stupidity. _I need to see her, please!" he hedged, all the while trying to get further along the hall.

"That girl's had enough to deal with-" Peggy began, but stopped in her tracks when she realised that Jack wasn't looking at her anymore.

"Ronnie" he breathed in relief, the anguish and torment tainting his voice.

Ronnie stood in the doorway, her face unreadable, a hand drawn protectively across her stomach.

"Please, Ron, let me explain?" he pleaded, his eyes filling with tears.

Ronnie stared at him blankly for a few seconds. "Peggy – give us a minute?"

Both Peggy and Jack froze in surprise. Then Peggy sighed, and threw her hands up in the air. She narrowed her eyes at Jack. "You've got five minutes" she warned.

Ronnie turned on her heel slowly and walked back into her room. Jack drew in a deep breath, hesitating before following her. The floorboards creaked under his shoes as he entered the room, sucking in his breath. He dithered for a moment, before reaching behind him and shutting the door quietly.

"Ron?" he murmured, looking at her warily. She stood with her back to him, not moving. He took a small step toward her and then stopped. "Ronnie" he tried again.

Ronnie closed her eyes in pain. She folded her arms across her stomach, hugging herself. If she let go, then she was sure that there was no way she would be able to put herself back together. Her heart thudded loudly in her chest, and she could hear the blood pounding in her ears. She couldn't focus on anything other than Jack, just a couple of feet away from her. She could hear his shallow, nervous breaths. The tension between them sizzled, so thick you could almost taste it. She sniffed, and a thousand different images flashed across her mind. Danielle, bleeding, dying in her arms. Sleeping with Jack. Finding out she was pregnant. The sonogram. The fight between her and Tom. The fire. Tom dying in her arms, his funeral. Jack, so supportive, caring as he had held her in his arms when she sobbed. Then the hurtful words he had flung at her. Then his kiss with Roxy. This last image stayed with her, flashing over and over again, like a DVD stuck on repeat. Each new time she saw it, it was cleared than ever before, and it was like a dagger to her heart.

In the last few months, her life had lurched from one dilemma to the next, one heartache after another. This was supposed to be the happiest time of her life, she was pregnant, her unborn child growing inside her. It was supposed to be a happy time, not a time filled with sorrow.

Jack cleared his throat lightly. "Ron" he whispered, his voice cracking. "What you saw...it was _nothing"_

"Yeah, that's what she said" Ronnie shook her head, the words slipping from her mouth before she realised she was speaking them. She pressed her lips together tightly, still refusing to turn around and look Jack in the eye.

Jack faltered for a moment, surprised by her small outburst. "But it's true!" he insisted, his eyes never leaving the back of her head, her golden hair falling in gentle waves down her back. It killed him that he had hurt again, for something so stupid.

She walked toward the window, looking out over the square. "Nothing?" she said quietly. "For something that was 'nothing', you looked like you were having a good time to me"

Jack shook his head. "No"

Ronnie turned, very slowly, toward him. She brought her eyes to lock with his. "You sounded like you were too"

He froze, his eyes clouding with confusion.

She narrowed her eyes. "I heard you – laughing. So don't pretend it was just a spur of the moment thing. Think it was funny, did you? Were you both having a good laugh at my expense, eh?!" Ronnie's voice grew steadily louder.

"No!" Jack cried, the volume of his voice creeping up to match her own. He took a step forward, reaching out for her hands. But she flinched, and he let his hands drop limply to his sides. "I didn't – we weren't – it was only that one second, that one kiss, I _swear _it!" he begged. "What you heard –" he groaned in frustration, bringing a hand to his forehead. "I was relieved, OK? Relieved that I didn't like her, I mean I _knew _that I didn't want her – but – but – you were so – you were falling apart, Ron, and I didn't know how to help. Me and Roxy, we were worried about you. And I know it sounds stupid – but it's only because she was _there. _It was just like the last time, except this time, we both ended it before anything came of it, ended because we didn't _want _anything to come of it. Because we both love you" Jack's eyes were glistening with tears, in his desperation to get Ronnie to believe him.

Ronnie swallowed, gazing at Jack with wide, incredulous eyes after his little speech. She searched his dark brown eyes, and could see nothing other than truth, and bitter regret. But she just couldn't push that image of him with her sister away.

"Ronnie, please" he whispered, reaching out tentatively and taking her hand. She didn't stop as he locked her fingers gently with his own, drawing her toward him a little. "I'm so sorry. All I want is to make this better. Come home" he pleaded. She felt herself be drawn toward him, helpless. His skin was warm against her own, and he was close enough now that she could feel his breath on her skin. She stared into his eyes.

"Ron" he whispered again. "Come home"

She shook her head marginally, attempting to clear her head. It was so much harder when he was so close, he was so much harder to resist. "Jack" she breathed, her icy facade slipping away completely. "I can't" she choked. "How can I trust you again – after this? And the baby –" tears emerged in her eyes, spilling over.

"Shh" he hushed her, taking his hand and cupping her cheek. "I will _never _hurt you again, Ron" he whispered, taking his thumb and brushing away her tears. He dropped his hand to her bump. "I'll look after you both – just give me another chance?"

She inhaled deeply, looking deeply into his eyes. He drew his hand across her face, brushing her hair from her forehead. "Please?" he begged.

She exhaled deeply, and nodded slightly, a fresh veil of tears spilling over. She buried her head into his shoulder, feeling a wave of exhaustion, and defeatism wash over. She loved him.

Jack's arms encircled her, and he held her close, stroking her hair.

They stood like that for several moments in completely silence, the sound of Ronnie's quiet sobs filling the room. Then Jack drew away. "C'mon" he said, taking her hand. "Let's go?"

She nodded, breathing in deeply. "OK. Just – give me a minute"

He nodded in understanding, still feeling nervous about his new found 'forgiveness'. He was fully aware of the fact that he was entirely undeserving. "OK" he murmured uncertainly. He reached out, stroking her cheek once more. "I love you"

She didn't answer, only nodded, avoiding his eyes. She looked away, turning to her chest of drawers. She winced, feeling another twinge in her stomach. She dropped a hand uncertainly to her bump as the feeling passed as quickly as it had came, so fleeting she barely had time to acknowledge it.

"I'll tell Peggy" Jack said, walking reluctantly out of the room, made uneasy by her calm demeanour.

He made his way out into the hall, his eyes flickering to Roxy who was hovering in the hall. Peggy took that moment to make a re-appearance. Her eyes went straight to Jack. "Well?" she demanded.

"Ronnie's coming home" he smiled half-heartedly. Roxy exhaled in relief, hauling Amy further up on her hip.

"What?" Peggy was indignant. Jack ran over his face, as he set about explaining.

Ronnie stared blankly round at the room. Was this what she really wanted? Going back home with Jack? She started to empty the drawers she had filled, chucking the items of clothing in the almost still fully packed bag.

She reached over, picking up the framed picture of Danielle. She looked at it for all of two seconds before hurriedly putting it in the bag. She couldn't afford to think about Danielle at the minute.

She felt a sharp kick from the baby in her side. She dropped both hands to her swollen stomach. "Hey baby" she smiled, stroking her stomach lovingly. All she wanted was this baby – a family. Maybe she would finally get her chance, moving back in with Jack. They could put all this behind them, and focus on their little baby.

"What's up, eh?-Argh!" she cried out, the smile slipping from her face as she felt a ripping pain spread over her stomach. She doubled over, her face contorting with agony. "Ah!" she cried again, tears spurting down her cheeks, as she clutched desperately at her stomach. She sank to her knees, as terror and agony gripped her. "Jack!" she screamed, as yet another wave of pain ripped across her stomach. She cradled her stomach, tears falling fast and thick as Jack came crashing into the room.

"Ronnie?!" his voice was alive with bewilderment and fear as he took in the love of his life, lying on the floor in agony. "Ronnie!" he shouted, rushing over, squatting down beside her.

Both Peggy and Roxy appeared at the door to the bedroom, horror written on both their faces.

Ronnie gripped onto Jack's shirt as he cupped her cheek. She clutched at her stomach with her other hand, her face scrunching up with pure agony as yet another wave of pain hit her. "Jack – the baby – the baby- " she gasped. Her eyes were wide with terror. "It's too soon, Jack, it's too soon!" she sobbed, crying out as pain ripped across her abdomen...

***Runs for the hills* :P  
x x**


	51. Sound Of Silence

Jack froze, his brain uncomprehending the words which Ronnie cried. He crouched over her on the bedroom floor, her hands twisted into his shirt, her face contorted in agony and fear, and he felt completely at a loss. He stared dumb-founded at the wet puddle at Ronnie's feet. _Her waters have broken._ Panic seared through his veins, clouding his judgement, making it almost impossible to think. He couldn't tear his eyes away from her face._ The baby. The baby is coming. Too soon. Far too soon._

"Ron" he croaked out through the haze of disbelief which was clouding his thoughts. He looked over his shoulder, looking toward Roxy was hovering, dumb-struck in the doorway. Ronnie let out a scream of pain, and she clutched at her stomach again.

Jack felt the room begin to spin, panic clouding his judgement. But then he felt Ronnie sway in his arms, and he tightened his grip on her automatically, hoisting her carefully upright. He encircled his arms around her shoulders, setting her down gently on the floor. He raised his hand to her face, placing his palm on her cheek. He tilted her head back, forcing her to look into his eyes. "Ronnie" he said. He looked deeply into her eyes, brown on blue. "Deep breaths, c'mon sweetheart. It's going to be alright, darling, I just need you to stay calm for me, OK?" he murmured the words with a sense of urgency, his eyes searching hers.

Ronnie blinked at him blearily, her eyes almost glazed. She tightened her grip on him, whimpering in pain. She looked into the warm liquid brown of his eyes, so full of worry and concern for her. She clutched at her stomach, fearing driving itself through her veins. "My baby, Jack!" she gasped, her eyes locking with his. "My baby, our baby" she sobbed, shaking her head.

Jack shook his head. "C'mon, we need to go to the hospital!" he exclaimed, his brain kicking into gear, somehow logic fighting it's way through the haze. He slung his arm over her shoulders, pulling her carefully into a standing position. The tears streamed down Ronnie's face, her eyes wide with fear.

Fumbling desperately with one hand, Jack managed with difficulty to procure a pair of keys from his back pocket. His eyes swivelled toward Roxy, who was still standing in the doorway, horrified. He chucked the keys to her, and she caught them deftly, shaking her head as she watched Jack support more of Ronnie's weight.

"Rox!" he called impatiently, claiming her attention. "Go and open the car. We're right behind you"

She paused for a moment, shaking her head, as if trying to clear her thoughts. She opened her mouth, and looked at her sister, whose arms were wrapped tightly around her bump. She had been fine, just two minutes ago. Then Roxy had came in, upset her sister. This was her fault, she thought, tears forming in her eyes. She snapped her mouth shut and turned on her heel, fleeing quickly down the hallway, past Peggy who was still holding Amy in her arms. The toddler struggled suddenly. "Daddy?!" the little girl called out fearfully, her bright blue eyes filling with tears.

"Shh, it's alright darlin'" Peggy said, shaking her head, her own eyes filling with fear, as Jack supported Ronnie as they entered the hall.

"Peggy - watch Amy for us, right?" he rushed, trying to make Ronnie move faster.

"Of course, of course" Peggy murmured, her voice hushed. "Ronnie darling -" she continued, touching her niece's face as she passed. She let her hand fall away, no more words needed. Peggy looked at Jack, her eyes assessing his. There was no time to fight him now, no matter how much every instinct in her body protested at the sight of him with his arms wrapped tightly around Ronnie. "You look after her" she said, her voice growing thick.

Jack nodded quickly, before turning away again.

Ronnie let herself be practically hauled along, arms still cradling her bump as another wave of pain tore through her. This wasn't right. This amount of pain, this early on in the labour. It hadn't been like this last time.

"Jack" she choked out fearfully. "This isn't right, it's not right" she shook her head pathetically, tears cascading down her cheeks.

"Ron" he said, pausing for a second. He touched her cheek again. "We're going to get you to hospital, and everything is going to be OK" he pressed a hand to the top of her bump, before pressing a hasty kiss on her forehead. "Now - c'mon" he urged, panic swirling in his gut once more, as they quickly descended the stairs.

***

The wheels squealed against the linoleum floor as Ronnie was rushed through a pair of faceless double doors, Jack keeping pace with the wheelchair. Roxy jogged along behind.

"Ah" Ronnie gasped, leaning over. Jack grasped at her hand, flinging a furtive glance at the doctor as they approached the hospital room in which she would be examined.

Jack held the door open, allowing the young doctor to wheel Ronnie through into the pale room. Roxy caught up with him just at that moment. "Jack -" she gasped, but he cut her off.

"Not now, Roxy!" he snapped, looking worriedly to where the doctor was helping Ronnie out of the chair, aiding her up onto the bed.

"But -" she continued, looking over his shoulder.

"Just…wait here, OK?" he appealed to her, before shutting the door over, ignoring her tear-filled eyes, and stricken face.

He turned round, crossing the room in a few quick strides. He placed his hand on the back of Ronnie's head, curling his fingers through her hair as she leaned forward again, wincing.

"Ms. Mitchell, I'm Dr. Connor" the young man said. "Can you tell me when your waters broke?"

"About - about an hour ago" Ronnie gasped between pants.

"How far apart are the contractions?"

"Almost every two minutes" Jack interjected. He directed his attention to the doctor, who was busy setting up the sonogram machine. "You can stop the baby from coming, right?" he asked, biting his lip, stroking Ronnie's hair softly.

The young blonde doctor just shook his head. "Um, Mr…"

"Branning. But it's Jack. Call me Jack" he said impatiently as Ronnie let out another little cry.

"Jack" the doctor nodded, still setting up the machine. "We'll just have a look at the baby, and then we'll be able to tell how far along you are in the labour process. And - Veronica, right?" he addressed Ronnie now.

She shook her head marginally, clutching Jack's hand as another contraction made it's appearance. "No…it's…Ronnie…" she gasped between pants.

"Of course, Ronnie" he nodded. "Well, do me a favour, lift up your shirt and we'll get a look at this little one, eh?" He leaned behind her, pressing the call button beside the bed. "Just calling on the midwife" he explained.

Ronnie complied, lifting up her shirt to reveal her little baby bump. _Please be OK, _she prayed. She leaned her head back, curling her fingers round Jack's tightly as the doctor squirted some of the cold jelly onto her stomach, and then began the ultrasound.

A quiet hush descended upon the room, broken only by the entering of the midwife, who slipped in quietly.

"How far along are you, Ronnie?" the young doctor asked, moving the probe around, his eyes trained on the screen.

She sniffed, blinking rapidly. "I'm only - only 31 weeks" she choked out, the whisper catching in her throat, and making the room close in. 31 weeks. Too soon. Too soon for the baby to be coming. "She can't be coming now" she gasped, her voice growing high-pitched.

A whirring sound filled the room all of a sudden. "There she is!" the young doctor said, as the picture of the baby showed up on the screen and the heartbeat began to show up. The look of relief which had passed over his features quickly faded, to be replaced with a cloud of worry.

"What?" Jack asked, gripping Ronnie's hand tightly. "Doctor, what's wrong?"

The young man shook his head. "The baby seems to be in distress" he glanced at the nurse. "We can't wait"

The nurse nodded in agreement.

Ronnie looked up toward Jack, her eyes round with fear, glistening with wet tears. "Jack?" she said fearfully. "I can't have this baby now" she shook her head, denial colouring her tone, till she sounded almost detached.

"Sorry Ms. Mitchell" the doctor said sympathetically, rubbing a hand over his head. "But it doesn't seem like your baby wants to wait"

***

Ronnie screamed, an ear-splitting scream, lifting her entire upper-body off of the bed as she did so before flopping back helplessly, panting as the tears rolled down her cheeks, her hair dull and plastered to her head with sweat.

"That's great, Ronnie, I can see the head!" Dr. Connor called from the bottom of the bed. "Just one more push, OK? At the next contraction, I want you to push as hard as you can, right?"

Ronnie sobbed, shaking her head weakly. "I can't, Jack, I can't" she cried, gripping his hand as tightly as if it was the only thing anchoring her to the earth.

Jack looked deep into her tear-filled eyes, and put a hand to her cheek. "Yes you can, Ron. You can do this. Do it for the baby, your baby, Ron" he urged encouragingly, flinging a panicked glance at Dr. Connor.

She only shook her head frantically again. "She's not ready, Jack" she sobbed. "If she comes out now, she'll be hurting, make it stop, make it stop - ah!" she screamed as another contraction made it's appearance.

"C'mon, Ronnie, I need you to push!" the doctor urged. "Just push, Ronnie, c'mon, push"

"Ron, you need to push" Jack choked, his eyes glistening with tears as he looked at the wreck of the woman before him. How could this be happening to her?

Ronnie shook her head, but let out another scream as she finally gave in to the instinct, still shaking her head as she pushed down hard, and her body felt like it was being torn in too.

Jack squeezed her hand, his heart breaking as he watched the terror and pain on her face, watched as she fought against bringing her child into the world, willing to take as much pain possible, if it meant her baby would be safe for just a little while longer.

And then she was crashing back on the pillows, gasping desperately as her child made it's entrance into the world.

"It's a boy!" the doctor called.

Jack let out a half-gasp, half-cry of relief and joy, and looked down at his partner, looked at her tear-stained cheeks, her exhausted face. "You did it, Ron, you did it! A son. We have a son" his eyes glistened with tears as he choked out the words.

She struggled back up onto the pillows, craning her neck desperately. She caught sight of a tiny little body in the doctor's arms, as he moved away with her son in his arms. She didn't look at Jack, she didn't say anything at all, instead moved, trying to see desperately past him, unable to shake the great feeling of unease in the pit of her stomach. She kept her eyes trained on the tiny bundle, a feeling of terror arising inside her as the nurses and doctor flocked around him.

"Ron?" Jack looked at her from the doctors and back again, for the first time noticing that all was not quite right. Weren't babies supposed to…

A quiet hush fell over the room. A deathly silence.

Ronnie felt her insides curl inwards, and it was like she had been plunged into a bucket of ice. "Why isn't he crying, Jack?!" she said loudly, her voice raised several octaves, growing hysterical. "Why isn't he crying?!"

**…**

**I think I may actually be evil :/ Stay tuned to see what happens next. Reviews would be fab.**

**Kirsty x x x**


	52. I Need You

**For Chloe and Dudeybob.**

**Chloe because you're always there, and what's more- you didn't kill me after the cliff-hanger in the last chapter. YAY. ****Dudeybob because your writing is awesome and you inspire me so much with your amazing stories. **

**And now the soppy stuff is over and done with - lets get on to the chapter :D **

She watched through the glass of the small window in the door as he ran his fingers through her golden hair. She froze, her palm resting on the frame, feeling tears well up in her eyes as she watched the tender scene unfold before her. Jack sat on the edge of the bed, cradling Ronnie's hands in with his own, watching her intently as she slept. Finally, she had slept.

She turned the handle slowly, the door creaking as she opened it. Jack's head snapped toward the sound of the intrusion. His eyes narrowed slightly as he set his eyes on Roxy, before turning back to his partner, stroking her hair gently once more. Roxy shut the door carefully, the only sound which could be heard was the three sets of quiet breathing. Her shoes tapped against the floor as she edged slowly toward the pair.

"Jack?" her voice was hushed.

His eyes flickered toward her reluctantly.

"How is - when did she go to sleep?" she changed tack, voice still murmured. Jack threw a glance at his watch, before running a hand over his face.

"A couple of hours ago" his voice was even more quiet than hers, barely above a whisper. His eyes were haunted as he looked back at Ronnie. "Even that was a struggle" he looked at the darkened sky outside the window. "All day she's been -" he broke off, his voice cracking. Tears glistened in his eyes, and he put a hand to his mouth, breathing deeply. He closed his eyes, shaking his head.

Roxy reached toward him, her own eyes shining with glassy tears, putting a hand on his shoulder. "Jack - " she broke off suddenly as he flinched under her fingers, shaking her off as if he had been burned.

He pushed his seat out, turning to face her, fire in his eyes. "Don't touch me. Don't come near me ever again, do you hear me?"

Her eyes widened in shock, arm still outstretched. "Wha -"

"Don't you _get _it, Roxanne?" Jack hissed, his eyes filling up again, as he directed a stream of venom at the woman before him. "This is our fault" the words made him sag - all of the rage seeping out of him, leaving only a hollow shell - as if uttering them aloud had finally made them sink in. "Our fault" he whispered, a single tear escaping his eyes, as he averted his gaze.

Roxy swallowed hard, and her legs began to shake. She shut her eyes as hot tears spilled over. "I know" she nodded, the words catching in her throat. "I know. If I had just left her - if I hadn't - hadn't spoken to her - then she wouldn't have - have - have" Roxy broke off as she descended into a quiet sobbing.

Jack chewed on his lip, watching as Roxy went to pieces. He made no attempt to comfort her, even feeling a stab of pleasure when he listened to her pain. They deserved everything they got, himself included in the punishment. He felt his face fall as he set his eyes on Ronnie once more, her skin pallid, even in sleep, her presence somehow not entirely at rest. The pain clawed at his insides. She shouldn't have to go through this. Watching her face this pain was quiet literally tearing him apart, ripping at this insides, until there was sure to be nothing left. And it was made a thousand times worse with the knowledge that what he and Roxy were experiencing could only be a tenth of Ronnie's anguish. He covered his face with his hands again, a lump forming in the back of his throat. How could his life have come crashing down around him in such a short space of time? How could he have been so stupid to kiss Roxy? He groaned quietly, knowing that he didn't have the answers. Now they were here, stuck in this awful limbo, while his son -

"Jack?"

His eyes snapped open instantaneously. "Ron?" he croaked, lifting his head from his hands, quickly wiping away the tears. His eyes locked with the startling blue of her own.

Ronnie sat up, events of the previous few hours rushing back to her. Her eyes widened in horror as she looked at Jack's tears, her head snapping to the side as she saw Roxy, still sobbing, also look up at her. "Wh-What's happened?" she swung her legs out of the bed, icy fear gripping her insides. "Why are you both here, what's -"

Jack cut her off, standing up to place his hands on her shoulders. "Sweetheart, it's alright" he tried to shush her, to soothe her. "Ron, it's too soon for you to be out of bed, the doctor said -"

"Screw the stupid doctor!" she screeched. "I don't care what they say, I told you! I'm not just lying there, while my baby - my baby -" she began to sob, trying to shake Jack's grip. She looked up into his deep brown eyes, searching for answers. "Let me go" she said through gritted teeth, the tears still falling freely down her face.

Her voice was so low and deadly that Jack released his hands on her arms. "Ron, calm down" he begged, his own tears beginning to well.

She stood frozen for a moment, her eyes locked with his. "I want to see him" she said, her voice more calm, at ease this time.

Jack sighed, lifting a hand to his face to wipe away the tears. "Ron, you're exhausted, and I just don't think -"

"Jack" she whispered. "Please. I just want to see him. I need to see him"

He sighed, relenting reluctantly as he saw the quiet desperation in her eyes. "OK" he sniffed, nodding slowly. "But let me just come with you , I -"

"OK, whatever, I don't care" she shook her head, pushing her way past him. He followed quickly, leaving Roxy behind, rushing after her as she moved,as quickly as she could.

The doctors would be less than happy if they saw her out of bed again, and he wasn't overjoyed at the situation himself, but he allowed it. It was what she needed right now.

Her pace slowed as they approached the pair of double doors, before finally coming to a stop right outside them. "He's still here?" her voice sounded a little disappointed. Jack nodded his head. "I - " she floundered, her eyes searching his.

"It's alright, Ron" he whispered, taking his hand and pressing it to her cheek.

Ronnie sucked in a deep shuddery breath, squeezing Jack's hand before she pushed open the door to the neonatal intensive care unit.

***

She pressed her palms against the incubator, her eyes searching hungrily over the little body that was encased by the little bubble of clear plastic. Her eyes trailed over every wire, tracing ever heartbeat, ever movement, watching as they travelled in and out of her baby, the sight tearing her heart open. Her eyes glistened with tears but she fought to hold them back. "Oh, my baby" she whispered, her voice filled with anguish.

She looked at him. Her son. Her little boy. Her baby.

She felt her breath hitch in her throat. He was so tiny, so helpless. He looked so frail, she was afraid to put her hand in to touch him.

She was only vaguely aware of Jack's gaze on her back from where he stood, a few steps behind her. She only had eyes for the person in front of her.

She pressed her hands harder against the plastic. "You have to get better, OK?" she whispered, the words barely audible. "Please, baby" she pleaded, her voice cracking. "Mummy needs you"

***

**Well, c'mon people! You didn't seriously think I would kill the baby?! :O I just couldn't. This is going to be **_**much**_** more interesting anyway. Oh, the things I have planned…**

**Haha, reviews would be great! **


	53. Family

She stood over the tiny plastic incubator for hours. For hours and hours, just staring at the tiny little person lying inside it. She kept her hands pressed against the clear material, almost as if that if she stood there long enough - eventually her touch would melt through and she'd be able to touch her little boy, be able to cradle the infant in her arms. She was only aware of the sound of all the different monitors which were hooked up to him, the sound of her shallow breathing which matched his. His tiny little chest moved up and down, so fragile, so frail. And Ronnie watched for every breath, every second, for every second that passed was another in which he was here. _The first twenty-four hours are crucial. _That's what they had said. All those doctors and nurses.

It hadn't even been that long yet. Ronnie flickered her eyes away from her baby for a rare moment, choosing to look at the small clock which was placed high up on the wall.

_Fifteen hours. _

That's how long her little baby had been alive, since she had given birth, and since she had been faced with that terrifying wall of silence.

_No-one was answering her. She continued to scream the words, louder and louder, and still, she received no response. _

"_Why isn't he crying?!" she screeched again, this time the words hysterical. She couldn't comprehend it. She reached out, her hands curling around Jack's shirt, forcing him to look at her. His dark eyes sought out hers, and she saw a look of terror mirroring hers in his face. The doctors flocked round the tiny baby, beginning the chest compressions on the tiny little body. _

_Sobs were being ripped out of her, her body shuddering with pain in response to each compression they made, and each time that it made no difference. This couldn't be happening. No. No, no, no, she chanted inside her head. _

_Jack put both his arms around her torso, curling into a tight hold, squeezing her close to his chest. She continued to sob, her entire body shaking, trying to struggle out of his grip. She had to see her baby. Her baby. He had to be OK, he _had _to be. _

_He kept his arms locked round her shuddering torso, his own tears soaking the top of her head. How could this be happening? "R-Ron" he choked out, his voice cracking. _

"_No!" she shouted into his chest, aiming a feeble punch at his arm. She pulled away from him, twisting out of his grip, the tears running mercilessly down her cheeks. "He has to be OK, Jack" she gasped. _

_She grabbed his arm, her nails biting at the skin until she actually drew blood, squeezing tighter and tighter as she watched the doctors work on her child. _

_After what seemed like an immeasurable amount of time, one of them eventually drew back, shaking his head. _

_Time stopped. Her entire world froze over, and the sob in her throat was cut off instantly. She didn't dare breathe. _

_For one long, insufferable moment, the entire world seemed to stand still. And then…_

_Then came the most beautiful sound that Ronnie had ever heard in her entire life. A tiny cry filled the delivery room, and Ronnie felt her entire body be flooded with relief. She started to sob again, her entire body going limp as she heard her baby cry for the first time. Jack held her close again, shaking his head in disbelief, kissing her softly on the top of her head. _

"Ron" Jack's voice was breathy in her ear as he approached her from behind, sliding both of his hands round her waist. She jumped, shuddering as he snapped her out of her reverie. She closed her eyes for a moment, melting into his touch. "Are you OK?" he asked.

She pulled away from his grip, turning her back on the incubator to look him in the eyes. It was so strange to think about what had occurred between him and Roxy. It felt like a life-time ago. She looked at him blankly for a moment. She couldn't even feel angry at him anymore. She didn't have the strength left. She was entirely sapped. All she could conjure was a sense of cold disappointment.

She narrowed her eyes, folding her arms tightly across her chest, hugging her body, feeling exposed in the flimsy hospital gown. "What do you want, Jack?" she asked quietly, shaking her head.

He frowned, feeling a jolt of fear at her attitude. He reached out his hand, meaning to cup her cheek, but she flinched away.

"Ron, I -" he was cut off mid-flow, a wounded look on his face.

"I just can't Jack. Not now" she shook her head, turning back to face her son.

Jack faltered, reeling as he stared at the back of her head. He thought back to before she had went into labour. She had been coming home with him, right? And then in the delivery room, he had held her while she cried, and held her hand when the doctor's explained about the baby, when they took him off to intensive care. He held her close as she cried because they took their son away before she had even the chance to hold him.

"Ronnie - I thought that - I mean -" he stumbled over his words.

She sighed, holding a hand to her head, feeling tears well up in her eyes. "Please, Jack. I said not now" she whispered. Was it wrong of her to be doing this? She doubted herself for a moment. Why was she still keeping him away? _Because he kissed your sister_, a voice in her head told her.

She sucked in a deep breath sharply, and shook her head.

Jack paused, watching her for a moment. "Well, OK" he relented. "But I'm staying right here" he said slowly, eyeing her warily, waiting for her to object.

She remained motionless, instead only put her hand to the clear plastic once more.

Jack shuffled closer, turning his attention to the little baby. _His son. _The thought made his heart swell with pride, and it didn't even matter that there was a fifty percent chance that this little boy wasn't his. He was Ronnie's. And that was enough for Jack to love him as his own.

He, too, pressed his hand against the plastic, feeling tears begin to well. "Hey, little man" he whispered. "You're gonna get better, aren't you? For your mummy, yeah?" he glanced at Ronnie, seeing crystal tears well up in her eyes. He looked back at the tiny person, continuing with his speech. "We're going to have so much fun, you and me. You're going to come home with me and mummy, right? And we're going to do so much stuff. I'll take you to the park. I'll teach you how to play football, when you get bigger. And buy you a big ice-cream, _even _if you're mum says it's too soon till dinner" he chuckled lightly to himself, the tears brimming over. He kept going, getting carried away, as he imagined himself doing all the normal father/son things. "I'll always be there. No matter what"

His eyes flickered to Ronnie for a moment, feeling her gaze on him. Her eyes were shining with tears. "Do you really mean that?"

"Of course, Ron" his voice was hushed. He inched his palm across the plastic, till it was covering hers. He entwined their fingers, still keeping her palm pressed against the plastic. "This. You, me and this little boy here. That's all I want" his voice was thick.

Ronnie closed her eyes, tears leaking out from behind her closed eyelids. "Me too" she whispered, her voice cracking.

"Shh" Jack shushed her, curling into his arm, letting her head lean against his chest. He settled his chin on top of her head. "It's going to be alright, Ron. I promise. You, me and our son. That's all we need" he whispered soothingly.

"You really promise?" she whispered into his shirt, desperately seeking reassurance. Everything that Jack was talking about, it was all that she wanted.

"I promise, Ron. Just the three of us, living together. A family"


	54. Blame

Roxy leant against the wall, her eyes staring unseeingly ahead. Just a few feet away from her, on the other side of the door, stood her sister and Jack. And her nephew.

The words felt strange, even as she thought them. All of these months, Ronnie had been pregnant, Roxy _knew _that the baby was coming, she _knew _she was going to be an aunt. But in all that time, she had never really registered the fact that she was actually going to get a niece or nephew at the end of it. Never mind the fact that he was almost two whole months early. Her stomach twisted with guilt and she closed her eyes. It was tearing her apart. She couldn't bear to think that she had caused this. This was her fault. A lump grew in the back of her throat, and tears welled in her eyes.

She looked up at the exterior to the NICU, shuddering a little as she remembered what it was like to be here. Because she knew. Amy herself had been premature, the first weeks of her life had been spent in uncertainty. And who had been there to pick up the pieces for her? Ronnie.

After she had gone into labour, who held her hand? Ronnie.

Who had always been there for her, cleaning up after ever mess, always one half-step behind, arms outstretched for when she would undoubtedly fall? Ronnie had.

All of her life, Ronnie had done everything in her power to protect Roxy. And it tore her apart with the knowledge that time and time again, Roxy had let her down. She thought of Ronnie's last words to before her sister had went into labour.

_I'm done. _

_Done._

She couldn't get the disgusted, disappointed look on Ronnie's face out of her mind. The look in her eyes had been deadened…cold. The words reverberated in her head, making her muscles tense with fear. A chill ran through her. Surely she didn't mean it? It had just been in the heat of the moment, she was angry. But deep down, Roxy knew that her sister had meant it. It was different this time, she could feel it. This was no petty argument. She had kissed Jack. She had _kissed _him. The one other person that her sister had let into her heart, and Roxy had even taken that for herself, too. The last time the truth about her and Jack had came out - it had almost destroyed everything. Roxy should have known better than to think Ronnie could forgive the same mistake twice.

***

Ronnie's breathing was shallow and quiet, her damp cheek pressed tightly to Jack's chest. She allowed his arms to wrap around her, listening to his steady, strong heartbeat. She bit on her lip, her teeth resting on the cushion of her lower lip, never taking her eyes off of her son.

"What's the time?" she croaked.

Jack looked to the clock on the wall. "It's getting late - gone one" She closed her eyes momentarily at his voice.

_16 hours and forty minutes._

"Don't you think that maybe you should go get some sleep, Ron? You need rest, too" he murmured, running a hand through her hair.

"Not yet" she muttered, shaking her head. He sighed, but didn't protest further.

They lapsed into silence once more, both with their eyes trained on the incubator. They stood stock still, watching every rise and fall of their baby's chest.

Eventually Ronnie broke the silence. "Why?" she whispered, the word filled with anguish. "Why did this have to happen to him?" her eyes filled with tears.

Jack sucked in a sharp breath, still running his hand through her hair. "I dunno, Ron" he shook his head. "These things - they just happen. No-one knows"

Ronnie shook her head. "Why do they keep happening to _me?!" _

"Ronnie" his voice was resigned. He didn't know how to answer her. He closed his eyes, pulling her closer to him. He didn't know why so much had happened to her. It wasn't right, and it certainly wasn't fair. His heart tore in two at the thought of her agony. After all she had been through - Him and Roxy, Danielle, Tom. Now she had to contend with the fact her son had been born premature, and the doctors were still unsure as to whether or not he would make it.

"No, Jack!" she pulled away from him, leaning back to look into his eyes. Her eyes searched over his, and she placed a palm on his chest, keeping the distance between them. A guttural sob broke free from her mouth. "It's all my fault" she croaked out, shaking her head, tears spurting down her cheeks.

"Wha - No!" Jack shook his head frantically. He tried to move to reach her but she stepped back, placing a hand over her mouth.

She nodded. "It is, it is. Everything. It's my fault - he was right. My dad was right! I'm broken, ruined. Wrong. Everyone around me gets hurt!" her eyes flickered fearfully to the tiny baby. She took another step backward. "He'd be better off without me" she sobbed, placing both hands over her mouth this time, her shoulders shaking as the sobs overtook her body.

Jack faltered, his expression aghast. He looked into her tear-filled eyes, and saw the true depth of her pain, raw un-diluted agony. He felt like his heart was trapped in a vice, the metal squeezing at his organ until it ripped through the wall of muscle. He stepped unsurely toward her, reaching out his hand. "Oh, darling. That's not true" he shook his head. "It's not, Ron. You're his mum, Ronnie. If you want someone to blame for this - blame me! Blame Roxy, blame whoever, but just…don't blame yourself, sweetheart. None of this is your fault, you couldn't have done anything to stop it. Our little boy needs you, Ron. You have to be strong for him" his voice was low and soothing, a gentle caress of a wave on the sand, washing away all her fears. He took another small step toward her, eyeing her warily, almost like she was a caged animal who might take flight at any minute. Her eyes flickered toward him slowly, filled with fear. She absorbed his words, and slowly, brought her hand away from her mouth, and allowed him to touch her arm.

"There" he breathed a small sigh of relief. "You have to go get some rest, Ronnie. You won't be any use to him if you're ill" he spoke with authority this time. She was breaking down, and he couldn't have that. He understood her desire to watch over and protect her son, but he had an obligation toward her to ensure that she looked after herself. Because if he didn't, nobody else would.

"I'm not leaving him, Jack" she shook her head.

"Ronnie -"

"No!" she snapped, her eyes flickering to the clock. "I'm not leaving him - not again, not yet"

He sighed, resigned, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Fine, fine" he nodded, relenting.

Ronnie moved toward the incubator again, turning her back on Jack. He watched her lean over her son, her blonde hair falling in place like a curtain, shielding her face. He took a step toward her, putting a hand on her shoulder.

"It's going to be alright, Ron. I promise"

**I hope this was OK. I'm not really happy with it. Reviews would be GREAT :D **


	55. Love Like Never Before

**I hope you guys are still enjoying this story. I really enjoy writing this fic, but never actually **_**like**_** my writing in it. This was the first thing I ever wrote for this site, and for that reason, I think I'll always love it. Anyway, I hope this is OK. **

Her eyelids drooped, and she stifled a yawn. She could feel his eyes on her, watching her every move from the other side of the incubator.

His eyes flickered over her, his concern growing. He could tell from the way she was blinking, avoiding his gaze, that she was exhausted. Of course she was. After everything she had been through in the past few hours…

He sighed, looking away. It was almost daybreak, the pre-dawn light casting a grey glow. He looked down at the baby, a great mess of tubes almost hiding him from view, leading in and out of his frail little body. Attached to his chest, going up his nose, monitoring his heartbeat. Jack looked at him, this tiny little person, who was brand new to the world. His heart was bursting with love and affection, the thought of this little boy in pain almost enough to cripple him, right there and then. It wasn't right. This wasn't the way it was supposed to be. He and Ronnie should be cooing over their newborn, lavishing him with love and attention, taking it in turns to rock him when he cried, looking forward to giving their little boy the best start in life. They shouldn't be here. Not here, in intensive care, wondering whether or not their son's underdeveloped lungs would see him through. He glanced back up at Ronnie, and could see his pain reflected in her eyes. She never once took her gaze off of the little boy. He could see the burning, shining love, but with it came a terror, an unstable look, a quiet desperation, all lurking below that icy blue gaze of hers. He didn't want this for her. He wanted them to be doing the normal things that couples did after a baby was born. An idea struck him in the midst of his desperation.

"Ronnie?" he began, his tone thoughtful.

"Mm?" she murmured, her blue eyed gaze not once moving from her son.

Jack glanced at the clock. "Don't you think it's about time we gave this little fella a name? After all, he's almost a day old"

Ronnie's eyes snapped to the clock, surprised by his words. She felt her heart fall a little as she saw the time. _Nineteen hours, _she calculated quickly. _Five more to go_. It may have been stupid, but Ronnie couldn't help but feel that if her baby just made it through the first twenty-four hours, everything would be alright. That had been the time-frame the doctors had given them, when they had explained her child's condition. She looked up at Jack, tilting her head. "I've not even thought…" she tailed off, pondering.

Jack pressed his hand to the plastic. "I just thought it would be good. I'm pretty sure he knows we're here, we should name him, and then he'll know just how much he really _is _wanted' Jack smirked, pleased with himself.

"Yeah" Ronnie's voice was somewhat vacant.

"So…" Jack prompted, peering at her. "Any thoughts? I always liked Paul, for a boy. Or Craig"

She chewed on her lip, shaking her head slightly, showing almost no reaction to the names he had put forward except the slightest wrinkling of her nose.

He sighed quietly, disappointed that his attempt to distract her was failing miserably. He narrowed his eyes for a moment, knowing that she was not listening to him, not properly. He gave a small smile. "We could call him Jack. Jack Junior. I like that one. Little JJ" he smirked, watching as she turned toward him, her eyes narrowed.

She looked at him, shaking her head in disbelief. She lifted a finger and pointed it in his direction. "There is _no way_ on this earth, that you are calling my son 'Jack Junior'!" she scoffed, the hint of a smile behind her eyes.

Jack put on a mock wounded look. His mouth made an 'o' shape, and he pretended to be shocked. "Jack is a great name!" he protested, trying to stop the grin which was fighting it's way onto his face, and failing.

Ronnie rolled her eyes. "Yeah" she said sarcastically. "I don't care, there is no way our little boy is getting called Jack Junior. JJ. _Please!" _she gave a tiny little laugh, rolling her eyes as she turned away from him again.

Jack smiled wanly, feeling a rush of pleasure. Her smile, the way she talked like that, it lit up the entire room. He had his Ronnie back, just for a split second.

"Well - fine" he pretended to sulk for a moment before giving a small laugh. "OK, OK. Seriously, though. This little guy needs a name, Ron"

"I know" she sighed. She placed her palm against the glass, just centimetres away from her baby. She wanted so badly to just reach in and take him in her arms. It was killing her, not being able to hold her child. The last time she had given birth, she had been allowed to hold her Amy for just a short while - two hours and twenty three minutes - before her daughter had been snatched from her. But she hadn't even had that with this baby. She hadn't been able to hold him, to let him know that she was here, his mum. How was he supposed to know, to pull through, without knowing who she was? The thought had been in the back of her mind for the past several hours, the worry intensifying with each minute. Was Jack right? Was naming her little boy a way to show him that his parents were here, that he had a name, a life waiting for him? If he could just find the strength to hold on that little bit longer, everything would be fine. "I don't know what we should call him." She tilted her head to the side, pondering. It had to be something - it had to be the right name. "I hadn't even thought of names, what with…everything" she tailed off, her eyes skirting round the room, before returning to her little boy.

"Well… we don't have to decide right now" Jack relented, "It's just something to think about"

"Yeah" Ronnie agreed, still deep in thought.

"Do you need anything?" Jack asked suddenly, sticking in his hands in his pockets, rocking backward from heel to toe. She shook her head.

"No, I'm alright" she replied quietly.

"Oh, OK" he shuffled slightly. "I'm going to get a bottle of water - sure you don't want anything, Ron?" She shook her head again.

He sighed, and moved toward her. She stiffened in his grip for a moment, but then seemed to remind herself of what he had said, what he had promised. She let him take her in his arms, her head fitting into his neck. Jack inhaled deeply, closing his eyes as her hair tickled his nose. He held onto her for just that one second longer than normal, needing the comfort as much for himself as it was for her. It made him sick to think how much he had put her through again. Here she was, just managing to cling onto the edge, all sharp edges and fragmented pieces of soul. This little baby was all she had left, and to think he could have caused her enough stress that she had almost lost him - it didn't bear thinking about. The pain caused his throat to close up, the chains around his heart tightening, squeezing harder and harder. Eventually, he let her go, smoothing her hair with his hands, looking into her eyes for a moment. "I'll be back in a minute, right?" he was reluctant to leave her, but even as he left the room, he got the feeling that she was glad to have a minute on her own.

He walked out of the NICU, running a hand through his hair, and pausing as he exited the double doors, inhaling sharply. He closed his eyes for a moment before turning to make his way down the corridor, but a voice made him stop in his tracks.

"Jack!" Roxy called desperately, scrambling up from the plastic chair which she had been occupying, just a few yards down the hall. His muscles froze, and he turned on his heel, his eyes searching her out. Her hair was a mess, and her mascara smudged, it was obvious that she had been crying.

She watched him look her over, and self-consciously ran a hand over her face. She stopped a couple of feet away from him, floundering when he just stared at her blankly. "How is she? How is _he?"_ she begged, her eyes wild.

Jack nodded mutely. "Holding up" he answered robotically. "You're still here" he said flatly, absorbing the information, seeming almost surprised.

Roxy shifted her weight onto one foot, looking down and chewing her lip. "Yeah. I didn't want to leave - I want to see her" she whispered.

"No" the response was sharp and stinging, completely firm with no room for leeway. Jack's eyes were dark and fiery as they stared at her. He felt bile rise in his throat - how could he ever have jeopardised his life with Ronnie for Roxy, _again_? It made him sick to his stomach, to think that he was so weak he had given in and kissed her, just because he had been feeling a bit lonely. Because he had argued with Ronnie, and she had been short with him. Was he really that insecure that he would hurt her so badly? Of course she was going to snap at him - it had been her dead daughter's birthday, on top of which Jack had been a total prick toward her. He shook his head, trying to free himself of thoughts of what had happened between Ronnie and him, overcome with self-loathing.

"Jack, please" Roxy murmured, her eyes filling up again. "I want to see her, make her see how sorry I am. And the baby - my nephew I -"

"I don't want you going anywhere near her" Jack ordered, standing his ground. "Do you understand? Stay away, she doesn't need you, not right now. She has enough going on in her head without you whinging in her ear, begging for forgiveness" he shook his head with disgust, blazing with rage.

He made to turn away again, but this time Roxy was ready for him. "Wait a minute!" she interjected, shaking her head incredulously. "Who the hell do you think you are, speaking to me like that!" she raised her voice slightly, causing a nurse to look up disapprovingly.

Jack narrowed his eyes, taking a step toward her and gripping onto her arm tightly as he lowered his voice. "Shut up, Roxanne" he hissed. "Stop being such a selfish cow and think about your sister for once" he projected all of his rage for himself, his desperation at the situation, into the words which he spat at Ronnie's sister.

But Roxy seemed just as angry as him. Or maybe just as desperate. She wrenched her arm free from his grip. "Oh, please!" she hissed, also dropping her voice, aware their altercation was attracting an audience. "Who the hell do you think you are Jack Branning? I don't know why you're acting so mad at me. _If _you recall, it took two pairs of lips to share that kiss. We agreed it was mistake, _both _of us. We're both to blame for this, Jack. How is that you get forgiven, eh? Why do you get to be in there with my sister, and I don't?" she stabbed a finger into his chest. "Get off your high horse, Jack. You're just as much to blame as me."

Jack gritted his teeth, staring into her eyes with a burning rage for a couple of more seconds, before her words really began to sink in. He felt his rage at her evaporate and he visibly deflated, feeling his heart go crashing through the floor. He knew it was his fault. He had just wanted to deflect it for a couple of minutes. He took a step back, breathing in and out heavily. He just shook his head, his mind whirring. He sighed, running a hand over his face. "I know" he said quietly, looking away. "Look" he sighed again, trying to calm himself down further. "This isn't accomplishing anything. I'm going to get some water, OK? You can see if they'll let you in, if that's what you really want Rox. I'm just not sure how much Ronnie will want you there" he pursed his lips before turning on his heel, and walking away slowly down the corridor.

Roxy stared after her, her heart thudding in her chest. She glanced back at the doors to the NICU, feeling a flutter of fear. She looked back at Jack's retreating form, and then swivelled her gaze back to the doors he had just exited. She turned toward them, inhaling deeply, and pushing her hair out of her eyes. She took a small hesitant step forward, her palms growing slick with nerves.

***

Her eyes flickered toward the clock every couple of minutes or so. All of her other time was spent staring intently at the little baby in front of her. Her _son. _She could scarcely believe the words even as she thought them. She had a child. She was a mother again. The thought brought a small smile to her face. She crouched down, so that she was face to face with the small baby who was fighting for his life. His small eyes were closed, and she touched a finger to the outside of the plastic, her heart thudding harder and harder with every second she looked at him. Her heart swelled, and tears formed in her eyes. She found it almost impossible to speak, overcome with emotion. She had never seen anything so perfect in her entire life, never since her Amy was born. The feelings which were being stirred up inside her where overwhelming. She wanted so much just to be able to hold him in her arms. The need inside her was clawing away at her heart, till it was a physical pain. She itched to just scoop him up and hold him close, and it was killing her that she was prevented from doing so. Hesitantly, she edged her hand into one of the small holes at the side of the incubator. There was a flicker of terror in her stomach, as she did so, but she couldn't stop herself from edging closer to him, her hand searching out his tiny starfish hand. She stopped just a few millimetres short of his skin, her breathing heavy. She looked into his little face, so completely perfect, and inhaled sharply, a few tears spilling from her eyes, before she finally edged her fingers that little bit further forward, and connected with his warm skin.

The sensation was like nothing she had ever experienced. She let out a shuddering gasp, a quiet sob escaping her throat, the tears spilling unstoppably down her cheeks. Her entire body tingled, like she had just received a series of electric shocks. She began to stroke his little palm softly, amazed by this phenomenon. All of a sudden, her child stretched his tiny fingers, curling his tiny hand round her finger. Ronnie's mouth gaped open, feeling a surge of overpowering love. Hot tears poured down her cheeks, and she took several gulping breaths, overcome with the emotion which swamped her. She looked into her baby's face. "I love you" she whispered, the words almost unheard in the quiet room. "I love you"


	56. Just Hold On

**Hey, it's been a while. Anyway, this follows on directly from where I last finished off. **

Ronnie watched her son with wide eyes, feeling nothing but an overpowering sense of love, and a fierce protectiveness. She stroked his tiny little palm, gently caressing his skin with her fingertips. He was so small, so completely helpless. He needed her, and it was Ronnie's duty to protect this little boy, to provide him with the best life possible. A single tear dripped down her cheek as she thought of how she had nearly lost him. Allowing another brief glance at the time, she knew that they were still yet to get out of the woods, and her heart twisted at the thought that there was still a possibility that this little baby might not make it. She brought her free hand to her forehead, massaging the spot between her eyes, uttering a quick and silent prayer. _Please, _she thought desperately, _please let him be OK. _

That was all that mattered now. Making sure, that this time, she made sure he was protected. She wouldn't fail again. Not again.

Time after time, she had failed her children. She had failed when she was just fourteen years old, when she had allowed her Amy to be taken from her. She had failed again when she had believed her father's poisonous lies, allowed him to make her believe that her precious daughter was dead. She had failed a third time, when she had refused to believe Danielle, and as a result of her actions, her daughter had been killed.

But she had had enough of being a failure. She gritted her teeth determinedly, staring intently at the peaceful face of her little boy. She had failed her son when she had allowed herself to get so worked up he had been brought into the world far too early. All of it, it was all her fault. But she tried her best to ignore the crippling guilt, or at least channel it into some other useful emotion. Guilt itself, is utterly useless. She had spent her time wallowing in guilt for the past two years, ever since Danielle was killed, an emotion which was intensified as she had tried to deal with the fact that Tom had also died while trying to save her and her unborn child. Ronnie knew better than anyone how much of a waste of energy guilt was, how it just consumed you, but did absolutely no good at all. What good did it do? Danielle wasn't benefiting from the self-pity, Tom wasn't. And Ronnie's desire to punish herself had pushed everyone else out, which had ultimately resulted in that kiss between Roxy and Jack. Isn't that why they'd done it? She questioned herself suddenly. It had been down to her and her actions. At least they realised, and stopped before it turned into anything more serious. She, on the other hand had just continued going further and further into herself.

She sighed quietly, admiring her baby's tiny fingers. She wouldn't do it any longer, she vowed to herself. It might have taken her a long time, but now as she looked at her son, in need of her love and protection, she found a strength from somewhere deep inside her heart that she didn't have any idea that she had possessed. But she found it, she called upon it, forcing herself to remain strong. She had to, she had to do it for her little boy.

Ronnie stood up slowly, smiling down at the tiny little bundle, her stomach giving an unpleasant twinge at the sight of all the wires that led in and out of his tiny form, but her body nevertheless flushed with a sense of well-being, a renewed vigour to fight, to fight for her son, and to fight for their life together.

She exhaled slowly, her fingertips still dancing lightly across his small palm, still amazed by just how perfect he looked. How could someone who looked so perfect be in need of such assistance just to be able to breathe? She wondered to herself tearfully for a moment. It didn't make sense in her brain. Her little boy was amazing, the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. It was hard to accept that he was so ill, that he was still in so much danger.

Despite herself, her eyes darted quickly to the clock, and she smoothed down the hospital gown with her free hand. It had been about ten minutes since Jack had left, Ronnie calculated, her eyes narrowing a little. She turned back to look at the baby, sighing. "Just four hours, baby" she whispered, never breaking the contact between them both. She didn't think she would ever be able to bear to, not ever again. "You can do it. For mummy, you can fight just a little bit longer" she brought her other hand against the sheet of plastic, her heart splitting at the seams at how it separated them. She leant down again, still talking to him in a whisper. "You're so brave" she choked out, eyes skimming over all the difference devices attached to her son, hand pressed tightly against the barrier which kept them apart. "I love you so much, baby, I do. If I could do this for you, I would" her voice started to crack, the tears welling up in her eyes once more. "But you just have to fight a little bit longer, OK? Then you'll be fine. We'll both be fine" she finished, gently taking hold of his small starfish hand.

Suddenly, Ronnie straightened up, hearing the sound of the door behind her creaking open. Assuming Jack had made a re-appearance, she didn't make a point of turning round, still lost in the features of her baby boy.

Then, after a few seconds, she heard someone clear their throat. Her brow furrowed, she looked behind her, her eyes widening as she saw Roxy hovering sheepishly a few steps behind her. She opened her mouth, her throat drying. She gaped for a couple of seconds, her mind working away furiously, before simply turning back to her son.

Roxy hesitated, unsure at this less than welcoming response, her stomach squeezing nervously. She kept her eyes trained on the back of her sister's head, startled by just how tired she had looked. She edged forward uncertainly, casting her mind back to their last encounter. As much as she might deserve it, Roxy really didn't fancy another slap, and kept this in mind as she approached Ronnie warily.

"Hey, Ron" she started, her voice squeaking slightly. She continued taking slowly measured steps, till she was at the opposite side of the incubator. She looked at her sister's face, but Ronnie was refusing to meet her eye or give her any sort of response. Roxy paused, waiting for a moment, and after still receiving no reaction, she too looked for the first time at her nephew.

She inhaled sharply at the sight of him, so tiny and fragile, countless wires almost hiding his form from view. _He's even smaller than Amy was_, she thought, reeling slightly in shock. She felt a overpowering sense of guilt swamp her, tears instantly springing to her eyes. "I'm sorry, Ronnie" she whispered, before grating apprehensively on her bottom lip. She looked upward, glancing at her sister.

Ronnie seemed to have frozen at Roxy's words, and it was several seconds later before she finally acknowledged her sister's presence. She allowed her gaze to move upward, staring intently into her younger sister's eyes, icy blue on icy blue.

She swallowed, feeling only a sense of disappointment as she stared into the eyes or her sister. After everything, she had really thought that Roxy knew better. "What for, Rox?" she asked in an equal whisper, shaking her head in defeat.

Roxy sniffed, bringing the corner of her sleeves up to her face and wiping her eyes, looking ridiculously child-like. "For everything, Ronnie! For me and Jack and now -" she looked down at her nephew.

Ronnie stared wordlessly at her sister for a moment or two, before looking away sadly. She gulped, refusing to acknowledge the apology, even thought the heart-felt admission pierced straight through to her core.

They were always sorry. Everyone was always sorry. If they were always so 'sorry', so regretful, then why do it in the first place?

Roxy waited, before inhaling shakily and attempting to continue. "Ronnie - please" she whispered. "I'm sorry, but what you said before - you didn't mean it right? Please - I'll do anything" Roxy shook her head, feeling a sense of panic begin to build up inside of her.

"Ugh, Roxy!" Ronnie exploded suddenly, unable to keep her emotions penned in any longer, but making sure she didn't shout, not wanting to startle the baby. Nevertheless, she shot a withering look at her younger sister. "For god's sake! I've got more important things to be worrying about than you right now. Do you really think that's what I'm worrying about, when my _son _is lying right there, fighting for his life?"

Roxy crumbled under Ronnie's words, feeling herself shrink under Ronnie's accusatory glare. She knew that her sister was right. As always, she was being selfish, putting her own needs ahead of everything else. She bit on her lip, nodding slowly, trying to keep the tears from spilling over.

"OK" she whispered, "I'm sorry. I just though - with Jack…" she tailed off watching Ronnie's eyes flash with anger.

"I care about giving my son the best start in life possible, Roxanne. That's all. I can hardly do it on my own, with nowhere to go" she said coolly, glaring at her sister before turning away in disgust. Because her sister had made sure that she would have nowhere else to go.

Rox watched as Ronnie looked back toward the incubator, feeling another unpleasant rush of emotion as she watched the desperation and hurt mar Ronnie's delicate face. Roxy swallowed, wanting to make things right. She would go for now, but there was no way she was giving up. No way in hell. She _would _put things right. Somehow.

She looked down at the little baby again, before taking a cautious step toward her sister. She reached out, putting her hand gently over the one which Ronnie had pressed against the plastic. "It'll be OK, Ronnie. He'll be OK" she murmured, before reaching up and placing a clumsy and hasty kiss on Ronnie's cheek, stepping backwards hurriedly, almost as if afraid that her sister would lash out again.

Ronnie closed her eyes at Roxy's contact, feeling a lump grow in the back of her throat.

Roxy looked toward her nephew for a last time. "Bye bye" she murmured, her heart wrenching at the sight of the little baby, so terribly fragile.

She inhaled again, shooting one last glance at Ronnie in her unmoved stance, before turning and exiting the room.

Ronnie felt the breath leave her in whoosh, relief washing over her. She let a couple of tears spill over, before wiping them away quickly. Only a matter of seconds passed before the door creaked open again, and this time it was Jack. She turned toward him, struggling to conjure up a smile.

He paused, seeing the tears in her eyes, the way her lip wobbled, and he froze, for a moment feared the worst. He felt an icy fear grip him and he strode over to her quickly. "What is it?" he asked urgently, eyes moving past her toward their son.

She placed both hands on his chest, forcing him to look her in the eye. "He's just the same" she murmured in explanation. "It was…Roxy" she muttered, looking away, feeling the sting of betrayal once more.

Jack looked down also, feeling a rush of anger at Roxy. "Oh…" his voice tailed off pathetically. What could he say to that? He inhaled sharply, shaking his head. "God, Ron, I'm sorry I -"

"Shh" she shushed him. "Not now, eh?"

He nodded mutely, his eyes appraising her worriedly. She turned her back on him, and he slid his hand round her waist gently, his head resting on her shoulder. Together, they looked down at their little boy. "He's going to be fine, Ron. He's a fighter" he tried to reassure her, feeling the tension and worry which was emanating from her.

She sighed, resting her head against his. The feel of his arms round her waist, the sound of his voice…it made everything seem better. He could melt away her worries, make her feel like everything was going to be ok. She pressed her hand against the plastic again, recalling on her newfound strength and determination that she was going to do right by her little boy. "Right" she said, nodding. "It's just us now, right? Just us three" she stated, the words sounding strange in her mouth.

Jack smiled. "Yeah. Us three. That's all I want Ron, all I need" he murmured softly, kissing the top of her hair.

She closed her eyes momentarily, looking down at her baby with a steely determination in her eyes. "Just us three" she echoed vacantly. She would do right by her little boy. She wouldn't fail him, not ever again.


	57. Trust Me

**Hey my lovely readers! It's been TOO long. I can only apologise profusely. I promise to really try and keep up some semi-regular updates going. If there is actually anyone who is still bothering to read this, thank-you lol x **

Her eyes fluttered open suddenly, and Ronnie found herself blinking up at the unfamiliar white tiled ceiling. She moaned groggily, her mind awash with sleep and confusion.

_Baby. _

The word seared through her consciousness at lightening speed, heightening her senses and breathing fire into her. Her eyes flew open, and she lifted her head, pushing herself into a sitting position with difficult, wincing a little at the sudden movement. Her eyes skated round the room, eventually finding Jack's. He was lounging back on the chair beside her bed, watching her with a small smile on his face. "Hey" he greeted her softly.

She coughed lightly. "How is he?" she demanded automatically.

Hearing her voice, Jack grinned. "He's doing good, Ron" he told her. "The doc just left about ten minutes ago - they said he's out of the critical state. They're confident that he'll be able to breathe on his own" he beamed at her, his eyes shining. At his words, Ronnie felt her heart soar with relief.

"Really?" she whispered, her eyes filling with tears.

He nodded. "Really" he assured her, watching her face closely. "How you feeling_?"_ he asked, knitting his eyebrows together.

She scowled at him. "I feel fine" she insisted. "I would've been fine where I was, too" she added in an undertone.

Jack shook his head exasperatedly. "Oh c'mon, Ron. You nearly collapsed!"

"Collapsed!" Ronnie scoffed, rolling her eyes. "I just felt a little dizzy that's all" she scraped her hair back, freeing her legs from the bed sheets.

"Mm" Jack murmured unconvincingly, pursing his lips, but continued to watch her with an odd look on his face, almost annoyed but also looking as if he was struggling with the urge to laugh.

Ronnie let out a ragged sigh. She had been forced, against her better judgment and probably her will, to take some bed-rest. It was the last thing she had wanted to do, no matter how irritating Jack became as he nagged on and on about her becoming exhausted. It wasn't until Dr. Connor, the man who had delivered their baby, finally came around to check on the infant's situation that he realised she had been out of bed for so long and had insisted that she get some rest. Even then, faced with opposition of two men who seemed to think they knew what was best for her, Ronnie had been determined not to leave her son's side. But the matter had been taken out of her hands when she tried to walk round to the other side of the tiny plastic incubator and had found herself almost falling to the floor when the room began to spin. Despite her reluctance to admit it, Ronnie knew that if Jack hadn't been there to catch her, she would most likely have fainted. She could barely get a word in edgeways after that incident, however, when Jack had almost bodily carried her back her hospital room, so adamant had he been that she get some proper rest.

"Anyway" Jack's voice caused her to look up. "You're feeling better?" he asked, unfolding his legs and moving to perch on the edge of her bed, taking her hand gently.

She nodded, looking down as he entwined their fingers. "Yeah" she murmured absently. She had come so close to losing everything. If she had lost her baby…She shivered. It didn't bear thinking about. Coming so close to losing something so precious…it had put everything in perspective. She was still angry. When he touched her hand like that, and she was suddenly flooded with thoughts of his kiss with Roxy. But she needed him. She needed him so badly. So she swallowed back her anger, pushing it right down inside her. "Jack, how long was I asleep?" she asked suddenly, struck by a sudden thought.

"You slept through most of the morning - a good few hours, anyway" he checked his watch. "It's nearly two in the afternoon, now" he informed her.

A smile spread across her face.

"What?" Jack asked curiously, his heart warmed by the smile which lit her up her entire face.

Ronnie's eyes flicked onto his. "The baby - he's over a day old" she told him, barely able to contain her relief.

"Yeah…" Jack raised his eyebrows, confusion clouding his eyes.

Ronnie shook her head wordlessly, amused at his oblivion. He had made it past the twenty-four hours. He would be OK now, she knew it. Her baby was going to be OK. "I have to see him" she announced suddenly, attempting to swing her legs off the bed. She winced at the movement.

Jack frowned in concern. "You know, Ron - I really don't think -" he hedged but they were both interrupted by the arrival of Dr. Connor.

The young man pushed open the door frame, fixing Ronnie with a small frown as he saw her in the process of getting out of bed. "Ah, Miss Mitchell" he nodded. "You're awake"

She flopped back for a moment. "How is he?" she blurted out, a little desperately.

"Baby Branning is making all the progress we could possibly hope for at this moment" he nodded.

Ronnie glanced sideways at Jack, feeling a flicker of joy at the mention of 'Baby Branning'. _He might not be a Branning. _A small voice warned. She gritted her teeth, pushing the thought away, although she could tell by the tell-tale look of discomfort on Jack's face that he was thinking the exact same thing.

"What progress, what does that mean?" she shook her head.

The doctor hesitated. "Miss Mitchell, your son is no longer in a critical state - he's slowly improving. However, there are still some complications"

Ronnie felt her entire body go cold. She looked at Jack. "You said he was alright"

Her partner frowned. "That's what they told me!" he protested, gripping onto her hand.

Ronnie snapped her gaze back to the doctor. "You told me once he passed the twenty-four hour mark that he would be OK. You said he would be alright" she insisted, her voice growing louder with just a hint of hysteria.

Dr. Connor fixed the desperate woman with a sympathetic smile, feeling a tug of affinity with her. "As I said - your baby is out of the first critical stages. If things continue as they are, it could be as little time as a few hours before he'll be strong enough to breathe on his own. However there are other factors that come with him being so small" he paused, taking a breath before continuing. "Your son didn't have as much time to develop inside the womb - there are always health risks involved with a newborn baby, all sorts of precautions which have to be taken, but it's all the more so when the newborn is premature. It's essential that we keep a close eye on his progress. "I'm confident that your son will pull through, Miss Mitchell" he spoke soothingly. "He's a fighter, that's clear to see. You only have to look at the difference of how he is now to what he was like when he was first born. It's just going to take a lot of time and care" he finished softly.

Ronnie squeezed Jack's hand tightly, her knuckles turning white. "Please - I need to see him" Ronnie whispered pleadingly.

Dr. Connor appeared to deliberate for a moment or two, before eventually nodding. "OK. But -" he held up his hand to halt her in the process of swinging her out of bed. "I really don't think your fit enough to walk Miss Mitchell. I'd be happier if you used the wheelchair, just in order to keep your strength up"

Ronnie opened her mouth, on the verge of disagreeing before she snapped it shut. "Fine" she agreed exasperatedly. The sooner she agreed, the sooner she would get to see her son.

The doctor smiled. "I'll take you along just now"

XxX

As Jack held the door open, Ronnie felt her breath hitch in her throat. Dr. Connor pushed the chair from behind, wheeling it quickly into the room where her son lay in the plastic incubator. He pushed her close, till she was right beside him. Tears pricked at her eyes. "Hi" she whispered, her fingertips softly touching the barrier which separated them.

Dr. Connor moved away discreetly and began to focus his attention on checking on the countless machines which were hooked up to the infant.

"Ron" Jack cleared his throat, claiming her attention. She looked at him through her tear-filled eyes. "I need to go and phone Dot…I told her that I would let her know how you're both doing when you woke up. You don't mind, right?"

Ronnie smiled through her tears. "No, no of course not"

"I'll be back soon" he promised before leaving the room and allowing Ronnie to turn her attention back to her little boy.

Her eyes grazed over his tiny frail body. "He's so small" she ventured out loud, her voice cracking. "He's even smaller than my niece was…she was premature too" she explained.

Dr. Connor looked up. "He'll grow" he offered kindly, his eyes twinkling.

Ronnie puckered her lips uncertainly, looking down at her tiny little boy. "I just…he's so - so _fragile. _He's so helpless and it's my job to protect him… I can't lose him" she finished in a hushed tone, almost not daring to even voice the words aloud. She looked away from her son, looking into the doctor's face.

Dr. Connor cleared his throat awkwardly, feeling a rush of sympathy of this desperate woman. He was used to dealing with frantic mothers. He had been working as an obstetrician in the hospital for almost five years - it was part of his daily job to deliver babies. 8 out of 10 times, he delivered healthy babies. But then there was always those babies who came too early, who were born with disabilities - worst of all, those who didn't make it through the birth. He detached himself from these situations. He wasn't cold or unfeeling, but he had to detach himself emotionally in order to survive. He made it his business not to connect too much with the parents. But there was something about this woman. Something about her eyes, startling blue eyes which seemed haunted - eyes which were too old to have a place in such a pretty young face. She looked straight at him, seeking reassurance.

Again, the doctor cleared his throat. He opened his mouth and hesitated, meeting her eyes. Then he slowly reached into his back pocket, Ronnie's eyes following him, and he pulled out his wallet. Seeing the object in his hand, her brow furrowed. She narrowed her eyes, confused.

He flipped the wallet open and stared down at it for a moment or two. Then, he reluctantly pulled out a small, square photograph. "Here" he offered it to her.

Ronnie squinted at him for a moment from where she sat in the wheelchair. Then, she reached out her hand, grasping hold of the photo and bringing it towards her. She looked up at him once questioningly before turning her gaze to it. The face of Dr. Connor beamed up at her, almost unrecognisable in his casual jeans and t-shirt. His arm was around the waist a small brunette woman who held a baby girl against her hip. A young boy, around six or seven, was hanging onto Dr. Connor's leg, his face an almost carbon copy to the older man's.

Ronnie looked up again. "Your family?" she asked.

Dr. Connor grinned. "Yeah. That's Karen, my wife and our daughter Kate. She's four now, though. Picture is a couple of years out of date. Took it on your holiday to Cornwall a couple of years back" he explained, his eyes glazing a little.

Ronnie swallowed. "And your son?"

Dr. Connor smiled, his eyebrows knitting together. "That's David" he said simply. "He'll be turning eleven next month"

"They're lovely" Ronnie swallowed politely, still bewildered as to why he had chosen to her show the picture. "You're very lucky"

"Oh, I know" the doctor gave a small laugh. "David - 4 pounds ten ounces" he raised his eyebrows. "Nine weeks premature. Doctors told us he wouldn't live to be a week old"

Ronnie felt the breath catch in her throat, and she looked down once more at the grinning of the face of the young boy, noticing a small gap in his toothy smile.

"He scored his first goal in his new football team last week - the winning goal, actually" Dr. Connor explained, feeling a small lump grow at the back of his throat as he saw Ronnie's eyes fill with tears.

She looked up, reaching out to return the photograph. Dr. Connor slid it back into his wallet and placed it in his pocket. He cleared his throat. "Your son is going to be alright, Miss Mitchell" he spoke softly.

Ronnie looked back to where her tiny son lay. She felt her heart swell with an encompassing love, and had to bite down hard on her lip to stop her tears from spilling over.

Ronnie smiled through her tear-filled eyes, keeping her eyes on her baby. "Thank-you" she murmured softly.

The door to the room creaked open and Jack announced his arrival by clearing his throat. "Hey" he said softly, his shoes clicking on the floor as he walked slowly over to Ronnie. He touched his hand against her shoulder, prompting her to look up. "Dot was asking for you. She said to tell that you that she's been praying" his eyes twinkled slightly.

Ronnie gave a light breathy laugh, a sound which made Jack's heart leap wildly. "I hope you told her thank-you" she asked him, giving him a watery smile.

Jack reached out to stroke her hair. "Of course"

Dr. Connor cleared his throat. "I'll leave you two alone now with the little one" he excused himself.

Ronnie looked toward him as he turned away. "Thank-you" she said hesitantly, teeth grazing her lower lip.

He turned back, giving her a small nod and a smile before quietly slipping from the room.

Jack watched the exchange closely, narrowing his eyes slightly. "You OK?" he asked uncertainly as Ronnie turned her head to look at the baby again.

She nodded her head. There was silence for a moment as both of them turned their attention to their small newborn. Finally, Ronnie took a deep breath. "I think I've found a name" she announced softly.

"Oh?" Jack moved to stand behind her, rubbing her shoulders. "What?"

Ronnie nibbled her bottom lip. "What do you think of Connor?"

Jack raised his eyebrows. "Connor…" he rolled the name on his tongue, testing it. "Connor" he said again, a small smile growing on his face. "Yeah, I like it"

"Really?" Ronnie asked. He nodded.

She turned back to her little boy, wanting to badly to reach through the plastic and hold him close to her. She settled for pressing her palm tightly against the see-through material. "Hey, Connor" she murmured softly, a small secretive smile on her lips.

**Hope you enjoyed. Please review x **


	58. Rock Bottom

Ronnie's eyes flickered close, listening closely to the sound of Jack's breathing, feeling the gentle fall and rise of his chest as he sat with his arm wrapped tightly around her. She nibbled down on her lip, allowing herself to be enveloped in his warm, clean-smelling embrace. She dropped her head onto his chest, feeling the strong, steady drum of his heartbeat through a muscled chest. She laid her hand on top of it, feeling it beat gently underneath her fingers.

A soft, contented sigh escaped her lips as he ran his fingers through her hair. He made her feel safe. He was her rock - strong, steadfast, dependable. Whenever he held her close like this, he made her feel like she would always be protected. No matter what happened, she could always crawl back into the comforting stronghold of his protecting arms, and she knew that he would hold her up until she was strong enough to do it herself.

He began to trace a gentle circle on the tops of her arms, and she knew that he was trying his best to lull her into a state of sleep. But it was still only early evening, and she wasn't tired. She just wanted to lie in the comfort of his embrace and have him make her believe that everything truly was going to be alright. Plus, when she slept there was nothing to ward off the dark thoughts which were sure to seep into her conscious, evil threats which would fester and manifest themselves in the form of a nightmare, her own demons of Tom, of her daughter and of her Dad. But as long as she kept her eyes open, as long as she was awake, then the presence of Jack helped anchor her to reality - as if he resonated his strength and warmth around him, creating a protective bubble. Another sigh escaped her throat and she shifted a little. It was why it was so difficult to stay mad at him for too long. How could she stay angry with him when he was the only person who was keeping her sane? How could she hate him when she loved him so much and so deeply that it almost physically hurt her? She couldn't.

"What's wrong?" Jack's low whisper shattered the silence as he felt Ronnie shift yet again in his arms.

She opened her eyes, tilting her chin to look at him. "Nothing" she murmured with a small shake of her head.

He brought his hand to the side of her face, using his thumb to hook her hair away from it. "Connor's alright, Ron. You should try and get some rest"

Ronnie offered him a sad, gentle smile. "I'm not tired" she protested weakly.

He smiled back with a shake of his head. "Fine, fine" he relented, knowing that he wasn't going to win. Then he tilted his head to the side, twirling a piece of her hair thoughtfully. "Then what is it?" he asked.

Ronnie looked at him blankly for a second or two, biting her lip. Then she shook her head and closed her eyes, a tearful sigh escaping her. "I just need to hold him, Jack. He's so small and helpless, and there's nothing I can do" the words caught in her throat, the vice around her heart squeezing tighter and tighter at the thought of her little boy all alone in his strange little world inside a plastic bubble which sealed him off. It seemed unbelievably cruel that she was still being separated from her child. A stray tear streaked it's way slowly down her cheek as Jack listened quietly. "I just need to hold my baby, Jack" she let out a dry sob.

"Hey, hey" Jack shushed her, curling her down with him again and holding her close to his chest. He ran his hand through her hair. "I know" he murmured into the top off her head as he kissed her softly. "Soon, I promise, Ron. Soon" he held her close, rocking her gently and his heart breaking at the sound of her tears.

XxX

Roxy kept her hands clasped tightly in her lap, hunching her shoulders forward. She sat, completely immobile, in the readily darkening room, her cheeks sticky with just barely dried tears and her eyes wide as she listened to her husband banging about in the next room.

She flinched with every little bang or clattering of a drawer which was heard, the knowledge of what he was doing piercing her to the very core. He was packing his things. James was leaving her.

Another tear rolled down her cheek slowly, but she couldn't find it in herself to move. Not even to go and comfort her daughter, who had stopped crying some half hour before but who still hadn't emerged from her room since the huge screaming match between her parents.

Why did she have to hurt everyone who was important to her? She thought, chewing down hard on her bottom lip. The guilt rolled over her in waves, each one more gut-wrenching than the last. She had messed up in the past - but this time, it was big-style. Sure, she and Jack hadn't even done anything. Not really. But the fact she had even entertained such an idea after the last time…

What was _wrong _with her? Roxy shook her head, feeling a rush of self-loathing as she sat in her self-pitying stupor. She had it all. A beautiful daughter, a wonderful husband, a loving, forgiving sister…their set-up hadn't been the most conventional, certainly. But it had worked for them so far. Why did she always have to ruin everything?

A crash emitted from the direction of her bedroom and for a moment the entire flat seemed to quiver. Roxy winced, picturing images of a splintered wardrobe door.

She sat up a little straighter, drawing up a hand to wipe her eyes. She was far too scared to go near the room, but then again she didn't want him to leave. She closed her eyes momentarily, feeling her heart lurch unpleasantly at the thought of the words she had spoken to him. It had come about so unexpectedly. She hadn't planned on telling James. But when he'd pulled her into a hug after her return from the hospital, asking her what was wrong - it had just came tumbling out. She had mumbled it incoherently into his chest.

_I kissed Jack. _

Roxy felt bile rise in her throat. She hadn't even attempted to break it to him gently. No, she was far too selfish for that. He had listened in a terrifying silence as she had hurriedly tried to backtrack before finally explaining all about how she had inadvertently cause Ronnie to deliver early, all about the kiss, how Ronnie didn't want to see her but that she and Jack were still together. She remember burbling on and on as he turned away from her, growing more desperate with every moment that went by without gaining a reaction from him. She had reached out helplessly and then that's when it had happened. When he exploded. He had jerked away from her, whipping around with wild eyes. Then he started shouting. Shouting and swearing and even going so far as to kick the furniture. She had shouted back, and then Amy started crying and then Roxy started crying and then James stormed off into his room. It was all Roxy could have done through her half-sobs to swiftly take a screaming Amy into her room and then leave her be.

And that was how she came to be sitting on her sofa, still crying, as her husband prepared to leave her.

Suddenly and without much warning the door to their bedroom swung open and James strode out, bag slung over his back and his face set.

"You're leaving" Roxy's voice was almost expressionless though her eyes filled with tears.

James didn't answer, only gave her one sweeping glance. He turned on his heel and walked into Amy's room as Roxy dropped her head into her hands.

A few moments passed before Roxy finally looked up again, notified by the creaking of the floorboards. Her eyes snapped toward him, her heart in her throat. "James I - " her impassioned plea was cut short as she caught sight of her daughter.

James stood stock still, glaring at Roxy with cold eyes, his arms holding Amy on his hip as the little girl clung to him desperately.

Roxy's brow furrowed as she caught sight of Amy's Dora the Explorer rucksack on her back. She gaped, her eyes locking with James as the sudden horrifying truth hit her. James wasn't just leaving her. He was taking Amy with him.

Quite suddenly, Roxy went ice cold.

"What are you doing?" she asked, standing up slowly and unable to keep the hint of fear out of her voice, even although she knew perfectly well what he was planning.

James shook his head in disgust before he began to slowly turn away.

"Stop!" Roxy gasped suddenly, striding forward. James ignored her, balancing Amy carefully as he opened the door. When Roxy attempted to hold it shut, he elbowed her slightly not even caring how rough he was being. His wife staggered backward, her eyes wide and filled with hurt.

"Get away from me" he hissed, unable to keep the edge of hurt from his voice. Amy buried her head deep in his neck, her small body shaking at the sound of her parents arguing. She didn't know what was going on, all she knew was that Daddy James had explained they were going away for a little while and she would see her Mummy soon. Amy didn't care, just as long as all the shouting stopped.

"No!" Roxy let out a desperate sob, her face contorting with desperation. She reached out desperately for her daughter. "Give her to me, she's not yours! You can't take her!" she screeched, overcome with grief and unable to think straight. She couldn't lose Amy, she just couldn't.

James leaned away from her, blocking her advances and keeping Amy from her reach. He glared at his wife, feeling a rush of hatred. "She's just as much mine as she is _his" _he spat, before bumping her out of the way once more and making his way through the door. Roxy attempted to grab at him desperately.

"James, where are you going?" she screamed as he walked away with her little girl in his arms. "James!" she screeched at his retreating figure. He continued on his way, never answering. Suddenly, her knees buckled from underneath her and Roxy sank to the ground in the doorway, sobbing uncontrollably. "You can't do this!" she whimpered, her eyes on his retreating figure. "I'm sorry" she blubbered, gasping desperately.

She rested her head against the doorframe, closing her eyes and regret clutching at her heart.

She had lost everything.

**Reviews would be great xD **


	59. Finally

**Hopefully this chapter will explain why it was important for James to over-react ;D **

**Thanks for the reviews x**

She awoke suddenly, the bright light of the sun filtering through the blinds and hitting her directly in the face. Roxy screwed her face up as she struggled into a sitting position on the couch. She looked down at where her daughter's little blanket was clutched in her hand and felt an aching emptiness consume her. She looked around at the shadowy, silent flat and felt a wave of despair crash over, the absence of her husband and daughter all too apparent.

She reached blindly for her phone, flipping it open and feeling a surge of disappointment consume her as she saw that she had no missed calls or messages. She gulped, barely thinking as she typed in James' number.

_Hi this is James, I can't come to the phone right now… _

She closed her eyes, a sob escaping her throat as she listened to his voicemail for what felt like the thousandth time. She ended the call, allowing the phone to drop from her hand onto the seat beside her. She kept her eyes closed, propping her head up as she covered her face with her hands. She had lost him. She had hurt him terribly, and now he had taken her baby girl.

Roxy continued to sob quietly, self-pity mingling with self-loathing. She hated herself for what she had done, not just to James, but to Ronnie too. She couldn't even blame either of them for how they had reacted - but it still didn't stop her feeling sorry for herself.

She had kissed Jack - but she hadn't meant it. It wasn't like her and Jack had had an affair. It had just been one, stupid, misguided mistake that had been blown completely out of proportion.

It certainly didn't merit having her daughter taken away from her, did it?

She wasn't worried for Amy's welfare - James loved her like a father, hell, sometimes she even felt like he had been more of a father than Jack had ever been. And Amy loved him.

But the knowledge still did nothing to ease the horrible worrying pain in her gut, the horrendous feeling that some part of her was missing. She couldn't function without Amy.

Roxy sniffed loudly, tears still leaking from her eyes. She dragged herself to her feet, walking over to the mantelpiece and carefully lifting up the family photo of Amy's second birthday.

They were all in it. Every single person who had ever meant anything to her - James, Amy, Ronnie and Tom, Jack. They all smiled brightly at the camera, their cheesy grins carefully disguising the cracks underneath their seemingly happy family unit.

Looking at the picture, you would never guess that they were anything less than vanilla. At first glance, Roxy and James and Amy - mummy, daddy and child. Ronnie and Tom - blissfully in love. Jack - well, he looked nothing other than a family friend.

If you didn't know them, that's what would enter your head. You would never guess that Roxy and Jack had betrayed the pretty blonde woman, with the small child smiling up at the camera a result of that betrayal. You would never see the sadness in James' eyes. You would never see the doubt in Tom's nor the passionate jealousy in Jack's. You would never ever guess the secrets that Ronnie held, or see the sorrow that ran deep in her dazzling blue gaze.

But Roxy knew. She knew the secrets which lay beneath their false smiles, and she couldn't stand it. She couldn't stand knowing that every single member of her family was now lost to her.

A guttural sob broke free from her throat, and she chucked the frame across the room, the glass splintering against the opposite wall. No sooner had it fallen to the floor when she heard a knock at the front door.

She froze, her heart jumping up into her throat. "Amy?" she called out, hardly daring to hope as she charged forward, fumbling with the lock in her haste. She wrenched the door open, her heart beating wildly.

"Roxanne" the voice that greeted her was gravely, the murmuring filled with sympathy.

Roxy felt the colour drain from her face, and she swallowed. "Dad" she whispered.

XxX

Ronnie wrung her hands together, her heart fluttering wildly in her chest. Jack sat close beside her on the bed, rubbing her shoulder, but she paid little attention to his attempts at soothing her.

"Ron, calm down" he murmured softly. "Everything is going to be alright"

"She did say they were brining him along just now, didn't she? It's been ten minutes, Jack!" she snapped desperately.

"Yeah, I'm sure they're just checking him over. He's doing good, Ron, you know he is. He's breathing on his own now, he'll be fine. Just be patient" he kissed the top of her head, his heart aching at the pain in her eyes.

Ronnie sighed, squeezing his hand back. "I'm scared, Jack" she whispered. "I'm so scared"

Jack felt a sense of helplessness envelope him. He pulled her close, securing an arm around her shoulders, just wanting to take all of the pain away. But he knew he couldn't. There was only one person who could save her now, and that was Connor. "You're going to be _fine_, Ron. And so is he, I promise you"

Just as he finished the sentence, the door to the hospital room was suddenly opened. Ronnie jumped, her heart leaping in her chest.

A young nurse walked through the door, pushing in front of her a tiny plastic cot.

Ronnie sat up straighter, a small gasp escaping her.

The nurse smile. "Hello mum, how are we doing?" she greeted whilst smiling down at the tiny little bundle in the cot. She wheeled the mobile cradle into the room, stopping it lightly at the end of the bed.

Ronnie's grip on Jack's hand tightened to the point where she was almost cutting off his bloody supply, her breathing erratic. She froze, her eyes never once straying from the tiny person at the end of her bed.

The nurse lifted the tiny baby carefully, wincing a little as he emitted a loud cry. Ronnie flinched. "Is he alright?" she asked, panicked.

The nurse chuckled softly, walking with the crying baby over to the edge of the bed. "Course" she looked into Ronnie's terrified face. "He just wants his mummy" she raised her eyebrows, smiling. She offered the child out a little, and Ronnie felt a lurch of utter terror. "You ready?" the nurse asked.

Ronnie felt her eyes fill with tears, and she looked back down to the person in the nurse's arms. She nodded wordlessly, despite her inexplicable fear, unable to form words. How could she possibly even begin to explain to this woman just how ready she was? She had been ready for the past twenty years.

"Here we go, then, Mum" the nurse murmured and Ronnie looked at Jack frantically for a second. He loosened his grip on her shoulders, urging her to sit forward. "On you go, Ron" he whispered in her ear, in awe as he took in the small baby.

Ronnie felt the breath hitch in her throat and she swallowed, sitting up a little straighter. She held out her arms awkwardly, shaking. "It's OK" the nurse assured her. "You're his mum" and with her words, she very gently passed the tiny little boy into Ronnie's arms, supporting his head for a moment until Ronnie held her arms in the perfect cradle.

As she felt the weight of her son in her arms for the first time, Ronnie felt her heart stop. She looked down at him, her perfect child, watching as he looked into her eyes properly for the first time. She let out a small gasp of wonder, feeling waves and waves of love ripple through her as she stared into his blue eyes. She sucked in a deep breath, her eyes filling with tears. She smiled, properly smiled for the first time in what must have been years and let out a small happy sob. His cries quietened as she held him close to her, clutching him safely to her chest as if she was afraid to let go.

She was only every so slightly aware of the nurse leaving the room. She stared into her son's face, enraptured by him. "Hi, baby" she sobbed.

Jack placed a hand on her lower back, but Ronnie barely noticed it. She didn't look away from her son's face as Jack kissed her on the top of the head. He didn't say a word, only sat close by and watched her with Connor, enthralled by the bonding of mother and baby for the first time.

Ronnie shook her head, her eyes tracing every feature of her baby, memorising his little face.

She leaned forward, placing a soft kiss on his forehead. "I love you" she whispered tearfully.

**Reviews would be much appreciated ;D **


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